When āJust Looking at the Evidenceā Becomes a Problem
Before I get into this, I want to be clear - this is not directed at shippers who simply enjoy Luke and Nicolaās chemistry, those who appreciate them as people, or those who respect their private lives.
Shipping is a natural part of fandoms, and when done respectfully, I think itās fine.
This post is directed at the people who have taken shipping to an extreme - those who have convinced themselves they are "just looking at the evidence" while weaving together wild, invasive, and often insensitive theories. At that point, itās no longer shipping - itās something entirely different.
Shipping vs. Fantasizing: Know the Difference
Thereās a huge difference between harmlessly shipping people - whether fictional characters or even co-stars - and creating elaborate fantasies about real individuals. While shipping can be a fun way to engage with a story or fandom, projecting detailed, speculative narratives onto real people can cross into invasive territory.
Shipping: Enjoying the chemistry, friendship, or dynamic between people, often in a fictional or lighthearted context.
Fantasizing: Constructing speculative stories about real peopleās private lives, often based on incomplete information (and flawed so-called "evidence") without regard for their boundaries.
Why Fantasizing About Real People Crosses the Line
When fans create elaborate narratives about real people, it can:
Blur the line between fiction and reality: Making it harder for others to separate speculation from truth.
Perpetuate false narratives: Leading to harassment or invasions of privacy.
Disrespect individuals: By reducing their lives to a storyline crafted for entertainment.
People are far more nuanced than the curated glimpses we get online or in public. Social media posts, photos, or even patterns of behaviour arenāt a roadmap to someoneās inner life or relationships. Theyāre just snapshots - fragments of a much larger, unseen picture. And often, those fragments donāt connect the way people want them to.
The Loophole That Isn't a Loophole
Iāve seen some people claim that Nicola saying "If you have an opinion about me, that's ok. I understand I'm on TV and people will have things to think and say, but I beg you not to send them to me directly" somehow gives them permission to speculate about things like pregnancy.
Letās be real - that is absolutely not what she meant. Sheās literally acknowledging that people will have opinions, but sheās also making it clear that things like that make her uncomfortable. Saying "Donāt bring it to me" doesnāt mean sheās fine with people debating her body - it means she knows shitty people exist, but sheād rather not be subjected to it.
And sure, maybe youāre not sending it to her directly - but you are still doing the exact thing that makes her uncomfortable. And by putting it out into public spaces, youāre making it far more likely that it gets back to her indirectly. So whatever justification people think theyāve found? Itās fucking moot. Itās still insensitive.
Belief Doesnāt Equal Truth
Believing youāve pieced together the ātruthā because some moments appear to align is misguided. It overlooks the unknowns - the context weāre missing and the layers that exist in peopleās lives. Just because something can seem a certain way doesnāt mean it is that way.
Humility matters. Recognizing that no matter how much you think you know, you actually know very little. Taking a step back and saying, āI donāt know whatās really going onā is not only more truthful but also shows respect for the people involved.
Itās okay to want people to be together - innocent shipping of loving chemistry between people is okay - but itās not okay to create wildly speculative stories that exist only in your own mind.
Humility in Speculation: Knowing What We Donāt Know
Hereās the truth - I donāt know the full picture. None of us do. I donāt know Luke and Nicola as people, and I donāt know the ins and outs of their personal lives. And thatās okay. I'm not going to piece together and come up with my own flawed story about other peoples lives.
What I do know is that certain theories and speculation can be harmful, even when people think theyāre harmless. Just because something is being discussed publicly, or even āpositively,ā doesnāt mean it isnāt invasive. (Cough spreading invasive pregnancy rumors cough). It doesn't mean it is kind. The line between curiosity and intrusion is thinner than people think.
Even if you think you've āfigured something out,ā there is always so much more you will never see, hear, or understand. Just because an idea feels compelling or fits a certain pattern doesnāt mean it reflects the truth.
So before engaging in deep speculation, itās worth asking:
Am I respecting their privacy?
Am I letting curiosity turn into entitlement?
Am I remembering that these are real people, not fictional characters?
On the Idea of āBeing Dupedā
Iāve also noticed some frustration in the fandom, with people feeling like Luke and Nicola somehow ādupedā the public with their behaviour on tour.
What we saw on tour was not unusual for two people who:
Are comfortable with each other.
Work together (and especially in the acting world).
Have shared an intense, career-defining experience.
This kind of dynamic isnāt uncommon in the entertainment industry or in any field where people work closely together (I know from personal experience). Their bond is unique, but that doesnāt mean it has to be romantic. To me, itās always read as a deep friendship, a strong professional partnership, and two people who genuinely enjoy working together. And it really is beautiful!
I think some people wanted their interactions to confirm a specific narrative, and now that things arenāt aligning with that, they feel misled. But thatās not on Luke or Nicola. Itās a reminder that interpretation is subjective, and that sometimes, we project our own expectations onto things rather than seeing them for what they are.
The Consequences of Unchecked Fantasies
Making up stories about real people and treating those stories as fact (even when you say that you are okay if you are wrong, or if you say that you are just speculating) adds to:
Noise and confusion: Amplifying drama and misinterpretation.
Unnecessary pressure: On the individuals involved, complicating their personal lives further.
Public harassment: Rumours often escalate, influencing others to unfairly judge or attack. Bringing it indirectly to the main people in your fantasies.
Sure, you can feel like youāve pieced together a narrative in your mind that makes sense to you. But actors are human beings, not characters in a fan-fiction. They shouldnāt be stripped down to an idea of what you think they should or shouldnāt be doing.
Iāve said this before, and Iāll say it again - people are nuanced. People are dimensional. If you donāt know them personally, you have no idea what goes on in their day-to-day lives. A few curated moments from interviews or social media will never give anyone the full picture.
Iāve seen a lot of people build theories around what they believe is evidence. But if you really looked at it critically, you would find that much of it is based on assumptions rather than actual confirmation. Itās worth asking - are you trying to make reality fit the story you want to believe?
Public speculation/fantasizing can have consequences that extend beyond the screen - impacting the real people you claim to support.
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