Blood stained confession
Captain John Price x soldier!gn!reader
|| Part 2 ||
<<< Part 1
Summary: In the aftermath of last mission you are left alone with anxiety and doubt sipping into your mind. He wakes up and you have to face the consequences of your actions. How does he see you know after all this?
Tw: Hospitals, discussion of injuries, angst, yearning, probably medical inaccuracies, ghoap mentioned, gn!reader, topics of guilt and insecurity, fluff at the end, happy ending.
Word count: 3450
You would have never guessed that the storm of emotions that was tearing your insides apart could simultaneously feel so hollow. It didn’t make much sense, especially not now as you were all safe at the base. Ghost and Soap have successfully captured the target and brought him in for questioning. Price was hospitalized and in a stable condition, which should make the weight fall off your shoulders. So why were you still such a mess?
Your body was still so on edge. Tension digging into your muscles with sharp claws, keeping you in a constant state of unease. The type that creeps around you and pretends it’s not there, like that little shadow in the corner of your eye that looks like a person and then suddenly disappears, making you feel like you’re crazy. The constant feeling of stones glued to your stomach and tightness in your throat did nothing to help you forget the stress of the last mission. Your bruised neck has gotten better, despite still looking as if someone had broken your neck twice. The bruise’s color ranges from different shades of purple to even some greens and yellows. Although your crushed throat wasn’t at fault for the cumbersome tightness of your airway.
After getting back on base, getting patched up, and giving a report on the incident, you were left alone to your own devices, which meant your mind was a spinning wheel of bottled-up emotions and unspoken words. You dwelled on them for hours, maybe days. The scene at the vacant premises stuck in your head. Every single weakness you displayed came back to haunt you, nipping at your skin and making you almost jerk up every time you remembered one of them. The guilt, embarrassment, and shame washing over you each time, all over again, bringing you back to that moment. His bloodied up clothes, his wound, his pained eyes that stayed on you no matter what, yet refused to show weakness. His soft lips against yours, they were so cold and pale. The feeling of his beard against your face. It all made your chest cave in. The affection you carried towards him, which you accepted while his blood was on your hands, along with that…
You should have done better.
Sitting at his side while his chest rose and fell with a steady rhythm was agony. You kind of wished you were the one who got shot just so you wouldn’t have to deal with your inner turmoil. The sight of John alive was a relief, but seeing him like this… It left a bitter taste in your mouth, essentially since you couldn’t convince yourself that it wasn’t your fault. If you had scouted the area more thoroughly or just fucking noticed the goddamn sniper sooner. If it were you in that bed, everything would have gone more smoothly. Not only did your body fail you, too weak to get to safety or protect him, but your own mind as well. Fear took over. You lost your cool. At least that’s what you seemed to believe.
You prayed to whichever god there was that John didn’t remember you kissed him. The memory replayed before your eyes constantly, with a light tingle on your lips. There was no coming back from it, was there? For you, there was no way back.
Occasionally your pity party would be interrupted by one of your friends. There could be only two people in Price’s room at a time, and everyone seemed to understand that you were not moving from the small chair to his left. So one after another, they silently joined you to listen to the beeping of the heart monitor accompanied by your captain’s soft breathing. Sitting like this with your teammates gave you some solace. You didn’t feel so lonely, so… humiliated? That’s a good word for your current situation.
They all knew you didn’t fail. On the contrary, you saved their fucking captain, but you seemed to still wallow in what you considered a failure. Gaz and Ghost thought the reason for your mood was the barely won fight that half conscious Price had saved you from, but Soap seemed to see through you completely. Essentially, since he knew about your feelings.
You didn’t plan on telling anyone… ever, but the two of you went out for drinks, and the conversation went off the rails.
„Okay, but who would you say is the hottest in the task force? I mean, I take the first spot, obviously, and you take the last. How do we range the rest in that middle ground?” Soap’s voice slurred as he spoke nonsense, his Scottish accent even harder to decipher, while he was drunk.
„Who the fuck put you in first place?” You turned to him from your spot on the floor next to his bunk bed with a huff. You didn’t question why he was ranking your teammates on their attractiveness nor why you were the last one. You only reacted because he put himself in first place. There was no way you’d agree.
„Me, obviously,” he pinned to himself with a shrug.
„No fucking way,” you said, shaking your head. You couldn’t help the grin that hurt your cheeks.
„Yes fucking way, who would you put in first?” The question was spoken with a smile and a strong Scottish accent,
„Price!” You exclaimed, tone playful but earnest.
„Are you serious? I beat the last sparring session had you whipped,” Soap laughed, remembering the situation, knowing that you had a thing for John made it much more entertaining now.
The way he had corrected your posture. Hands firm, but gentle, on your biceps, your hips. Your face must have been stupidly red. And then a brutal crush to the ground as he showed a new move. You could tell he was holding out on you. It still took your breath away. Metaphorically and literally.
„Oh, it did something to me you don’t even know. I’ve had feelings for him for months-„ News of your little crush slipped from your mouth. Your eyes met, realization settling through your drunken state. The moment it did, your face slowly fell. You looked away. The silence that followed was daunting. No explanation was needed. It was as if the conversation had already happened.
„You know… I never told anyone, but I have a thing for Ghost,” he said in a quieter voice. You almost wanted to scoff, since it was quite evident that he had feelings for your Lt.
„What I mean is… I think I know how you feel,” a confession of his own, spoken not out of pity but out of solidarity, so you wouldn’t feel lonely.
You were glad he never told anyone, probably because he knew the burden of loving someone he shouldn’t. Loving…
Your little crush wasn’t so little anymore. They grow up so fast, right?
The one thought from the mission kept on coming back to you.
‚When he makes it out alive, I’m crossing every line.’
Every time he shifted slightly, you stiffened, preparing for reality to hit you like a thousand bricks. Preparing to face the consequences of your own actions and emotions. Will he remember what happened? If he does, will he be mad at you? Will that change everything or nothing? Did you want anything to change? What did you want?
You were scared to face him. You wanted to hide, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. You barely left his side, and if you did, you looked like a beaten puppy, your eyes glued to John constantly. Ghost was even expecting you to let out a sad little whine when they forced you out of Price’s room to get you food at the cafeteria. You didn’t eat much, nor did you sleep. You tried to get some rest in your bunk, but after struggling to close your eyes and then waking up from nightmares plaguing your mind, you let it go. The only time you got to catch some sleep was next to Price’s hospital bed in a tinny, plasticky chair.
Price could feel his head throbbing, the pulsing sensation pushing at his brain and eyes. Keeping them closed hurt, as if there was sand underneath his eyelids. Opening them with a soft groan, the light momentarily blinding him. Everything was so fucking bright. It didn’t matter if his eyes were closed or not. The sensation was insufferable either way.
He wanted to rub his eyes to get rid of the unpleasant fullness in his eyes, but the moment he moved his arm, the pain hit him. The feeling was so sudden it caught his breath. All that happened gradually started to come back to him. His memory was a combination of mismatched images and sounds and he had no idea what to make of them. One thing he was quite sure of. He had gotten the single most unlucky blast injury of his life. Or rather the luckiest one, because how in the bloody hell did he survive this? The answer to that question sat to his left, curled up in the world’s most uncomfortable chair.
His tired eyes moved over your sleeping form groggily. You were out cold, the shadows under your eyes a telltale sign of your lack of rest. He was sure that with the way you were sitting, it would make your neck cramp later, although with the bruising decorating your throat, a muscle knot wasn’t the worst of it. Price could feel tightness in his stomach at the sight of you… he hated seeing you this hurt. You were a soldier, so it wasn’t uncommon for you to be bruised, but there was a line in John’s mind, and it was crossed here.
His memories were combining into a coherent story. He remembered getting shot, that’s for fucking sure, and then you were patching him up. After that things seemed more… unreal. He remembers the feeling of your body under his as you carried him away, your worried but steady tone. Never have he heard you so bothered. He also recalled… something else, which he wasn’t sure if he dreamed of while unconscious or if it really happened.
„You might…” ‚Die’ he almost said, but he couldn’t finish that sentence. The mere thought of you dying was inconceivable. You were one of his best soldiers. You were young and full of zest for life, which he thought was gone from his life before. He knew you wouldn’t leave his side, but he hoped you would. You were loyal to the core, your biggest strength, but in that moment, his greatest weakness.
„I don’t care.” Your voice was so soft and quiet, your hands delicately stroking his face. It smashed through his ribcage harder than that bullet.
Your lips on his must have been heaven itself, maybe he has already died and this was the other side.
He still wasn’t fully certain if you had truly kissed him or if it was all in his head. Did he want it to be true?
God, yes.
His gaze was fixated on you, mind swirling with traces of that mission. Your chipped lips, the marred skin of your neck, he knew you fought fiercely. He saw it. Price wasn’t one to sit back and watch, so he had to help you somehow and shooting that fucker was the only way to aid you effectively. Your eyes fluttered lightly as they opened, your tired gaze meeting his lazily. It took you a moment to realize you were looking into his icy blues. When you became aware of the eye contact, you froze.
„Price.” It was just his name, spoken very plainly, but it felt loaded. You immediately started to untangle your body from that clearly uncomfortable position and stood up. You came closer to his bed, your hand immediately moving to touch him, feel him, but it stopped awkwardly in the air.
„I’ll go get the nurse,” you said quietly, mainly due to your hurt vocal cords, but you didn’t want to agitate your Captain too. You turned your back to him, wanting to leave the room and find someone who could check on him, now that he’s awake. You stopped in your tracks when he grabbed your hand. Facing him now, you were ready to scold him, but you noticed it was his good hand he reached for you with.
„Stay.” His voice was extremely hoarse. Maybe there was a hint of desperation, or it was just your tired mind playing with you. It didn’t matter, because you stayed.
‚I'm crossing every line.’ The thought echoed in your mind.
You moved to the bedside opposite of his injury. Your hand took hold of his. The touch was feather light, hesitant. You wanted to make your intention known. You wanted to reveal it, you just needed to tear off the thin layer of fear that lay on top. He tilted his head, telling you wordlessly to sit on the bed next to him. By the way his brows creased, you could see that this simple gesture required a lot from him. You took a seat at the side of the bed, your hand still in his. His hold was weak, almost ghostly, a stark contrast to his usual steadiness. For some reason, it made your chest hurt, blame washing over you again. You could feel his gaze burning a hole in you, but you couldn’t look him in the eyes. The shame settled on your shoulders again. You were sure it was your fault he was in this state, because who else’s? You tried to not let it show, but either you couldn’t hold it in anymore or he was extremely attentive even with a gaping hole in his chest. He reached his hand to your face, moving some hair out of it, his movements slow, yet very intentional. John had a feeling what happened didn’t come to him in a dream, since you didn’t recoil from his touch.
„I’m sorry, Captain…” you muttered out, biting your tongue to stop the tremor of your voice. The tears of worry and embarrassment gathered in your eyes.
„No, don’t... You don’t apologize… for a thing.” Price’s voice was firm despite the shortness of breath that made his words come out as ragged. His eyes were soft as he inspected your features. Tenderness was a rare look on him, and it made you melt. There was so much you wanted to say, to let him know how much you truly admire him, that you couldn’t leave him there to die. The air was filled with words unsaid, waiting for a crack to spill out and crush down on you both.
„You saved my life…” he rasped quietly. There was a shadow of a smile on his features. His gravely tone made your stomach flutter. You couldn’t meet his eyes. They were too loving. You didn’t deserve it.
„I had to pay you back someday, right?” Your weak voice spoke a half-joke. He’s saved your arse more than once, and you were truly grateful for each and every time. You never wished for a day when you’d have to rescue John, but you were glad everything turned out okay.
„You don’t have to… pay back anything… we’re a team, love.” His hand rubbed your forearm lightly. You could tell he was glad you were here. Your face might have gotten a bit red, which also he might have noticed, judging by the corner of his lips moving upwards. You realized he remembered the admission of your feelings, if you could call it that. Without needing any words of confirmation from him, you were sure you weren’t alone with those emotions.
You finally locked eyes with him, and you were glad you were sitting. The cold blue of his eyes made a shiver run down your spine, leaving goosebumps all over your skin. John had no idea what he did to you. None of it was new, the only difference was that for the first time ever, you did not conceal it.
You took his hand in yours. It was still a little cold, but it was definitely not as bad as at the abandoned building. You looked it over, caressing it softly with your thumbs, your gaze focused on the lines of his rough hands, the veins on the back of it, tiny scars here and there. You noticed that the smaller cuts seemed to scar with a visibly lighter shade than his skin. Moving his hand up to your lips, placing a timid kiss on his knuckles, and then a second one and then a third. You made eye contact through your lashes to see how he reacted to your action. He seemed perfectly relaxed. If he wasn’t plugged into the heart monitor and an IV, you’d think he just woke up from a very good nap, the kind that makes you forget what day it is and gets you an imprint of your sheets on your skin.
„You sure you want me, John? On…your team.” You corrected yourself, not sure if the first words of that statement were too bold. He was still your commanding officer after all. Although your worries were silly at this point. You still backpedaled, just in case you read his intentions wrong.
His hand was still close to your face. He moved it closer. His fingers tracing your cheek. The question had an obvious answer. For a second, John thought you were joking, but the shy glint in your eyes told him you needed a genuine answer. His fingers traced your face down to your chin, his index finger moving under it and his thumb gently grazing your lower lip.
„Come here and find out,” John’s voice rumbled, the low sound hypnotizing. It was his turn to test the waters, although he was less timid than you. His approach was as bold as the way he advanced in the heat of battle. That’s just how he was, confident and purposeful. Anything he did had meaning. So if there was no hesitation in his gaze, why should you be worried? Time to listen to your own desires for once.
Without having him wait, you leaned in, the movement unhurried, a bit careful due to the injuries you both sustained, but none of it was uncertain. You joined your mouths in a soft, gentle kiss.
There was no fear or adrenaline in your veins this time. You could now truly melt into it and let yourself enjoy the thrill of this simple act.
This time he reciprocated fully. The hand on his good side cupped your cheek and deepened the kiss. Your mouths moved in tandem. It was slow and tender. Your heartbeat sped up just from the feeling of his lips against yours, his calloused fingers on your skin, melting more into him was the only thing your body allowed for now. You broke the kiss to allow him to breathe. It seemed that you needed the oxygen more than he, though, because one deep inhale later his lips were on you once again, and you let him take whatever he wanted. You could hear the beeping of his heart monitor increasing in time, the passionate kissing affecting you both. You moved away, unable to stop the grin that was pulling the corners of your mouth to your ears, your eyes wrinkling happily for the first time in days.
„Shut up.” He smirked and scoffed softly, eyes closing, both from slight embarrassment and from exhaustion. He was spent after the surgery and from a very fresh and very big wound.
„Get some more sleep, Captain,” you said as you held his hand, not moving an inch from him after the kiss.
„Don’t you dare, call me Captain when we’re like this…” His raspy response was laced with a low chuckle, but you could tell there was a warning underneath the amusement. There was no chance he'd let you pull back now, not when he had a taste of you.
„Alright… John," for the first time ever, you’ve said his name so lightly. There was no tension, no hidden feelings that you could ignore. It was all out in the open. Your eyes didn’t shy away either, they were filled with admiration.
„Just give me some time to adjust, will you?” You asked with a shy smile.
„You’re lucky I have a soft spot for you,” John gave your cheek one last caress before closing his eyes. An exhale left his chest, and with it, all his cares.
You were here with him, after all.
