Happiness
It’s been a while...
I think it was in college I make this account to write out my thoughts and try to externalize what I am thinking inside. It’s so cliche when I hear people say, “Oh writing is so therapeutic and helpful blah blah blah” but I never really gave it a shot. I am realizing there are a lot of things I should start changing in my life... maybe this is a good place to start.
Right now what I am feeling... I think the best way is to say “Unhappy”. It’s hard for me to say that because people tell me how I can bring happiness in other people’s lives, but it’s just hard because I just don’t feel happy personally. I honestly don’t know why. I don’t know if I am just hyper-analyzing my insecurities or if really in a state depression and sadness. I don’t know, and I don’t know how to ask for help.
I’m a teacher. My job is to educating and mentoring a young generation to be advocates of change and to better our earth and humanity. This is what I though I was suppose to do... something that I have been “planning” to do for my “whole life”... but now that I am here shouldnt I be “happy”? While writing this, I am in ending my first year teaching and I know it’s gonna be hard your very first time doing anything, but I honest do question if it ever will be easier. I feel like I will continue to work a lot and I just expect that each year will be the same. It’s just hard how long the currentness is taking for things to get eaiser. Also, when it gets eaiser... will I be “happier”? Are happiness and easiness related? I don’t know, I just know right now I spend my 40 hours a week doing my job, and then at least 10-20 extra hours off the clock continuing to work. I don’t think I have a problem working more, but I just don’t fully like what I do. Maybe I will start loving what I do more, but it’s just really hard right now. Maybe happiness will arise..
I had a really low day today and I just needed a space to write it out and put it in the universe. I need to start making changes in my life. This is a small start. I plan to write more when I am down. Maybe this will be helpful. Maybe I will find happiness... hopefully. I don’t know.



















