#AnActualConversation

Partners trading quips.

[hexaac]

We’re folding laundry. Me: These are cleaner than when I put them in. Scott: ...  Scott: I’m so glad you finally figured out the point of washing machines.

[hexaac]

Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 4 Spoilers:

Scott: It’s called the ‘The Field of Fire’. Me: It should be called ‘The Battle of Big Fuck Dragon’. Scott: ... You’re forbidden from naming most things, but you’re allowed to name battles.

He asked me what I’d name the ‘The Battle of the Blackwater’, and I said it was ‘The Battle of Sneaky Wildfire’.

[hexaac]

Scott: Flamingos are a Caribbean bird. Me: Flamingos are a zoo bird. Scott: "Flamingos are a zoo bird". Shit Ren says.

I have my moments.

[hexaac]

I’ve been in a snarky mood lately.

Scott: You are an ornery cur. Me: You calling me a bitch? Scott: What. No. Me: A cur is a dog. Scott: ... Look that up. Me: You want me teach you English?

[hexaac]

Scott: You should get a haircut. Me: I could get a haircut. Or I could save up for money. Scott: ... Me: ... Did I just say I’d save up for money? Scott: Honestly Ren, #AnActualConversation would have nothing on #ShitRenSays.

:(

[hexaac]

I binge-watched the premiere season of Santa Clarita Diet in one night. Later as we laid in bed:

Me: I still can’t believe I gagged during that finger-eating scene. Scott: I know! You like gore. Me: *sigh* Scott: Wait a minute - it wasn’t the gore. You were imagining gagging on fingers, not getting your fingers ripped off! Shit, Ren! Me: Oh wow you’re right. It was tickling my gag reflex. Scott: Damn it Ren, stop empathising with cannibals!

Also, Scott has established that he would kill me the moment I turned into a zombie, albeit one retaining my consciousness. Fucker.

[hexaac]

Me: I just started this movie and if you want I can start over... but I highly doubt that because it got a 5.8. Scott: Oh that's really low... Scott: ... You're watching it because it's a trainwreck aren't you. Me: I know. Scott: Just like other things... Me: Hey hey, Sharknado was not a trainwreck. In fact, it was the complete opposite of a trainwreck. Me: It was a sharknado.

[hexaac]

I have a habit of making up lyrics because I can’t remember the original words.

Me: 𝄞 Oh christmas tree, oh christmas tree 𝄞 Me: 𝄞 The tannenbaum is burning 𝄞 Scott: Wait, what? Me: Oh I don’t actually know what a Tannenbaum is. Scott: ... It’s German for ‘christmas tree’. Scott: That was the saddest song ever.

That was the most German song sung without knowing German ever.

[hexaac]

Scott: Did you like the picture of the bear/dog? Me: Yes. I want. Scott: You just want to bury your face into something huge and furry. Me: No it’s dual use. First, I have a pet. When it dies, I have a rug. Scott: Jesus christ.

[hexaac]

My friend Ken mentioned that some of our mutual friends didn't know that I was married.

Ken: Your marriage was like the brother of Thor. Scott: The brother of Thor? Ken & Me: Low key. Scott: Godammit.

My friend Ken is very punny.

[hexaac]

Me: Wow I think I’ve been following them for a decade now. Scott: You’re a hipster. Me: No, they were pretty popular before I followed them. Scott: ... Me: It’s just that they aren’t that well-known outside of Japan. Scott: And there it is. I knew if I waited long enough I’d get a hipster comment.

[hexaac]

I forgot my wallet this morning, so Scott waited for me at the train station while I went back home to retrieve it. He wants me to go cold turkey for 2 weeks T^T 

[hexaac]

Me: Move. I’m going to somersault on the bed. Scott: What? No! You’re a long-legged lady. That won’t work! Scott: I’m going to die.

It worked out.

[hexaac]

Me: Will you want to keep my ashes? Scott: Maybe. Me: What for though? Scott: Spice.

Joke’s on him, he can’t cook.

[hexaac]

Scott: He’s only 39. Me: What?! He looks like he’s my dad’s age! Scott: White people, Ren. We age fast. Me: ... You need to moisturise.

[hexaac]

Me: ... I realised that herpes is my favourite. Scott: We can’t be sleeping together anymore.

I research weird stuff sometimes.

[hexaac]

Me: I'm sorry God, but I don't believe. Scott: That was a very odd thing to say. It's like calling up Cosmo to cancel a subscription you don't have.