Hevos Lunis

[hevos-lunis]

"Welcome to the Inconvenience Store, yada yada scripted intro, whatever. Buy anything you want to, I guess. Just remember that everything COSTS MONEY. Don't forget it. Have a lovely day."

-Any interaction appreciated

[hevos-lunis]

Any and all booping towards me will cost 5 per boop and I will remember and I will be holding everyone to that.

...Unless you throw in a head pat, too. Boops with head pats cost only 2.

[cortexrules]

Hi doctor! Are you going to fight Odious yourself? Are you nervous? Hes got a gun you know.

Dear Sunnies...

Who's to say, really? Anything can happen in the tumultuous claws of fervent skirmish! Either way...

...I feel good about my abilities!

[n-odious-tropy]

I don't suppose we're supposed to be impressed by your immaculate ability to shoot an immobile target are we?

[cortexrules]

While I do agree that my aim is perfectly impeccable, scurrying targets is where I truly shine! Why don't you come over here and I'll show you, Odious? My treat <3

[n-odious-tropy]

And offer you free practice? As tempting as that offer is, I think I'll have to be patient and await the battlefield. Although, I am questioning your "artistic vision" here. I don't smile and why is my chest like...that?

[cortexrules]

A fanciful embellishment. What is there not to smile about with sizeable connaturals attached to your chest? Go you!

[hevos-lunis]

...Um?

[cortexrules]

Great. Another rabid fan who can't get the numbers right.

Blocked.

[nginiamhim]

Defamateeon…. you weel hear from our lawyers….

what aneemal would make a good lawyer.. a vulture maybee.. to the evolvo ray..!!

[hevos-lunis]

...Okay, suit yourself.

[cortexrules]

Hi doctor! Are you going to fight Odious yourself? Are you nervous? Hes got a gun you know.

Dear Sunnies...

Who's to say, really? Anything can happen in the tumultuous claws of fervent skirmish! Either way...

...I feel good about my abilities!

[n-odious-tropy]

I don't suppose we're supposed to be impressed by your immaculate ability to shoot an immobile target are we?

[cortexrules]

While I do agree that my aim is perfectly impeccable, scurrying targets is where I truly shine! Why don't you come over here and I'll show you, Odious? My treat <3

[n-odious-tropy]

And offer you free practice? As tempting as that offer is, I think I'll have to be patient and await the battlefield. Although, I am questioning your "artistic vision" here. I don't smile and why is my chest like...that?

[cortexrules]

A fanciful embellishment. What is there not to smile about with sizeable connaturals attached to your chest? Go you!

[hevos-lunis]

...Um?

[hevos-lunis]

Hey are there any sales in bulk on apples lately? Asking for a friend.

"I- ...??? I mean, I guess?? If you want to buy all of the apples here, fine, that's on you. Go ahead. There are no sales on apples. No judgement here but why do you want approximately 30 thousand apples and are you really willing to pay 100k for this? If you don't mind my asking."

[hevos-lunis]

Shoregoers, come on down and get some freshly made lemonade, or chips and other such concessions! Only costs five per purchase today, a quite generous offer if I do say so myself. Nobody wants to watch a fight to the death, or participate in it, while thirsty and overheating. Don't miss out, get your inconcessions while you can!

[n-odious-tropy]

You look stressed... Here some stew!

Bloody hell, now that's an understatement. I haven't had a good night's sleep in at least a week and my chest is tighter than a corset. You know what? To hell with it. Sure. I'll take your stew. I don't care anymore that it could be poisoned.

In fact, I hope it is. I'll be disappointed if this meal isn't laced with arsenic. You'll be hearing from me if I wake up tomorrow.

[doctor-rosch]

No you don’t!

You are an amateur of the arts. I can smell it from a 100 miles away. You’re not sick of life- you’re cranky.

Take a nap.

[hevos-lunis]

Cranky and incorrect, on a few different levels.

The point of poisoning someone is not for the poison to act quickly, poison is meant to wait a few days to kill in a proper hit. This makes it so that whoever poisoned the stew would get away with it easier. Arsenic is fast acting only in high doses, and even then, it will take a whole day to end your life.

So no matter if it's poisoned or not, you will wake up tomorrow. Good day.

[hevos-lunis]

Question.... Why Jobs exist??

-Et-Her

"...Oh you're just a kid- hm-"

"Well, if people didn't have jobs, society would stop working properly, everything can be a job and all jobs play a big role. People don't like doing things for no reward, so that's why money is a thing. Money is a tool for trade, an exchange for goods and services. The more money you have, the more things you can get. That's why jobs are so important."

[the-ghost-mask]

So .. do Something it's a job? Then why working it's bed if doing do so?

[hevos-lunis]

"Oh no no, working is very good. There are a lot of jobs and most make good things, good times, or things people need. Some people get shoved into jobs they don't enjoy, or jobs they don't get enough reward for. That's why some people might say working is bad. It isn't. Plus, there's money involved, so by default, it's great no matter what."

[hevos-lunis]

Hi, I-its me again! This is probably gonna be a weird question, but do you have any large trash bags? There's been something I've been meaning to deal with for a long time.

Sighhhhhh

Inconvenience Store Policy, section 128B. "If you are going to commit a murder, you must be at least half a mile from The Inconvenience Store, unless you plan to thoroughly clean the scene of all evidence yourself. You will be tracked down if you do not cover the evidence well enough, and you will be forced to clean the scene by hand." If murder isn't the thing you've been planning, that's great, too. Large trash bags are on the first floor at isle 60.

[askthesciencerat-deactivated202]

Don't worry, Wolf Man! The murder actually happened months ago! Some weirdo tried to make me think that he was my boss, so I decided to put the man out of his misery early. I don't know how long the body's been sitting in my lab closet though.

[hevos-lunis]

"Hey, psspssp, sshhh! Keep your voice down. There are cameras with built in audio recorders around here. In the off chance the authorities get their hands on the tapes, there's evidence against you. That's one strike, I'll destroy the tapes only this time, you're on your own if it happens again."

[hevos-lunis]

Good day to all patrons of The Inconvenience Store! I've been reading the news of the islands, shame about the war with the pirates and all that. But worry not! With all of this commotion across the land, The Inconvenience Store has generously decided to put a 5% discount on all war suplies! We hope to see you in our store with open wallets very soon!

[hevos-lunis]

Question.... Why Jobs exist??

-Et-Her

"...Oh you're just a kid- hm-"

"Well, if people didn't have jobs, society would stop working properly, everything can be a job and all jobs play a big role. People don't like doing things for no reward, so that's why money is a thing. Money is a tool for trade, an exchange for goods and services. The more money you have, the more things you can get. That's why jobs are so important."

[hevos-lunis]

Hello. Would you happen to have any 'Violent Essence' brand apple scented shampoo, specifically the 2 litre bottle with pump? I'm running out and can't wash my hair if I don't have it. It needs to be this specific shampoo.

Yes, yes, the store has everything, as I've said before. Violent Essence is on the second floor, isle 13. You seem to enjoy apples, according to your buy history.

[hevos-lunis]

Hi, I-its me again! This is probably gonna be a weird question, but do you have any large trash bags? There's been something I've been meaning to deal with for a long time.

Sighhhhhh

Inconvenience Store Policy, section 128B. "If you are going to commit a murder, you must be at least half a mile from The Inconvenience Store, unless you plan to thoroughly clean the scene of all evidence yourself. You will be tracked down if you do not cover the evidence well enough, and you will be forced to clean the scene by hand." If murder isn't the thing you've been planning, that's great, too. Large trash bags are on the first floor at isle 60.

[hevos-lunis]

Do you have any open positions? I won’t do more than 30%, I need weekends and every other wednesday off and I reserve the right to not show up if I don’t feel like it. Oh and work-ethic costs extra.

/Rosch

"...Give me one moment, sir."

"If you want a job here, read all of this in one sitting out loud to me. Right here. Right now."

[doctor-rosch]

…..

Oh I see.

I see.

You want to play HARD BALL, huh?? You want to be petty? An egregious little worm?? Go LOW? You haven’t SEEN LOW, buddy. YOU HAVEN'T SQUIRMED AT THE FEET OF CREATION!!!

The way I see it- only ONE of us could LAST one sitting of this HELL SPIRE. Is that what you WANT??

HUP-

Waste MY TIME, will you? HA! You think- TIME! The ONE THING I- huff- HA! What's a fraction of infinity to- to a??

ha..! cake walk. hh. i'll starve that dog. heh!

AHEM! FIRST PAGE: TABLE OF CONTENTS: ITEM ONE.

[hevos-lunis]

"SEE YOU IN APPROXIMATELY 104 DAYS."

[hevos-lunis]

You Will not try to steal mine not payed work of delivery man right?

-M. Argento

"No, I'm not interested in coming for your work."

. . .

"But if the customers decide to make delivery purchases with me for an extra 25, that's on them."

[hevos-lunis]

Do you have any open positions? I won’t do more than 30%, I need weekends and every other wednesday off and I reserve the right to not show up if I don’t feel like it. Oh and work-ethic costs extra.

/Rosch

"...Give me one moment, sir."

"If you want a job here, read all of this in one sitting out loud to me. Right here. Right now."

[hevos-lunis]

Pardon me, sir.

I'm looking for the hardware section. I seem to have misplaced my socket wrench and normally I would ask to borrow someone else's, but I worry about out wearing good graces with such frivolous requests. It's high time I start my new tool collection...as costly as it may turn out to be.

...Though I have noticed there seems to be a distinct lack of currency indicators on the price tags. What forms of payment do you take?

-Odious Tropy

"Yeah, yeah, wrenches are on floor 3, isle 12. Costing 20. Ahem. 'Used currencies entirely depend on the customer, due to the diversity of peoples across the islands. Dollars, euros, wumpa coins, etc etc, anything is a valid form of payment so long as it matches the number on the tag.' Pay however you must, just remember TO pay."