I have really managed to create a delicate and unique brand of seclusion for myself. how am I ever gonna fix this. am I just gonna have to move?? totally ditch my old life? is this what an ACTUAL rut feels like? I thought i understood what it felt like to be numb, but this really just feels like a whole new level. I have GOT to do something. new job? maybe try to move or something?? Its not like I haven’t got anything to keep myself busy with, but jeSus everything just feels like a dream. like i’m gonna wake up and you’ll just be looking at me in the morning, and i’ll tell you it feels like it has been years since the last time I saw you but it was all just a dream. it was all just a really bad, vivid, incredibly complex and perspective changing dream. maybe that’s it. lol. I don’t even remember what it felt like to actually have someone that I can tell how and what I’m really feeling. it’s like a fucking fever dream, except less a dream and more just a fever and I’m sick. sick in the head, sick down to the bones. so sick that I can’t fuckin seem to remember what its like to have friends, and what its like to feel confident and want to talk to women, and god I don’t know but everything just really couldn’t get much worse. but you know what ever I’ll just keep making my music or whatever, and hope at some point something fuckin makes a little bit of sense! :) :) :) what the fuck
