I'm BPD, so don't try to understand my emotional stat here, just follow my logic.
Had a ~menty b~ and I was screaming and crying at my child because BPD doesn't care about letting him grow up relatively normal and though I have apologized nothing will be enough and I know that I am worthless and terrible.
While actively crying and fuming and EMOTIONS, I decided to research suic*de for depression/rage inspiration (this is literally what I do instead of active self harm it is the only thing that has ever worked to scratch that itch do not @ me). Because I am finally TRACKING PATTERNS at the age of 35 I narrowed my search to see if my period could have anything to do with why my window of tolerance is a peephole in a way that feels like clockwork and... wouldn't you know it? Someone did this research, for once!
My findings (paraphrasing):
1. PMS gets worse as you age and most people notice this in their 30s because life shit is already hard and more stress makes it worse too! We love compound stressors! We love hormonal dysregulation!
2. PMS is linked to increased suicidality. Note the period-- pun not intended. It's just that simple. If you have hormones disrupting the way your brain processes information, you can become more susceptible to those kinds of impulses. In the report I read it seemed 55%+ of reported attempts or planning happened during the 4 days before/4 days after the period. That's 8 days every month where it's more likely you'll follow through. That's like 96 days a year. That seems like a lot of time to have an increased chance of wanting to off yourself. Personal opinion. Also this isn't just suicidality that PMS and the associated hormome fluctuations can affect. Violent impulses, sexual urges, it HAS RANGE. Thanks PMS!
3. And of course: all of it is even worse in people that already suffer from depression, anxiety, mood disorders, etc. So all those numbers in the previous point?
Yeah let's get em WAY up. Where is that study? These people should call me. I bet I could help them with some research. Fuckin' walking experiment right here.
TL;DR basically, every month, menstruating people deal with the body saying "get pregnant or kys idfc" and nobody really talks about it or cares, because maybe life isn't about understanding. It's about the hours we worked in wage slavery that improved revenue for the quarter and lines the shareholders pockets!
Well, I clearly have an unhealthy relationship with life and death so before anyone comments "oh you shouldn't joke" or "life is so precious" make sure you take it up with someone who cares. Your words won't make me less suic*dal nor will they push me over the edge. I am shouting into the void because I don't want help. If I did I would be on Reddit. Duh.
