Hayes

"Perhaps she loved poetry because she was a poem herself."

[heysnothayes]

TW: Rape & death

Hi everyone, please take the few seconds to put trigger warnings on your posts that might be graphic and uncomfortable for some to see. Let us all be sensitive and don’t take the gravity of this situation for granted.

I just wrote this to remind everyone to take caution. Especially to people whom you refere to as friends. May we all learn from what have happened, and continue to stand up for the victim. Take this time, to educate, those who still chooses to be ignorant and blame the victim. RAPE is RAPE, no matter what the context might be. The reason why this happens is solely because of RAPISTS, IT IS NEVER THE VICTIMS FAULT.

Rapists are disgusting, but victim blaming does not make you any different.

[heysnothayes]

A realization 2020 taught me:

that listening to a person, and sharing insights maybe right or wrong depending on how you respond.

I say, let 2021 be the year we stop comparing our experiences to what other people experienced. Just because it haa similar details, especially when you know it’s sentimental to them. So, how do you know it’s sentimental? Look into their eyes while talking about it, or the way they speak about it. You’ll know it’s important, when it took a long time for them to speak up— or when their eyes light up

So, maybe we should stop saying “ako nga eh” “si ano nga eh” because it’s not a competition of who’s had it worst or better. You’re invalidating their sentiments by making it about you, or someone you know. Sometimes, people open up because they wanted to vent, so listen to them first. Perhaps all they need is your company, a hug, a pat in the back, a bottle of their favorite drink. It isn’t always ill-mannered to share what you have experienced. You just have to pause, and wait for them to say “so what do you think?”

[heysnothayes]

Nakakatawang isipin, na ako ang mahal mo Pero kailangan kong makipagagawan sa oras at atensyon mo Kasi, ngayon hindi na ako kasama sa mga paglalalaanan mo nito. Pero handa akong maghintay, magugat man ang mga mata ko. Hanggang maging bakante na ang kalendaryo mo. Mahal mo pa ba ako? Madalas kong naitatanong sa sarili ko, Ang mga katanungang ito, Mga tanong na dati ay hindi ko maiisipang itanong sayo. Pero sa paglipas ng oras, ang tanong na ito ang sumasagi sa isip ko. Mahal mo pa nga ba ako? Sana, mahal mo pa ako. Handa akong tumaya ulit sa larong ito. Kung saan sa ngayon, ikaw ang panalo. Ang maghahabol ang siyang talo. Pero, aanhin ko ang premyo? Kung ikaw ang kapalit ng pagkatalo ko. Mahal mo pa ba ako? O nanghihinayang ka lang sa mga oras na nagsama tayo? Ayaw mo lang bang itapon ang anim na buwang ating binuno? Kung ang sagot mo ay oo, Sa tingin ko panahon na para sumuko. Isuko na natin ang labang sa simula pa lang ay natalo na tayo.

[heysnothayes]

You were my 11:11 wish, even when back then were so near to fading away like stardusts that never existed from this vast of a universe. You were the gravitational attraction, and no matter how much I seem to resist you, I will always fall back to where I belong, to you. The very reason, why my hand bleeds poetry every now and then was your existence. I write, to contain the euphoric feeling your mere breathing gives me. You are the beautiful poem, I have waited for such a long time to write; and to keep writing. You were the magic that turned my life upside down and I am regretting nothing.

H.V.

[heysnothayes]

Im wide awake, thinking how it should go wrong to love at an early age. When loving, couldn't be wrong in the first place.

H.V. 🦄✨

[heysnothayes]

I feel like we were skydivers who lost a sense of direction, free-flying in the wind. The cold breeze blows unto my skin, reminding me that this is reality. I was not in a dream, and I don’t need to be awaken. We were skydivers and somehow, I forgot about the parachute. As we promised, if that ever happens we both face all odds even if it’s us against the world. I wasn’t brave enough to hold on tight, but I was brave enough to let you go.

H.V.

[heysnothayes]

Am I ever? Right. I mean, going to bed thinking I wronged you was debilitating. I sleep with the wrong thoughts lingering on every corner of my mind. "Where did I go wrong" is a question that has never seemed to leave my wanderings. Just because no matter how I solve the puzzles of your rumbled debris I cannot put the missing pieces of the answers that disturbs me. Am I wrong all along? To buy all the time in the world and give them as a present just for you because that is how much I am willing to give. Am I wrong to take your risks because I never seem to win this unending game pf fate playing tricks on me. I heard better luck next time, already thinking what I'll do the next time just to win you. I was wrong, no matter how much you dust me with your sweet words and your faint promises. The reality still unveils, that no matter how I love, you will never love me back. I was wrong for holding on to you when you never held on me. I was wrong to love you, hoping you can give it back even just a little, even just a pinch.

H.V.

[heysnothayes]

Im scared, of the things that might happen. The tendencies, the possibilities, everything that could make me blind-- of the truth. I might lose my eye on what's true, and chase you until the sun meets the moon. The scenario plays over my mind like a broken record, no stops, no ending, no anything. Anything possible, anything that shouts change. I am losing hope, slowly and surely. Maybe, that's why Im scared. Because I don't want to keep chasing you, while you round around in a shape with no sides and never gets to end. Because who knows? Maybe time wouldn't heal all wounds.

H.V.

[heysnothayes]

You were the boy who likes to stare at the night skies Here I am, the brightest thing in the pitch darkness As I emit the light and it shines through your eyes I saw the truth that lies beneath your sweetest smiles You were the boy, who tried to collied with my universe Yet failed to see how destructive it could be Maybe, you were blind or you couldn't care less So we part our ways, and just let it slide. Because colliding with you, would kill the both of us It could be the end of our igniting fire, you lost me while trying to count the stars So let this be our last goodbye, Until the universe decides to be on our side.

[heysnothayes]

You painted my grayscale world with vivid colors I have never seen before. I was caught off guard, it was surreal, my eyes was blurring fiction to reality. Before I knew it I was trapped in a jail I can never escape. I am stuck with the reality of how this world never rotates for me but everyone else. As the sun strikes it's rays it enlightens me-- I am sick from a disease I can never be healed from and whenever I look in the mirror the reflection never seems to be close from what I feel. A monster that was dormant for eons ago has now awakened; it is ready to pierce and devour me completely. Save me, save me before it does.

H.V.

[heysnothayes]

You know what's wrong? The way you caress me with so much loving and yet you say nothing. I can tell you, perhaps what's wrong is that you likened my eyes to a twinkling star but you won't look at me like I was. The stories we tell are endless but our story is always untold. You left me with so much to remember, and I cannot even see guilt drawn to you. Maybe, I was wrong. Thinking that you and I were right. Was a wrong thought, I could never put and end to.

H.V.

[heysnothayes]

You painted my grayscale world with vivid colors I have never seen before. I was caught off guard, it was surreal, my eyes was blurring fiction to reality. Before I knew it I was trapped in a jail I can never escape. I am stuck with the reality of how this world never rotates for me but everyone else. As the sun strikes it's rays it enlightens me-- I am sick from a disease I can never be healed from, and whenever I look in the mirror the reflection never seems to be close from what I feel. A monster that was dormant for eons ago has now awakened; it is ready to pierce and devour me completely. Save me, save me before it does.

H.V.

[heysnothayes]

Why would I call for help? When no one could save me from drowning.

H.V.

[heysnothayes]

When I write, I give all my heat to craft a read-worthy poem. Just like when I love, I pour all my hear in one person. The difference is that, I can make my poems love me back, but not you.

H.V.

[poems-and-words]

Book of the week: Warrior of the Light by Paulo Coelho

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[heysnothayes]

When I write, I keep on searching for mistakes, reviewing to see any grammatical errors or typographical ones. I go back, and erase or change that mistake as quickly as possible. I wish it was that easy, I wish I could go back repeatedly and know what I got wrong because I am here dying to know how it all went wrong. I wish I could change the mistakes, before it destroyed the both of us and tear us apart. Because if I can do it all again, I would. If only I could amend, I would go back and do it.

H.V.

[heysnothayes]

Remember when you wrote a sentence and it didn’t looked complete because it doesn’t have a period in the end? The feeling of disappointment it offers when something is undone and incomplete is what you give me every time. Because this is not based on anything just superficial, it is the results of your deeds that led me on having thoughts like this. “I love you” sounded uncertain, I thought you don’t mean it at all. Why does it have to? The moon I mean, I just realized it wasn’t complete until I saw it whole with every light it reflects on earth, confidently showing what it has kept all day because it has to. Tell me, how would you feel if you were given a half if you asked for a whole piece? I have felt this way every time you look at me and say you love me, even if it was half-meant, even if it was uncertain. How could you speak of such feelings you were never sure of? I crave for the love, I never had. The kind of love that completes me, the one that completes every phrases by making it a sentence. I am hungry for all of the certain feelings I have given but was never given back to me. Because, love should put periods on every undone sentences, the half moon and half-meant are not what it should be. Half- is not what I deserve. I deserved to be love whole and complete.

H.V.