hervellalife

God's plan over mine • My personal shell

[hervellalife]

Life update: Detoxifying ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

[hervellalife]

Blog or Vlogs?

A thought of the day: I'm really trying my best to get out there and earn a little higher by applying online jobs that could fill in my free time, and scrolling through social media I found myself influenced by how socmed creators become instantly successful, some with two jobs. I began to think of, "If they can, I can."

It's not my nature. I live in a private and intimate life, but if there is a way to make a living while having fun, why not, right? I just don't trust myself that I can do it, or I'm too shy to have supporters in my back to help me with this. I am trying, but not consistent. There's a long way to go, but with no support, it gets tiring. It gets boring as if there's no progress, and hopeless.

But as someone who is an over-achiever, I feel like it is a good opportunity. I know God has blessed me with talents like those people online, I just don't know how to use it yet. Trying is not bad; small progress, is still progress. Right? I should not stop, and I know God is planning something better for me out there. I just need to explore while my waiting season is just a training to prepare myself for it.

Lovelots,

Hervella, ciao (~.^)

[hervellalife]

Ang daming gastos! Ayoko na 😩

[quotefeeling]

“Finding your passion isn’t just about careers and money. It’s about finding your authentic self. The one you’ve buried beneath other people’s needs.”

— Kristin Hannah, Distant Shores

[hervellalife]

I feel so "obob". 😅 I don't belong here. This is not my forté.

[hervellalife]

I didn't pass the MPLE July 2026. And it's okay.

I hope I can hold on to that until I pass again. It brings back the feeling of self-doubt, self-pitty, self-comsuming, self-compare when I failed my ALE for three times. It's so hard to stay hopeful while feeling all of this emotions, trying to stay positive all the time just so people won't pitty you. And yes, without saying it, this is also the reason why I don't want to tell my loved ones or anyone about my plan about taking the exam, because I feel so much pressure for myself already, I don't want to add it up because I know I won't be able to make it.

I might've become confident that God will make impossible things possible, with little to no effort of studying. I'm still thankful that God never make me feel that I am behind or late. "His plans, will and ways are better than mine." I always tell myself whenever the world tries to snatch that hope in me. But God has proven me that He does listen and plan for something greater for me in the right timing just as He made me an Architect last January 2025. I am already greatful!

I will keep on trying for this MPLE again, even how many tried it takes, until I make my dreams come true. I know God is with me all the time, because He is good and merciful. I asked for Peace and Acceptance to whatever will be the result and He has given me more hope to go on and wisdom to keep on trying.

I can assure you, I am not alone. God is with me. Amen.

[hervellalife]

Where can I find a job that I will love? Oh, there's none.

[hervellalife]

I've been trying my best to focus on my review for the upcoming MPLE. It will be this week and I'm already cramming with so much things to cope up for the exam.

I started my self-review just a month ago when I decided to pursue the filing for the exam. And to be honest, my mind is not absorbing any notes I read and looked at. I am out of focus and my mind is so busy that I couldn't insert any more knowledge for the exam.

Maybe i should lift this worries, doubts and fears to God. Not because I am confident that He will help me, but I trust Him that He will not abandon me. Whatever will be the result will come its way, and I will accept it because I know for a fact that there's reason for it. I will surrender all this to God for He is good and merciful. He guided and helped me through a lot of battles in my life, I know He will not leave me alone with this one.

May God Bless and please Pray for me!

[hervellalife]

"God put that dream in your heart for a reason."

[hervellalife]

I work 2 jobs (currently, thinking of adding one again), doing sidelines, trying content creation (which is not my thing), begging for extra works from collegues and reviewing for a board exam (before a dream, but now, to add up credentials so I can have options/promotions for job opportunities). EVERYTHING IS ABOUT MONEY! And I hate it! Being reminded everyday that I don't share/contribute to our family's expenses and responsibilities makes me want to be eaten alive to the ground. I am really in deep shit right now with all the debts and loans I'm trying to pay which I wonder where all of it went. My life is so messy, I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. God knows I need rest from all of it!

I am tired. I've been working my ass for 8 years, since I was in college. I've tried everything to sustain my needs and not be a burden. And here I am, bringing burdens and pain to everybody.

Let's come clean, I know people would say or think that I am ungreatful, and that I am not contented. How will I be? All I ever want is to provide financial stability to my family, and I always fail them. Why? What am I doing wrong? Am I not doing enough? What else can I do? My mind is about to explode. I am going crazy. I do not know what to do. I am a failure.

To God,

I know we've been fighting this battle for a long time now, and I know you're not gonna leave me in this, but I am so tired. You know I am thankful for everything you have given me everyday. Small or big, simple or grand, quiet or loud, every tiny bit of that is a beautiful blessing for me. But can I ask you just a little favor, Can I surrender this to you today and give myself a break for trying? I need you right now, to take control of all of this for me, God. Sorry. I am losing myself, I am about to give up and I know you won't let me do it. I promise you, I will not. For you, I will always keep trying, God. Bless me God!

[hervellalife]

When you need to get through the day and people still end up reminding you that you're not doing your best.

[hervellalife]

I am more confident in the dark because I see no reflection of insecurities.

[hervellalife]

I no longer wish for peace of mind, just a little break to think where to begin trying again.

[hervellalife]

Let's face it - the world is changing, but not for the better.

[macabrevampire]

i think avoiding everything is going to save me for real this time

[hervellalife]

Today, my anxiety wants to consume me. I'm trying my best to hold it in since I am currently at work.

I've been really stressed with all the problems in life right now, from financial to emotional. I couldn't contain it. I feel like I'm about to burst into tears because my body is about to give up, but I also can't stop working - which the only solution I can see to all of this mess. I need help, I want comfort, I desire peace. This is unusual from all the stress I've been before.

I can't stop praying to God for strength and guidance. My life is a mess and my mind is battling its own battle I couldn't explain.

[hervellalife]

Pa-help naman ako, Lord. Hehe