Val

I write poetry I guess

[heartboyy]

Probably not gonna be long but I really wanted to talk about this after a few videos I saw

I think Shameless gets a lot more hate than it deserves. I recently finished watching it and I didn't realize that there was actually quite a large crowd of people that hated it so deeply until I saw a video about it and went down kind of a rabbit hole.

I feel like the show gets boiled down to raunchyness, sex, and people being dicks (which, to be fair, there is a lot of), which ignores that there's plenty of genuinely heartfelt moments and actually interesting writing. The characters, even when they're being awful, feel like real people that react to even absurd situations in a, relatively, real way (they definitely feel like people you'd cut off if you knew them irl, but that's pretty much the point)

That isn't to say the show is devoid of criticism, I think there's a point to make about having almost zero likable female characters (which is another rant in and of itself), and the plotlines of certain characters becoming repetitive and annoying (mostly Fiona's, and Lip's until later seasons), and losing the point of certain plotlines very quickly.

But the show does have a lot of really good moments, more than bad I'd say, there's a few scenes that genuinely shook me to my core. As well as the camera work and soundtrack being pretty great.

Mainly I just think it's hated for very forced feeling reasons, like yes, there's a lot of sex and everyone kinda sucks, but acting like it has nothing beyond that is disingenuous.

[heartboyy]

yeah so you seem like the kind of person who throws tantrums when people tell you no. i'm sure you believe that when people don't want to be around you, it's because they're weird or too sensitive or whatever, but the reality is that your whole personality is rancid and you're a constant drag to hang out with. the people who you think are your friends are barely tolerating you, and you really need to get your shit together before you're dropped for good.

And you seem like the kind of person who assumes you can understand people, when all you're really doing is making baseless assumptions because you likely have no personality beyond judging people you don't know. Not to mention you didn't even have the balls to ask this with your account, try again when you're not being a mindless pussy who hides behind anonymity.

[heartboyy]

I have more things to say, surprise surprise. Anyways time to talk about a show istg five people have seen

So White Collar is.... A show

Don't get me wrong, I honestly really love the show, I love the characters, I love a lot of the plots, and I think it's a very fun and interesting show. My one main complaint however, is how inconsistent the relationship between Peter and Neal is.

At first, their relationship is incredibly clear, they have a sort of rivalry that's laced with respect for the others intelligence. While understanding that they're both intelligent and competent, Neal doesn't respect the government, and Peter doesn't respect a criminal.

Naturally though, this changes over the series, to the point they begin to become good friends. They often keep things from each other, yes, but there's a deep, intrinsic trust that, in a way, pulls them together. They don't always like each other's methods, but at the end of the day, they know they'll get the job done.

Earlier on, this development feels very naturally done and implemented, it's an obvious and good character progression to have them become friends.

However, they start to run into the problem that many shows do: making the two of them actually just friends would erase half of the conflict they can do between the characters.

Because their main character conflicts come from Peter being a strict, moral, good guy, and Neal being a fast and loose, often reckless, "bad guy", making the two of them just be good friends means they couldn't have that conflict anymore.

But this creates a conflict in the writing instead of the characters. It's something that shows up more in the connected, storylined episodes than the more one off ones, but it still happens a lot. Some episodes and storylines portray that intrinsic trust that you'd imagine is naturally formed between two people who work together literally every day, and others need any amount of conflict and so they pit Neal and Peter against each other in a way that goes against the characterization that's already been built up.

This problem has stuck out to me especially in the later seasons, in the earlier ones it's easier to imagine that they still don't trust each other sometimes, but going on season five and they've been working together for multiple years, the conflict doesn't work unless they stick to it, which they obviously never do, as undermining their friendship too much would ruin the chemistry.

Literally why did so many shows from this era has this exact same problem?? Like they want to develop their characters and relationships, but can't stray from the status quo, and it makes it feel so weird.

[heartboyy]

Another rant time because I honestly have nothing better to do 😮‍💨😮‍💨

This is admittedly a shorter one because I don't have as much to say about it as I did about the last few, but I'm mid MyStreet rewatch and I don't have anyone to talk about this with.

These aren't moments that come up a lot, and especially very few have come up at my current point, but did it ever stick out to anyone else how inconsistently Zane's body is described/shown?

Among the various other problems with the series as a whole, this one is definitely less important, but it has stuck out to me, especially lately as I'm rewatching it, as a bigger person.

In the beginning it sort of felt like he was meant to be as muscular/thin as every other male character, and yet I remember a good handful of moments where they either say or imply that he's supposed to be, in some way, chubby, or at least bigger than the other guys.

And yet, in like all(?) of the official art, he's portrayed as being remarkably thin. Admittedly he is shown as different than the other guys, as a lot of them are usually made to be slightly muscular and Zane's just skinny. But then it feels weird that they push this joke that he's "bigger".

It makes it feel like while his character is played up as dorky/unattractive/just kind of a loser, and him being chubby or fat would play into that, actually showing him to be bigger would be "too ugly" for lack of a better term. Like it would've been "too much" for him to actually be chubby, but they kept making the joke anyways.

(anyways I hc Zane as chubby have a good day/night y'all)

[heartboyy]

No one is obligated to compromise their boundaries and comfort online in the name of "community," this isnt real life where we have to put up with people who make us uncomfortable for politeness' sake.

Your take on nonsharing selfshippers is essentially "even though they arent doing anything wrong i think its ridiculous that people feel this way. You should stop feeling this way" which is disrespectful and it is not your place to tell people that their feelings are "ridiculous"

And don't try to hide behind the facade that you only care about mental health and that you don't like it because its unhealthy. Its different for everyone. You don't like it because you think its weird and annoying. Which is fine. Block and move on. But dont post blatant disrespect for a community, post it in the main tags of said community, and expect that community to be cool with it.

Firstly, I really don't care, honestly. If you're not gonna participate in a community, leave. You act like my one opinion is physically forcing them to stop what they're doing, I know that isn't how it works, but don't post ludicrous things on the internet and expect people to not say anything about it.

Second, yeah, pretty much. Feeling that ridiculous attached to just about anything is unhealthy, I'd be hard pressed to find anything where being that attached is healthy. Again, I would know, I personally get very attached to inanimate things, and it isn't healthy, it's not a good thing and has never benefited me, or anyone I know who gets the same way. Do whatever you want, but don't parade around like it's some healthy thing to do. Do what you want, but don't lie to yourself about it.

And lastly, I never expected anyone to be "cool" with the post, I literally said I was expecting to get jumped for it. I posted it because I think it's funny how pissy people get as soon as they're behavior is acknowledged in a way they don't personally like. Nothing you've said is anything that hasn't already been said to me before, so thanks for another, honestly nothing, argument that lacks any real substance other than saying the same things everyone has said a million times.

[heartboyy]

Good evening!

I'll agree with every take on yumeshipping but the nonsharing thing. The nonsharing community has existed for quite a bit and they arent necessarily apart of this new crowd of trendhoppers (not all of them are trendhoppers but yk) You speak as if you've known selfshipping culture for years but somehow condemn the existence of nonsharers? You speak of fandom culture but neglect to mention that a very big part of said culture is "Curating Your Internet" ie. dont like = dont interact. (eg. Keeping your peace. Smth this era needs desperately.)

I'll agree with the rise of competitiveness being concerning and recognizing that selfshipping should be fun for the shipper above how much merch they have or how much art they made. As you said, it should be about fun and comfort.

But I think you fail to realize that for a lot of people (those who take these ships seriously as a form of comfort) seeing someone who is also dating their f/o when they view them through a serious monogamous lens may be distressing.

I am not speaking for the people that harass others but for those who simply block/ignore and move on, why do you have an issue with them? It's ridiculous, sure, but thats what fandom culture is supposed to be. You can think its stupid, ridiculous, and a little bit cringe. But if it is not hurting anyone, why hate? Why group them with the same people who think anything Japan = Cute🩷💫!! and don't listen to minorities saying otherwise?

It's not like all nonsharers completely stop interacting with the community? A lot of the nonsharers ik are big in community and interact frequently. They just dont want to interact with the parts that make them uncomfortable. how is that a crime? I'm not trying to be mean here, I'm genuinely asking.

I can sit here and list off a bunch of situations in which someone would feel genuinely connected to their f/o and as such may be uncomfortable with the idea of someone also viewing them in a romantic light when they believe theyre dating them. Anywhere from medical reasonings to coping with horrific situations but the truth is; they dont owe us an answer?

So long as they aren't being assholes, why does it matter? Why push someone to engage with something that makes them distressed? You don't make someone who needs CW for food interact with it, right? Why are you saying that a few people who would rather play dolls by themselves are pushing us (the entirety of the internet) into dooming fandom. Forgive me, but that sounds a little silly.

This culture has existed forever, I'd rather this output than the Killing Sans Fangirl#13 videos.

Firstly, I understand they're not a completely new thing (see sans fangirls and irls) that makes the concept no less ridiculous. And where did I say they were all trendhoppers?? I don't care if they are, or this is genuine to them, it's still ridiculous.

Secondly, I am of the firm belief that absolutely no one should be *that* attached to a fictional character. As someone who does tend to get overly attached to things, it's not healthy in the slightest and causes more harm than good in the long run.

Also I am listening minorities, y'know, the ones that state that they believe the rise of the word yumeshipping in western spaces is absolutely a "thing, Japan" situation and are vastly uncomfortable with the continued fetishization of their language, as I literally stated in the post you're replying to. Why aren't you listening to those people? Does a minority's opinion on a topic pertaining to their culture only matter to you when it suits your point?

And lastly, my main point is that I see blocking someone who ships themselves with the same character as you just as ridiculous as blocking someone over shipping a different ship, sure, you can do it, I cannot physically stop anyone from doing it, but it's still weird and pushes divide in fandom rather than community.

[heartboyy]

Another rant because I'm very bored lmao. I'm probably gonna get jumped for this one but idc honestly

Yumeshipping

I've seen a lot about this term now, and the misinformation that's being spread about fandom and things like selfshipping (mostly on tiktok) is pissing me off, so I'm here to give my two cents as someone who's been in fandom most of my life.

1. "Yumeshipping is an umbrella term and selfshipping isn't!!"

This is just blatantly false. Selfshipping, contrary to what its name implies, has been used as an umbrella term for things like ocxcc and the like for many years now. Acting like that's not true is ignoring how the word has actually been used in fandom spaces

2. "It's not a "thing: 😡👎 thing, Japan: 🩷😋" situation, yumeshipping was around first!!"

While half the statement is true, from what I can tell, yumeshipping was the first term to exist and originated in Japanese fandom spaces. But saying that's it's not a "thing: 😡👎 thing, Japan: 🩷😋" situation, is ignoring the actual way people have started using it.

The word yumeshipping has become incredibly popular in western spaces lately, mostly because people think it sounds cuter (which is exactly what that situation describes) and the reason it is a "thing: 😡👎 thing, Japan: 🩷😋" situation is because we already have a word for it. Selfshipping and yumeshipping are the same thing but in two different languages, and saying we should use yumeshipping because it came first is like saying instead of the word "apple" we should use the Japanese word for apple because it came first, like, no, two different words simply exist because we speak different languages. Add on the fact that I've seen several actual Japanese people talking about how they see the rise of the term yumeshipping in western spaces as a "thing: 😡👎 thing, Japan: 🩷😋" and therefore racist, it's just a whole mess to use.

Alright, that's enough for my bullet points, I've got a few other things to say that are more observations than oppositions.

My main problem with the word yumeshipping being used is the fact they co-opted an entire preexisting community. Not only did they take a word from another language (one frequently fetishized) but then they came into the selfshipping community and took it over with their own lingo and community. The selfshipping community has existed for at least ten years, since it originated around the 2010s, and to come over here and instead of doing what people have done for years and just join our community, they completely took it over.

Another issue is the competitiveness that yumeshipping has brought about. I've seen a lot more people making shrines to their favorite characters, which isn't exactly a new thing, but now I'm seeing an uptick in people thinking that if they don't have a shrine to their character that they don't love them enough, instead of being a fun hobby, it has become a sort of competition. I've also seen plenty of people even asking if they're allowed to ship themselves with multiple characters or thinking that if they do, their primary character will be some sort of disappointment. The yumeshipping community has fostered a community built on competition and one where people feel afraid to start because they don't think they're dedicated enough, or feel put down because they don't own enough merch, or write enough content, or engage with enough content to be included.

And my last problem is the lack of community. I've seen nonsharing yumeshippers popping up more and more, and it's a concept I think is utterly ridiculous. Refusing to interact with people who are in your same fandom, that like your same character, simply because they like the same character is absolutely ridiculous. Instead, they just interact with friends they already have, usually from different fandoms, who have no knowledge of the fandom they're in and just hype them up because they're already friends instead of making friends because you bond over the same character and community. The entire concept is antithetical to fandom itself, fandom is built on community, on finding people who like the same things and characters as you, you don't get to refuse to participate in fandom and then act like you're a part of it. There would be no point in fandom if we had no community.

Just imagine if we all did that, imagine if every single person in fandom refused to interact with any person that liked the same character as them, do you see how that creates no community? You never gain people who understand your favorite character in the same way you do, or can talk about them with you, instead you just sit in your own bubble.

This one felt long, but I had a lot to say 😮‍💨😮‍💨 this whole thing honestly just reminds me of the irls from a few years ago, I'm just waiting for them to fade out.

[heartboyy]

Guess who's here to rant again becuz no one i know has read these books and I need to talk about it :>

I really dislike the way Rick portrays Percy's view of Nico.

Nico's view of Percy does make sense, he's a hero, he saves him and his sister from a monster, he's his first (I believe his first?) crush. And then from a tiny 10 yr olds perspective of course it seems like Percy let Bianca die, so a lot of that animosity makes sense (I dislike how the animosity was brought back after mostly being resolved in HoO, but that's a topic for another day)

But Percy's view of Nico has never made sense to me.

My age gap with my own little brother is about the same as Percy and Nico, and it's a common sentiment I've seen from other older teenagers where they view someone younger (siblings, cousins, children being babysat) as sort of permanently young, if that makes sense.

Like I still view my brother as tiny and sweet even though he's bigger than me now and has changed a lot. So to me, it doesn't make much sense that Percy would see Nico as scary or intimidating or freaky.

I understand why he's viewed that way by many of the others, they never knew that younger version of him, they only knew the Nico that was quiet and deathly still and shadow travels, they never knew the kid that was obsessed with pirates and mythology.

So in my mind, it would make far more sense for Percy (and Annabeth as well) to view Nico as that same bubbly, excited little 10 yr old, to be almost *more* concerned for him than the others.

It definitely felt to me like that was implied to be how Percy viewed him in PJO, but then HoO he views him the same as all the others, and that just never made sense as someone who knew Nico. Suddenly Percy sees Nico as the same scary and weird son of Hades that everyone else sees, when in all honesty, he would probably view him as the same poor kid that lost everyone close to him, that was terrified and scared, that was vulnerable and easily manipulated by people like Minos.

Anyways, the point is, I think HoO would have severely benefited from Percy viewing Nico as a little brother and wanting to protect him, as opposed to whatever the hell Rick went with.

[heartboyy]

Another pjo rant because people liked my last one :>

I *hate* Caleo. It is absolutely one of the worst ships in the whole series, especially to be a canon one. It really rubs me the wrong way, so does Calypso in general in the series, honestly.

I'm gonna start by talking about Calypso in general, because I really hate her the most. I haven't liked her since the beginning, in Battle of the Labyrinth Percy was only fourteen (or fifteen?? But I think he turned fifteen at the end, so prob fourteen) and she was in love with him then, and that grossed me out so bad.

The whole part of BotL on Ogygia was honestly just really uncomfortable to me, because she was clearly very into Percy, who again, was fourteen.

And that gets me started on Caleo. I'm not sure exactly of Leo's age as of House of Hades, but I'm pretty sure he's about fourteen or fifteen?? (Pls correct me if I'm wrong tho) Even if he's a little older, he's still a minor, so it's all just still really, really gross. I normally like a lot of what Rick does with his works, but this was honestly just a bad choice.

And on top of being a gross ship, it also just feels bad for Leo's character in general. I feel his storyline should've been more about selflove and self acceptance. I think it should've been about Leo finding his place in the group, learning to overcome his feelings as the seventh wheel and fitting into the group without a relationship.

I really don't think he needed a girlfriend, especially not so soon when it feels like he barely accepts himself. It all honesty it just feels like a push to have all the characters in a relationship when it's completely unneeded

[heartboyy]

A little break from my poetry because I really wanna rant about this lmao

I'm in the middle of reading the Percy Jackson series for the first time and just finished House of Hades and had something I really wanted to say.

I keep seeing people blaming Percy for not checking up on Bob or Calypso, but have we thought about the timeline?? Percy wipes Bob's memory during the battle of Manhattan and only was able to free Calypso after they won.

And then it ends and all, and them mention during The Lost Hero and Son of Neptune a few times that Percy and Annabeth were only together for two months before he went missing.

Like, I feel like two months is a fairly reasonable time to have not checked up on anyone, he was traumatized and trying to settle back down and enjoying his new relationship. And then he goes missing.

I just think we put so much blame on Percy for not checking in on these people when he barely even had time to relax before basically being kidnapped by Hera

[heartboyy]

Oh how all too similar love is to hate. I love you. I hate you. I love you. I hate you.

In only a second your quirks became annoyances. Your habits a migraine. One second you are everything to me and another I cannot stand you.

Perhaps I never truly loved you, maybe it had always been hatred. We will never know. I will never speak to you again and life will begin again.

[heartboyy]

My darling, my heaven, my perfection,

The sound of your voice is my only comfort, my only joy, the thing I yearn for,

I have been called an utterance of crazy,

But my devotion to you is the sanest I have ever felt,

My time with you is akin to time in the clouds,

I have no need to see pearly gates,

You are Heaven enough for me, your grasp is light as cotton,

I would spend an eternity beside you if you so pleased,

My destiny and devotion are to you,

I am ever tied to you,

I would pray until my lips bled, if only to feel the warmth of your divinity,

You are an eternal flame, and I am but a candle lit with your love,

I am no more than mortal,

Your beloved creation,

Your precious, your doll, your beloved,

I am ever your devotee, I love you more than the Stars love the Moon,

More than Moon loves the Sun,

More than the Sun loves the Earth,

More than the Earth loves the Sea,

I am a vessel for your divine touch,

I would bleed if you told me your favorite color was red,

Your beauty has made a servant of me,

I would sacrifice everything for you,

I would sacrifice so much it would become a self-slaughter,

I am not a whole person, I am hollow without you,

Your kisses scorch me like the sun, but I would burn for you,

I regret no sin I have committed,

For every one was a dedication to your will,

I would bend into whatever shape you’d desire,

I’d do anything you asked,

I’d destroy worlds if it pleased you,

I long for your happiness,

Your pain, to me, feels as though the sun has darkened,

And the tide has overflown,

Oh, how I pray for your joy,

I have always been a man of privacy,

I have never enjoyed the company of others,

Yet,

Your company is sweeter than my solitude,

They say my devotion is a suffering of insanity,

But if this is insanity,

Then I do not suffer,

I enjoy every second of it,

I care not for any of their criticisms,

They could throw stones at me and wouldn’t bat an eye,

You are the only thing I care for,

I can only pray to hear you soon,

My love, my god, my light.

Lovingly,

Your sweetness, your star, your cloud

[heartboyy]

In the shadow of the sun

Born in the shadow of sunlight itself.

What’s a spark to a star?

Half the sun and half the dark, a freak of nature, born impure.

Created unknowingly, forced creation, life in a lab.

Why would he love you? Who would even care?

Can you blame him? Is it even his fault?

He hates you, you know it.

Too polite to say it, but isn’t that worse?

You hate him, you think.

No you don’t.

The sun, your hero, your father.

Who hates the man everyone loves? You, perhaps.

You have everything you’d ever need.

But nothing replaces that hole.

Something missing, never quite there.

[heartboyy]

Ghosts

Foggy, cold evening, a bump in the night.

Fated with darkness but greeted with light.

Innocence in youth lost in the clutter.

Voices lost in the avoid, amidst the cluster, amidst the noise.

No one will save you, not even once.

An explosion of light, a bump in the night.

Who can save you when you're already gone?

A ghost in your own home.

Left a boy, returned a man.

The life you lived a looming shadow.

They don’t know you any more, do you know them?

You’re a stranger now, a boy they lost. Are you even the same anymore?

They stare upon with pity.

They miss you.

They miss who you were.

[heartboyy]

Death, darkness, rebirth.

The message beaten in. Strike. Strike. Strike.

Death is unforgiving, but life even more.

Propped on a stage, sentenced by popular vote.

Judgment in morality.

The crime of never being enough.

Birds of a feather. Never enough.

The darkness is cold, isolating, long forgone forgiveness.

How long can darkness remain, who’s to say?

The cold grip of something beyond.

And beyond the darkness rise the earth.

Warmth, light, rushing in.

Breaths of dirt and root.

Light reborn darkness.

Gun to the head, swear to god.

Promises unbroken, life remade

[heartboyy]

I have always wondered why it is so haunting to be the oldest sibling. I think perhaps it's because I know our parents are not good people, but he doesn't, and there is nothing I can do to stop him from this realization, I simply have to watch and understand how it feels

[heartboyy]

I remember when I lost faith in my parents, when I stared off into space and realized for the first time in my life that no one was perfect. I don't think I ever forgave the world after that