“you’re the only one who saw the good in me.” // headcanon, re. peter burke + self image.
throughout the entire course of the show, neal has been repeatedly told and treated as though he would never be anything more than a criminal. who he is is constantly defined by his crimes. now, neal takes a little pride in that because remember, he views his crimes as art. there’s an elegance to what he does, but that’s for a different post. there’s an uglier side to it though. this affects how people treat him and how he views himself, and whether he’ll make the effort to reform.
let’s review the people in neal’s life. first and foremost, mozzie. he loves mozzie and doesn’t resent him for this but mozzie does repeatedly tell him that who they are won’t ever change. it’s not exactly him putting neal down or telling him he can’t be a better person. it has more to do with; their nature / who they are to their core. “happy endings aren’t for guys like us”. but the moral is: try as we might this is who we are.
diana and jones. rightfully so, they’re wary of neal and neal being who he is, constantly gives them reasons to distrust him. they’re also protective of peter and worried for what neal will do and how it would affect their boss’ reputation and career. they warm up to him, they love him but--- they ultimately also treat him in a way that embeds in neal’s mind that he won’t be more than a criminal in their eyes. does he blame or resent them? no. they’re doing their jobs. as much as it’s in their nature to be skeptical, it’s the same for neal to be scheming.
keller. yeah, i don’t want him in this post but here we are. the constant comparing himself to neal and seeing as they’re technically in the same line of work..... doesn’t help neal to feel good about himself. keller represents the ugliness of the crimes he commits. neal doesn’t believe he’s like his nemesis at all because while they’re both driven by the thrill, he would never be as crude as keller. anyways, he tells him that “people like us hurt everyone around them”, and neal can’t help but agree to an extent. he looks around him and he’s hurt many people. in vastly different ways but it. it leaves a dent in neal’s mind to hear keller tell him these things. again, a mark on the “he’s never going to change” side.
alex hunter. now, i’ll have to rewatch things but alex doesn’t tell neal he’s never going to change i don’t think, but she does manage to lure him out to do things he knows he shouldn’t. you put alex into the equation and... his impulse control is gone. he doesn’t cheat on kate, but even when he’s with kate and he’s actively trying to settle down, give them a normal life, he’s also saying “one last score” and running off with alex. that entire experience and where things ended with kate makes him feel like it may not be possible for him to have a normal life. this is more on neal self-examining himself and his actions.
now, finally, peter burke. yes, peter acknowledges that neal is tricky. literally. and, he often struggles to believe neal’s telling the truth or at least, telling him the complete truth. he doubts neal, constantly checking on him and taking note of how he’s acting, what he’s doing, etc, making neal feel very distrusted. BUT. out of every single person on this list, peter’s the only person who believes neal can change and fights for that change in him every single day. if he didn’t think neal could change, would he be so hurt every time neal made the wrong decision? disappointment is a given reaction. he’s his handler. but, consider the welsh coins incident. the pain in peter’s eyes, even having been suspicious for so long about neal--- does that look like a person who didn’t trust neal to begin with? who didn’t hope that maybe, just maybe, neal’s done the right thing? yeah, he’s worried about his job. but, ultimately, tell me why peter is so angry. neal violated his trust and it hurts to believe that after so many years, neal’s done this instead of coming to him.
more than that, peter treated him more than a criminal, more than a CI, even. he takes him home to have dinner with he and his wife, he listens to his advice outside of work and even in work, respects his advice, agrees wholeheartedly that he should finally have a life outside of the anklet, encourages good relationships--- so many things that make neal feel like he’s more than the label people have smacked on him.
the line; “you’re the only one who ever saw the good in me.” isn’t just to say it. neal had been telling people meaningful goodbyes all day. this was his to peter, and it was the entire heartfelt truth. no one, absolutely no one, made neal feel like he was a good person, or that he could be more than peter burke.
