I'll sign my release with your blood @heavywith-the-devil - Tumblr Blog

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larissa-marrie

I got an x-ray of my leg today at the doctor’s office. I think I may need surgery.

heavywith-the-devil

That sounds horrible. What did you do to your leg?

#idk when thIS WAS POSTED BUT HI #I LOVE YOUR FC

Change In the House of Flies || Self para

There has always been this ever so slight feeling of sickness Stormy feels when looking at himself. Whether it’s pictures or mirrors, his imagine makes him feel physically ill. There’s a feeling of being too self aware and not being aware at all. This constant feeling of being burned alive. Burning doesn’t even begin to explain it, a feeling of your bones disintegrating and your flesh melting isn’t even close to burning. And being fully aware that you’re not dying—yet you are—it’s like being drowned. Yet how can you be drowning and burning at the same time?

On days like this when Stormy can’t even remember how he ended up on his bathroom floor with blood dripping from his arms is when that feeling of drowning and burning sets in. Panic attacks don’t feel like butterflies or shallow breaths anymore, more like caterpillars and the inability to breathe completely. This desperate attempt to breathe once more is always accompanied by some sort of self mutilation. The feeling of blood and the dripping sound it makes as it hits the floor is oddly comforting. This weird feeling of complete control sets in when Stormy does things like this, though he knows he isn’t in control anymore. Eventually, the nauseous feeling sets in only causing him to panic again. It’s an endless cycle.

His mother believes that he tried to kill himself before they move. Which wasn’t true but it also wasn’t false, he had accidentally overdosed on pain medication because he was too tired to actually function. But at the same time it could have been his unbearable need to escape, and as cliche as that sounds it was the only explanation he could come up with. Moving left this lethargic feeling, he felt like all of his emotions had been shut off, so, he stopped taking his meds. It’s better to feel everything all at once than nothing at all.

Yet now he’s regretting it, that feeling of total panic was taking over again, he felt like he was going to be sick. He stood up slowly, grabbing onto the edge of the sink to help him up. His makeup was smeared worse around his eyes because of all his crying, but he didn’t really care it wasn’t like anyone was going to see it. Stormy spent a few moments just looking at himself, trying to decide what he wanted to do with himself. There wasn’t much to do at this point, however, he was shaking so bad he could hardly stand or breathe. All of this was getting out of hand, he needed to do something to make him breathe again. That’s when he remembered the anxiety medication he was supposed to be taking. There was a full bottle just sitting there on the counter.

He can’t remember how it happened exactly, at that point he was so out of it from blood loss mixed with panic he couldn’t even think straight. Stormy remembers taking one pill and not feeling better at all and then he blacked out. Waking up in the hospital was shocking, honestly, he didn’t know how someone had managed to find him and bring him there but then a doctor came in, telling him something about having to pump his stomach.’ He ended up passing out again after a few minutes and then waking up hours later. This continued to happen until he was finally fully awake and was told he wouldn’t be leaving the hospital for a while because they wanted to make sure he wouldn’t try something like this again.

#selfpara;#tw self harm #//this is horrible dont look at me

ryland-beckett-blog

Really? *Rys hand went up to the side of Stormys to caress it gently.* Well then I guess that makes me the luckiest guy here, doesn’t it..

heavywith-the-devil

*Stormy giggled softly, tucking his hair behind his ear hastily.* If you feel like the luckiest guy here, then yes.

#para;#yes hello ive returned

ryland-beckett-blog

Heeell no! I uh.. I really like spending time with you. Like… a lot.

heavywith-the-devil

Really? Because, like, I enjoy spending time with you too.

#Para;#i got grounded tbh but i talked myself out of it today

ryland-beckett-blog

But Stormy, I want to. *Ryland reached out and wove his fingers through Stormys.* Why wouldn’t I?

heavywith-the-devil

*Stormy smiled softly, looking down at their hands before shrugging* I dunno, just, I get nervous you're like stuck with me.

#i goT TO GO HOME EARLY CAUSE THE POWER WENT OUT YAAS #c: ryland

almcsteasy

You could go to a shrink and get him to hypnotize you or something so you forget about her.

heavywith-the-devil

Um, yeah no, that doesn't sound fun at all.

#c; chris

almcsteasy

You should try to forget about her. I don’t know where you’re from but now you’re here and she’s not. Nothing here can make you remember her or whatever.