Practising self-love is not arrogant
Anyone close to me or who has read my previous blog posts knows that it took me a long time to come to terms with practising self-love, self-acceptance and recognition of my self-worth. Quite the opposite, my teenage years were spent in a cycle of secretive self-destruction, unable to envisage how anyone could ever be comfortable with me if I could not even be comfortable with myself. Male or female, that’s a very dangerous place to be – relying on the acceptance of others in order to accept yourself. If, a few years ago, you had told me to try ‘self-love’, I would have laughed at how arrogant the concept sounded. In reality, the definition is quite simply ‘regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.’ I know so many people, often the kindest ones, who fail to put this principle into practice, but it’s easier than it might first seem.
1. Treat your body with respect – Remember that you have one body, so take care of it. Know when your body is telling you to rest and ease up, and pay attention to that. Eat well and exercise but allow yourself to treat yourself too. Some days I’m a salad and pilates kind of girl, yet other days I won’t get dressed until midday and I want to inhale a bar of chocolate. It’s all about balance. I want to make the most of the fact that I still have the energy and strength to run and to push my body. At the same time, I would never dream of doing that seven days a week (though of course do what works for you), and if I’m injured, the workouts slow up and I take proper rest time (shin splints have made sure of that!) Treating your body with respect also goes as far as knowing when other people need to respect your space and what you’re comfortable to allow them to do with your body. You are the boss of your own body, so nurture, respect and love it for all its little imperfections, as hard as that is to do on some days.
2. Say goodbye to people who no longer allow you to grow, or do not enhance your life in anyway - It is not selfish to put your happiness first. This week someone who broke my heart, yet who I still stuck by, told me that he had started seeing someone new. I find it hard to ‘give up’, or to turn my back on someone, but in that instance my self-love instinct stepped up – unadd, unfriend, and goodbye. It feels horrible in the short-term, but I know that the freedom I’ll feel a little later on down the line will be worth it. Likewise, as I grow up I discover that there are people who do not share the same values as me, and whilst I previously would have freaked out at growing apart from them, if you’re not losing/making friends then you’re not progressing forwards. Changing friendships is a natural part of life, and I’m okay with that. If people want to keep you in their life then it will be a two way effort.
3. Leave situations that make you feel uncomfortable - Recently, in the joint year abroad blog that I write with Liz, I detailed the decision to leave my au pair family (http://ncetosyd.tumblr.com/post/147645467532/i-lasted-five-long-days-as-an-au-pair-helen). I had intended to use au pairing as a way to improve my language and earn a small amount of money in the process, but in reality it was making me deeply unhappy. Life is too short to endure situations that you’re not happy in (within reason!) Following previous blog posts, I had messages from people who had, for example, dropped out of university and felt that they had failed in some way. In many circumstances, rather than being a case of failing or giving up, it is the bravest and hardest decision that you can make to stand up for yourself and walk away.
4. Identify your support network, and keep them close - The people who are worth having in your life are the ones who will be happy for your successes, not those who are happy for your achievements as long as they are not more significant than their own. As much as we all like to feel independent, there are inevitably points in life when we want someone to share experiences with, or need someone to lean on. Just make sure you’re picking the people who are not conveniently there when it works for them, or the ones who find a way to kick you when you’re down. My best friend is currently in a time zone 9 hours ahead, halfway round the world in Sydney and still finds time to check up on me whether it’s 5am or 9pm – if that’s not support then I don’t know what is.
5. Quit the comparisons – Even the most confident people do it, but it’s the biggest confidence and happiness killer, especially if we’re using social media to make our comparisons. Social media is a highlight reel of the lives of those around us - I’ll very happily post my beautiful sunset photos to Instagram, but I’m much less likely to post a selfie of my tear stained face on an off day. In that sense, part of the purpose of my blogging is to open up that life isn’t perfect, and situations don’t always work out, but you can bounce back from them. I am never going to look like Kate Moss, be able to run like Usain Bolt or have Einstein’s brain, but I am important and able in my own ways. I do not have to be the fastest or the cleverest or the best to still be good at something.
6. Find your happy place – Whether this is a physical place, a song that puts you in a better frame of mind, or simply your ‘to do’ to get you back to feeling a little happier, this is so important. Everyone has different methods to help them to calm down, get that happy boost or take some time for themselves, it’s just a case of working out what works best for you. For example, my pops gets into bed an hour early every night to read his book. It’s his chill time after a full day at work. Both Mils and I use running as a release. I keep a journal (and blog/share a lot in case you haven’t noticed…) to vent out my feelings and clear my head. Go forth and conquer your happy space, and let me know what works for you :-)
To all those who messaged in the last week, provided me with positive blog feedback and generally shared the love – you made self-love a lot easier for me at a time when I’m not feeling my best, so thank you!
jacobvanloon
annaxmalina
areudirty
tangentwithtanner
vaporwave
dededos
kaledo-art
snowghoul
