Heartland Texts From Last Night

THIS BLOG IS A JOKE! This blog is for "Texts From Last Night" graphics, original funny captions, and quotes borrowed from other works! (Sources of all quotes can be found in the tags!) ***Warning for mature themes/humour***

[heartlandtfln]

"(479): It was just…long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes."

[heartlandtfln]

"Georgie: I tried to write 'I'm a functional adult' but my phone changed it to 'fictional adult' and I feel like that's more accurate."

[heartlandtfln]

"(406): Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation"

[heartlandtfln]

“(270): Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he’s fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.”

[heartlandtfln]

Throwback Thursday!

[heartlandtfln]

"Kim: I would say my coaching style is centered around the fundamentals. With an emphasis on the "fun"! Georgie: And a second emphasis on the "mental."

[heartlandtfln]

"(503): Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY."

[heartlandtfln]

"Reblog and write in the tags who are your top 3 comfort characters."

[heartlandtfln]

"(610): The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly."

[heartlandtfln]

"Caleb: say NO to work"

[heartlandtfln]

"(786): I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol."

[heartlandtfln]

"Jack: If only someone cared what you think. Caleb: People care what I think! Jack: No, they don’t. Caleb: Yes, sir."

[heartlandtfln]

"(+44): I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers"

[heartlandtfln]

"Mallory: How did you break your leg? Tim: Do you see those porch stairs? Mallory: Yes. Tim: I didn't."

[heartlandtfln]

"(419): Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly"

[heartlandtfln]

"Reblog and tag with your favorite Mary sue/Gary stu (affectionate)"

[heartlandtfln]

“Georgie: Oh hey, somebody got flowers! Or as I like to call them, poor people jewelry.”

[heartlandtfln]

Throwback Thursday!

[heartlandtfln]

"(570): As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good"