Amo Et Amitto - Nightcrawler x Reader
Okay so I know what I said about a College AU FWB to Lovers Wally West story, but the thought of this one literally wouldn't let me go so I had to write it. I lowkey didn't edit it, so if it's a little rough that's my b. Anyways this is a Kurt Wagner x postulant! reader, because I like forbidden love.
Before you read:
*a postulant is a person who is essentially testing out becoming a nun before becoming a fully fledged nun
*I am not Catholic, so if anything is misrepresented here, let me know! I didn't lean crazy heavy on religious themes, but they're definitely still prominent so lmk :)
*I also don't know that much about Kurt, but his character fit this trope so perfectly, so if I misrepresented his character here at all I'm sorry!
Okay that should be it! I hope you enjoy!!!
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The halls of The Cathedral of St. Augustine of Hippo were silent and still. The dust particles that hung in the air were alighted by the moonlight that filtered in through the giant stained glass windows that adorned the wall, each with a different scene of the Passion of Jesus Christ, culminating in an ornate cross in the central window above the altar. It was a serene picture that was suddenly disturbed by the shifting of something, or someone, in the nave. A figure wandered forward, almost in a trance, transfixed on the image of the cross above him. A barbed tail dragged on the floor behind him and his feet were cloven hooves. As he stepped into the light of the sanctuary, his skin glowed a soft, unnatural blue. Yellow eyes still locked onto the cross, he knelt at the steps of the altar as prayers began to spill from his lips. Confessions and supplications filled his prayer until he could no longer bear to look at the cross through his teary eyes and bowed his head, nearly collapsing where he was knelt. He prayed and prayed until he fell could no longer move his mouth from exhaustion, and then he lay on the steps and let his heart keep crying out until he fell asleep there.
What he didn’t notice was that he wasn’t the only one to disturb the silence of the room. A pair of eyes was watching him from the clerestory. A young postulant had come into the cathedral from the nunnery that it was connected to. Suffering from insomnia, she had taken to sneaking into the cathedral to pray whenever she couldn’t sleep. Most nights it brought the relief she sought and eventually it became her routine. While the doors to the cathedral were always left open, as it was meant to be a safehouse for any who needed it, she had never seen anyone there at night before. She had come into the building just after the devil-boy and watched him pray. She saw how tightly he gripped his rosary, and unconsciously thumbed her own, running her finger along the smooth wooden beads. For someone who looked like Satan himself, he sure was a devout Catholic, she thought. She was curious about him, but didn’t want to interrupt his sacred moment. She waited until he fell asleep before she joined him before the altar. When she had first seen him, she was frightened by his appearance. It was demonic and for a girl who had been raised to hate demons, the visage was enough to stir up uneasiness. But when she got closer, her anxiety quelled a little. He looked human, once you really saw him. The tail, hooves, and blue skin were what had frightened her, but as she observed him longer, they became more familiar. Though she wasn’t fully sure of how safe he was, she was too curious for her own good. She was careful not to wake him, and though she considered staying longer, until he awoke, she decided against it and returned to the nunnery. The next morning, when she went in for morning mass, he was gone. She continued about her day distracted, too busy thinking about the mysterious devil-boy she’d seen that night. Part of her wondered if she’d been so sleep deprived she’d imagined it. She hoped he’d be there again that night. Maybe she’d be brave enough to go down and talk to him. She had never been more anxious for the night to arrive.
When it did, she waited for the other nuns to fall asleep before she snuck back off to the cathedral. She decided to sit in the choir section while she waited, so that she would be able to talk to him when he walked by. However, sleep came quickly to her, unusually. She fell asleep slumped in a choir pew before seeing the devil-boy. That night however, he came again. As he crossed from the nave through the crossing and into the choir area, he saw her. In fact, her presence pulled his eyes away from the cross before him, as he stopped in his tracks and stared at her sleeping form. At first he paused, not wanting to be caught and fearing that her sleep was light, but once he realized she posed no threat, he moved towards her slightly, observing her. Her face was beautiful, it looked content in sleep. He couldn’t help himself from staring. There was something almost self-deprecating about it, he felt, the ability to stand in the presence of such beauty when he himself looked the way he did. That night, though he spent the evening praying, per usual, he couldn’t stop his thoughts drifting back to her. He elected not to sleep the night at the church, in fear she would wake up and see him, so he left quietly, disappearing with a quiet BAMF into the night.
She awoke at the sound of the cathedral bell chiming the nuns’ wakeup call, disappointed she hadn’t seen the stranger.
During her activities at the nunnery, she overheard two of the senior nuns talking about a traveling circus that was in town. It seemed that a few nuns were going to appeal for a recreational evening out to go see the circus, and she eagerly asked to go along. They had decided to go that evening, and the postulant was excited to join them.
The atmosphere at the circus was like nothing she’d experienced. The air smelled sweet and savory like the food vendors that were stationed outside of the main tent. It was loud and exciting. They found their seats as the Ringmaster introduced the Munich Circus and the performances began. One of the last performances of the evening was announced as “The Incredible Nightcrawler.” With a BAMF sound, a blue devilish figure appeared in the center of the ring. The nuns around her murmured in surprise, with a few muttering prayers at the demonic appearance, but she couldn’t help but lean forward. This “Nightcrawler” was the devil-boy from the Cathedral. So he was real! She watched with wrapt attention as he demonstrated his abilities. By the end of the performance, she was fully enthralled. She had to meet Nightcrawler. After the performances had finished and all the performers came out to interact with the audience, she made her way towards him.
He spotted her walking through the crowd towards him and he froze. It was the postulant from the cathedral. The woman whose beauty had captivated him. He almost wanted to run, but he felt an equal if not overpowering draw to stay and talk to her. That side eventually won out and he let her approach.
“You,” she said, once she was close enough, “I know you.” He blinked. How did she know him? Had she been awake when he had seen her?
“You know me?” He repeated, voice thick with a German accent.
“I saw you. At Saint Augustine’s. Two nights ago. I waited for you yesterday, but you never came,” she seemed to pout at that. So she had seen him there the first night. He inhaled softly. The thought that she was waiting for him sent chills down his spine and raised goosebumps along his skin for some reason.
“I was there,” he confessed, “I saw you. I didn’t know you had seen me.” She smiled.
“So you did come! Good! Saint Augustine’s is for everyone.” Her smile was stunning and he felt himself smiling automatically at seeing it.
“I’m Kurt,” he introduced.
“Hello Kurt,” she said, “I’m (Y/n). It's so nice to finally meet you.”
“You as well,” he nodded, “Did you like the show?”
“Oh I loved it,” she beamed, “You’re very talented.” The blue boy flushed a purple color. He thanked her. They were interrupted by the sound of the nuns calling to (Y/n). She shot Kurt an apologetic look and excused herself.
That night, she waited anxiously in the cathedral. She wasn’t sure if meeting Kurt had driven him away but she hoped he would return. All of a sudden, she heard a noise accompanied by the scent of sulfur. She whirled around to find Kurt standing there in a puff of smoke.
“You’re here!” she smiled.
“Of course I am. I couldn’t stay away,” he said. She laughed. They fell into easy conversation. He felt like he could tell her everything and she listened to all he had to say with no judgement, sharing her own life.
This continued over the next couple of days into weeks. There was a steady rhythm. She would wait for him and he would appear and then they’d talk for hours until one or the other was too tired to continue and then they’d bid each other goodnight and leave. For the life of a circus boy, this rhythm and stability was foreign to him. He was comforted by knowing she was there and that she cared. He told her about his love for his adopted family, but the longing to know who he really was. He shared his shame and religious guilt for his appearance and superhuman abilities. He told her all about life in the circus. She told him about her life, about her family, and about the nunnery. She shared her call to become a nun, to fully devote herself to the Bible and its teachings. They wanted to understand each other in a way that nobody else had given them an outlet to before. More than just talking, they taught each other things, things that were central to each other. She taught him her Latin prayers that she had to recite during mass, which he caught onto very quickly. Kurt taught her German, and though she wasn’t the best pupil by any means, she had a very forgiving teacher. She would ask him about his abilities and what it felt like to teleport. One evening, he decided to show her. He took her by the hand and BAMF! They were outside the church. She was fascinated by it and he loved to show off for her, and so he would teleport her around the cathedral like it was a game. Anything to see her smile.
Some nights they didn’t talk at all, they would sit in silence, or simply pray together, letting the presence of another person be grounding.
A few weeks into their nightly rendezvous, something changed. At first Kurt thought that it was just him, but slowly, surely, he felt convinced of the shift. She had become more comfortable touching him, and now actively sought it out. When he wasn’t looking at her, her eyes would linger on him, like his did on her. When they met, the air began to feel charged with something. With longing. Eventually he had to tell her or he felt as though the tension would kill him.
He BAMF-ed into the cathedral as usual, but before she could get any words of greeting out, he hugged her close to himself.
“Kurt?” she asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t,” he cried softly, “I can’t keep it inside me anymore. My heart hurts too much. I’ve prayed for it to stop and its only grown.”
“What has?” she asked, worriedly.
“My love,” he groaned. He leaned in and mumbled into her ear. “Ich liebe dich.” She stilled in his arms. He clung tighter, fearing that he had ruined everything. “Bitte. Please.” His breathing was ragged and he felt crazy. How had a simple crush become such a tidal wave of longing and desire? He wasn’t sure but he knew that he had to bare his heart to her, or else it would crush him.
“Oh, Kurt,” she said softly, pulling back slightly, her eyes sad.
“I know that you can’t be with me when you take your vows but you aren’t a nun yet,” he pleaded. She frowned a bit.
“I know that I’m not, but I will be. I’m called to be. I cannot abandon my calling no matter my feelings. But regardless, you know that the Munich Circus won’t stay here forever. You said it yourself when we were talking, they’re planning to move at the end of the month. You won’t be here any longer.”
“I can make it work,” he tried to argue.
“Kurt,” she sighed.
“Why aren’t you fighting for this?” he asked sharply, “I thought you wanted this?”
“I do,” she replied, “But this isn’t the path that the Lord has laid out for us.” Kurt turned away from her.
“I would have done anything for you,” he said.
“Would you leave the calling that God has set before you?” she asked, “For a girl that you’ve only known a short time?” He paused. No. He knew he would not. But it still stung, it still felt like rejection.
“Kurt,” she tried again. He didn’t respond. They sat in silence for a minute, before Kurt stood and teleported out of the cathedral. (Y/n) sat alone there until the morning came.
She waited in the cathedral the next several nights, but he didn’t return. She was beginning to lose hope of seeing him again, as the end of the month grew closer.
It was the last day that the Munich Circus was set to be in town. She waited in the cathedral that night, though her hope was low. It was past four in the morning and nearing daybreak, and she was considering giving up for the night when the faint smell of sulfur caught her nose. She turned. There he was, in the back of the nave. Her Kurt. She ran towards him and when she reached him, he lifted her up in his arms.
“I’m sorry for my anger,” he apologized, “It was misplaced. I do not want to be your enemy.”
“You aren’t,” she replied, tucking her head into his neck, “You could never be my enemy. I love you, Kurt.” He looked at her tenderly.
“May I kiss you? Just once, before I go?” She nodded. He pressed his lips to hers. He felt his heart thrumming in his chest, a bittersweet mix of joy and sadness that ached. Her heart echoed his, the emotion spilling into the kiss. It was sweet and soft and everything that Kurt had dreamed it would be.
“I love you, (Y/n),” he said, “You are going to make a wonderful nun someday.” She smiled sadly.
“I love you too, Kurt. You’re a wonderful performer and you’re going to succeed at all that you do,” she said assuredly. She pecked his lips once again, in a light kiss. He returned it with a kiss to her forehead, before disappearing into a cloud of sulfur scented smoke.
She remained there, heart hurting softly, staring at where the man she loved had been standing. That was the last time she’d ever see him, she knew it in her bones.
A year later she became a nun fully, and Kurt had joined the X-men as the hero “Nightcrawler”, a nod to his circus past. She continued to live in the convent for the rest of her life, devoting herself to the worship of her God. Kurt went on to save many lives, before sacrificing his own to save one of his teammates. Though they never got their fairy tale ending, both felt fulfilled in their lives, and the memory of their brief relationship, though never forgotten, became a thing of their youth. Maybe in another universe they would have ended up together, maybe it was never meant to be anyways, regardless, they both knew it happened the way it did for a reason, and they were content with that much.