Damnit.

" I can't destroy life, even if it's to save my own.  I can't."   | Leonard H. McCoy |

[healercxmplex]

 “Hm? Problem?”

“Naw, but darlin’ that although was pretty damn loaded from where I’m standing.”       

[healercxmplex]

"I need--" She doesn't know what she needs, but she can see him, watching her with concern in those eyes that she loved so much. Shaking, she dropped her head into her hands, trying to push the voices from her head, trying to get control back. All she'd ever wanted was control--

Leo walked across the room to her, closing only part the distance between them. The physical distance. Beyond that, he could sense she was beginning to lean towards an alignment he could not follow her to. The concept filled Leo with a deep concern laced denial, but the reality struck him with anger (never at her) and a more real fear of loss.“Talk to me..” He knelt down, looking up into her eyes with a caring gaze; giving her the higher ground. The young Jedi took one of her hands, their fingers interlacing perfectly. “Look at me, Lia, please.” 

[herocomplcx-blog]

// leo

“Although—?”

        “Oh, nothing–”

[healercxmplex]

“ Oh come on now.” 

[herocomplcx-blog]

// @healercxmplex cont from x

    “You’re always charmin’ – even when you’re grumpy with the Capt’n. Although –”

[healercxmplex]

“Although—?” 

[healercxmplex]

"--And when you said hi, I forgot my dang name."

“Well, I can be quite the charmer.” He joked lightly. “Though when I met you I wasn’t necessarily at my most approachable.” 

[herocomplcx-blog]

"Need a medic?"

         “–I’m alright, just - give me a second, I’m fine, I’ll be fine.“

[herocomplcx-blog]

@healercxmplex

Leo held her close, thinking of what to say next. “I know that you do.” He said softly, carding his fingers through her hair, gently and somehow almost protectively. “ It’s enough, Lia. I can stay.” He again pulled back to see her face, wiping away her tears with his sleeve and an understanding small smile. “ I’m not about ’t leave you alone like this. “

She felt – young. Naive. She knew she probably looked ridiculous, crying over the fact she couldn’t save everyone, but she so desperately wanted everything to be okay – it was just who she was. She wasn’t hard, she wasn’t cold, she felt everything deeply, and all at once she felt like a child again, crying over the foal that didn’t make it, in her oversized sweater. At least she didn’t have to go back to work after this. Sniffling, she pressed her face into his arm and took a deep breath. “I need to – change.” Her uniform was a mess, and she needed something comforting, something less formal. “Please don’t leave?”

[healercxmplex]

The Doctor gave her one last tight squeeze before letting her go. “I won’t darlin’.” He  promised, watching her walk to the next room. He then turned around facing away, thinking to himself as he ran his fingers through his hair. After a pause, he began to speak, loud enough so she could hear. “Lia..I know that you feel things very deeply, and I know that sometimes that makes you feel childish. I want you to know that it doesn’t make you that.” Gentle conviction made his voice soothing and strong, as he somehow never failed to be when called for.  “The first time that we experienced mass casualties in an away mission, I couldn’t sleep properly for a week. Neither could Jim, and Spock and Scotty were both noticeably disturbed even though they’d been on ship. We all knew that you can’t save everybody every time, but that did nothing for us. ”  Even though the changes in his voice as he recounted were subtle, one could easily hear the effect it still had on him to think of the event.  A slight tension spread through his body and he leaned against the wall, still facing away from where she would be when she reentered.  His jaw was clenched just barely, arms crossed over his chest and eyes reflective of a moment long passed. “They can tell you things like that at the academy, but it’s impossible to teach. When others die and we’re left alive, it makes an impact that we don’t have a say over. That’s how it is. “ There were untold stories in those words. “Every good thing we do for another, every life that we save from that point on is in some small part for the people who we couldn’t protect. We honor their memory, they stay with us, and in that way we pay them back in kind. By ensuring, somehow, that a death is never in vain.”  Leo paused, finally turning back around, his arms still crossed. “I sound a little like Jim when he waxes inspirational, but it rings true, dramatic or not.” He smiled a little, a faint jest in his tone. “You’re not at fault, Lia. ANd you're not alone in this.”

[herocomplcx-blog]

"Need a medic?"

         “–I’m alright, just - give me a second, I’m fine, I’ll be fine.“

[healercxmplex]

@herocomplcx

He was just so damn good, and before she could really help it, Lia was sobbing. It was just too much, being treated so gently when she felt that she had so utterly failed. Her face cupped in his hands, she couldn’t really look away, so she just blinked up at him, the tears pouring. “I – I – I didn’t–” Hiccuping, she shuddered and pressed forward to hide against his chest. “i just wanted to help them, I wish I could’ve – I just.” Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes. “Can you stay? Are you – busy, can you stay? Please? I don’t want to be alone. i can just – I’ll sit in the medbay, just don’t make me sit by myself with my thoughts.”

Leo held her close, thinking of what to say next. “I know that you do.” He said softly, carding his fingers through her hair, gently and somehow almost protectively. “ It’s enough, Lia. I can stay.” He again pulled back to see her face, wiping away her tears with his sleeve and an understanding small smile. “ I'm not about 't leave you alone like this. “ 

[herocomplcx-blog]

"Need a medic?"

         “–I’m alright, just - give me a second, I’m fine, I’ll be fine.“

[herocomplcx-blog]

alionheartedsonoffire:

“Lia, you’re not broken and you won’t be kicked off or reassigned. There are many people on board working through trauma who are on active duty, all with their required adjustments granted. Your position won’t be threatened because you’re going through something.“ By the time he had finished talking, his arms we around her in a soft assurance. Leo pulled back to look her in the eyes, a high level of care in his own. “Did something happen?” 

She was so warm, and his arms and voice were comforting; she leant into him as he spoke, closing her eyes as she soaked in the reassurance. She was just so tired, and he was safety. “What if I Can’t - I – I keep having nightmares, since the last time I went off ship. I couldn’t save them. I couldn’t – I was useless, I wasn’t to protect them, no one was supposed to get hurt and I–” he shuddered, burying her face to his shoulder. “What if it happens again? What if something happens on ship? What if it’s our friends or family? I should be able to – I couldn’t save them.”

[healercxmplex]

Leo listened, holding her comfortingly close. From own experience, he had an idea of how she felt. It wasn’t a way he ever wanted her to feel. He held her a little closer, there was a pause but after it had passed, he spoke with a gentle voice. “ Lots of things that aren’t supposed to happen in this job, do. But if someone gets hurt when you did everything you could to prevent it, it’s not your fault. It still hurts; it eats at ya, leave’s  it’s mark and that’s perfectly human.”  Leo lifted his head up, looking Lia in the eyes as one of his hands came up to cup her face, brushing a wisp of her hair away before it settled. Leo looked at her with an expression of tenderness and pure care.  “You’re one of the most capable people I know, Lia. Terrible things happen, but you learn from them, and then they don’t end the same way next time.” 

[herocomplcx-blog]

alionheartedsonoffire

A gloved hand reached out, gently brushing her hand away from the offending area with hushed “None’a that.” He gave a small, vaguely amused smile; knowing they would be in almost this exact same situation again, eventually. “All right, Texas, if you say so.” Leo, turned to one of the shelves and selected a jar of Dermaline Gel and an applicator. “The rash seems to be more like a larger scale first degree burn than a general rash, so I’m going to apply some good old Dermaline all over the affected area. You’ve a strong fever as well, so I’m going to give you something for that too.”

Amelia nodded along, attempting to look like she understood everything he just said, though honestly, she was more than completely enraptured by Leo’s eyes – he was just so handsome, it wasn’t her fault. “Don’t you sass me, Georgia,” she replied playfully, watching him apply the gel with a peculiar expression. He was so gentle, and she liked being in his company. “Whatever ya say, Doc’. Y’know…you’re real special. Case you were wonderin’ or anything. Think this’ll last real long?”

[healercxmplex]

Leo smiled fondly to himself; he somewhat secretly enjoyed their nicknames for each other. He perked up when she continued, shaking his head slightly with a short and soft laugh. He knew better than to argue, but he didn’t agree. “ Your current state? The Dermaline should start the healing process off well, it shouldn’t take more than a week to heal completely.” 

[healercxmplex]

liasredshirt

     She was beyond lucky he loved her and was patient, because she would be paying for this later. Still, Lia smiled, scratching at the raw rash absentmindedly. “–S’all good, really! S’real hot in here, but s’not so bad. Kinda hurts tho. ‘M sorry I touched the flower, Leo – we didn’t know what it was. Next time we’ll wait for Sulu, promise.” Her words were slurred, but the smile didn’t fade.

A gloved hand reached out, gently brushing her hand away from the offending area with hushed “None’a that.” He gave a small, vaguely amused smile; knowing they would be in almost this exact same situation again, eventually. “All right, Texas, if you say so.” Leo, turned to one of the shelves and selected a jar of Dermaline Gel and an applicator. “The rash seems to be more like a larger scale first degree burn than a general rash, so I’m going to apply some good old Dermaline all over the affected area. You’ve a strong fever as well, so I’m going to give you something for that too.” 

[healercxmplex]

liasredshirt

   Being quarantined on the ship while Leonard McCoy rants at you about the lack of apparent common sense you have was never a fun time. Luckily for Lia, however, she‘s high as a kite, delirious both from the effects of the flower(a rash right up to her elbow, scaly, angry, red) and the high fever that came with it, and she hardy noticed the scolding, apart from the drawl of buttercup. She dissolved into giggles, leaning back against the bed. “I like your accent~!”

Leo stared at her for a short moment, but soon looked away; pinching the bridge with a tired breath and a grumbled “My god.” The Doctor’s hand fell back to his side as he met her eyes, he asked with gentleness (the aforementioned accent still a little stronger than usual) “How are you feeling?” his expression showed new found patience for his patient. 

[healercxmplex]

“What part of do not touch unidenified, untested flora do you two not understand? ” He wore a fiercely displeased frown, but it was softened by a concern he couldn’t hide. “Lia, you’re a fantastically intelligent person; I would think you would know that just cause it looks like a buttercup don’t mean it’s harmless as a buttercup.” 

[herocomplcx-blog]

        Amelia looked down at the screen almost blankly; though she was great with computers, medical things went directly over her head. “I don’t know what that means,” she mumbled, brow furrowed. Keep you here, though, she understood. Lips curling downward, she shook her head. “C’mon, Leo, you can’t keep me on bedrest! I have work to do!”

[healercxmplex]

    Leo took her hand in subtle comfort, not saying a word about it or acknowledging the action. “ It doesn’t mean anything bad now, it’s just different.” He assured, looking her in the eyes seriously but with a high level of care. “ Lia, I’m not putting you on bedrest. I just need you here were we can keep an eye on you. And I happen to know you have a pile of paper work that needs doing; that’s something you can easily do here.” He was trying to normalize things by bringing back some of the playfulness they usually had, though he doubted it would do much. She was in a body that wasn’t her own, and there were very few definites about the situation.

[herocomplcx-blog]

      “Gotten ourselves into. You’re unbelievable, sir. We didn’t exactly sign up for this, you know. I woke up in someone else’s body today, do you have any idea how freaky that is? – I’ll message him but there’s no guarantee he’ll answer.”

[healercxmplex]

   “I have a bit of an idea...” He trailed off, looking down at one of the new scans of her brain with brow furrowed in thought. “Lia, there’s something just barely irregular about the electrical patterns of your brain. “ He stood next to her so she could seen the screen in his hand. “ I think it’s some sort of residual effect left over from the transfer, it’s not problematic, but I am definitely going to keep you here until further notice. Okay?” 

[herocomplcx-blog]

“Don’t you sass me, Sir.”

     “There are body parts I’ve never had before danglin’ between my legs and I don’t know how to pee. Anyway, I’m pretty sure Daniel is havin’ a crisis. But you can scan me and all that.”

[healercxmplex]

   “It’s fairly straight forward Lia, I’m sure you could figure it out.”  

    “ Please message your cousin while I start doing what I need to ‘t fix whatever this is you two got yourselves into.“ 

[herocomplcx-blog]

      “—how the hell would I know, huh? Pretty sure that I’m dreamin’ or something. Can’t you fix it, Doc?”

[healercxmplex]

   “ That’s such a helpful and necessary answer Lia, thank you, so, so much. Truly invaluable. “

    “ I can’t fix it until I know what caused you both to exchange consciousness’. First off i need to check your vitals to make sure everything is functioning as it should be, then we should get your cousin down here.”  

[herocomplcx-blog]

       “Oh come on! If I was going to do a ridiculous prank, it would be better than this. C’mon, Leo, you know me better than that! I’m stuck in my cousin’s body, where’s your sympathy?”

[healercxmplex]

      “ ....” 

     “ I know you better than that, not your cousin...Now, how did this happen?”