Don't be eye candy. Be soul food. @heart-to-fingertips - Tumblr Blog

Currently reading a book by Louise L. Hay that is really changing my perspective on myself and life and I just saw there are so many more books and I wanna read them all.

Then I finally wanted to see the face of the woman that’s currently having such an impact on my life and I saw she died in 2017. Did I just shed a tear or two? Well, yes.

wayofthewallflower

I mean, don’t get me wrong here, I know where I was coming from and I didn’t know better and I forgive myself for that.

But it’s funny how I already had the very right mindset but apparently just wasn’t ready to live it yet.

And in a few years I’ll probably read this and will say “gosh, such bullshit, I’m in a lot more peace with myself now”

How three years ago I thought I was already perfectly fine and happy.

I was still on antidepressants, still on the birth control pill (which triggered a lot of depression), broken up with the love of my life, working in a toxic as shit workplace, and had manipulative bullshit people around me that I called friends. And I hated myself with a burning passion, but masked it by saying I’m good.

Gosh, reading all of this now feels like so much hypocritical bullshit because I remember how I *felt* back then and these words are the exact same words I am saying now, but now my entire environment and relationship with myself changed completely.

I am holding up rather well with Covid. But I really really miss my grandma. It’s been almost a year since I’ve last seen her. She is 91. Time with her is precious.

I did something extremely self-respecting and self-loving today, I’m very proud of myself ♥

#selflove #selfcare

Can y’all believe how far I’ve come the past 3 years? Gosh, I changed SO much. My life changed so much.

Progress, people. Progress. I am so endlessly proud of myself.

#selflove #proud

And sometimes all you need is childhood music and in this case it’s “Smells like teen spirit”

itslatingirl

Now that time passes, I actually don’t understand why I’m grieving so hard myself.

And that makes grieving even harder.

My dad was never here for me, and I never had the feeling he loved me... even though I know he definitely did. And that makes it so hard.

I wanna go back to this sad but safe bubble where, for a few months, I thought that my dad never made any mistakes.

I mean, I have definitely forgiven him, but why do I miss him so much now? And why didn’t I miss him when I didn’t see him for 7 years? I just don’t understand myself sometimes. And I don’t understand grief.

#grief

Oh, I don’t wanna share with you with nothing else I gotta have you to myself I can’t help it, I’m so in love I just can’t get you close enough.

#M

lyricallymnded

about a girl // the academy is…

I forgot how much of a getaway tumblr actually is for all my thoughts and stuff. I think I kind of lost interest in all the fangirl-posting on my other tumblr, but this one is gold.

I like to get all my thoughts out sometimes, even though no one really reads them. It’s just good to get rid of them in form of writing them down.