DUTY / sacrifice

ALICENT HIGHTOWER , as loved by ellie.

[hightcwers]

#HIGHTCWERS   ━━━         indie . mature . selective .  show based &* book inspired       A L I C E N T     H I G H T O W E R       of       hbo's h o u s e o f t h e  d r a g o n & george r. r. martin's f i r e a n d b l o o d .        ━━━      an  exploration  in   d u t y , s a c r i f i c e   ,    l o s t c h i l d h o o d     ,    m o t h e r h o o d    ,    &   t r a u m a.     as  written  &  adored  by  Ellie.  THIS  BLOG  CONTAINS  SENSITIVE  SUBJECTS  &  TRIGGERING  MATERIAL  ,   please  proceed  with  caution.      ANON WILL ALWAYS BE OFF ━ please handle matters without anonymity . i reserve the right to unfollow whomever i want , but some reasons are as follows : uncut posts , excess drama , large gifs . ━━━ as written by ELLIE ( 25 / she/her / CST / main blog @saevedre)

[hightcwers]

@sunfyred gets a semi plotted starter.

HE MAY NOT SURVIVE THE NIGHT.

the maester's words resound in her ears like something between omen and profanity. he said it to her in a hushed voice, as if it was a secret and not a glaring reality that anyone might be able to decipher upon just one look at her grandson's state. and what an unnerving state that is.

her daughter and granddaughter sleep now, one befallen by milk of the poppy after all other remedies failed to calm her down from the horror she witnessed and the other following her mother's suit not long after. jaehaerys lives, even if barely, because of healena, and alicent finds herself immensely proud as well as heartbroken.

the halls were a hive of activity not an hour before, now they are barren of movement or sound. the guards posted on every door, on every turn of every hall, seem more like statues than people.

like a compass needle finding it's way north, the queen dowager's feet mindlessly take her to the end of the hall. the doors there are guarded with half a dozen kingsguard. too late, she thinks, no use in them now that the horrors have already happened. they open the doors for her and she steps into the room without a word.

the bed swallows her grandson. he looks even tinier than usually, his naturally pale skin now so white it is hard to discern where his hair starts to grow. alicent wants to scream.

but she can't. not when the stranger looms over jaehaerys' little body, and certainly not when there is someone else in the room that desperately needs her to be strong.

aegon sits besides the bed, and alicent can't help but be reminded of a scene many years ago. her own boy battling to stay alive, her holding his hands and praying to all the gods she could remember to not take him from her. that was the night she truly became a mother. tonight, it seems, it is her firstborn's turn.

she walks to him, her jaw clenched as to not allow the sobs in her throat escape. "aegon," she says as soon as she reaches him, her hand coming to stroke his hair. "my son, you need to rest." it's in vain, she knows, she knows her boy well enough to be sure that he would have to be dragged kicking and screaming to get him to leave his son's bedside. but she needs at least to try.

[hightcwers]

@valeurex sent a raven: ❛ i’m supposed to be the one who protects you from monsters. i’m not supposed to be one. ❜ // them having sassy conversations

A humorless laugh escapes the queen. 

Years ago, such a reaction would have been unthinkable. Laughing at her lord husband —at her king— would have felt like a crime against the crown and a sin against the gods.

Now —after so long of caring for him, after having borne him four children—, laughing at him feels like a gods-given right. 

“And, tell me, husband. How is it that you intend to protect me?” She raises an eyebrow at him, her tone somewhere between jest and challenge. “Will you raise your sword against the monsters hiding under my bed? Duel the fears that steal my sleep?” This time, her chuckle is sincere, if only because the idea of Viserys protecting her is so absurd that it is funny.

[hightcwers]

@absolventiia sent a raven: ❛   i wish i could’ve been like you.   ❜   // maryse <3

Alicent wants to L A U G H.

What a truly hilarious idea it is, that a young woman like her good daughter -a princess in her own right- would in any way wish to be like her. It speaks more of Maryse's innocence and ingenuity rather than anything else.

She turns her head to the princess, eyes warm in a manner she does not often show. How long has it been since her good daughter came to them? How long since the queen has begun to think of her as one of her own?

It matters not. Maryse is a mirror of her. A woman wedded to a dynasty that is seldom welcoming to strangers. A Lady brought into a court that would sooner sink her than keep her from drowning.

"I am glad you will not have to be." She speaks with a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. Her hand finds her good daughter's, squeezing it to try to convey some confidence. "I wish that you would become as different from me as you possibly could."

[ccupiditos-archived-deactivated]

Alerie‘s letter waits on Alic.ent @hightcwers desk when the Queen returns from a long council meeting. The envelope is covered in small wild plant drawings - flora from around Oldtown. The envelope feels heavy in ones hand - drawings upon drawing are enclosed within. One of G.wayn.e, one of Ale, and one of D.aeron.

Dear Mother,

I apologise for the delay in correspondence, my septa has been rather displeased with my latest antics and has made sure I visit the sept daily. It is rather tedious. As reparation I enclosed some drawings i figured you might want to have something to remember our faces by. It has been a while since we have seen each other last. I must admit, while I find it very difficult to be parted from the family so, Daer.on seems to have bloomed. Our uncle has taken to him and they spend much time training. Da.eron’s horse riding in particular has improved. He also picked up the lute and belts out ballads ever night… I wish you had sent Ae.mond here instead, he is quiet. D.aeron‘s singing is lovely, however. I remain your daughter,

Ale.

Blink and you miss it, there is more text when you turn the page. The script is smaller than the rest of the mail.

I heard that grandsire is shopping me around to the lords and their sons and that Desmond Redwyne is in the running. As I met the boy a month ago, I urge grandsire to reconsider. While he is admittedly comely and knows manners, he seems to be too preoccupied with money and business. It is entirely dull. He also seems to think women or at least me airheads best suited to minding children and fixing socks. I do not like him.

[hightcwers]

A smile comes to Alicent's face as she notices the letter waiting for her and the drawings that instantly betray the hand that drew them. She quickly breaks the seal and pulls out the paper inside. After reading the letter, she starts to write back.

My dearest daughter,

I am glad to know you have been spending more time at the Sept, even if it is because your Septa is forcing you to do so. I understand how you could find it tedious, and I'm sorry that you do so. Perhaps if you tried to see it more as a visit to an old friend's home rather than a place of worship, maybe it could be easier for you to find joy and comfort there. You need not see prayer as a solemn thing. Talk to the Gods, tell them about your days and confide in them your troubles, thank them for the blessings in your life and ask for their help and guidance with the burdens you feel might be too heavy for you to bear on your own.

You are missed here as well, my sweet. It is often that I feel as though two pieces of my heart have been taken from me and placed far out of my reach. Your and your brother's absence is something I feel deeply, and I long for the day I can hold you both in my arms again.

The Queen gets a good look at the drawings also enclosed in the envelope. Her children's faces, as well as her dear brother's, stare back at her from their place in the paper. A small tear comes from her eye and falls to the letter she's writing, leaving a mark and smudging the ink of a word.

I thank you for the treasures you send me, while your faces are nothing I could ever forget, it is a true gift to be able to gaze upon them whenever my heart aches for you.

I do urge you not to give your brother any grief for his hobbies, it is a good thing for him to find activities he enjoys outside of the training yards. You could join him in his music, even. I am sure your lovely voice could make a fine addition to his melodies, and it could also be a bonding activity for the two of you.

Just as she thinks she is done reading her daughter's letter, Alicent notices the small message written on the other side of the page. She's not surprised at the words that await her there. She will have to speak to father about it, even if she can already tell she will not be heard.

I understand your worries about this topic and I will surely bring them to your grandsire for consideration, however I must remind you that he is set on having you married as soon as possible given your past situation. I ask of you that you understand the sheer importance of this, not only for yourself and your reputation, but also for the benefits a good match would bring to our house. We ladies are often wed without our direct involvement in the choosing of our groom, but we must trust that those who choose for us have our best interests in mind, as well as that they will be there for us should we ever need their help even after we have been wedded. Please know that no matter who it is that eventually becomes your husband, you will always have me to turn to.

All my love,

Mother.

Once the letter has been folded and sealed inside the envelope, the Queen kisses it, hoping that it will carry her love to her daughter all the way to Oldtown.

[ironf0rged]

@hightcwers requested a starter ft. aemond targaryen

" you think the worst of me, " he says plainly, a single lavender hue trained on the woman before him. his hands still shake as they form into fists at his side. lips are pressed into a thin line as he fights to ignore the chill of his still damp clothes. he cannot decipher the expression his mother wears. he is not sure he wants to. " why ? " this time, his tone is soft ; broken if one were too listen closely.

[hightcwers]

The Queen's heart breaks at the sight of her son. Her usually strong and stoic boy. An unshakable pillar on whom she could always rely, now looks at her like a lost boy in search of motherly comfort.

Alicent knows she's far from a good mother. If she were she would know how to offer the comfort her child needs, she would take his trembling hands in her own, her voice steady and reassuring as she told him that she harbors no ill thoughts toward him. But the truth is, she is not that mother. She feels the weight of her inadequacy with each passing moment.

"What would you have me think, my son?" Her voice trembles, barely more than a whisper, laden with a mixture of fear and uncertainty that she struggles to conceal. "You come to me at this hour, bearing such an appearance." Her eyes search his face, hoping for some explanation, some clue to what it is that brings him to her in the first place.

Finally, amidst the turbulence of her emotions, a dormant instinct stirs within her—a motherly instinct that is so often elusive and fleeting. Her hand rises almost instinctively, trembling slightly as it reaches up to cup his cheek. Her thumb traces the jagged scar that marred his face, a painful reminder of the consequences of her own shortcomings.

"If you wish me not to think the worst," she says softly, her voice breaking slightly under the weight of her own sorrow, "then you must explain yourself to me." Her gaze remains locked on his, a silent plea for him to open up and let her in.

[hightcwers]

Delicate fingers worked their way through soft hair, twisting and joining the beautiful silver tresses that made her daughter look as if crowned by moonlight itself. In the calm silence of the room, the rythmic, repetitive action of weaving Helaena's hair felt almost sacred — a cherished ritual, an act of love and devotion, done with the utmost care in the attempt to bring them closer and tighter as the braids themselves were.

The silence between them broke and filled with Helaena's sweet voice, bringing an instant smile to the queen's lips. Her words, however, made Alicent's hands falter for just a moment. Her eyes fixed on her daughter's reflection in the mirror in front of them. Helaena's question was a painful reminder of the time that had passed since the days of her girl's childhood, and of how much distance that time had seemed to create between them.

"No special occasion, my sweet," she said softly, her smile not falling even if it was now slightly tainted with melancholy. "I simply wished to spend time with you. I fear it has been far too long since I had the chance to do anything for my daughter."

Her hands continued their careful work, ever cautious as to not tug too hard or weave too tight as not cause any pain or discomfort. The braids were coming together beautifully, a testament of the love put into them.

"Lately I fear that sometimes you might feel as if your mother does not care enough to make time for you." Her words came without her thinking, but she could not withdraw them once they were said. She sighed. Alicent often tried to be strong around her children, yet, how easy it was to become vulnerable in front of one's child.

[helaena-targaryens]

—leigh bardugo; ruin & rising

[hightcwers]

@sunfyred

[hightcwers]

@ccupiditos sent a raven: ❛   I have no desire to live in fear. Only solitude.   ❜   — from Helaena

Her eyes filled with concern as she gazed at her daughter. Of all her children, Helaena had always been the hardest for Alicent to understand. Her girl, with her quiet, enigmatic demeanor, seemed to live in a world all her own, often slipping away from her mother's attempts to reach her. Taking a deep breath, Alicent had tried to steady her voice, wishing she could somehow bridge the chasm of understanding that lay between them.

“My dear child,” she began, her voice soft but earnest, “solitude and fear oft come hand in hand, I am afraid.” She paused, the weight of her own experiences pressing heavily on her shoulders. She remembered her own moments of isolation, the gnawing unease that had come with being alone even as she had been surrounded by a palace full of people, the dread of feeling as though no one was there for her.

She reached out, gently placing her hand on Helaena’s cheek, feeling the coolness of her daughter’s skin beneath her own. Alicent’s own fears of inadequacy as a mother, of not being able to offer the comfort and guidance Helaena so clearly needed, bubbled up within her. She had wished she could simply take away the shadows that clouded her daughter’s thoughts, to bring light and clarity where there had seemed to be only confusion and dread.

“Remember,” Alicent had said softly, trying to infuse her words with warmth and reassurance, “you are not alone in this, Helaena. Even when it feels as though fear is your only companion, I am here for you, ready to stand beside you and help you face whatever troubles your heart.”

[hightcwers]

@ccupiditos sent a raven: ❛ But the king can change his mind. He can do whatever he wills now. He has absolute power. You know that. ❜ — from Alerie

The Queen Dowager sat by her window, her gaze fixed on the reds and oranges of the upcoming dusk. For years, Alicent had felt the weight of a crown on her shoulders, and felt it still a lot of the times, but today, it was only the weight of it on her children that occupied her thoughts.

“The king has power, yes,” Alicent said slowly, choosing her words with care, “but only the gods wield it absolutely, daughter, and even they do so with care and purpose. Your brother—” she paused, her gaze growing more intense. “—If Aegon is not careful, there will be consequences to pay. For him, for us, for all the realm.”

She reached out, placing her hand gently over Alerie's own. “This is a time for us to be wise, my sweet. We may not act in any way just because we will it. Any misdeed, as slight as it might be, will be used against your brother- against his claim. And that will put us all in danger”

[smaragduseques]

@hightcwers asked ; ❛ i’ll never be that me again. ❜ — short angst starters

the distance between them seems to stretch out to infinity sometimes. he never quite knows how to offer her comfort in the way that he would like. he can't erase the melancholy that has tinged the smiles he's earned from her, because he doesn't know enough. he hasn't been entirely absent these years, but he was never given the opportunity to be present either. he knows his nephew better than he ever knew his sister, separated too soon for him to even remember much of what she was like as a child.

"maybe not." he concedes. there's no one who can erase the past, some things are simply irrevocably changed and that is that. a faint smile tinged with sadness toys on his lips, gaze lifting to his sister. "but i see her in you still, i see her in your children. maybe you won't be that you again, but she hasn't been erased."

[hightcwers]

There are days in which the Queen Dowager cannot even recognize herself when she stands before a mirror, days in which her own name sounds strange and foreign to her ears, in which the image of the girl she once was feels as distant as the forgotten heroine of an old tale might. "Do you truly think that? Because I must confess it sometimes feels as if she never truly existed to begin with."

It is the mention of her children that brings tears to her eyes. Her children. The beautiful, beloved children she bore and birthed, and who she had failed in so many ways. "And what do you see in them brother?" she asked, trying her best to not have her voice break. "Perhaps my vanity in Aegon? My otherness in my daugther? My rage in Aemond?" A humorless laugh escapes her lips as she unconsciously picks at her fingernails. "Perhaps it would be better if there was nothing of me in them."

[korziona]

@hightcwers liked for a starter

"Rhaenyra approached you at the Sept?" Rhaenys sat staring at the Dowager Queen after she imparted this information. "What did she want?" It was reckless of the would-be-queen to leave Dragonstone on foot and unattended. Stupid, even. She couldn't imagine what had been worth the risk of her life.

[hightcwers]

Alicent set down her cup, her eyes fixed on the woman in front of her. "Peace," she sighed. Her talk with Rhaenyra repeating once and again in her head. Could it be? Could this all have been a mistake? A tragic, bloody mistake that had culminated on the death of two boys and the start of a civil war. No. It was not. It could not be. "Or so she said. Right before accusing me of lying about my late husband's last wish, all so I could put my son on the throne."

Leaning back on her seat, she closed her eyes. "She's desperate, is she not?" she asked, both to Rhaenys and to herself. What other reason would Rhaenyra have to come to King's Landing? "Aegon's claim is true, she has to know that. And so she feels threatened enough to risk coming here and question the King's choice of heir."

[tarth]

House Marxtower + concern for the smallfolk (insp)

[danaa-scully]

But I made you stronger. I didn't need to be stronger. I was a child. I needed to be safe.

[hightcwers]

@sunfyred

[alicenthightowerdaily]

Alicent and the fond little smile she only reserves for Aegon HOUSE OF THE DRAGON — 1.09 // 2.01 // 2.04

[hightcwers]

@sunfyred

[hightcwers]

@vesperzyr asked: [ patch ] sender carefully patches one of receiver's wounds + reverse

Sometimes Alicent thought she had already experienced as much pain and heartbreak as anyone could ever do. Every single one of those times the gods seemed more than eager to remind her that grief was far from a finite thing.

Her already fragmented heart broke further as she laid eyes on her son. Her firstborn, her sweet boy, burned and broken on that wretched bed. He reminded her of his father like this, and just the thought of equating Aegon to Viserys was more than enough to make her stomach turn. Still, she focused on the task at hand. The Maester had long since left the King's chambers, leaving her with meticulous instructions on how to clean and redress the burns on her son's side. Who better to tend to a hurt boy than his own mother? "Shh. It's alright, my love," she said quietly. After dipping a soft cloth in cool water, she began to gently tap at his burned flesh, hoping to give at least some relief to his pain. "I am here. Mother is here with you, and I shall not leave."

[hightcwers]

@numiolaes asked: [ brush ] sender brushes receiver's hair

The juxtaposition of them was strange yet entirely fitting. Alicent, sitting in front of her vanity mirror, and her ever doting son standing behind her, brush in hand as he worked his way undoing braids and untangling curls. She smiled, a small and melancholic curl of her lips. "This brings back memories," she commented, looking at her son's eye through his reflection in the mirror. "Do you remember? You would never let anyone but me brush your hair when you were younger."

She wished she could go back to those times. Back to when it was Aemond sitting in front of her and she was the one brushing through stubborn knots. Things had been so much easier back then, even if they were never truly easy to begin with. "When did that ever stop?"