just rambling, I have no one to talk to
im really close with my mom's side of the family, and I'm home visiting right now, staying at my grandparents house. I was especially close with her little sister, she was my adult whenever I couldn't talk to my mom about something. she has three really young kids, and they've been my whole world since the eldest was born all the way back in 2019. but my aunt started drinking again. and we called her on it, because those kids are my whole entire world and you're not going to get away with drunk driving with them in the car. and now, she won't come over, she won't text back, and she won't let us see the kids. and it hurts a lot.
we visited my great grandmother today. she has dementia. my whole life, she lived in this beautiful house with her youngest daughter, my great-aunt. my great-aunt was amazing, creative, and passionate. she had the house decorated beautifully with curated decor that took her years to collect. she passed away in 2022 from cervical cancer. since then, my great grandmother has been taken care of by a revolving door of nurses, caretakers, and her kids. I went to her house today, I couldn't see my great aunt anywhere. her wall art and collections and even her curtains and decorative pillows were gone. my grandmother told me that her sisters had taken things when she passed, and sold a lot of it. it felt wrong, and I miss her a lot.
my dad's back north, not visiting family with us. he's been weird, he's calling every few hours and he's lying about where he is. he said he was in the home office when he was in his bedroom, and he said he was about to leave the house for lunch when we'd already gotten the credit card charge for the restaurant. it's just weird, and my mom said she gets this uncomfortable, anxious feeling in her stomach every time he calls.
and I feel really ignored this trip. I ask to go out, go to the beach or walk or get a drink or a ride to the gym, only to get a "sorry, I know you wanted to go out" hours later. and there's no plan, there's never a plan that everyone sticks to, so even when my suggestions are received, someone doesn't show up, someone doesn't want to go anymore, and eventually the afternoon rains come in. even when I just want to go to bed a little early, I meet resistance.
and my boyfriend's gone on his own thing and hasn't been able to talk and I miss him
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