who are you really?

ind. ellis cousland, Hero of Ferelden penned by emi 18+

[higheverlost]

google doc || art tag || hc tag || spotify || pinterest 

               affiliated with @ocousland    (   this means lily exists in ellis’ main verse,            unless explicitly plotted otherwise   )

I’m Emi / Xan, I’m 23 & go by any pronouns! most of my information / rules are on my google doc. This is an independent, slightly canon divergent, blog for the Hero of Ferelden from dragon age: origins. 

here are a few rules if you can’t see my doc right away!

due to the nature of the dragon age universe, this blog is 18+. No offense, I just would feel more comfortable knowing all of my followers are adults.  If anyone lies to me about their age, they will be immediately blocked. 

though there will be information regarding other characters in Ellis’ bio, I can change anything to fit your canon for your universe. 

I love other Cousland characters, HoF’s & everything in between. Don’t be shy, I love & prefer to plot. 

my bio is still under construction! i’m reworking some decisions, figuring out a solid timeline, so on & so forth. this blog is a little over a month old & there is a lot of development to be done

this blog will remain dash-only. i don’t like to update / maintain themes, but respect to people who do!

art of ellis was done by me unless stated otherwise. do not use any art i post here without my permission, though if you need something done I love drawing other characters! It’s also a great icebreaker if we haven’t spoken before 

be kind, remember we’re doing this for fun  &  bring good vibes only. 

this blog will focus a lot on dissecting ellis’ mental state / why he percieves the world as he does. there will be studies on mental illness & how trauma aggravates this. here are some of the most important hcs about his state of mind that give reference for how he perceives things ( general assessment, schizophrenia breakdown, about his journal )

other blogs: @boneswept ( domeric bolton ), @boywebbed ( peter parker )

thank you for checking out my blog!

       icons psd by @venuscommissions

[higheverlost]

i changed the url you can find ellis on to @xfindingtrouble !!! would love to write with some old friends on the new mumu <3

[higheverlost]

i changed the url you can find ellis on to @xfindingtrouble !!! would love to write with some old friends on the new mumu <3

[higheverlost]

i changed the url you can find ellis on to @xfindingtrouble !!! would love to write with some old friends on the new mumu <3

[higheverlost]

anyways ellis is temporarily on @xansidiots until further notice! i will likely eventually get him back on his own blog but today is not that day. i miss ellis dearly though & would love to keep writing him on the downlow

[higheverlost]

anyways ellis is temporarily on @xansidiots until further notice! i will likely eventually get him back on his own blog but today is not that day. i miss ellis dearly though & would love to keep writing him on the downlow

[higheverlost]

anyways ellis is temporarily on @xansidiots until further notice! i will likely eventually get him back on his own blog but today is not that day. i miss ellis dearly though & would love to keep writing him on the downlow

[higheverlost]

anyways ellis is temporarily on @xansidiots until further notice! i will likely eventually get him back on his own blog but today is not that day. i miss ellis dearly though & would love to keep writing him on the downlow

[higheverlost]

anyways ellis is temporarily on @xansidiots until further notice! i will likely eventually get him back on his own blog but today is not that day. i miss ellis dearly though & would love to keep writing him on the downlow

[higheverlost]

hi! i’m not dead, i just started a new job. tonight i’m planning on responding to some memes / threads that i know i’m keeping. i’ll probably reach out to people in the next few days to see what they want to continue or drop!

[higheverlost]

howdy pardners

[higheverlost]

"I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me."

It had been difficult to spend time together since the fall of Haven. It felt as though everyone & their mother had Astoria's name on their lips, spinning a thousand different tales of how she survived it all. There were endless letters to respond to, endless people to deal with... Ellis missed his wife. " I'd appreciate it if you took a break. " there is a bright sort of sarcasm to his words, embellishing the very same tone she used on him. It was a sort of cheekiness he only spared for his wife, accompanied by a quick kiss on the top of her head. If she were not sitting in the desk in their chambers, his physical affection may not have been spared so freely... but this was a private moment between the two of them. He couldn't help but rest his hands on her shoulders, hoping that his touch may drag her from her work. If only for a moment. He kisses her again, this time on her cheek if only to solidify his point, " Just a teeny one. "

" I hear from some of the servants that, and I quote, ' the battlements are the most romantic place to watch the sunset. If you ignore the breach ' " Ellis adds the last part as a half-joke, hoping to snatch her attention. He knew he could, which is precisely why he had stashed a bottle of wine in his bag for the occasion. He wanted it to remain a surprise but he was not above using it as a bargaining chip, " That must be a bit tempting, at least. "

[higheverlost]

"nothing you can say will upset me."

Astoria's words strike him deep enough to form an uncomfortable pit in his chest. It was heavy, guilty almost...He couldn't quite place why, but he felt he should be sorry. It wasn't as though he could stop his night terrors, nor could he stop Astoria from waking when he sat up out of a dead sleep in a panic. He had pushed her away at first. Astoria had seen him through plenty of things. She was the woman who held his heart in her hands, the most special person he had ever met... But even she couldn't support him all his life. They were both grown, they had lives & responsibilities all their own, even if they tended to them at one another's side.

He had been sinking deeper & deeper into some sort of pit, one that was getting deep enough that he feared he may drag her down with him. It was getting more difficult to keep track of the days, time passed so quickly that he couldn't discern the past from the present. He was plagued by delusions that made it hard to sort through what was happening & what had already passed. Astoria was a pillar for him, a light in the darkness... but every lantern eventually ran out of fuel. It was terrifying to him to think that she could burn out like that. It made it harder to find comfort in her arms, a strange sort of guilt eating him from the inside out.

" I just --- don't think this is fair. " Ellis laments, his gaze resting uncomfortably on the fireplace in their chambers. There were only embers left, providing a faint glow in the darkness. He had woken up after another one of his damned nightmares & Astoria had been quick to follow. Usually, he would find a great deal of comfort in her gentle words but tonight, his chest felt tight. There was something weighing on it, threatening to crush him. He lets out a deep gust of air, catching his breath for the first time since they woke. He hangs his head in his hands, trying to hide the way his brow furrows in frustration.

" You should be sleeping right now. " He doesn't look at her, for fear that he may melt. She had a way of doing that, of stripping away his defensive nature. It was usually the most wonderful, incredible feeling in the world... But part of him felt he did not deserve that. Not tonight. " You've got a thousand things to do in the morning. I shouldn't have woken you. "

[higheverlost]

❛  out of curiosity, why do you ask ?  ❜

Ellis eyes rested upon Aloy's hand. He had heard tale of the power she now held, but today was the first time he had seen it in action. It was unlike any magic he had ever seen before & it had left him in awe. He had watched her seal a tear in their very reality, willing demons back to their own plane... It wasn't the sort of power man was supposed to hold. That was apparent in the way her skin split as tendrils of power seemed to crawl up her arm. Even in all her stubbornness, Ellis had recognized the brief twitch she granted her features. He had thought, perhaps, that it was one of pain.

" I just... don't want this to end badly for you, " Ellis words are careful, albeit a touch awkward. He wasn't always the best at expressing his concern, but Aloy was one of the few people in this world he trusted. He couldn't afford the possibility of her being torn apart by old magic, " I mean it can't feel good when you... " He waves his own hand in a similar, smaller rendition of her closing a tear in the fade, " ...You know? "

[poohsources]

🐝  *  ―  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐒  𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐄  𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒.   (  all  of  these  are  taken  from  the  movie  ‘the  princess  bride’  released  in  1987.  feel  free  to  adjust  to  better  fit  your  muses.  )

❛  your vote of confidence is overwhelming.  ❜ ❛  are you trying to trick me ?  ❜ ❛  what if something happens to you ?  ❜ ❛  i will never love again.  ❜ ❛  am i going mad, or did the word ‘think’ escape your lips ?  ❜ ❛  you are sure nobody’s following us ?  ❜ ❛  out of curiosity, why do you ask ?  ❜ ❛  i suppose you think you’re brave, don’t you ?  ❜ ❛  i do not accept excuses.  ❜ ❛  did i make it clear that your job is at stake ?  ❜ ❛  i do not think it means what you think it means.  ❜ ❛  i don’t mean to be rude, but this is not as easy as it looks.  ❜ ❛  i’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t distract me.  ❜ ❛  you are better than i am.  ❜ ❛  please understand, i hold you in the highest respect.  ❜ ❛  i just want you to feel you are doing well.  ❜ ❛  we must all be ready for whatever lies ahead.  ❜ ❛  could this be a trap ?  ❜ ❛  if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse.  ❜ ❛  i could have sworn i saw something.  ❜ ❛  you only think i guessed wrong.  ❜ ❛  i was giving you a chance.  ❜ ❛  you think your dearest love will save you ?  ❜ ❛  what can i do or you ?  ❜ ❛  nothing you can say will upset me.  ❜ ❛  you can die too, for all i care !  ❜ ❛  i told you i would always come for you.  ❜ ❛  why didn’t you wait for me ?  ❜ ❛  death cannot stop true love. all it can do is delay it for a while.  ❜ ❛  is everything clear to you ?  ❜ ❛  you mean you wish to surrender to me ?  ❜ ❛  don’t make yourself a fool.  ❜ ❛  we can live there quite happily for some time so whenever you feel like dying, feel free to visit.  ❜ ❛  i thought you were dead once, and it almost destroyed me. i could not bear it if you died again, not when i could save you.  ❜ ❛  who says life is fair ?  ❜ ❛  life isn’t always fair.  ❜ ❛  i’m telling you, you’re messing up the story !  ❜ ❛  i’m sure you’ve discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain.  ❜ ❛  this is where i am, and this is where i’ll stay.  ❜ ❛  you don’t look so good.  ❜ ❛  i just hope it’s enough to buy a miracle, that’s all.  ❜ ❛  there’s a big diference between mostly dead and all dead.  ❜ ❛  all your worst nightmares are about to come true.  ❜ ❛  have you been chasing me your whole life only to fail now ?  ❜ ❛  i think that’s the worst thing i’ve ever heard.  ❜ ❛  you’ve got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance. it’s going to get you in trouble someday.  ❜ ❛  what hideous sin have you committed lately ?  ❜ ❛  if you didn’t say it, you didn’t do it.  ❜ ❛  i have been in the revenge business so long, now that it’s over i don’t know what to do with the rest of my life.  ❜

[higheverlost]

❝ he has the strength of an ox. and sadly the grace of an ox as well. ❞

Ellis has to fight the wine that threatens to come up his nose when he holds back an unbecoming snort. He wants to laugh at his sister’s words, delgihting in the truth woven in them. Their parents had thrown a spring party, a celebration surrounding something Ellis had already forgotten. They had hinted that the man in question might be a potential match for Elissa but as the night progressed, it seemed increasingly less likely. He was now swaying on the dance floor, dragging his feet to some song that no one else could hear. He had definitely had a bit too much to drink & the only thing consistent about his steps was how often they found his poor, poor dance partner’s feet. 

       “ Oh come on, he’s not that bad. “ There is a blatant sarcasm woven into his words, half a dare for his sister to poke back at him with a quip of her own. The man had done nothing but make a fool of himself tonight & Ellis was sure the show was far from over. Ellis raises a brow, not bothering to hide the grin that steals a spot on his face “ Maybe I should call him over here, introduce you two officially?”

[higheverlost]

“Don’t be alarmed but I’m being followed. Act normal. Daylen

He falls in stride with the other, fighting the urge to cast a glance in the direction of Daylen's pursuer. Denerim was bound to be full of people that didn't want them here. Daylen was one of the last known Grey Wardens in the land & had a healthy bounty on his head because of that. Perhaps it would have been smarter to stay out of the City but they needed supplies & in above all, formation. Daylen had gathered enough companions who could defend themselves & even then they seemed to face one obstacle after the next. With the breath that Ellis releases, he lets out an annoyed sigh. 

      “ We ought to cut through an alley & stick a knife in his belly. “ Ellis speaks casually, despite the words that spill from his lips. He was getting increasingly agitated with those who stood in their path & it felt as though his patience was bled dry. Between he & Daylen’s inability to be kind to each other & everything else laid out before them, they didn’t have time to spare for would-be assailants, “ Surely they don’t think they stand a chance. “