How to Identify Yourself
Isn’t it weird that people identify themselves by their job title? I still remember the week I finished university, where I was no longer able to identify myself as being a student. I felt so lost. What was I? Who was I? It took a long four months before I found a job in my degree field of graphic design, and in those long days between, I felt it difficult to give myself a title. I had a job, but it was only ever meant to be a temporary one to bridge the gap before my career blossomed and I could finally consider myself a success. Well, that job lasted three years. And my graphic design job lasted two months. So now, not only did I not have my successful job title, but I actually had a failed identity behind me. I was no longer a student. I was no longer a graphic designer. I was just a failure. My bridging-the-gap job was my identity for a lot longer than I ever wanted it to be. I found other graphic design jobs, and then those failed too, I had my part-time job to keep me knowing who I was.
Eventually, after three failed graphic design jobs and a year of event-led depression, I decided to take a break on trying to find my successful graphic design role, and just let myself work a mostly stress-free job for a while until my rhythm caught up with me again. After one year of working part-time, non-design roles, I found myself working three jobs at once: one as my original part-time coffee machine salesperson, one as a waitress in a posh restaurant, and thirdly, my favourite job as a photographer in a club. I worked three jobs at one time from February until June, sometimes working all three in one day and rushing around my city to fit them all in. I’m not sure how I identified myself then either, because I definitely was no designer anymore.
I made a three-step to-do list on how I considered myself to be successful in the near future. Step 1: Get a job. This was written after I lost my final graphic design job, and I just needed anything to keep myself busy and sane, that’s where the waitressing job came in. Step 2: Make a photography website. It was something I had always wanted to do, and always put off. I made one eventually, but I only kept it running for one year. The final step, step 3: Move to Berlin. This was a dream of mine for years. Once I had it in place to move it sort of started to become my identity. People would ask, “oh what do you do?” and I could reply with something edgy like “I’m a graphic designer and photographer, but I’m about to move to Berlin.” So cool, right?
But where did my identity go once I finally did move to Berlin? I still wasn’t a graphic designer. And my identity of being the edgy British girl who moved to a foreign city was lost when all of my friends were edgy people from other countries who all had the same idea as me. As much as I loved living in Berlin and had always wanted to be there, it seemed Berlin was the city for people who had never made up their minds. I rarely made any friends there who already had a solid career plan in place. Most people had either never gone to university or had thrown away their university career in order to start again in the German capital. And I was just another one of them.
I still tried to be a graphic designer. I lived in Berlin for over one year and I applied to graphic design jobs continuously throughout. I didn’t receive even so much as an interview; I can’t remember if I even heard back from any of the companies past an automatic “no thanks” e-mail. I didn’t give up hope; I’d still love to work as a designer someday. But I had to face reality and look into other options. I had worked in a café since my third or fourth week in Germany, and other than a short Christmas job at one of Berlin’s esteemed Christmas markets, it was the only job I had in the entire time I lived there. Eventually I met my boyfriend, who lived in the US and we discussed ways I could move there to live with him, since his job prevented him moving out of the US at the time. I applied for design jobs to no avail, and eventually decided it was time to go back to school.
Now, my identity is being a student once more. I study a masters in English with a concentration in creative writing in the US. I really love it. I still have plans to work in the creative industries once I graduate, or even working as a teacher of English as a second language. I am a little glad to have a two-year break where I can reidentify myself and discover more of how I want the world to see me, as well as how I’d like to continue seeing the world. I enjoy exploring the world through my words, while still dabbling in illustration and design. Hopefully I can mix the two together and find my identity once more.
I think at the moment I’m happy identifying as a crazy girl with no home roots. I have lived in four different countries - England, Wales, Germany and United States - and have had jobs in many different industries. My boyfriend doesn’t like the idea of being rooted in one place either and I love that our home remains an open door for wherever life takes us. I think it’s so awesome that the modern climate allows, even encourages, people to change their identity so much. If we don’t like what we’re doing, why should we continue through a slog just to make others happy? My boyfriend and I have both moved countries because we weren’t happy in our home country, we have worked in multiple industries because we didn’t see ourselves working the rest of our days where we aren’t happy or appreciated. We encourage each other to push for greatness, to learn more every day and expand our interests and experiences and because of that I will be proud of however I choose to identify myself in the future.











