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@healingquotes2-blog
Sorry for the link problem.
Healingquotes can now be found here: healingphrases The new look brings you healing quotes and encouraging phrases all at once, to encourage self nurturing while healing through therapy. Please feel free to follow if you would like.
[TW: ‘Understanding That It Wasn’t Your Fault’] Although some women [and men] felt only pain or numbness when they were abused, others experienced sensual or sexual pleasure, arousal, and orgasm. Even though your experience of abuse might have been confusing, frightening, or devastating, you might also have experienced some degree of pleasurable feelings. For many, this aspect of the abuse is one of the most difficult to deal with. It is important to recognize that it is natural to have sexual feelings, and that even if you had sexual responses to the abuse and those sensations felt good, it still doesn't mean that you were responsible in any way. Our bodies are created to respond to stimulation. When we are touched sexually, our whole physiology is designed to give us pleasure. There are natural bodily reactions over which we do not have control. When we eat a sandwich, our stomachs digest the sandwich. We can't stop our stomachs from digesting the sandwich. In a similar way, when we're stimulated sexually, we can't always stop our bodies from responding. The girl or woman [or boy or man] who is sexually abused and experiences orgasm does not want to be abused. The fact that she responds sexually is not a statement that sexual pleasure is bad. And - very important - it is not a betrayal of her body. Her [his] body did what bodies are suppose to do. You were betrayed not by your body but by the adults who abused you.
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
[TW: Understanding that It wasn’t Your Fault] Recognizing that you were not to blame means accepting the fact that the person who abused you - someone you might have loved and trusted - didn't have your best interests at heart. In one workshop, a woman blamed herself because at the age of twelve she said no, and her father stopped. "Why couldn't I have done that right away, at four, when he started?" She chastised herself. "I did have the power to stop him." Another woman answered her: "I said no and my father never stopped. I fought and kicked and screamed no. But abusers don't stop because you say no. They stop when they're ready to stop. By the time you were twelve your father was ready to stop. Maybe he only liked small children. You had less control than you think."
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
[TW: Understanding that It wasn’t Your Fault] Children need to believe in the goodness of their primary caregivers. Even if your parents were negligent, drunk, violent, or sexually abusive, as a dependent child, you still needed to see them in the best possible light. It was easier to blame yourself than to face the stark reality that they were not the safe, reliable people you wanted and needed them to be.
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
[TW: Understanding that It wasn’t Your Fault] There are also less obvious reasons why survivors blame themselves. It is a stark and terrifying realization for a child to see how vulnerable and powerless she actually is. Thinking that you were bad, that you had some influence on how you were treated, gave you a sense of control, though illusory. And perceiving yourself as bad allowed for the future possibility that you could become good and thus, things could improve.
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
[TW: 'Understanding That It Wasn't Your Fault'] Your religion might have told you that you were a sinner, unclean, damned to hell. You might have become convinced you were unlovable, even to God. One woman said: "That little incested girl inside of me is still waiting for the lightening to strike because I told people what happened to me. If I say, "I think it was my dad, ' I'll burn up in hellfire."
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
[TW: 'Understanding That It Wasn't Your Fault'] You might have been punished when someone did find out. If you said anything, you might have been told that you made up horrible lies. Or the subject was never discussed, giving you the message that it was too terrible to talk about.
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
[TW: 'Understanding That It Wasn't Your Fault'] Some survivors were told explicitly that it was their fault. Your father said, "You're a bad, nasty, dirty girl. That's why I'm doing this." Your brother told you, "You really want this to happen. I know you do." Your teacher said, "You're such a sexy little girl. I just can't help myself."
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
[TW: Understanding that It wasn’t Your Fault] Children often believe that they are to blame for being sexually abused. Many adult survivors continue to hold this belief. Although large numbers of children and adolescents are abused, it is never the fault of any of them. Yet there are many reasons why survivors assume that blame.
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
[Trigger Warning: CSA, Resolution and Moving On] Moving on means affirming the strengths you've developed. You recognize your own resiliency and drive to be healthy. You stand up for what you know to be true. You face your demons and come out alive. And finally you make the changes you can, letting go of the things that aren't in your power to change.
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
[Trigger Warning: CSA, Resolution and Moving On] Resolution comes when your feelings and perspectives begin to stabilize. The emotional roller coaster evens out. You see that your life is more than just a reaction to abuse.
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
[Trigger Warning: CSA, Resolution and Moving On] Most survivors reach points in their healing where they want to "move on" simply because recovery is such a painful process. But if you're motivated by the fact that you don't want to face your rage, your shame, your abusers, or your vulnerability, moving on is an escape, not a liberation. Authentic resolution is a natural result of going through each step of the healing process.
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
[Trigger Warning: CSA, Resolution and Moving On] Moving on is a tricky business for survivors. It cannot be rushed. It cannot be pressured from the outside. And there will be pressure. From the moment you first speak up, people will tell you to forget it, to "let the past be the past." But moving on to please someone else will not help you.
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
[Trigger Warning: CSA, Spirituality] The work of healing is arduous and painful. But eventually you emerge into a place where you can feel the beauty in life and the beauty in your own life, without denying any of the pain. And over time, the joy deepens.
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
[Trigger Warning: CSA, Spirituality] For survivors hurt in this way, it can take a lifetime to find their way back to a spiritual connection that has meaning for them, if that way can be found at all.
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
[Trigger Warning: CSA, Spirituality] Though a source of strength and comfort for many, the words spirituality and religion do not have a positive association for many survivors. You may remember forced processions to church or the hypocrisy of piety in an abuser who molested you.
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
[Trigger Warning: CSA, Spirituality] Everyone healing from sexual abuse has a tremendous need for love and support. Many women feel they're working at a deficit, trying to make up for the love and security that they missed out as children. A spiritual connection is one way to connect with a deep source of love.
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis