A Play Called Life

This blog serves to bring to light different aspects of life, questioning how we perceive everything. It highlights some of the thought-provoking issues in living life, but does so in human, realistic way. An analogy for our lives: a play, in which each part is a scene and we the people are the actors. This written blog attempts to provide a way to bring control back to the actors, by reminding us that we can make our own choices, we have various facets, and that we can carry out roles to the best of our ability. Our individual roles are intertwined with each other, as well as with circumstances and our environments. So lights, camera, and action! Let's give our best performances yet.

[hershkiss16]

[traumasurvivors]

It’s okay if you thought you were over it but it hits you all over again. 

It’s okay to fall apart even after you thought you had it under control. 

You are not weak. Healing is messy. And there is no timeline for healing. 

[hershkiss16]

Life in itself is not a straightforward path, and that’s OK.

[lovenotereminders]

Friendly reminder: when people say ‘as long as you tried your best’ it doesn’t mean ‘the best you could possibly have done ever’ it means ‘the best you were capable of at the time.’ Sometimes ‘trying your best’ is just getting out of bed in the morning. Just because you weren’t working yourself to the bone doesn’t mean you weren’t trying your best. 

[hershkiss16]

Yeah, I had to share this 💕

[hershkiss16]

Technology & Friendship

Yesterday I had a very nice day. The weather was perfect and I met new people and got to know other acquitances better. It was both chill and eventful, or rather insightful. And yet I didn’t need to document any of that in social media. I needn’t feel the need to show any kind of proof of where I was and what activities I was partaking in.

At one point yesterday, I heard this quote, “Technology brings us closer to those who are far away, but far away from those who are close.” Both my day yesterday and an observation I made today made me reflect on that quote.

I wouldn’t say that we shouldn’t use social media at all. Social media is how we connect with others, especially those who are far away. In today’s world, plenty of us have friends in other countries, or we even end up moving away from our hometown for further education and/or our career. We know from studies that a social circle is needed for a well-rounded life. And maintaining connections that matter to you is important for your over well-being and health. Even those daily posts, such as with Instagram stories or snapchats, are an entertaining way to stay aware of what’s going on in the lives of those you don’t meet every day.

But many of us would be lying if we said we don’t place too much importance on these posts from time to time, if not more often. How many of us see friends or families out to lunch at a restaurant and yet they are all on their phones instead of talking to each other? How many of us are guilty of that ourselves? How many of us are spending time in trying to find the perfect gif for a story post while we’re out with our friends instead of living in the moment? When was the last time we really found out what’s going on in someone else’s life? Even if we did hear someone speaking about their life, how much is in our memory now since we were only half paying attention while on our phones? How many of us are worried that if we don’t post anything people will think we’re living a boring life? How many of us watch other people’s stories and spend hours scrolling through others’ posts and liking each one just so we get more likes on our posts and more views of our story?

I’m not saying we should stop liking others’ posts and watching their stories. I’m not saying we should stop posting snippets of our own lives. Yet, I think we know by now that social media doesn’t tell the complete story anyhow. It’s OK to take a break from it and hang out with people in real time. It’s OK to not post all the time and to share every moment. It’s OK to have phone conversations instead of 2 word texts. And it’s OK to enjoy your own company. Who can work on truly understanding us and spending time with us better than our own selves? Don’t become isolated but don’t become dependent on other people’s company and approval either.

[hershkiss16]

We Are All Part of This Play

Let’s be real - all of us are guilty of being too caught up in our own lives. What do I mean by “too caught up?” Too caught up, the way I see it, is when we’re only bothered about the happenings in our own life - even sometimes to the point that we go into self-pity - and don’t at all reach out to others to see how they’re doing. The truth is, we all are living through this play called life. Why have we come to assume that everyone else is doing fine while we are the only ones suffering? And even if there are friends and family doing well in life, why is that a bad thing? Or rather, why does that merit you not checking in on them? We all know that social media has been considered to make relationships and connections superficial. But it doesn’t have to be like that. Even commenting “Congratulations!” on a person’s picture showing they got the degree they worked hard for, that they got engaged to his/her special someone, etc. goes a long way. Even writing in response to someone’s status indicating a meh day, asking how he/she is doing, goes a long way. Think about how much the small gestures mean to you. And you never know what you’ll learn about what’s going on in someone’s life just by inquiring. In a world where awareness of mental health concerns is growing, do you really want to take a chance that your loved ones are doing perfectly fine? I think many of us who have experienced depression, anxiety, etc. can attest to the fact that we don’t feel like reaching out for help. We don’t feel we’re deserving of someone’s attention. Yet we feel so alone, and a friend’s text genuinely asking how everything has been can mean the world to us. And who knows, you might find out good news instead. Do you really want to be that friend or family member who has no idea anymore of what’s going on in the life of a person who once meant so much to you?

I’m not saying that we should be dependent on what others think about us or even how often they’re thinking about us. Ultimately this is our own life story to live out. Yet, maintaining those close connections is what makes the storyline of your play rich, is it not? Why not pass on that richness to others? Treat others the way you want to be treated, right? Everyone matters. Just as you want to feel significant, others want to as well. And let’s not give the excuse of time, ok? Do you really not have time to type, “How are you?” And even if that leads into a longer conversation, what would you have really spent your time doing instead? The way I see it, being there for someone is a productive use of time. You can even turn it into meeting them in person over some good food. 😉

[hershkiss16]

Perfect summary of what this blog’s recent posts have said about dealing with the past.

[hershkiss16]

Making Decisions (Take 2)

OK, let’s try this again. I had completed writing out the rest of the story I shared in my previous post, but then the page crashed at the right time. :\ Sorry it ultimately took even longer to get this posted! But life happens. This is a play, right? We can either cry over the unexpected stuff or we can learn from the experience and move on. In the case of the page crashing on me, it was as simple as me learning to save my work lol and to get the Tumblr app instead of using a tablet to write out a blog post. And it tested how much I can follow what I’m preaching, so to speak. *proceeds to hit save*

OK, so recall that in the quest to find their way out of a forest, each person in a group of 5 took different paths. The 5th person found the shortest/fastest route back home by climbing up the tallest tree in the forest and viewing all the possible paths. So what does this story teach us? That you need to take a step back when you’re in a situation and think over all your options before deciding upon a solution. You need to rise above (literally in this case) the situation to take stock of all your options. You need to be patient and detached from the circumstances, rather than getting too caught up in them. Remember, this is just a play called life. So a problem like this can be seen simply as a scene, which too will pass.

That 5th person was pretty smart wasn’t he? Were the other 4 friends wrong then? Well, let’s see what happened with them:

1. The person who took the path to the left ended up reaching a new city. He got to know a new city, finding new opportunities and creating a new life for himself.

2. The person who took the path to the right reached a denser area of the forest. He had to spend the night alone there, but he ended up learning how to stay bravely in the forest at night alone and how to fend for himself.

3. The third friend who continued straight on the path the group was already on met other people who had also lost their way in the forest. He came to understand how to get along with strangers and live and work with them in harmony.

4. The fourth friend who had gone back on the path he felt they had traveled on up until that point found a house while walking. The people staying in that house had him stay with them. From them, therefore, he learned how to have mercy, compassion, love, and trust for a guest. In a sense, he gained a new family.

Thus, what this story really emphasizes is that everything in life happens for a reason. It does not matter whether something that happens to us feels right or wrong, if we think it’s fair or unfair. What matters is how we deal with the results. We can choose to have regrets, but again the past is the past and is done with. We can decide what we want to take out of any experience, and we can choose to learn from each and every experience. If we don’t move forward in this way, how are we going to find out what happens next in our life plays? Keep that faith strong, remembering that whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger (I had to add that in there lol). We can make use of each experience to grow and, in turn, create a beautiful story.

I am not saying that do not think over your decisions, figuring that anyhow everything will work out for the best. We have the power to make choices, and therefore we should make them wisely. However, once you’ve taken the best decision you feel you could have taken with whatever information you had at a given time, don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t work out quite as you expected. Don’t be hard on yourself and don’t dwell in that pool of regrets. By doing so, is your path really turning out to be any smoother?

I totally wrote this in a different way than I did on Sunday haha. But maybe there was a reason that you were all meant to see this version instead of that earlier version/take 1. :)

Again, I heard and learned of this story from the show Meri Sai - Shraddha Aur Saburi.

[hershkiss16]

Life’s Unpredictable

I had written out a complete post - part 2 to the story I had shared in my last post - and was happy with it. I was simply looking for a gif to emphasize my point when yes...the page crashed. And no my work was not saved. But I’m going to now integrate this experience in the post I now have to rewrite. I apologize, though, it may not come right away. And oh yeah, I finally installed the tumblr app instead of relying on the website. 😜

[hershkiss16]

Everything Happens for a Reason and for the Best

This play called life is a play of victory and sorrow. We’ve all experienced ups and downs in our lives, right? The most interesting and meaningful stories to us too aren't those where everything is always perfect and stays peachy. They’re also not the ones where one bad thing after another happens. Rather, the most compelling stories we hear are those of obstacles being overcome. A key through navigating through life is how we respond to any situation, no matter how difficult it is. It's a matter of facing the consequences of the decisions we’ve made rather than having regrets. What IS the point of regrets anyhow? The decision has been made and we can’t go back to the past to change that decision. Would it be helpful if we could though? That brings me to a story I recently heard.

Five friends were once passing through a forest. After walking for awhile, they realized they may have lost their way. One friend said they should take the path to their left to get out of the forest and headed in that direction. Another friend decided taking the path to their right was better. The 3rd person thought the other two friends were crazy, stating they were already going on the right path and that they simply had to continue forward. The 4th person in the group decided the safest way to travel would be by going back on the path they had taken up to that point, and thus started walking back. The remaining person saw all his friends taking these different directions. He chose a path that turned out not to only be the shortest but also the right route. Which way was that?

Turns out, that 5th person climbed up the tallest tree in that forest and looked in all directions, thus finding the shortest and fastest way to get out of there and back to his destination.

What does this story teach us? And what happened to the rest of the group? Did they end up finding their way out and at their starting destination/their home? Look out for my next blog post to find out!

While I’m yet to relay the rest of the story, I don’t want to delay crediting my sources. I heard and learned of this story from the show Meri Sai - Shraddha Aur Saburi.

[hershkiss16]

I’m Back and Here to Stay, in the Present

Rather than talk about why I was so in and out of here (more out tbh) and how varied the content my sparse posts may have been, let’s just start anew, with a fresh start. A lot has changed in terms of how I look at life and I believe there’s been a shift in the way of thinking in our society, in our world as a whole.

Our past experiences shape a significant part of who we are today. Sometimes it’s impossible not to reflect on the past, even if it’s just to appreciate sweet moments it included. But is it necessary to dwell on it, particularly on the negatives? Let’s think about this in terms of the plays, movies, and shows we’ve watched. Flashbacks certainly exist. Sometimes a whole story is the retelling of past events. But imagine if it stayed in the same scene over and over again? How boring and frustrating would that be? Sometimes we wish we could just freeze time, because of how beautiful a moment is. But time’s fleeting, and for good reason. Would that moment really stay beautiful if it stayed around forever? It wouldn’t, because we would take it for granted. Now let’s take the difficulties. Would we want to be stuck in a difficult time? No. So why do we dwell so much on the past, especially on what went wrong? It may be argued that going to the past allows you to find the answer to why you’ve ended up a certain way. Is the why really so important though? Or rather, is it so important to spend an eternity trying to find the answer? If we chose, we can find lessons in all of our experiences, good or bad. But what’s the point of those lessons if we stay stuck in the past? How then can we apply it to the present? Imagine you’re in the middle of watching a movie on YouTube when it gets stuck and stays in the buffering mode. You wouldn’t know what happens next then, would you? Similarly, do you want to spend so much time on that one particular past scene that you don’t even realize what’s happening in the present? Who knows, you might be surprised in how the present is unfolding. It very well could be more than you ever imagined. The past events, whatever they might have been, led you to this point, a necessary point in the story. Isn’t that how all good stories play out? And this story is of your life. Make it count. Don’t leave it midway. OK, you say, but my present is crappy. Well, live the journey out. Be the hero of your play. Don’t heroes always emerge victorious at the end? Isn’t it worth finding out if that’s the case for you?

So today, rather than list out all my struggles and why I’m writing here today, I chose to live in the present. I may go into flashbacks someday. But there is no way I’m going to miss out on the current scenes of my life play.

[hershkiss16]

Draft 5 I did not feel like facing today. However, I worked on moving forward and got ready, wearing my boutique’s jewels.

[hershkiss16]

Don't Judge a Person by His/Her Social Media Activity

Draft 4:

Social media interactions have become a two-way street. And with its prominence in our lives today, social media certainly has to be part of our play called life, right?

Well does it? I think that’s up to each individual, the main character of one’s life play.

Everyone has or is still figuring how much they want to implement social media in their daily lives, and the amount changes with time, a lot of which could be due to changing perspectives.

Be it the person who constantly posts about current affairs, the selfie queen, the news feed scroller, or the supposedly invisible one, though, everyone has come to risk living behind the screen instead of enacting their parts in the play out there in the open. This happens to varying degrees for all, even those who do have a social life outside profiles, in the “real world.”

[hershkiss16]

Being too busy = loss of compassion

Draft 3:

Yes, the expectations of living in today’s world - especially the developed world - have changed greatly in a matter of years. Everyone is always on the go, even if their work is in the home. Along our individual journeys, new people and opportunities come our way. We hold onto the opportunities for as long as possible, and build those up in the years to come to secure our place in this world and fulfill our desires and goals. Do we hold onto the bonds we formed with those people that we met throughout our lives though? Perhaps we try. Whether we give priority to doing so, however, is a different question. And whether we strive to keep in touch for years to come is yet another point of reflection.

As the play of our lives progress, we end up in different destinations from our friends and family. And certain twists come in the tale that some people leave from your life as they’re meant to. Good riddance as is said. Some people’s time on Earth itself is up - they’ve acted out all their scenes here with us, if you will. But what about those people who are just physically away from you but whom you believe to still have bonds with? The ones you say to “Let’s keep in touch!”

For as long as we’ve all lived - as far as I understand it - there has been letter writing and telephones. And now we have texting and aha, the now ever so prominent social media. It's actually supposed to be easier to keep in touch, and when we part ways with someone in person one ends up saying "We have Facebook." Or you create a Facebook profile for yourself and then find a friend you haven't spoken to after ages. You add them and now woo hoo you can catch up. Facebook and other profile-based platforms are great that way - you can keep track of what others are up to and what new chapters people are starting in life. With social media in general you can share your life updates, share celebration photos, and talk about entertainment. When do the conversations happen, though? The attempts are not even made anymore. People post and then get off, all ready for all the comments and likes they'll see when they log back on. Or they're the "social media stalker" - they read and look over everything that everyone posts but they don't do so much as even hit the 'like' button as God forbid people knew they were online. Maybe that's better than the "sporadic liker --> was there supposed to be a period here, or did I stop mid-thought? Knowing me, it was the latter

[hershkiss16]

Draft 2 (love that I didn’t even have a title for this one)

I haven’t written in awhile and so this may seem all over the place. Yet after such a long time of various thoughts, situations, and observations, it was time to speak out once again. This may include numerous instances and ideas and thus may appear messy, but hey that’s just what life is, right - messy? :) I hope that it all ultimately ties together.

I’m going to start with what I’ve been experiencing in the last couple of days and see where my mind goes from there. And it’s probably going to get a little personal. I don’t want to go out of the way to talk about my whole life story and make it appear to be a sob story if you will. Yet, what better way can one relate than through example? Through sharing of stories and experiences through which you realize, “Oh wow, I’m not alone!” Sharing and being more open with people is actually something that I’ve been wanting to bring up in here. You gain so much more perspective by being both the sharer and the sharee. Inspiration is found. But we’ll get more to that later. :)

From last night I came to the realization that I may never be okay with the fact that I haven’t had a normal life for a significant amount of time. I may very well always have mixed feelings that I did not really attend a normal, traditionally-  built high school from day one. It’s always going to feel weird that though I did go to prom, I both knew the students of my original home school and didn’t know them - like I didn’t belong. I’m never going to completely understand why I had managed to work my butt off in high school, graduate as valedictorian and gain acceptance to prestigious colleges, none of that seemed to matter by the time I started college. Why is it that I went up to 6 months of feeling great and possibly in the best of health just to have it all crashing down on me? Leading to yet again an abnormal school life. 

[hershkiss16]

Living in you own world - is it worth it?

Draft 1:

It feels like the problems never end. It feels like you're just continuing to drown, in the ocean of life. You just want to block anyone and anything that either reminds you that there is life outside of your own reality, or that forces you to confront your issues. Oh sure, maybe you give indirect hints to people here and there that life sucks. You utilize social media to try to sum up in a couple of words how you feel through a status, or better yet use your Spotify connection to let people know that you're listening to a sad song. But you don't really talk to people. When a friend offers to lend a ear, you pass up the offer. When emotions, thoughts, and feelings cumulate over periods of time, you rufuse to reach out for help. You're stuck in 'park' and not leaving the comfort zone you've created possibly without realizing it. And you don't drive to the other dimensions - other people's lives. You're staying in your own world and believe that's all that exists. 

Emotions of despair are overwhelming. Depression, anxiety, panic and other related syndromes are all increasing around us. When those negative, self-desparing feelings build up over time, they drain life out of you. You can even get to the point where by definition you're living, but really you're just going through the motions.

Soon, though, you no longer go through the motions of interacting with family and friends. You don't talk to people more than necessary. You become self-involved, whether or not that was your intention. I want to ask you, is it worth it?

Saying that someone in this situation is self-involved probably sounds harsh. See it as tough love if you will. I can say from experience that if/when you reach a point of self reflection, and really look at how you've been acting, you realize that you've become so distanced from everyone and from you surroundings. There are times when you realize just how much you're not just hurting the ones you care about, but yourself.

Let me take a moment to say that I've been on both sides of the equation, the one who depressed and not letting people in, and the one who tried to reach out to the sad friend but was left out - to relate to the situation overall. My brief examples: When my dear friends found out at a later point in time that I had been suicidal and was feeling helpless by multiple aspects, they were shocked and upset that I had not shared with them. I did not want to share as I felt that I would be given false pep talks and at times felt that they would just spend time talking me out of what I felt was the right decision. 

[hershkiss16]

It’s how YOU feel

Do you know when I started writing this? I don't have a way of seeing the date I saved this as a draft, but I believe it was over a month ago. When you start reading what's below, you'll see how sad, on different levels that is. I'm going to go out on a limb here and share this and all my drafts. I'm the going to write AND share a COMPLETE blog post about my point and what should come out of those drafts.

(Draft 6 - i.e., latest draft, yeah I have 6 of them): At this moment, I’m still feeling scared to write this. I have many posts that I’ve started and then never finished. At those times, it felt like it was about not being able to find the write words anymore, losing my train of thought, and/or a “realization” that no one will care. A perhaps fear that everything I’m saying is completely wrong.

That’s precisely though why I HAVE to move forward with this, and actually COMPLETE this blog post. This is for my own well-being, for me to have a creative outlet, for me to express myself. It is to get out of that comfort zone that I didn’t even realize I had and put myself out there. And it forms the premise of what I want to talk about today.

What do others think about us? Are you the only crazy one pondering over how others perceive you? Why does this matter to any of us?

I’m going to be brave here and admit that for some time now (I’ve lost track of how long), I’ve been battling depression and anxiety, among other things. I’ve had plenty happen in my life and all of that has ultimately taken its toll on me. The reality is that ALL of us have had things happen in our lives. The level of intensity of those experiences may have differed for all of us at different times of our lives. But the fact of the matter is that we’ve all had experiences, of some nature or the other. We ALL have feelings. We ALL have reactions.

That’s what this play called life is all about. We all have our own screenplay, yet ultimately they’re all stories. Stories of life. Of people from all walks of life.

What I have noticed, however, is that everyone has had worries related to what others think of them and how well they’re doing in life. I’ve seen this before my own personal experiences of anxiety (that I am aware of) and especially during that journey of going through the ups and downs of worrying. It comes at varying levels, and those levels often change at different points of life. It may not be to the point of having thoughts such as “Oh my God, I can’t take this anymore. I just want to give up. I just want life to end, because I can’t take obsessing anymore.” But everyone has some level of this - of angst, anxiety, and worry.

I brought up what I am battling not to gain sympathy or even to officially announce it to those who don’t already know. Rather, I brought it up to shed light on what I have realized and how I think it can bring some perspective to others as well, for all of our day-to-day, scene-by-scene plays.

I’m an extreme perfectionist. It may not always show in my actions, but the need to be perfect is pretty much constantly in my thoughts. I realize that not everyone reading this have perfectionist tendencies. And honestly, I’m envious of those people. And yet, this doesn’t mean they don’t have a care in the world. And it certainly doesn’t mean they don’t want to be their best, and that they don’t face problems in trying to be so, mentally and emotionally as well. We are sadly our own worse critics.

Maybe it’s my tendencies and analyses, if you will, that has gotten me obsessing over this phenomenon that we have ALL noticed - social media. And how social media now equals having to project a constant amazing image of ourselves.

Of course there are those who don’t ever use social media. Yet, more likely than not, they still have social media accounts. Why? Well perhaps it was initially to keep in touch with others, or simply to end those join requests they kept getting. However, from my observations, I believe they are thinking of the images that everyone projects of themselves, and are cynical of trying to be the same, or gradually trying to join that trend.

In terms of the point I’ve gotten in my journey and emotional health, I’ve been able to admit that I feel the need to have constant acceptance. And I do mean constant. People may say nice, complimentary things to me from time to time, and I appreciate those comments, boy I really do. And yet, if I don’t hear something for a little while, I get insecure. I doubt how good I am. I’ve admitted that it’s as if I have to be praised 24/7.

Even in my logical mind, that is absolutely ridiculous, and it was from the moment I first had that supposed realization. As the saying goes, though, the heart wants what the heart wants, right?

You know what I’ve finally realized? That isn’t the case. That is not what my heart wants. Well, yes it wants acceptance. But through my journey of reflection and whatever else, I’ve been able to ask the following: If I REALLY (in a crazy world perhaps) to hear my praises sung 24/7 (talk about creeper stalker status, praising me even while I sleep), would I feel content? Would I feel accepted and loved?

No, I would not. Because I would not believe that those praises were genuine,  most of them anyhow. The truth is, I’ll only believe in any praise when I WANT to.

[hershkiss16]

Written blog post related to this and the bigger picture of life is coming up ;)