henry ledore IRL @henryledorable - Tumblr Blog

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hello there! (last edited: 7/7/26)

my name is ellie and i'm henry ledore IRL <3

henry ledore is a major character from the video game professor layton and the miracle mask!

some important sourcemates:

robin (AKA master randall): twin sister

angela: friend

alphonse: partner

drake: ex-lover

this blog was originally intended to be exclusively about my kinship with henry, but, as my main blog, it has since served as a hub for my experiences in general.

some more about me, ellie:

pronouns: they/them

gender identity: genderqueer nonbinary

other identities: fictionkin, agere, petre, therian

relevant disorder diagnosis: schizotypal personality disorder

birthday: june 15th, 2006 (gemini)

favorite colors: green and purple

psyche bio: link

fictionkin + schizotypal personality disorder + genderqueer flag by me

henry ledore fictionkin flag by @/otter-coining

i'm not sure how regularly i'll update this blog, but i hope to enjoy the experience of posting whenever i do: likewise, i hope you enjoy reading my posts whenever you come across them!

thank you for stopping by! have a nice day <3

(taglist below)

#henry's journal #henry's notepad #henry's hidden diary #henry's scrapbook #henry's letters #intro post

if i do turn out to have a cdd this will all have been very funny in retrospect...

...but i really don't think i do. i don't. if i do have alters they aren't very distinct/developed nor do they experience amnesia. i don't suppose it's possible to be both osdd-1a and osdd-1b, is it?

(i know someone at my program who has a cdd. i suppose i could just ask her how she got diagnosed...)

#henry's journal #plurality

i wish i just knew for sure if i have a cdd. i'd have a better sense of it if i had the inciting trauma to point to, but it's really hard to tell what that might be. i suppose even folks with a diagnosed cdd might not remember what traumatic event caused their disorder, though... so as long as there is the potential for a childhood experience to have been traumatic somehow, which i think is generally the case, the diagnosis is still on the table.

i wonder how many folks who believe their system to be non-traumagenic simply can't point to their trauma; perhaps all systems, even self-proclaimed endogenic systems, are actually traumagenic...? i don't know. i'm just messing with ideas, so don't take any of this too seriously.

i'm thinking that if i do have any major childhood trauma, it's complex: the result of a chronic experience, rather than a single one. this lends credence to the possibility of a cdd, given that (as far as i know) cdds are caused by complex trauma. i had a generally good childhood and a loving family, but had to deal with frequent loud, disruptive behavior on the part of my older sister; i still do have to deal with this, and my main coping mechanism, at least within recent years, has been to dissociate. i don't remember how i used to react to her outbursts when i was younger, so i can't say if i've always dissociated, even if covertly. more questions to ask my parents!

#henry's notepad #plurality

thinking about dalston and drake again... perhaps the difference is that my/henry's experience with dalston is asexual (and a bit aromantic) while my/henry's experience with drake wasn't. drake is inherently more "exciting" because he incites feelings which i/henry don't usually feel, being physical attraction. and that relationship is long over!

#henry's notepad #fictionkin

devil on my shoulder telling me i'm a system. me responding no i've thought about this extensively and i don't think i am (rinse and repeat)

#henry's journal #plurality

i've been on record saying that my more-than-one-ness can't be a system because it simply doesn't function like one, but i don't know if that's actually true or whether i've just said so because i don't have the disorder diagnosis nor the trauma recognition to back it up.

the truth is that i don't know for sure how my brain functions and i don't think i can, at least not without actually talking to my therapist about it. i had come to the conclusion that i'd tricked myself into experiencing some sort of systemhood, but had i really tricked myself? again, i don't know. the point is that being a system isn't entirely off the table.

i'd err on the side of not being a disordered/traumagenic system, though, as i seem to want to be a system, namely for the sense of online community it would give me (as i've said before, i-split has no community whatsoever on here). i'll have to think about it a little more and talk to a professional but in any event things are still a little confusing for me...

#henry's notepad #plurality

ralsei deltarune is so real actually. "be true to yourself" well what if being true to myself means potentially killing people. and being transgender

#henry's journal #fictionkin

i think my conclusion (to wrap up this frankly rather stupid saga of mine) is that i should focus more on my experiences as someone with i-split and less on syscourse. because spending time and energy on the latter clearly does nothing good for me, while i have my own disorder to attend to...

anyway, i notice my wither self more than my other selves just because it feels the most "out of character" for me. i ID as wither fairly often, but i don't ID with wither much at all, even if perhaps i should. it's a version of me, after all! but i just don't associate myself with its traits in the grand scheme of things... but because of that very fact, it is the most obvious ID for me. whimsy and weary encapsulate what i consider to be my general demeanor, in that in public i ID primarily as them; i ID as wonder mainly in private, but sometimes in public too, and as such it's a part of my outward demeanor as well. but wither? i ID as wither almost exclusively when by myself... no wonder it stands out so much...

#henry's journal #plurality #self-collective #i-split

okay if i'm being completely honest with myself maybe i just refuse to have an opinion on endogenic systems because i don't want anyone to beat me to death with hammers from either side. though now i suppose i will be beaten to death with hammers from both sides. funny how it works that way

#henry's journal #plurality

(i keep poking the hornet's nest and waiting until something stings me. anyway...)

not explicitly anti-endo not explicitly pro-endo not explicitly endo neutral but a secret fourth thing (nuance)

#henry's journal #plurality

i don't even know if i have an imaginary friend. i think i just want to have one to keep me company? but i'm not that lonely at the moment.

maybe it's that wonder and wither are a part of me (the robin part of me), but i project them onto someone/something else when i feel alone. right now i'm okay, so i'm not doing that projecting. i'll revise my psyche bio to not have the section on "ollie" anymore, as i don't think he ever existed.

in any event, i almost always ID as whimsy and weary (the henry part of me) when i'm around other people. whimsy is more like little henry and weary is more like grown-up henry, just as wonder is more like little robin and wither is more like grown-up robin. i infrequently ID as wonder around others, and practically never wither; when i'm alone i could easily ID as any of the four, but this is when my ID as wither really shines.

i'm still trying to figure out my colors, by the way... i know that out of whimsy and weary one of them is green, and that out of wonder and wither one of them is purple, but i'm a bit stuck on who's what. is it:

whimsy (yellow)

weary (green)

wonder (purple)

wither (red)

#henry's notepad #plurality #self-collective #i-split

i feel compelled to give my stance on endo plurality even though i'm really not obliged to. i've seen many arguments on both sides and they all make some level of sense to me. as someone who does not identify as a system, be it traumagenic or endogenic, i really don't think it's my place to have an opinion on the validity of the latter... but maybe that just speaks to my not wanting to alienate any of my tumblr acquaintances, whom i respect regardless. i don't know.

all i know is that i personally have multiple selves, but that these selves are not different people. what bugs me is how little online (tumblr) discussion there is around this, around i-split, when that's what i experience. i feel a draw towards systemhood as a concept not because it accurately describes my mental workings, but because it describes them, albeit incorrectly, with a framework that's fairly widespread. there's a whole community around systemhood here on tumblr! i want to be part of something like that!

arguably my experience is still some kind of plurality, wherein i'm a plural non-system, say... but do i want to argue this just so i can take part in a community, being the plural community? i feel like on some level identifying as plural implies a certain stance on traumagenic and endogenic systems, when i really don't solidly have one (i don't know enough about the coining of the word "plural" to say if a staunchly pro-endo stance is implicit)...

all i'll say is that i don't doubt the multiplicity or plural-ness of endogenic systems... i guess i just wonder if "system" is even the right word to use, when that implies similar functionality to a disordered-traumagenic system, even though that similarity is likely lacking due to being non-disordered and endogenic. this goes back to my own experience, in which i thought i was a system, but found that the label didn't suit me, given how my more-than-one-ness works differently from that of systems. i'm not one to police the use of the word "system", though, even if i think perhaps there are terms for you to use to describe yourself which would be more useful for you.

i hope this didn't offend anyone! i'm just curious about the whole thing... regardless of whether you believe endo systems are systems or not, they use the word "system" for a reason! there's a genuine experience there that they're trying to describe, and systemhood at the very least approximates it.

#henry's notepad #plurality #self-collective #i-split

writing a thing in favor of trans ideology for my mom to read. wish me luck (explodes

#henry's journal

i did some quads this morning! i've never been that good at them but it was refreshing to get back into it. it's good exercise, i think...

#henry's journal #therian

sometimes i'm worried i'm faking my stpd but then i consider that 1. i was professionally diagnosed with it and 2. i'd never even heard of it before the diagnosis so i couldn't possibly have been faking it beforehand...

but the thought comes up for me because i'm not that stereotypical for an stpd-haver... i give mild special significance to certain colors, numbers, and symbols, and believe in "the eyes" which watch and know me, but i don't really have much by way of magical thinking or delusions otherwise (i haven't really talked about "the eyes" in therapy so for all i know they don't even count as a delusion). my detachment from and distrust of other people is inconsistent; it's fairly easy for me to get along with peers, and sometimes i do desire emotional intimacy, even if nine times out of ten i fail to be, or even want to be, close with people. there's also self-disorder and the i-split, which i've talked about before...

for a little while after the diagnosis i wondered if it was correct, as i hadn't seen it in myself; but i think more than anything i was subconsciously pushing back against the all-too-stigmatized schizo-spec disorders. i wondered, how could i possibly be schizo-spec? but i think ultimately the stpd diagnosis has helped me compartmentalize and understand myself better, so i should try to embrace it and learn more about it.

#henry's journal #stpd

biggest exposure therapy for my social anxiety is having to message etsy sellers...

#henry's journal

henry ledore and robin (randall) ascot both have schizotypal personality disorder. aaaaand post

#henry's journal #stpd

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