Here I am. Send me.

Isaiah 6:8

[here-i-am-send-me]

Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths, from the realm of the dead. Arrogant foes are attacking me, O God; ruthless people are trying to kill me—they have no regard for you. But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Turn to me and have mercy on me; show your strength in behalf of your servant; save me, because I serve you just as my mother did. Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for you, Lord, have helped me and comforted me.

A prayer of David

[here-i-am-send-me]

T.I.A. (This is Africa) - last day at the hospital

I've fallen behind on my blogging! I've been busy though. Yesterday was my last day at the hospital. I wanted to write down briefly my thoughts so I wouldn't forget later. 

Such an interested way to spend my last hospital day. The doctors I wanted to say goodbye to weren't around, so I only got to say goodbye to one or two of my favorites. I spent the morning in labor and delivery - of course. I really never left that department. As soon as I showed up I was rushed to assist a birth. A woman was having twins, one was breach. The first one was born, a boy, and he must had been in distress for awhile - there's no way of really saying though since they have no fetal hr monitors. They have "fetalscopes", its a cone that you place one end on the abdomen and listen with the other, but you cant listen during a contraction only in between contractions. It "works", I guess. Anyway, when I got there the student delivering the baby didn't even have one in the room with him. The baby was delivered and was struggling to breathe. I took him away and tried to stimulate him to cry, which he did for a bit. Long story short, he didn't make it. Their O2 wasn't even working and NO ONE in Kenya has any sense of urgency. It took forever for a doctor to even come in and help. I felt totally helpless. I'm beyond frustrated. And they kept saying "well, at least the mom has another baby"...what?? How about this one here?? I try not to judge, but its so crazy how numb they are to death. And that's coming from me! Its just different here, many babies don't make it to a year and so I think they don't get as attached to them. In fact its considered rude to ask about a pregnancy to a mother, outside of a hospital setting. Don't ask when she's due or anything else, maybe its superstition I don't know, but it's better to just ignore the fact that a woman is pregnant until you see her holding the baby in her arms. And I'm used to a celebration when a baby is born, but there's no celebrating here - no emotion at all really. Its bizarre to me. So back to the day. That baby boy didn't make it, he lived 1 hour and 18 minutes. Then back to the ward to finish the paperwork when another baby comes in needing resuscitation. That one didn't make it either. Anyone in the medical profession has these days in any country. But to know that it could have been prevented if the right resources were available -- its just so frustrating. And sad. And when I express frustration I'm met with "welcome to Kenya" or "This is Africa". I know they are frustrated too and they have been around it much longer than I have. 

So I left labor and delivery on that note. :( Headed to Major Theatre (OR) and stayed there for a bit, chilled out in the doctors lounge and sipped tea. Stayed for a couple surgeries with some of these guys here and then went home for the day. I was fighting tears the entire day. 

Afterwards a few of us went for a run down to the beach, then laid out for a while. Then we all went out to a really nice restaurant called Tamarind. It was a fun night and also a little sad because I'll be leaving these people that have become friends.

That was yesterday. I'll come back later and update on the prior weeks, including the safari! Which was awesome.  I just had to vent for a bit. Sorry for the downer!

[here-i-am-send-me]

week 3

 So its taken about three weeks for me to look around and say "I love this place", I knew it would happen but I think I expected to love it right away. Today we were walking home from church, down the dusty road, with cars passing by too close, tuk-tuks honking, guys riding by saying "Jambo mzungu!" (hello white-person) while my roommate singing worship songs together.  It was such a perfect moment, very Kenyan. There really is beauty all around. :) Even with the threats, and last Sundays church bombings in Northern Kenya, I still feel very safe and its starting to feel like home - almost.  The June Team has gone home, except for a few people and most of the July Team has  arrived. The June team was fun, there were constant sounds of laughter and now that they're gone, its been kinda quiet. The July team is mostly men, which is fine ;) but it got a lot more competitive around here.  A lot.  For example, a lot of time is spent around the pool. While June was spent laying out and chatting,  July has been spent seeing who's the fastest swimmer. So far Joe is. Although I beat him on the butterfly stroke, and thats only because he doesn't know how.  I have less than 3 weeks left here. I'm keeping my intention the same, to be present, open and flexible - ready to accept whatever God has planned for this trip. Its been pretty awesome, just having one thing to do - work in the hospital.  I have no plans other than that. God has been in charge of every day and its been so cool to wake up to see what He has in store. This week was a fun week at the hospital. Most of it was spent in a classroom, we had Phlebotomy training. Its the first time I've ever drawn blood from a patient that...was...um, breathing, shall we say. So I feel much more competent in that skill now, which is nice. I've learned all kinds of things in Obs-Gynae (as they call it here - OB/GYN), I'll spare the details but I'm just still amazed that I even like it in this department. I'm considering staying here the whole time. I'm wondering if I'll be disappointed if I don't get to spend time in each department, but that really wasn't my goal. My goal was to build a relationship with a doctor - one that would hopefully result in a letter of recommendation for PA school and to learn as much as I can. I assumed that meant I'd be in Casualty or Major Theatre (thats ER and Surgery at home) for most of my time. I don't even know if I need to now. I'll see how the week goes. But I'm making friends with the midwives and  other students - not so much the doctors but thats only because doctors don't deliver babies in Kenya, midwives and students do. So, I don't know if I will get that letter from a doctor. I'm leaving that part up to God, while keeping my eyes open for any networking opportunity.  Those are my thoughts today.  I really want to thank those that supported, both financially and most importantly in prayer for making this trip possible. I'm so grateful  I cant even put it into words. I went to make a list of gifts to buy for people who gave to me, but the list became impossibly long.  I really don't know what I could buy that would be an adequate "thank you". Nothing. I can only say thank you.  I feel prayed for.  "My heart is bursting with love for you!!" to quote my late Aunt Hilda ;)  The end for today. <3

[here-i-am-send-me]

week 2

My post from week one deleted as I went to publish it, which is so sad because there was good stuff in there. Week 1 was great, I did more in that week than I thought I would in this entire trip. It was so great in fact that week 2 has been a let down and cannot compare at all with the first. 

Week 2 at the hospital was ok. I observed a lot in the Labor Ward, didnt get to deliver any babies this week. But I did get to learn how to do fetal growth measurements and learned how to do a complete VE (10cm is NOT a big opening...I have a new respect for my mom-friends, yikes) and did my very first catheter and prep for a c-section. That was all on one day though, so the rest of the week was uneventful, at the hospital. Outside the hospital it was the opposite. 

This week the US Embassy withdrew its government employees from Mombasa saying there was "an imminent threat" of an attack. The next day a night club was bombed about 5 mins from the house here, which was unsettling. There are 18 students here, mostly undergrad, so the concern level was pretty high. In fact, 6 students went home early on Wednesday. The airline even did it for free, which is standard I guess for people "fleeing the country" as the airline calls it. That makes it sound dramatic. An uncle of one of the girls here works in US intelligence and advised her to "get out quick". Hmm....am I being foolish for staying? I prayed about it, I had my little panic attack about it, then decided to stay and havent thought twice about the decision since. Except now as I'm writing about it, I wonder if staying is right. Well, anyhow, the night I decided to stay my friend and I went out to Nyali (the province of Mombasa we're staying) at night, and took a motorcycle ride home. It didnt seem risky at the time, but I was warned after the fact that the motorcycle guys arent licensed and to be more careful, but they seem fine to me. I dont know if I was rebelling against the threats or if I just wanted to live a little bit outside of this compound and see the city - and to not live in fear. Whatever my reasoning is, I'll be sure to think safety first when going out.

Other than that, I spent a day and a half home from working at the hospital because I got the flu (or something horrible) and spent the last two days in bed. :( It was miserable, and I really am the worst patient. I feel like all I've done is moan and complain, sleep and throw-up, for the past two days. 

Sorry this is not more upbeat, but its where I'm at right now. 

I'm planning on attending a church here tomorrow, I am really looking forward to that. I honestly cant wait. 

And on Monday I need to decide if I move on to the surgical ward, like I planned on or if I stay in L&D. I didn't know I would like it so much, but I'm honestly considering being a midwife. We shall see what happens. 

I miss home. I kinda want things to speed up so I can get on a plane and go home. But these students who are leaving this weekend are so sad to go and wish they could stay longer, maybe I'll feel that way soon too. I hope so.

[here-i-am-send-me]

I'm sitting in the Delta Skylounge at London Heathrow airport, being a economy passanger I've never had the pleasure of experiencing "the lounge" and really had no clue what I was missing out on. This place is awesome. I'm sipping a cappuccino, after a delicious (free) lunch, waiting for my complimentary facial appointment. I was able to take a shower here, its this huge private bathroom with all the ammenities you could think of. After traveling for the past 24 hours (I think - time change and all, its hard to count) the shower was very refreshing! It might be my last leisurely shower for awhile. I thanked God for cancelled flights, because of the cancelled flight I was "invited" to the lounge and have quite a few hours to spend here. God knows I like to take my time so I know this was a treat from Him. For some reason I'm not in a huge rush to get to Africa, still feeling unsure and nervous about what's to come. But I know not to worry, I'm expecting God has a few more treats in store for me on this trip. :) The travelling has been fine so far, not too much to report. From LAX to JFK I sat next to a nice guy from Venice, he went to Chapman and studied Graphic Design. He is originally from San Francisco and loves living in LA, he's Buddist and lives his life trying to be present at all times so he doesnt miss out on any moment of life. I thought that was beautiful and told him so. And told him that was my plan for my trip here. I also told him I hate LA but he didnt hold it against me, which was kind of him. We talked most of the flight, he is on his way to Greece to visit his sister. He asked what church I went to and thought it was cool I was a Christian. From JFK to LHR I sat next to a 13 year old Muslim boy who played video games and watched movies the whole time, he was very sweet but we didnt talk much. My bags were a little overweight but they didnt charge me anything. For those who wanted to know that detail. ;) OK. Time for my facial! I'm really roughing it huh! ;) Sorry for typos...I'm tired.

[here-i-am-send-me]

Update

A lot of you had questions for me so I thought I'd address them here. The deadline to have the money in is Apr 15th (two months before I go). I have $3400 to raise still, that includes what I've received and what I've been told is on the way. You guys are so generous! I've been asked if you can give directly to the organization, yes you can. The website is www.electiveafrica.com, there is an option to give via paypal be sure to include my name and email me after so I can make sure it gets to me. You would have a receipt that way for tax purposes. I've been coming up with some creative ways to fundraise, if you have any ideas shoot them my way. I have a friend who is throwing me a Scentsy party where she will donate all profits to help me get to Africa! So generous! I've sent some emails out so check your inbox. It will be a fun time, eating, shopping and hanging out. :) if you'd like to go and didn't get an evite message me and I'll send you one! Enough money talk! I want to thank you all for your excitement and encouragement. You don't know the impact it has on me, it gives me energy to keep going, especially when it all seems so overwhelming. Thank you and love to you all, Jessica

[here-i-am-send-me]

Support Letter for Africa Internship

Hello my dear friends and family, I have just been given some great news and I'm excited to share it with all of you. With this news comes need of help, and I'll share that with you too. I've been accepted into a 6-week Physician Assistant internship program with Elective Africa to Mombasa, Kenya this June! I will be working next to doctors in hospitals in surgery, emergency rooms and outside villages in community health clinics. I could not be more excited! My dream has been to use my PA license as a ministry, an avenue for serving God by serving others. I've often reminded God that I'll go anywhere He wants me, near or far, just send me already.  Usually that reminder is followed by a quiet reminder back to "wait" or my own daydream of adventures to come after the "waiting". The most common daydream I have is being in Africa, working next to surgeons and I would think, 'Oh, how awesome that would be!'. Well, wouldn't you know it, that God of ours is so cool, an opportunity came out of the blue, I took a shot and applied as an intern to Kenya...and here we are.  This comes at such a perfect time. After years of taking classes, I'm finally able to apply to Physician Assistant programs. Should all go according to plan, I will start PA school soon after I get back from Africa.  God has been working it out this whole time. The "wait" has turned to a "go".  So, what about that need I mentioned earlier? What, am I asking for money or something? Well yes, roughly $4500 and due, well, very soon.  I won't be able to do this without help. So, if you've got some extra cash laying around and you want to invest in such a worthy cause... I'll take it!* But if you don't, like I don't, then please pray for me. Either way, please pray for me.  Please pray your heart out for this, because there is power in prayer and no task is too big for our God. I'm excited to see how God is going to orchestrate this together.  I'm going to keep a blog going of my trip abroad, my experiences as I apply to schools and after, at http://here-i-am-send-me.tumblr.com. I hope you can get excited and get behind me in this budding ministry.  I'm sending this email to you in particular, because you are one of those who have already offered that support in all other areas in my life, so thank you for that.  So much love, Jessica  *If you are able to donate financially please make your check out to me, email for address. You can also go to www.electiveafrica.com/fundraise/donor and you'll have to create a login. Mailing to me might be easier, either way, thank you!

[here-i-am-send-me]

Where I hope to be June 15- July 27th.