Ghost of You (Kim Taehyung)
This was inspired by Ghost of You by 5sos
Pairing: Kim Taehyung/Reader
Sitting up in what I assumed was my room, I could feel a massive pounding in my head. The room was nearly pitch black, the blackout curtains I had bought doing a good job of keeping out the light. If my headache was this bad while I was sitting in the dark, I could only imagine how much worse it would be in the light. As I woke up a little more, the heavy feeling in my heart returned, my heart seemingly sinking into my stomach. Rubbing my eyes, I slowly moved to get up, trying to avoid further aggravating my head. I peeked out from one eye to look at the alarm clock on his side of the bed. The obnoxious red numbers informed me that it was nearly one in the afternoon.
I finally made my way to the kitchen, keeping my eyes closed pretty much the whole way there. Blindly searching through my medicine cabinet, I pulled out some pain killers, popping a couple of them into my mouth and gulping down some water. After I downed the whole glass, I slowly opened my eyes, squinting at the light once I did. Our My apartment seemed to empty without him here. I struggled to spend my time here alone since he left, so now I’m usually either out of the house or here completely wasted. My friends could only distract me from the pain for so long, and after a couple weeks of nothing getting better, most of them had stopped trying and instead left me to wallow in the pain, which has, at this point, nearly consumed me.
I’d always thought the way people portrayed break-ups was an exaggeration and that they were just seeking attention from those around them. But when he left, my world and heart stopped.
He told me he’d be home nearly four hours ago, and with no sign of him, the feeling that something was wrong continued to grow. It wasn’t unusual for him to be out late like this; he spent a lot of time in the studio or at dance practice, but lately he’d been spending even more time there. My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a key being pushed into the lock and the door slowly creaking open. I was instantly up on my feet and moving quickly to greet him.
“Tae! Where have you been? You told me you’d be home four hours ago.” My voice was a mix between excited to see him and accusing because I was unhappy he was so late getting home.
Barely glancing at me, he shrugged his shoulders as he kicked off his shoes and moved further into the apartment. “I didn’t really feel like coming home, I guess.” He sounded so distant and disinterested in speaking to me, and he came off very cold.
I furrowed my eyebrows as he moved past me, my eyes following him as I slowly trailed behind. “Why didn’t you want to come home?” I questioned, watching as he moved around our room, tossing his sweatshirt onto the end of the bed.
“Just didn’t feel like it, I guess,” he mumbled, lounging on the bed and scrolling through his phone.
“Come on, Tae, talk to me,” I pressed gently, willing him to open up to me.
“That’s just it though. I don’t want to talk to you. I didn’t come home because I didn’t want to be around you. You’re so clingy and irritating, and honestly just your mere presence is pissing me off right now. I think it’s time we call it quits. Just not worth it anymore.”
My heart sunk as he spoke, still not even bothering to look at me. His words burned in my brain, not fully being processed. Tears filled my eyes before I could stop them. “What?” I couldn’t say anything else, my brain unable to form coherent sentences as emotions swirled through my head.
“I said I’m leaving you. I don’t want to be together anymore,” he repeated, swinging his legs off the bed and throwing some clothes into a duffel bag. “I’ll come back to get my stuff later, but I’ll do it when you’re not around.” He didn’t bother saying anything else, instead just walking out the door, leaving me to down in my thoughts and emotions.
I left the kitchen, walking back to my bedroom and grabbing my phone. Even though the brightness was on the lowest setting, the screen still aggravated my eyes, but what was even more aggravating was the eleven missed calls from my sister. I’d barely spoken to my family, or anyone really, since the break-up, mostly just wanting to be alone. I didn’t need anyone fussing over me or trying to get me back on my feet when I wasn’t ready. I just wanted to suffer for a while, I needed to feel my emotions, but I wasn’t doing a very good job of that since I just wanted to drown them out. At this point I wanted to drown everything out. Realizing I had a voicemail from my sister, I turned the volume to the lowest setting I could before allowing it to play.
“Hey, Sis!” she practically yelled through the phone, or at least that’s what it sounded like to me. “it’s been a while since anyone’s heard from you, and I just wanted to check in! I’ll be in the city later, so I’ll stop y when I can! See you soon!” Her voice was far too cheery for the way I felt, and I had no intent on seeing her.
By the time the pain killer had set in, it was nearly two-thirty, and I was sure it wouldn’t be long until my sister made her appearance. While she was only a few years older than I was, she certainly seemed younger. She was often less mature than me, and we clashed a lot. I was laying in bed and staring at the ceiling when the doorbell sounded through the apartment, letting me know my sister had arrived. Frowning, I hauled myself up, dragging my feet down the hall to answer the door. As soon as I did, my sister’s eyes widened, a shocked gasp leaving her mouth.
“You look like complete shit,” she gaped, gaze scanning over my body. My greasy hair was haphazardly pulled up into a messy bun, my clothes were wrinkled and dirty, and the dark circles under my eyes gave away my lack of sleep.
“Yeah, that’s kind of what happens when the person you’re in love with leaves you out of the blue,” I deadpanned, turning and walking back inside, letting her follow.
She quietly closed the door, the soft click resonating through my otherwise silent apartment. “I know you’re hurting. I’ve been through this, too, remember? But what you’re doing – how you’re handling this – isn’t health. You can’t just shut out the rest of the world and suffer in silence. And I know how much you’ve probably been drinking because I can smell the alcohol on you from here. Mom and Dad are worried about you, and so am I.” She moved around me to sit on the sofa, attempting to make eye contact with me. “You have to pick yourself up from this.”
“What if I don’t want to? Or what if I can’t? Everything I see, everything in this apartment, this city, it all reminds me of him. He was everything to me, and he’s gone. And all he left me was a mess of who I used to be. I want things to go back to the way they were, I want an explanation, and most of all I just want to stop hurting. I don’t know what to do or who I am without him. He was my partner in crime. What do you do when you lose that?” I sighed, a lump forming in my throat.
“You find it with someone else,” my sister answered simply, shrugging her shoulders.
“I don’t want it with someone else. I want it with him.” I could feel the tears coming, my heart sinking and voice straining as my throat became tighter. I took a deep breath through my nose, blinking the tears back.
I was sure my sister could see through my façade but chose only to say that I needed to find a way to pick up the pieces I had left. She wasn’t understanding how I felt. None of her relationships had been the way mine was with Taehyung.
The sound of both mine and Taehyung’s laughter filled our apartment, a look of amused shock playing on his features. “I can’t believe you did that!” he laughed, wiping flour from his cheeks. He and I were always playing pranks on each other, and he obviously hadn’t expected this one.
“I can’t believe you fell for it!” My giggling was uncontrollable, the sound causing Taehyung to smile even wider.
“I love you,” he grinned. “I know I tell you all the time, but I really do love you more than anything. I don’t know what I did to get so lucky to have you, but I really hope I keep doing it.” He pulled me close to him, fingertips dancing across my hips as he pressed them against the skin under my top. My breath caught in my throat as he leaned closer, but before our lips met, he shook his head, flour flying out from his hair and all over me. I shrieked, laughing once again as he practically skipped down the hall of our apartment to go shower. “Come join me when you’re ready,” he called, so I chased after him, laughing the whole way.
After my sister left, I hopped in the shower, letting the warm water soothe my tense muscles. I poured the shampoo into my palm, lathering my hair and washing the rest of my body. I wasn’t ready to pick myself up yet. It was too soon. I just wanted to drown out the world and my pain. If I could ignore it, I would. Deciding to go to the bar not too far from my apartment, I figured walking would help me clear my head, so I shoved my wallet and phone into my purse, locking the door and heading down the street.
The bartenders had become quite familiar with me lately, already knowing what I wanted to drink. Before long I’d downed nearly eight shots of whatever they were giving me, my head starting to spin and my stomach catching up. The talk with my sister today had really irritated me more than normal, and I just wanted to forget everything. I ordered another shot, except I must’ve lost track of time and count of my drinks because there were suddenly way more shot glasses in front of me than I remembered. Attempting to get the bartender’s attention, I stumbled over my words, only managing to make the words, “go home” sound coherent. He must’ve understood because he asked if there was anyone I could call, but I wasn’t completely aware of what he, or I for that matter, was saying. Next thing I knew he was putting my phone in my purse again after using it to call whoever I’d told him to, telling me to wait there.
Unsure of how much time had passed, I laid my head on the counter in front of me, incoherent thoughts swirling around my head. A hand was gently placed on my shoulder, startling me, and I quickly opened my eyes and sat up, a sound of shock leaving my lips. “Wh-what are you… doing here?” I forced out, words slow and slurred as my already impaired mind tried to process the sight of the person in front of me.
“What have you done to yourself?” he sighed, taking in my appearance the amount of shot glasses in front of me. Taehyung wrapped an arm around my waist to pull me to my feet, steadying me before leading me outside.
My brain finally caught up with what was happening, tears filling my eyes and spilling down my cheeks. “I’m so sad,” I cried, trying to break away from him. “And you don’t even care! Why are you here? How am I supposed to forget about you when you’re right in front of me?”
His grip around me tightened, preventing me from getting away as we walked down the sidewalk. “I’m sorry. I’m sad, too,” he told me, voice hushed. The city was quiet around us, only a few cars in the distance.
“You don’t get it!” I drunkenly exclaimed, tripping over my own feet. “My… everything hurts! You did this to me. I’m so broken, and I don’t know how to fix myself,” I sobbed, collapsing on the cement.
Taehyung fumbled to prevent me from falling but failed when I pushed at his hands. “You’re drunk,” he stated obviously, tipping his head back and staring into the sky. “Can we please just go back to the apartment and we’ll talk about this when you’re sober? It’s almost two in the morning and I don’t appreciate being called by a bartender to come get you because you can’t even call me yourself,” he grumbled, pulling me to my feet again.
The rest of our walk back was quiet, neither of us saying a word as he unlocked the door and led me to our my room. I watched as his brown eyes scanned the room, noticing not much had changed except the fact that his side was empty. Without thinking, I tugged my shirt and jeans off, replacing them with some shorts and one of Taehyung’s old t-shirts before I crawled into bed. “Stay,” I whispered when he moved to leave the room, hand on the doorknob.
He turned back around to face me, his features softening. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’ll go sleep on the couch and we can talk tomorrow, alright?” After I nodded, he grabbed an extra pillow and blanket and left the room, shutting the door behind him. Even though my mind was racing, and I was confused, the comfort of knowing Taehyung was here was enough to put me to sleep in minutes.
When I woke up the next morning, my headache wasn’t nearly as bad as I had anticipated, and I felt like I had actually gotten a decent amount of sleep. Sitting up, I noticed a couple pain killers and a glass of water on the table next to the bed. I gratefully took the pills and water, getting out of bed and walking down the hallway. Taehyung was sprawled out on the couch, long limbs draped over the sides as he softly snored. Letting him sleep, I grabbed a bagel and stuck it in the toaster, my stomach growling as if on cue.
It wasn’t long before I heard rustling coming from the living room, Taehyung appearing in the kitchen a few seconds later. “How’re you feeling?” he asked, voice deep and gravelly from just waking up.
Shrugging, I stuffed the rest of my bagel in my mouth, mumbling out, “fine, I guess.” We were silent for a few minutes before Taehyung spoke up, awkwardly shifting on his feet.
“I think we should talk,” he said, looking at me as he waited for my response.
Nodding, I stood up and followed him back to the sofa, plopping down cross-legged on the opposite end from him. “I’m sorry you had to get me last night. I didn’t know I told the bartender your name when he asked me who to call,” I apologized, fiddling with my fingers in my lap.
I heard Taehyung sigh as he turned to face me. “Old habits die hard, I guess. It was just an automatic answer to say my name. But that’s only part of what I wanted to talk about. I know you’re hurting, and I know I’m the reason why, but I am so sorry. I know it’s not an excuse, but the day I said those things to you… I didn’t mean what I said. I was stressed, and I took it out on you and ruined everything we had. I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair.
“Man, you’re an asshole, but I can’t be angry with you. I’m hurt and upset, but I’m not angry. I just… it was so sudden, and you didn’t really give me an explanation before you left. I still don’t understand why you said and did the things you did.”
“I don’t either, and I’m not sure I can explain what was going through my head, but I want to make it up to you, if you’ll let me, that is. Can we try again? Because I really miss my partner in crime.” His expression was hopeful, eyes shining as he looked at me.
My answer was quick, my mind made up before he had even asked the question. “Of course, we can try again. I love you; I always will,” I smiled, moving to curl up next to him as he entwined our fingers and pressed his lips to my forehead.
“I love you, too. Always.”
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