[heartshapedgreen]

bijou julip ; 21+ writings list ; tags directory

mid-20s ; he/him tme intersex ; nonblack asian sex-repulsed aroace attempting esoteric (<- also an anagram for erotic) romance, which is basically me vivisecting amatonormativity in my laboratory

inexhaustive list of reoccurring themes in my writings are:

anormative masculinity

self-recognition through the (monstrous) other

food as the ultimate act of intimacy

sometimes they shave each other, sometimes they encourage each other to grow hairier—the duality of mankind

(lots of em dashes)

love languages like transformation/corruption/destruction

the inherent eroticism of infections (consider: 'pussy' as in 'filled with pus')

having diseased sex with your insane husband

lesbianism as a creature that haunts you

dni ageless blogs & anyone under the age of 21. i would advice anyone young to refrain from interacting with me or my writings, and to get off nsfw pages for your own well-being and safety. if you want me to rb a mutual aid post, feel free to dm me though.

do ask me about my ocs! tell me about yours!

🍀last updated 5 oct, 2024

[heartshapedgreen]

mulling some thoughts in my head... my life has been a series of just giving up on one craft after another, much of it was cause of school in the early days but the last few years, i'm struggling to draw, and recently, to write, cause i keep internalizing the modern definitions (cause they're very modern, art has not been what it is now - renaissance artists traced heavily, for example, and now it's become this discourse thing) of art & creativity.

i have 0 creativity, and i haven't been human since i was 12 and gained "consciousness" tbh. nothing i make is "human made art". i'm unfortunately also a stem student, literally thinking of getting a nursing diploma next year now that i have money. even writing is science to me.

& maybe i'm been hormonal lately, and my cycle has been uneven so i can't parse between the estrogen drop and reality. but i honestly can't do much of The Craft without intrusive thoughts about being outsed for a fraud or something.

[heartshapedgreen]

wtf happened to tumblr interface... ne ways.

i was thinking of adding a 'bibliography' at the end of tnb once i had it polished and Manuscripted with all the stuff read i read that went into formulating it, especially when the narrative itself is about like. Academia. and because everything is intricately connected and originality is fake (to me.) and I KNOW our audience should be the freaks and not the critics. but i'm consumed by how much the creativity & originality fandom is not going to like that so tnb redraft is likely not seeing the light of the day.

[heartshapedgreen]

a big part of why i left art was because right around the weird AI ableism era (the kind where they implicitly mocked polydactyly, not the "AI is a disability aid" thing) at the beginning of it all. i was exploring an oc who had mirror polydactyly.

he was part of my magical realism time travel litfic, likely to be 300k-500k (of what i wrote so far, the 'prologue' before the narrative actually began itself reached 100k lol) my goal was to get a job and save up for a co-writer or two to make the task of completing it easier. since i'm Finally employed, maybe i'll return to my hermitage and work on this in secret.

[heartshapedgreen]

mulling some thoughts in my head... my life has been a series of just giving up on one craft after another, much of it was cause of school in the early days but the last few years, i'm struggling to draw, and recently, to write, cause i keep internalizing the modern definitions (cause they're very modern, art has not been what it is now - renaissance artists traced heavily, for example, and now it's become this discourse thing) of art & creativity.

i have 0 creativity, and i haven't been human since i was 12 and gained "consciousness" tbh. nothing i make is "human made art". i'm unfortunately also a stem student, literally thinking of getting a nursing diploma next year now that i have money. even writing is science to me.

& maybe i'm been hormonal lately, and my cycle has been uneven so i can't parse between the estrogen drop and reality. but i honestly can't do much of The Craft without intrusive thoughts about being outsed for a fraud or something.

[heartshapedgreen]

wtf happened to tumblr interface... ne ways.

i was thinking of adding a 'bibliography' at the end of tnb once i had it polished and Manuscripted with all the stuff read i read that went into formulating it, especially when the narrative itself is about like. Academia. and because everything is intricately connected and originality is fake (to me.) and I KNOW our audience should be the freaks and not the critics. but i'm consumed by how much the creativity & originality fandom is not going to like that so tnb redraft is likely not seeing the light of the day.

[heartshapedgreen]

mulling some thoughts in my head... my life has been a series of just giving up on one craft after another, much of it was cause of school in the early days but the last few years, i'm struggling to draw, and recently, to write, cause i keep internalizing the modern definitions (cause they're very modern, art has not been what it is now - renaissance artists traced heavily, for example, and now it's become this discourse thing) of art & creativity.

i have 0 creativity, and i haven't been human since i was 12 and gained "consciousness" tbh. nothing i make is "human made art". i'm unfortunately also a stem student, literally thinking of getting a nursing diploma next year now that i have money. even writing is science to me.

& maybe i'm been hormonal lately, and my cycle has been uneven so i can't parse between the estrogen drop and reality. but i honestly can't do much of The Craft without intrusive thoughts about being outsed for a fraud or something.

[theglitchywriterboi]

I hope every writer who sees this writes LOADS the next few months. Like freetime opens up, no writers block, the ability to focus, etc etc you're able to write loads & make lots of progress <3

[tlirsgender]

Btw if people keep telling you to stretch but never told you how to actually do it right you're supposed to go slower than you think & just hold it until you feel the muscle relax. Like how anal works

[tlirsgender]

Also the muscle that goes up to your temples and gives you headaches is the same as the one that clenches your jaw & it goes down the sides of your neck so stretching your neck helps with headaches and jaw tension. You can also massage it with a vibrator

[tlirsgender]

Stretching as far as possible immediately is not the goal you just bend until it feels tight. It's not supposed to Hurt You Worse. It won't hurt if you're doing it right. Much like another activity

[tlirsgender]

Many are saying "we're on the celibacy website these people don't know how anal works either" I know. That's my secret second lesson

[storyweavingspider]

High Fantasy world with no whites present send post

[storyweavingspider]

Trying to fall asleep but I keep thinking about a 10 year old Black trans girl testing to become a squire in a world where she isnt held back by who she is.

12 year old Black trans girl being provided the herbs that will keep her from developing as a “man” until she’s able to undergo further treatment.

16 year old Black trans girl finally allowed to take part in the magic ritual that will give her the body she knows she’s supposed to have.

17 year old Black trans girl having her mentor gift her her first set of armor designed for her new body.

18 year old Black trans girl falling in love with another Black trans girl who’s training to become a mage, because she wants to be able to help girls like the two of them become who they wish to be.

20 year old Black trans woman becoming a knight of her land, able to serve its people without being hunted for who she is.

21 year old Black trans woman marrying her fiancée, surrounded by the love of her family and friends.

Stories where Black transfemmes get to see themselves and have happy endings, in a world that supports them and they get to not just survive but thrive.

[heartshapedgreen]

there is a post that's going around that's something like "i would be more embarrassed being caught looking at ai slop than porn" and that just goes to show it's about morality than actual principles.

[heartshapedgreen]

once again thinking about the irony of technocapitalism hinging on the commodification creativity & how the mainstream discussion continues to reinforce that by evoking an infallible/moral essence to creativity which needs to be protected by ai "corruption" (through intellectual property, another capitalistic solution etc.)

[heartshapedgreen]

there is a post that's going around that's something like "i would be more embarrassed being caught looking at ai slop than porn" and that just goes to show it's about morality than actual principles.

[capnsoapy]

Whether or not transgender athletes have an advantage over their cisgender peers is irrelevant actually

[capnsoapy]

Like, wealth is correlated with athletic prowess but sports aren't segregated by class, y'know

[capnsoapy]

It's important to frame the question correctly because whether trans women are stronger/weaker than cis women ultimately doesn't matter when the actual problem is "How do we make competitions fair for everybody?".

[grizzlymotherbear-deactivated20]

It shouldn't be seen as some sort of sexual harassment or insult to ones identity to be compared to trans women, or speculated to be trans, or even teased about being trans. Being a trans woman is not some sort of dirty shameful thing that anyone should feel offended by association. Especially in the context of fictional characters! A lot of people in fandom spaces will pretend not to be transmisogynistic but then treat the intellectual proposition of trans feminine bodies as some sort of violating offense just to be told about or compared to.

[itstimetogo]

what is your holy trinity of fruits

[worstgirleva]

the average genderswap manga made by a self-described cishet man is more sympathetic to trans women than the average western cartoon made a tme queer person

[heartshapedgreen]

last rb: i wrote up to six chapters for the tnb redraft, which is more like an entire rewrite. then i suddenly had the urge to do a mini rewrite. again. of the first few chapters. and it was laborious at first but also like. obligatory. for some reason. but when i stopped getting annoyed and rushing it, i saw the point. it's slow but the the world dimitris and faris are living in inside my head is finally becoming more tangible.

[innocentlymacabre]

who knew you could fall back in love with your writing through editing of all things

[apolladay]

the person u reblogged this from has....

Small dog energy

big dog energy

cat energy

bird energy

hamster energy

lizard energy

snake energy

bug energy

arachnid energy

rat/mouse energy

fish energy

horse energy

Voting ended onOct 7, 2025

[heartshapedgreen]

those posts where people 'discover' how exercising and eating/sleeping consistently etc. are good for your health are such a pet peeve of mine for some reason. like i don't think people who have 'unhealthy' habits are doing it out of ignorance, everyone already intuitively knows what works for them, but it's like that gap between knowing and then taking years to actually implement it in your life that joan didion (iirc) talked about.

but also like. i need to know if there are others out there who are happier eating once or twice and sleeping 5 hours a day cause otherwise, thinking of all those minute details of life (and perfecting the routine of life, because that's possible. of course.) leads to intense burnout. there is also the fact that i've learnt to 'hack' my self-hatred and shame into working for me.

like as an aro, i have the philosophy™️ that no one can love you like you, and you're the only one who lives with yourself all your life and knows yourself intimately. i don't think it's possible to hate myself. like it goes against neuroscience. everything is the brain's self-preservation in the end, even the self-hatred.

but also every day my thoughts are like i'm the spiders george of ontological evil. people aren't purposely evil, they just have a self-justifying script at the back of their mind. user heartshapedgreen, who IS pure evil, is an outlier and should not be counted. this 'helps' me view everything bad that happens to me as the 'tax' i have to pay because actually the world is so beautiful and someone like me gets to be a part of it!!! yippeee!!!

this + looking forward to my fun little ~unhealthy~ drink at the end of the day before i procrastinate on sleep has done more for my mental stability than sleeping 8hrs (during which i would wake up 10 gazillion times btw) and eating more veggies out of my suicidality.

[heartshapedgreen]

user heartshapedgreen on an average day: i'm so evil and a burden on everyone and everything is my fault i should volunteer at the local animal shelter and find a findomme to give all my paycheck to