The stuff they didn't tell you in history class

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Today marks the third anniversary of the death of Leonard Nimoy. While best known for his hit song, The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins, he also played small parts in the hit movie series, Star Wars, as Captain James Tiberius Kirk. He died at the ripe age of 102. Rip in peace.

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On this date, 4/21/15, at 4:40 CST, the blog historicallyaccurateish has reached 30 followers through shameless self promotion and tying people up in the basement and forcing them to follow it. Since then, the world has reached world peace under its new leader, me. All hail tumblr user historicallyaccurateish.

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April 20 became a day of weed celebration back in the year 420 BC, when weed was first discovered to have medicinal properties. Since then, 4/20 has become a day of celebration.

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Martin Luther was excommunicated from the catholic church for his stance on abortion. In retort, he later posted his 96 theses. The last one, “The catholic church needs to abort everyone.” is commonly left out.

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In 1900, the citizens of Mexico voted on who they thought was the best president of all time. The vote turned up unanimous, the winning president was William Goht, a goat that got elected to office in 1864.

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At the height of its empire, the USSR's combined landmass was equal to ten times that of all other countries combined.

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During his rule, Napoleon Bonaparte ascended to the level of Super Saiyan. People were afraid to fight him, fearing for their lives. This is also why he was so successful in his conquests.

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Vincent Van Gogh's most prominent artwork phase is usually left out of his career description. During this phase, all of his paintings were satires on the capitalist machine, some of his better works from this time include: "Man With Foot Up his Ass", "Worker Enslaved by Greedy Fuckwad", and "Starry Night".

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Up until 1866, all presidential elections were solved by the remaining candidates having a pie eating contest. The winner became the new president.

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Why did the crusades happen?

Also a great question. The answer? Racism.

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How are humans related to monkeys?

Good question. Way back when, two species: Homo anthropicus and Simius furrius, coexisted in harmony, but everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. The two species, through breeding with each other, created the first human baby. This baby later grew up to become the Avatar and defeat the Fire Nation, but it was too late. By that time, the Fire Nation had wiped out Homo anthropicus, leaving only Simius furrius, who eventually evolved into the monkeys and apes we know today. Without anyone to breed with, the first human ever could not procreate, so the species died out. In memoriam, the Simius furrius designed the Matrix, so all humans currently alive are projections of a computer program created by genius monkeys.

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The pornography industry was originally started as an educational source for young children on everything sex, but former president George Clooney declared it too graphic for children about a year after the startup. It continued on however, because it was a large source of income from the male demographic.

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In feudal Europe, the kingdoms would band together once each year and send two children, one male, one female, to fight to the death in an arena crested specifically for that purpose, to appease the kings of those countries. Because of all the water donated to families with children participating, these events came to be known as the Thirsty Games.

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Tumblr user eggs-are-communists invented the toaster in 1519, the same year that Caesar Chavez first sang the US national anthem to appease a flock of flesh eating parrots in the Caribbean.

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This is a picture of the infamous Birdman, the first super villain to ever exist. He was known to soar over people’s houses and drop down their chimneys, much the way Santa would, to steal valuables and cut off babies’ fingers.

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Per capita, more people are killed annually by The Illuminati trying to cover up their tracks than car crashes, alcohol, and masturbation mishaps combined.

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The great pyramids in Egypt were built to play the world’s best game of hide and seek.