Let's have another toast to the girl almighty

Just your average girl trying to figure out how to have a light as loud as many ambulances as it takes to save a saviour

[passionpeachy-deactivated202312]

feminism will be reached when nintendo gives us Wapeach and Wadaisy

[heidinattura]

TEXT 👅 HEIDETTE

Juliette: Your future what????? Whatever it is, you should still invite me! I can normally handle spicy food really well but I think I just ate STRAIGHT UP ACID. And THANK YOU for Geniesearching because my common sense is a little up in the air right now. I feel all woozy.

Heidi: Hot ones party! Like the channel on auratube where people answer hot questions while they eat even hotter wings! You can’t answer hot questions if you’ve got a numb tongue, Chica! YW! The brain wooziness is probably all the endorphins and stuff going crazy too? Or you really messed yourself up with whatever it was you ate. What DID you eat by the way?

[heidinattura]

TEXT 👅 HEIDETTE

Juliette: SOMEONE CHALLENGED ME TO EAT SOMETHING SPICY SO OF COURSE I DID AND I FUCKED UP BECAUSE IT WAS TOO SPICY AND I FEEL LIKE MY TONGUE IS NUMBED FOREVER AND I NEED IT FOR TASTING AMONG OTHER THINGS! DO I GO TO A TONGUE DOCTOR? DO TONGUE DOCTORS EXIST?!

Heidi: RIP unfortunate. Remind me not to invite you to my future Hot Ones themed party, but um? I just geniesearched to see where you’d have to go and apparently it’s just your tongue endorphins saving you from fire and you’ll go back to normal eventually.

[heidinattura]

How do you feel about reality TV?

There’s nothing that could ever top the twentieth cycle of Top Model, so I haven’t really kept up with anything since. 

[candicepattxns]

[heidinattura]

text 💬 heinah

Hannah: IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS

Hannah: I never yell about anything but you got me to say I love you more than PLANTS! Plants, Heidi! Those are way more sacred than tacos!

Heidi: 🤐

Heidi: I’M MORE LOVABLE THAN PLANTS, HAN. SORRY NOT SORRY ABOUT IT! BUT I THINK YOU’RE GREATLY UNDERESTIMATING HOW SACRED TACOS ARE TO MY MOUTH!!!!

[heidinattura]

text 💬 heispen

Aspen: I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese.

Aspen: Wait, WITH some mac and cheese. I won't be IN the mac and cheese, it's not CLOTHES.

Heidi: Just when my hopes were getting up 😔 Will the shirt still be wet or was that also an accident in wording?

[heidinattura]

text 💬 greidi

Greta: A surplus of mistakes were made and I don’t know what 89% of them were.

Heidi: Remind me to never ask you about my island on AC:NH ever again 🙄🙄🙄🙄

[heidinattura]

TEXT 🐝 HEITEO

Mateo: This is way, WAY too easy, I hope you know that. I'd Fuck the Nasonex Bee because he'd clear my sinuses AND because Antonio Banderas's voice is CRAZY sexy. I'd Marry the Honey Nut Cheerio Bee because he's solidly employed, kind, and cares about my happiness and my health. And finally, I'd kill the Bee from Bee Movie. It's one of my favorite movies but they say never to meet your heroes.

Mateo: Fuck, Marry, Kill: Cereal Mascots Edition

Mateo: Count Chocula, Toucan Sam, and Lucky the Leprechaun!

Heidi: I'm sorry! I wasn't aware you'd given that much thought to which fictional bees you'd bone. Altho in retrospect...that is my b. I honestly should've known.

Heidi: Jeepers, this was weirdly too easy for me too. Fuck Lucky, I love gingers. Marry Count Chocula, he's titled and that's neato. Kill Toucan Sam, fruit loops suck.

Heidi: FMK: Classic Memes Edition

Heidi: Shrek, Cory Baxter, Johnny Test

[heidinattura]

TEXT 🍒 HEIDLYNN

Heidi: Fun fact! At last count, I can tie at least four cherry stems with my tongue in sixty seconds. Isn’t that such a fun fact for you to specifically know about me?

[heidinattura]

TEXT 🐝 HEITEO

Heidi: Fuck, Marry, Kill: Bee Edition

Heidi: The Honey Nut Cheerios Bee, the Nasonex Bee voiced by Antonio Banderas, and the Jerry Seinfeld bee from Bee Movie.

[heidinattura]

how do you feel about your name sounding like a granola bar?

I didn’t think it sounds like one, but I guess I could always keep that on the backburner for merch concepts.

[heidinattura]

the oakens

You know how everyone says that all bi girls’s crushes boil down to like The most gorgeous, intelligent and coolest women alive and like one acceptable man that you could find in any gas station? That’s kind of like the experience of knowing the Oakens. Except, of course, I’ve never crushed on Oakley. Some cringey things are just too cringe to even consider.

[cool-dad-deactivated20240526-de]

What’s your favorite position

1st place on rainbow road

[heidinattura]

What song would you choose to describe your love life right now?

Wish You Were Gay by Claud. @oaklynnoaken, hey girl hey.

[heidinattura]

TEXT 🎸 COLDI

Colton: That seems like a mighty hard thing to do when you're driving! How are you seeing the road with a schlong in your pie hole? And no, I don't know! I dunno how you just see vibes but I don't! Maybe it's an issue with my vision. I used to need glasses but I kept breaking em so now I don't.

Heidi: No! The person doing the blowing is the passenger not the driver, the other option is like physically impossible! Oh vibes aren't about seeing! They're about feeling! It actually helps if your eyes are closed sometimes! Also are you sure you don't still need glasses??

[heidinattura]

Text 🎞 Heideo

Mateo: WELL THEN taking the compliment and thanking me for it is good enough....for now. AND NO, it's not JUST snow, it's the holiday spirit and just...everything. It's how you can walk into any store in the world and an amazing song is playing and everybody is looking at the world differently, thinking about what to get others instead of themselves, and the peppermintish and happy flavors run rampant and rule the world like they should all year long! Christmas is about love! Valentine's Day is about candy.

Heidi: Or forever! That's all stuff you could do around ANY HOLIDAY! People are always buying other people gifts during gift giving holidays! Like Valentine's! Buy peppermint syrup and chapstick and smell it all the time then! Candy is just a side perk of Valentine's day! Just like it is for Christmas! It's not the PURPOSE, Love is!! Christmas isn't NEARLY as special as you seem to think it is!