Neb.

[anancientheart]

ok universe, i’m ready to feel good things. make me feel good things.

[anancientheart]

whenever i post this it works  reblog if u want to feel good things & the universe will bring u something sweet 

[justyourukht-deactivated2018111]

damn this got me..

[place0fperfecti0n]

REFUCKING TWEETTTTTTT

[meladoodle]

my granddad just called me to tell me how big his cauliflowers are growing and it was so cute theyre “TWICE as big as the ones you get in the shop”

[meladoodle]

[meladoodle]

i told my granddad this post has 3,500 notes and he said ‘who are they? do i know them?’ he wanted me to list everyone and see if he knew anyone

[auburngal]

If you don’t reblog cauliflower granddad, then you’re just a mean person.

[love-personal]

[unbotheredmuse]

a lack of communication can really fuck up a lot of good shit

[owlmylove]

it’s officially impossible for me to fall in love bc last night at a party drunk-me remembered that sober-me had thrown 3 funsize kitkats into my bag with the explicit thought “drunk-me is going to be so excited when she finds these” and i don’t think any other person is gonna be able to love me like that

[transcendental-genderism-deacti]

but what did drunk you ever do for sober you

[owlmylove]

one time i blacked out and woke up to find 13 full sized rolls of ritz crackers in my bag bc drunk me is also an ideal provider

[xoxxie]

[hotelcaiette]

i :) am :) so :) stressed :) about :) everything :) all :) the :) time :)

[mentallyyfxckedd]

alone

[laz-kay]

“40 is good, 50 is great, 60 is fab, and 70 is fucking awesome!” ~ Helen Mirren 💪🏻

[madeline-kahn]

Female Awesome Meme:

Christine Baranski as Tanya in Mamma Mia! (2008) dir. Phyllida Lloyd

[ouc-h-deactivated20180811]

i like to blame myself for everything just in case

[biteythevillain]

so my roomates girlfriend just caught me in the kitchen and its so hard to play it cool when you never see this person you only hear her yowling like a cat in heat while her asshole gets played with so me, trying to act as casual as i possibly could, forgot i was holding an onion and not a delightful apple and bit into it fully expecting a honeycrisp but instead got the equiv of biting solid piss 

[velv-ette]

lol wtaf. i can’t read a single word of this paragraph

[makingstrangemaneuvers]

Ok but imagine being the gf here

You’ve been chillin with ur S/O and u decide to get up and get a snack. U never talk to ur S/O’s roommate, but u wanna play it cool like u didn’t just have sex 20 minutes ago in this apartment while said roommate was probably home. Awk af, but u got this.

U look up and nod at them, about to offer a noncommittal “hey” or “how’s it going,” when the fucking roommate just

Looks u dead in the eyes

And fuckin

Bites a goddamn onion like an apple

[seefloor-deactivated20160424]

I think somebody wants attention

[quoting-shakespeare-to-ducks]

“I could claw this hapless human to death… but she’s so cute… and I love her…”

[hypochondriacdreaming-deactivat]

*very gently threatens*

[photosynthelys]

do you ever just want someone to come over and sit on the floor with you for a few hours

[diary-of-an-infj]

Yup.

[pazdelahuertafanclub2005-deacti]

men: i love offensive jokes, if you get offended you are a politically correct pussy

women: hehe small pee pee

men:

[pazdelahuertafanclub2005-deacti]

men: make me a sandwich

women:

women: i want a boyfriend with a big dick

men:

[pazdelahuertafanclub2005-deacti]

me: *makes this post*

this little dum dum:

[splendidland]

no sport is as hedonistic as golf, a game designed around the existance of acres of nothing but grass that has to be meticulously regulated. the players get enjoyment knowing land is wasted for the sake of their Ball Putt Game. and they don’t just let anyone fuck the holes, either.

[wonderweird]

yes that is an insightful thought about how wasteful luxury pastimes of the rich can be and a wait you do what with the holes