tear in my heart

❝ all of your flaws and all of my flaws when they have been exhumed, we’ll see that we NEED them to be who we are, without them we’d be { doomed }. ❞

[kingstcn]

“Try telling me that when your eyes aren’t half closed, mate. When was the last time you slept? You in need of a nap?”

[helloholden-blog1]

“Good point. I don’t know. Uh... Yesterday at some point, I guess.”

[pietrmaximcff-blog]

“Thank you for being so sympathetic and understanding, Holden. Really means a lot.” Theodore spoke softly, holding his poor injured hand to his heart as he tried to remain serious but there was a grin tugging on the corner of his lips so he couldn’t really. “Might have to carry me back as well as my books I’m still shaken up.” He giggled, turning around to head back down the stairs that he’d previously fallen up, looking back at Holden to make sure he was following. “Where were you off to? I’m not stopping you from being somewhere, am I?” 

[helloholden-blog1]

He nodded, casually acknowledging the thanks he was given. When Theodore’s straight face broke ever so slightly, Holden grinned as well. With raised eyebrows, he tried not to laugh. “If you must be carried, I might be able to do that, but I might also drop you if someone walks by. Is that a risk you’re willing to take? Oh, no, you’re fine. I was pretty much wandering aimlessly.” Also known as avoiding class, he thought.

[margotscrms-deactivated20180913]

“just to piss you the fuck off. is it working?” 

[helloholden-blog1]

“Feed me, and I’ll let you have your fun.”

[prcival-blog]

“Not gonna happen, but cheers.” He nods his head in thanks, taking the card being handed out to him with a look of skepticism. “A card?” His eyebrow quirks up in amusement, though he can’t help but feel a bit touched that the other boy made the effort. “This isn’t one of those terrifying ones that starts spouting out Justin Bieber whenever you open it, right?”

[helloholden-blog1]

Holden gives a half shrug. “Worth a shot,” he says as Percy takes the card. A card really wasn’t the greatest gift he could give--and neither was the alcohol, honestly--but Holden still felt a little off-beat as he and his friend worked their way back to how it had been before the brief fallout of their group. Inside was a gift card, but that was cheating in Holden’s mind. He should have asked Kenna for help, but his mind kept him from it because he should be able to pick out a gift for his old best friend. “Guess you’ll have to open it to find out.”

[mrkendall]

“good. now stay awake or mr. beckett’s going to sock you in the face.” kendall whispered just enough for holden to hear, glancing at the direction of their professor talking in front before shifting his attention back to holden. “what were you doing last night anyway?”

[helloholden-blog1]

Holden rubbed his eyes and looked down at his notebook. “This class is so boring,” he whispered to his friend. With a shrug, he dodged the other question, not for any particular reason but because he didn’t really do anything the night before.

[kvnnas]

Despite not being the least bit tired, Kenna decided to scoot down beside him on the bed so that their limbs and bodies were parallel, but also closer than they’d been in their previous positions. With everything that’d been happening between the pair lately, and so much more still lingering in the dark, she wasn’t about to take for granted any moment of serenity spent within his arms. “I love you,” she whispered, interrupting the silence of his room only occupied by their breaths and just loud enough for him to hear. After all, the words were only ever for him.

[helloholden-blog1]

Holden adjusted accordingly as Kenna moved down into his arms. The action told him everything he needed to know. It didn’t matter that things had been tense between the two the past few days, nor had it ever really mattered in the two years they had been together. He always came back to her, and she always came back to him. “And I love you,” he whispered back. He smiled. Hearing her say those words meant the world to him.

[margotscrms-deactivated20180913]

“blimey, that’d be a bit unfortunate, eh? ‘m sure you’ll be fine, though, mate, toughen’ up.”

[helloholden-blog1]

“Is there something you wanted? It’s really late.”

[prcival-blog]

Percy eyes the present with a quirked eyebrow, a whisper of a smile pulling at the ends of his lips. “You do realize that I don’t actually drink, right?” Though despite his words, he’s taking the bottle from the other boy, anyways. At least he tried.

[helloholden-blog1]

“Yes, I realize that. I still keep hoping you’ll start. I could use a good drinking buddy,” he said, nudging his friend. He pulled a card out of his back pocket and frowned slightly. “It got a little wrinkled.” Handing it over, Holden waited for Percy to take it.

[helloholden-blog1]

Finally back home with decent wifi!! I was snowed in at the hotel where I work since Thursday, and the internet wasn’t the greatest. I tried to do replies while I was there, but it took so long that I just gave up after one or two each time. :\

[pietrmaximcff-blog]

Theodore shifted a little awkwardly when Holden offered to carry his books for him and he went to shake his head but then remembered his old classmate had full on laughed at him so Theodore happily handed his books over to the lad. “Uh– I was heading to the library.” He admitted, glancing down at his hands. There really wasn’t any injury but he was definitely up for milking it if it meant he didn’t have to carry his books in his backpack as well as the pile he had in his arms. “But I think after this traumatising event I deserve bed rest, don’t you?” He asked with a cheeky smile appearing on his lips. Now that most of the hall had emptied he felt a lot less tense and anxious, finally able to laugh at the situation. 

[helloholden-blog1]

A grin quickly found its way back to Holden’s face at Theo’s remark. He shifted the books in his arms to more comfortably get a grip on them, turning his gaze to his old friend. “Oh, definitely. Bed rest is the best option, I think. Can’t have you on your feet after that catastrophe,” he replied, light laughter lacing his voice.

[crownjewcls-blog]

“Oh yes, I’m so convinced and you look nothing like a hungover zombie.” Ella teased, picking out the chocolate chips from their muffin. “They should hire you for 5hour energy commercials.”

[helloholden-blog1]

“That would be great. Do you know how great that would be?” He sighed and dropped his head to his arms on the table. “So great.”

[margotscrms-deactivated20180913]

“convincing, yeah, quite…well done.” she nods her head slightly, eyes squinting almost imperceptibly. “almost believable, there, except for, y’know, the fact that you look like you were just run over by a friggin’ bus.” 

[helloholden-blog1]

“Maybe I was run over by a friggin’ bus.”

[kcmila-blog1]

“i feel like you are about to fall on me so maybe you need some coffee? i’m cute even when messy but i would rather not be crushed.”

[helloholden-blog1]

“Psh, I am... not about to do that,” Holden argued, having to pause when the yawn forced its way through. “But coffee does sound good.”

[prcival-blog]

“Only nineteen years old and I’m already starting to completely forget about my birthdays.” Percy’s shoulders lift up in a bit of an uncaring shrug; it’s not as if anyone else in his family and incredibly small circle of friends remembered, outside of his sister.

[helloholden-blog1]

“Hmm... Well, I guess this probably won’t help much,” Holden commented, holding up a bottle of scotch with a bow stuck to the neck. “Happy birthday.”

[xtticus-blog]

❝ why the fuck are you even thinking about children? ❞

[helloholden-blog1]

“Good point. I have no idea.”

[pietrmaximcff-blog]

Theodore glared up at Holden as he grabbed his books from the floor, clearing his throat as he straightened up and tried to stop pouting. But he couldn’t. Holden was laughing, strangers were laughing and eventually Theodore managed a tiny, humourless chuckle. “I’m going to drop out I can’t believe that just happened.” He sighed, taking the books from Holden and wincing as it came into contact with his palm. “Hurt a bit but I’m more concerned about my dignity that I dropped.” 

[helloholden-blog1]

The awareness that Theodore wasn’t finding this nearly as amusing as Holden had came when the other male winced. Though the situation was severely different, Holden was brought back to his own embarrassing, painful injury. Theo definitely didn’t have the support of a crowd of fans, hoping he was okay. This particular accident was simply entertainment for their peers. Holden was better than that, but he needed the reminder. “I’m sorry. Let me carry those. You heading to class or the dorm?”

[elecnors-blog]

“Thank you.” Nicola murmurs once it seems like Holden won’t make any effort to take the keys back. She settles in the car with a soft sigh, her hands tight on the steering wheel. “You know I love you.” She starts out quietly once she’s rumbling down the road, the sky outside foggy and matching her now current mood. “You know you can tell me absolutely anything like — like even if you killed someone. I — I love you and I won’t judge you for anything.”

[helloholden-blog1]

Holden focused on his hands, tapping his fingers together rhythmically. No, he couldn’t tell her anything. Maybe a couple years ago, he could have, but not now. As much as she said she loved him, she was still one of the ones who had lost touch with him, drifted away so easily. He had been equally at fault, but Kenna seemed to be the only one who had stayed with him through it all. “I haven’t killed anyone,” he said, looking up to see where they were heading. “Look, Nic, I’m not-- I’m not really mad at you. It’s just... a lot of things, and I don’t want to talk about it. Sorry,” he explained. He did feel bad. Nicola had always been a great friend, and he cared a lot about her. Deep down, he knew that she hadn’t meant to stir up these feelings within him about his future.