Imperfect Perfection @herecomespaine - Tumblr Blog

“You need to associate with people who inspire you, people who challenge you to rise higher, people who make you better. Don’t waste your valuable time with people who are not adding to your growth. Your destiny is too important.”

—

minuty

“You are still young, free.. Do yourself a favor. Before it’s too late, without thinking too much about it first, pack a pillow and a blanket and see as much of the world as you can. You will not regret it. One day it will be too late.”

—

herecomespaine

~Incredibly personal post~

I wrote a short fairytale for one of my classes yesterday. It was very simple, and we just had to follow a basic format and let the words just come freely. The professor wanted us to see what would come from our unconscious mind.

"Once upon a time there was a little girl. No longer is her name known, but she was beautiful and kind- a true gem in the world she lived in. She knew no evil, spoke no evil, and truly, no evil had been done to her, but suddenly and without warning, her life was turned upside down. She lost the innocence she once had, but she had not realized it yet for she was laden with confusion and anger. She trusted easily, and because of this, had been taken advantage of. She spent many days wandering through the streets of her home, singing, dancing, and speaking- BUT NEVER of the evil that had been done to her. She spoke freely about herself, but with this, she had no desire to spill. She had a secret, and she would keep it that way.

Because of that, because of the evil, because of her confusion, because she would not tell, she would spend over a decade keeping this secret. She would spend years trying to bury it further and further until she would no longer think of it, but to this day, despite her best efforts, she continues to think about it. No longer a child, she still thinks of the very thing she tried so desperately to hide, to forget….but..it is no longer a secret to all, and for her, this is one small victory on the road to ultimate victory."

Now of course, it is no secret to me who the little girl is or what the secret is. The little girl was me, and the secret?

I was inappropriately touched by my mother's boyfriend when I was in 4th and 5th grade. I was 9 years old.

Now, I won't go into all the details, but I will say this. He'd lay me across his lap, pull my pants and underwear down, and massage my butt. He'd caress it, fondle it, and all the while, I'd feel his erection against my stomach. I was so confused as to why this was happening. "Was it wrong?" I'd ask myself. "If it's not, why am I so scared?" I'd ask myself. "He's not touching me 'down there'...but he's still touching me"

I was completely riddled with confusion, and I was too afraid to say something to anyone. So.. I kept it a secret for over 10 years.

I tried to live my life as though it never happened. I tried to forget about it and simply live, but I couldn't. I thought about what happened almost every single day, and I'm not exaggerating. Even if I didn't sit and think about it, I'd have a quick flash of a thought and I'd immediately try to bury it; but it always came back up.

I was scared to say anything then, and I am still afraid but I am no longer a child. Now, at 21 years old, I am revealing what happened to my 9 year old self. I am recognizing what happened to me, and I am validating myself. Where I was once laden with self doubt and confusion, I am now filled with certainty. I've opened up to my closest friends, and my mom. It was the hardest to tell my mom because, while I am close to 300 miles away, she lives with him, and while I have had years to process, she hasn't.

The future is uncertain, and I've done something that made me so uncomfortable. There's still work to be done, but every journey starts with one step, and this is mine.

rrachelinthewildd

minuty

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”