🫶 @hazzahoun - Tumblr Blog

been wayy more active over on twt but here's my fav act3 bits neatly comp'd into one awesome package !!

its the greatest day :) smiles

+ this one's not really a bit but it's true in my heart so it happened 🫶

#hlvrai #hl2vrai #half life but the ai is self aware #i really liked this stream if you couldn't tell #act3 was so much fun agh #ravenholm was a new hell in the best way. so fucking loud #the constant left4dead sfx crying #gordon getting force-pulled from halfway across the map by the smoker #that and the tank beating the absolute shit outta him #gordon pleading for help but its so loud nobody else hears him lmao #the way i ran to text my friends when tommy appeared #my boy got a job !! and he fucking sucks at it !! good for him.#LOVE alyx being so sassy and spitting at gordon like. yeah she's the grinning smiler but i get the feeling she has reasons to hate him.#maybe it's why she's quiet in the first place?? peppa pig scary movie... al?x girl what happened to you.#lots of hugging and cuddling in this one :)#I'm a fool for platonic(?) physical love language #(?) cause at this point I'm starting to believe in the anti-science team polycule and its taking hold bad

scorpy unarchiving + reposting this small vid 3 days ago with: "it's late, this is still a dream, ride it out" AND IT LOOKS SUSPICOUSLY LIKE THE CHRONICLES?? HELLO??

'YOU WONT REMEMBER THIS' yeah I'm sure that means nothing !! i feel so normal and wont overthink this.

loosing my mind over "YOU WON'T REMEMBER THIS" like... that's such a harrowing message to use as the chronicles segment title right? is it then a reminder for himself? or maybe it just means that benrey was aware he'd forget it all after??

plus the title being "it's late, this is still a dream, ride it out." is so sad :( like, the idea that the chronicles is all just one final post-death dream he's having to ride through is killing me. all that grief, re-evaluation, and bitter non-closure and he just knows he wont remember any of it. it doesn't matter what you think now. its too late.

to be fair, it also could just totally be scorpy bringing back old hlvrai related media he's made even if its not super lore important, just since the sequel is going on. plus this was posted before the chronicles, making it a teaser of sorts. it's cannon is probably less than the actual chronicles. and y'know, bringing back old media is a thing scorpy just likes to do. i just think it's interesting to look at either way :)

big shoutout @ladylunora for bringing this to my attention!!

#hlvrai #hl2vrai #half life but the ai is self aware #benrey #the cronicles of benrey #video boyfriend #again thank you @ladylunora for sharing this with me!! i don't wanna take the credit of finding this/making the connection from them!!#that's literally the barney and little bear clips from the cronicles im going insane.#and the same nightlight segment music and format!!#also 'focus on: grief'??? yeah i mean. shit that's what video boyfriend is isn't it.#oh and of course y'know. the stain is maybe benrey related thing. this is definitely something suspicious for that isn't it.#and at the end of the day this could be nothing more than scorpy reorganizing old videos. who knows #hazahun rambles

hazzahoun

stain going 'sorry im buzy looking at me in a different life if i didn't see a sunset' LOOKING AT A CORPSE ??

like yeah it could be a benrey thing and i do like that. but also, consider:

imagine looking at a dead body going oh! that's what would've happened to me if you hadn't shown me life is so beautiful and worth living!!

is the implication stain would've died in the sewer if they never met him? or that if the team did but couldn't prove to him life was beautiful and worth living ( instead of just going home ) through that sunset, he would've gone back just to then eventually die??

i know I'm reading too deep, but there's just something about the player having to show an ai that their world, however fake it is, IS worth something. something enough to live for despite all its faults.

hazzahoun

sorry I'm still on this cause it's crazy and I'm stuck thinking about it

stains line of 'I'm looking at myself in a life where i didn't see a sunset' does also seem like a reference to benrey ( who woulda guessed. ) except the thing is benrey did see a sunset.

the difference is that benrey only saw the sunset after he died, and his sunset is pre-recorded footage of a beach he's not actually on. meanwhile stain gets to experience the actual thing, alive, happy on the real beach surrounded by his new friends.

getting more into speculation here, but id like to think the two are inversions on the idea of how the ai handles having limited control within the game.

benrey tries to control the end result instead of fighting for and appreciating who/what he has while he has it ( trying to police the player and other ai's actions to prevent them from reaching zen and beating the game + calling himself gordon's best friend without putting in the effort to actually be that ). obviously though this all fails pretty badly with his death, and his sunset is the realization he was fighting a battle he could never win ( "how much of it is up to you? when do you know its time to let go?" ) and he presumably died unhappy not having been able to stop the game from ending and never having made real connections or enjoyed his time with the team as much as he could've before it inevitably had to end. ( "what have you given up to be who you are now?" ).

to me, stain is the direct inversion. he knows doesn't have control over all the constant bullshit that the game throws at him to hurt and kill him ( he straight up accepts it and walks into danger fairly often, sobbing and moping cause he's constantly getting hurt and can't do much about it ). his sunset is the realization that life is beautiful and worth fighting for in the little things he can actually control, and that he wants to fight to be happy with the people around him despite it all. I think if his life was to end ( and I'm afraid it very well might ) that he'd be more accepting of his end.

stain makes an effort to make real connections and appreciate the people/world around him ( what he has, while he has it ), while benrey fights in vain to control the circumstances/people around him instead of fighting to be happy and connect with the team while he can.

all this to say that you have to choose to be happy, and that life and the connections you make in it are beautiful because it's temporary, not in spite of it. beautiful and temporary like a sunset.

or something like that, idk. maybe act4 comes out and completely changes this dynamic. who knows. praying any of this rambling makes sense to yall cause i feel like im pointing at a corkboard of stickynotes and red string lmao

#hlvrai #hl2vrai #half life but the ai is self aware #guys i promise i know its just improv and it could definitely mean nothing but its so very fun to read into it #this is also why i think benrey is gonna stay truly dead. for the message to work he needs to never get another chance.#he didn't appreciate what he had while he had it. you only get one life. that sorta thing #benrey serves as a warning while stain is an example something something whatever idk #even if its not 100% intentional i think the two paralleling how each other handle not being in control is just cool meta-narrative #not to say it isn't at all thought out and discredit scorpy. i figure he at the very least is cognizant that the two will be compared #i venture to say he probably IS pulling some bullshit there considering the way stain is. all the time.#im super thinking of that one myhouse.wad quote ladylunora posted and im terrified of it.#PLEASE go check it out!!! i don't wanna steal credit for that incredible connection go see it its devistating #credit to them where its super due like damn. that myhouse quote hit the nail on the coffin #also scorpy liked it... so that's terrifying.#my awesome theory #hazahun rambles

stain going 'sorry im buzy looking at me in a different life if i didn't see a sunset' LOOKING AT A CORPSE ??

like yeah it could be a benrey thing and i do like that. but also, consider:

imagine looking at a dead body going oh! that's what would've happened to me if you hadn't shown me life is so beautiful and worth living!!

is the implication stain would've died in the sewer if they never met him? or that if the team did but couldn't prove to him life was beautiful and worth living ( instead of just going home ) through that sunset, he would've gone back just to then eventually die??

i know I'm reading too deep, but there's just something about the player having to show an ai that their world, however fake it is, IS worth something. something enough to live for despite all its faults.

#hlvrai #hl2vrai #half life but the ai is self aware #I know I'm definitely taking the improv too seriously but like-#-i lovelove love any example of the player truly caring for the ai and by extension their world even though he knows it's not real.#im a sucker for gordon being sweet ok #or maybe he just means if he died he wouldent've been able to see the sunset at all. that too #hazahun rambles

hazzahoun

I'm not saying its intentional, but the difference between stains "i don't think i wanna go home anymore" sunset and benrey's "how do you know when its time to let go" sunset is cruel. stain's just beginning his life, while benrey is accepting it's over.

hazzahoun

'sorry im buzy looking at me in a different life if i didn't see a sunset' ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

#hlvrai #hl2vrai #half life but the ai is self aware #hlvrai stain #benrey #this could mean nothing and it probably does

big doodle dump before the act 3 re-run !!!

+ some churchmouse ⛪🐁 before grigori dies in ravenholm. because thats not gonna happen. right.

seemy very-extended thoughts in the tags maybe...

#hlvrai #hl2vrai #half life but the ai is self aware #frenrey #addibubby #votv #⛪🐁#can you tell im a little exited for act 3.#scorpy and wayne assigning their characters ponies clearly had an effect on my art idunno. who's to say #genuinely surprised with how gmod/sourcey votv is that hlvrai fandom doesn't overlap it more ??#plus like.... the arirals are little annoying shitheads that also maybe wanna be your friend. doesn't ring a bell. does it.#churchmouse could be SO interesting like. what if she's like mossman and double-crosses the team??#grigori could meet his fate by his own lovers hands...#or maybe she's conflicted? she's an hlvr fan... what if she HAS to betray grigori/the team even if she does really like them.#god rtvs really could make the 2nd most doomed lovers ever just to prove they can do it twice huh.#do you think mouseman watches hlvrai like a kid on their parents computer googling websites they arent supposed to be on.#breen checking in like hey what website are you on- no i saw the freeman i thought i told you HE'S THE PROBLEM.

after like a month of rendering I've decided I'm soso so tiredddd I don't feeeeel like it uggghhgh so look forward 2 more simple doodles and such

#hlvrai #benrey #I'm impatient coloring takes too longughhh #i like late-night playing votv and just drawing whatever from like 11am to 3pm #watching hlvrai on the in-game tv you know it #pointing at the window... benrey's out there guys #i feel like hlvrai and votv should have more fandom overlap like... its VERY gmod/source inspired.#and has funny aliens that like to prank pipe bomb your house. benrey be damned

i just think it'd be neat if we were both girl ponies and you were pink and sorta shy and i could kiss you dude. no-it's not weird.

#hlvrai #half life but the ai is self aware #frenrey #benrey #scorpy assigning benrey to fluttershy has had a profound impact on my life i think.#awhhgg he's pensive.... he's shy...#hollys chronicles cannon #benrey isn't shy but like.... he's not-not shy yknow??#like yeah he talks a lot of shit real loudly but also anytime gordon so much as puts an arm near him he scoots away #unless he's purposely bodyblocking him.#thinking about when gordon pins him to the wall and benrey just kinda. gingerly sidesteps out of his arms lmao #he wants to be in your face. not the other way around. that's the difference 2 me #all this cuteness just to die. what the hell #don't piss me off #i don't normally like doing comics but i ate a fuck ton of buttery roasted artichoke the other day and i think somehow it changed me #look forward to more ponies bc of that i think

been suuper artblocked lately and then my drawing tablet just broke !! but i spent years drawing on keyboard and mouse so all is ok.

frenrey pony yuri broke my artblock !! but also broke my hdmi cable.

it's his first day outside and he already has so many friends !!! ❤️

#hlvrai #hl2vrai #half life but the ai is self aware #frenrey #freestain #benrey #xar #hlvrai stain #cristopher waterguy #frenrey pony yuri fried my hdmi port i wish i was joking.#new cord doesn't come in for a week urghh sighing #sfac scorpy and wayne saying what ponies they'd be is so dear to me like... scorpy assigning benrey fluttershy?? ur correct i love you #awghgh he's pensive!! he's shy!!#flutterbat x timeloop-twilight is so frenrey coded like...#biting you politely x man experiencing the end of the world. baby that's frenrey #stain looks so small next to xar in the doodle and i promise he's not. xar is just like 7ft to me... he's just tall and awkward #green bean looking ass #stain and xar are like a big cat adopting a puppy to me. xar taking over for gordon cause he won't feed the sad puppy on the floor treats #like boy if you don't start giving him proper positive reinforcement I'm taking him home.

holy shit i did not expect so many orders already??? aghh thank you !! smiling very wide!! :D

btw, some proceeds go to funding getting/making my sons cute outfits! all they've got rn is bows, but they got that shit on though right.

hear me ramble abt sh2 frenrey parallels in the tags maybe... if that's your thing also :)

#hlvrai #benrey #sh2 #pyramid head #the gordon - benrey and stain relationship is just james - mary and maria right.#killed by your lover whos' definitely not moving on with another girl who is scarily similar to you but they like more...#as much as id like to think benrey's pissed about getting killed and jealous of stain what if he's at peace?#maybe like mary he wants gordon to move on from him. he enjoyed the their time together despite how it ended.#maybe in the end he just wants gordon to be happy.#could benrey blame himself a little like mary does?? i don't like video boyfriends/the chronicles implications of that.#thinking about benrey giving mary's closing monologue ohhhh :(#“when i first learned i was going to die i just couldn't accept it. i was so angry all the time and struck out at everyone i loved most”#“that's why i understand if you do hate me. but i want you to know this. ill always love you”#“Even though out life together had to end like this i still wouldn't trade it for the world”#“i cant tell you to remember me but i cant bear for you to forget me”#i love thinking about things too hard and getting unreasonably upset about it

Do u too want your very own pocket-sized ai to keep you company ?? GOOD NEWS :):))

ALL these funny guys now available in stickers and keychain forme on my accgoods store !!! 🫶 its awesome there go see it ...

Shop Detail

#hlvrai #hl2vrai #half life but the ai is self aware #❤️❤️❤️ TYSM AGAIN HOLY i didn't expect much interest in my goods... ur all so so cool forever and for everrr #i did already order most of them for my own collection !!! can confirm they're awesome and make a wonderfully obnoxious clinking noise #dream hlvr ita bag in progress...#if u have one too maybe show me if u want to ... ill think your so cool forever truly #apologies if your fav is 4zen or gman ... maybe even sunkist #if i missed ur fav guy ill probably get around to making them all eventually :)#$60+ on just these keychains btw i ordered like $130 else of other goodies. im so over #if i see u in public with one of these just know i wont say anything. but ill be eyeing at you. floridian hlvr fans watch out #in tommy cos at basically every con/art market here so if u see a tommy know it might b me watching you.

go my pocket-sized Science Team !!! been missing them dearly ❤️❤️❤️

+ the amazing digital science team 4 use with credit :):))

#hlvrai #hl2vrai #half life but the ai is self aware #now up for sale on my acggoods!#ok i know tommy and darnald aren't in their black mesa outfits but like #just saying tommy looks really cutes in his dad's suit.#+ reused BUT re-rendered darnald :)#still missing forzen + the gman :/ also maybe the skeleton and sunkist?? and mouseman + the2 metrocops for hl2 #god theres too many freaks in city 17 #guess rtvs gotta kill one of them. smh smhhh #cant believe they're the “old” team now?? how the times have changed i guess ... does it ever drive u crazy....#benrey haunting the narrative & effecting gordon's new relationships ... he not even here dawg its so over /j #gordon clearly loves stain ( platonic and/or romantic ) but refuses to explicitly call him his friend.. or even a human...#i love thinking abt things too much

itty-bitty city7team !! 🫶 ough my cutes i hate them bad

+ transparent 7team stickers you can use if u wanna with credit !!

#hlvrai #hl2vrai #half life 2 but the ai is self aware #now up for sale on my acggoods!#i know addi isn't technically a part of the team but he is to me ok #making these cutes into keychains and/or stickers for my personal collection :)#i do need the entire team on my bag so i can obnoxiously clink them around and stare longingly at them sigh #makin the rest of the cast so so soon so i can have them aaaaall to whip out like bands of cash at college #there's SO MANY of them this time though oh my god 😭😭😭 might be a while #just credit me if you use them unless its like mssgs between friends or whatever obviously.#its like the highest honor to see anyone use my art so just know ill love you forever if i see it

wishing him good health and a safe trip through ravenholm !!! I'm sure everything will be alright :)

EDIT: so. everything was not alright. but stain died 0 times ?? a win is a win?

#hlvrai #hl2vrai #half life but the ai is self aware #hlvrai stain #fearful of the various buzzsaws + potential grav gun combo #and the car that just falls on you #and the electrocuted puddles #and the exploding propane tanks #and of the bean ... spicy wasabi pea #the horrible lore important bean that keeps me up at night #he's not even the one really in danger here. good luck grigori 😭😭😭#grigori is so fucking dead its not even funny

HL2VRAI Act3 tonite @ 8pm EST !! can't wait to see darnald's office and his laboratory !!! 🧪🎉

#hlvrai #hl2vrai #half life 2 but the ai is self aware #darnald pepper #hlvrai darnald #my prediction is that xar is gonna drink an evil powerade off the floor and die so so bad so that log dosent have to play 2 ppl at once #and then re-appear right as the team leaves black mesa east like #I just had a horrible vision where i had a tasty drink but it was actually sooo so bad i died! but that didn't happen !!!#so curious how darnald's gonna explain away the new prosthetic leg when he super totally has a potion that does that exact thing but better #he saw gordon's arm and went hm. no that's scary and fucked up actually lmao I'm not doing that #praying we get some al?x time too ... her nefarious sideye entrances me #cant wait to finally see the jelly bean... that spicy wasabi pea haunts me #what are rtvs cooking why have they put out so many reminders. guys im scared

did some practice drawings of stain before act3 ... do we fw the medium length hair ??

#hlvrai #hl2vrai #half life but the ai is self aware #hlvrai stain #freestain #stain was immaculately conceived in a sewer wheelbarrow. I don't believe he learned/knows how to cut his own hair at all.#his barber is the rats preening him. that's it.#in my minds eye he's got barney's hair just super grown-out and balding on the dome #tbh I want to draw him less cutesy but It was 2am i had sad music on and I felt really maternal about him. so he's moe now ig #i do worry about that dog #please let no harm come to stain in act3 🙏🙏🙏#Ik some bullshit is due to hurt him in ravenholm tho #... thinking about the buzzsaws and car that falls on you

finished a few more art reqs last night ( check below ) !! ❤️❤️❤️ more coming soon maybe idk ?? maybe.

+ some new ones !!

#hlvrai #hl2vrai #half life but the ai is self aware #benrey #tommy coolatta #forzen #additional voices #thanks for asking abt forzen btw i love him sm and I've somehow never drawn him once ever ??? im such a fake fan i guess smhh #btw the cane is bubbys. oldhead needs to but refuses to use it cause he's certain he's still young. addi keeps it around just in case thoug #drew the casino fits as suit vests cause awesome but also i could equally see them in some sleek dresses #especially coomer and bubby. theyd pull up like its the met gala #tommy's arrest/kidnapping and this house has people in it bit in the walls kills me SO BAD i miss his asbestos poisoned whimsy everyday #apologies if i chopped up your ask !! got a lot in my inbox lmao i wasn't expecting so manyy

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