conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 49 (masterpost here)
Tim: -did not enjoy it, like at all. shitty party.
Dick: that's why i didn't go! i don't care if he lives in some mystical underwater kingdom; that doesn't mean Aquaman knows how to throw a decent rager.
Jason: what was the party even for, again?
Tim: *straining sounds* man this door will not budge-- uh, i think it was the anniversary of the first assembly of the Justice League.
Jason: oh; ugh. yeah i wouldn'a gone either.
Dick: by the way, Red, your tracker says you're not even at the shipping container you're meant to be searching. what door are you opening?
Tim, confused: what? you said it was the seventh one down, right?
Dick: no man, eleventh. you gotta keep going.
Tim: w- *exasperated huff* i've been at this one for the past fifteen minutes and you didn't say?!
Dick: i didn't realise you were trying to open it!
Tim: *groan* *annoyed scuff of boots* man you are fucking- you suck at playing Oracle. there's fucking two of you and you're still shitter than O on her own.
Jason: in my defence i take the term 'playing Oracle' very loosely. i dunno what Dick's been doing, but i haven't looked at the batcomputer once since i came down here. i'm just here to hang out and play Pokémon on Damian's switch.
Dick: yeah- isn't he gonna be super pissed that you're messing with his save file while he's on patrol?
Jason: nah, 's a fight he can't get past. told me to beat it for 'im.
Dick, fond: aww, i used to do that with Mario levels and B!
Tim: Hood, you aren't even injured. i get Wing playing Oracle, but the fuck're you staying at the manor for?
Jason: unlike you people i understand the concept of giving myself a break every now and then. it's self care to stay behind sometimes,
Tim, flat: ok you literally kill people on a weekly basis, how can you think you have the authority on mental health here?
Jason, wisely: if the only case against me you have is the simple fact that i take human life, then you have no case at all.
Tim: ...i cannot believe that that is an actual sentence you just said.
Tim: ...ok is this the container?
Dick: uhhh- hold on let me tab back in i was on etsy-
Dick: yeah you good. you know i've been to a couple parties to do with the JL, and i gotta say they always disappoint.
Tim: right?! like, for a group of superheroes you guys are fucking boring. where's the magic 'n shit cause i know you have access to it.
Jason: oh yeah, being in this business is way less magical than it seems.
Tim: i was honestly so disappointed when i realised that; like i had a bucket list.
Dick, laughing lightly: you had a bucket list?
Tim: a bucket list, which i kept in my phone calendar-
Jason: *abrupt laugh* that's such a shit place to keep one!
Tim: yeah man- after i got knighted as Robin i picked a date like a year later, and I had a list of cool magic shit i wanted to experience before that date. let me tell you--didn't get to do shit.
Jason, snickering: *a drawl* yeeeeeah, Gotham in the post-golden era? that's gotta be disappointing.
Tim: closest i got to was when i got to do the cool time travel scavenger hunt after B got lost. and even then, i didn't get to do half of the cool things i wanted to do. i wanted indiana jones type shit, and all i got was fucking--criminal minds, or something. there is so much cocaine in this shipping container, by the way.
Jason, absent: shoulda' taken some of that to Aquaman's party.
Dick: *snort* yeah i remember having things like that. my favourite moment of being Robin was the first time that i got to put a bunch of pins in a map and then wind red string around them to map out a path and lead us to a final location. that shit felt like heroin.
Jason: *gasp* oh yeahhhhh! i remember when i was Robin and B didn't use paper shit any more, so the first time i got to do that was when i worked a case with you, and it made my fucking year i swear to god. wasn't even ruined by the fact that you hated me at the time, i was just so excited.
Tim, audibly bitter: yeah well i'm real happy for you two. you know what i got when i became Robin? an ipad and a fucking shared google document.
Dick and Jason: *burst into laughter*
Jason, through tears: man i forgot about B's google doc phase-!
Tim, still annoyed: yeah, well there was a lot i wanted to do that i never got to do. i never got to uncover a hidden underground treasure room, i never got to flick through an ancient tomb with a thick leather cover until i find the right page and slam it open onto a table while going 'here!',
Tim: -i never got to discover a secret map drawn in invisible ink,
Dick, still laughing: ok you just wanted to do a national treasure-
Tim: i wanted to find an ancient magical staff and hold it up in a beam of light. instead what do i get? shipping containers of cocaine and being kidnapped by a schizophrenic where i have to stay tied up in his basement for a week and a half while i wait for Batman and Robin to track me down like a lost dog.
Jason: *still wheezing* aw man, did the- *another wheeze*
Jason: *high pitched* did the schizophrenic at least have a staff?
Tim, indignant: well he had a staff infection,
Jason and Dick: *collapse into more loud laughter*
Tim: this job fucking sucks.
