“I don’t like it when people take food off of my plate, okay?”
“Oh, I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”
“Not knowing when to shut up? Yep, that’s my thing.”
“I’m sorry. Did my back hurt your knife?”
“Is that what a dinosaur would do?”
“Damn all the jellyfish!”
“Did I just say that out loud?”
“I hope it’s still funny when you’re in hell.”
“That’s a great story. Tell it while you’re getting me some iced tea.”
“I just shouldn’t be allowed to make decisions anymore.”
“Don’t we need to do some kind of preparation first? Like get really drunk?”
“Oh man. In my next life, I’m coming back as a toilet brush.”
“Bagels and donuts. Round food for every mood.”
“Congratulations. That’s quite a waste of time.”
“If I’m going down, I’m taking everybody with me.”
“It’s so exhausting, waiting for death.”
“I went to the zoo yesterday. Now I’m a koala bear.”
“What would you give up, sex or food?”
“Oh, sorry. Did I get you?”
“So why don’t you be a grown up and come watch tv in the fort?”
“You hung up on the pizza place? I don’t hang up on *your* friends.”
“Do you have a bobby pin?”
“Wow! You look… stop-eating hot. Which is, like, the *highest* level of hotness.”
“I’ll give you one dollar.”