[hivibrations]

It's been awhile

It’s been awhile

and so much has happened.

A lot of turbulence, but to smoother pastures. So many changes and I feel like a new person. Thank god. I feel like me again.

I realize I mostly come on here to vent out complicated emotions versus sharing successes and awesome things. I’ll try and change that but I mostly get the urge to write when I’m dealing with feelings and thoughts where I feel alone and where I…

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[hivibrations]

crack in the pot (a stream of consciousness)

I can’t shake this feeling of wanting a different life.

A life where I’m not in Las Vegas.

I’m living on my own – maybe a roommate.

A life where I dress myself like art and move and take pictures as if I’m walking art.

I have creative, passionate pursuits.

I travel to exotic cultures and ecosystems and could care less about who likes me.

I feel inspired when I wake up in the city I live. Inspired…

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[hivibrations]

white & black (a poem)

Awakening is a mind trick.

I am either

Awake

Or asleep.

I may go back and forth hundreds of times a day,

but it’s never gray.

Ego loves gray.

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[hivibrations]

Impatience is a lack of cooperation.

Cooperation is being in flow of what is.

-Mars retrograde to direct ’18

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[hivibrations]

Virgo season mantra (a poem)

My routine is who I am.

If I am not who I am,

I may change routine to unfold the self I truly am.

Step by step.

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[hivibrations]

Faith

Judgement came and its judgement within.

I accept that I created the situations around me and I’m responsible for where I am and how I feel. Things may not feel fair, but they are.

This is not a cruel thing by any means. I feel freed now by realizing fully that I’m laying the bed I made and every one involved did the right thing.

Nat did the right thing moving on and cutting communication. I…

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[hivibrations]

feels #lyrics

FEEL; Kendrick Lamar & Chelsea Blythe

[Verse 1: Kendrick Lamar]

I feel like a chip on my shoulders

I feel like I’m losin’ my focus I feel like I’m losin’ my patience I feel like my thoughts in the basement Feel like, I feel like you’re miseducated Feel like I don’t wanna be bothered I feel like you may be the problem I feel like it ain’t no tomorrow, fuck the world

The world is endin’, I’m done…

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[hivibrations]

life vomit twenty eighteen

life vomit twenty eighteen

I need to get this out –

I don’t even know where to start. So much has been ending. Work has a new beginning.

My life last year felt almost like I was flying too high to the sun, and I got burned.

And people are burned away from my life.

My mom.

Liz.

Linda, now.

Lauren, my oldest sister.

I feel like I most likely burned the bridge between Nathalie and I – I’m holding a light for our friendship in…

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[hivibrations]

tarot draw, "how should I break up with her?"

tarot draw, “how should I break up with her?”

First card: Knight of Cups – represents me in the past/now, thinking with my heart rather my head and living in the honeymoon romance mindset, thinking this could really end up being the love of my life. Clarifier: Ace of Wands reversed – When I was in the mind space of the Knight of Cups, my spiritual opportunities where delayed and this way of feeling by my heart only, brought on a lot of…

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[hivibrations]

virgo full moon

I predicted this full moon on March 1 to be generally centered around health – I’m not an experienced astrologer by any means so how really would I have predicted exactly how that could come about in my life and in the lives of those around me? Now, I know of at least three ways health focused full moons could express itself. Last week my stepmom Kim told me her doctor had four other doctors…

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[hivibrations]

a moderately happy post

There are some good things happening. I was lucky enough to be able to keep Liz as my friend, and not just a “friend” but a close friend. I’m unsure how I’ll handle it when she moves on, I’m sure it will hurt, but it’s in no comparison to the pain she felt when I broke things off. Granted, I felt a lot of pain leading up to the break up, Unbeknownst to her. The girl my heart is calling towards is…

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[hivibrations]

here, again.

Feeling out of luck with friends – feeling like there’s no one I know who is my partner in crime. My go-to. Where are you? The one who’s into edm music and loves dancing. The one who I can trip with, smoke with, drink with – vibe inter-dimensionally with. The one who’s up for adventure. The one who loves to laugh and live life. Where the fuck are you? And where am I.

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[hivibrations]

current conclusion

LOVE YOURSELF AND DON”T TAKE LIFE SO SERIOUSLY. LAUGH. BE SILLY. Remember – I can make any situation silly and lighthearted. Choose it. Be my funny self. This state of being is where I feel the BEST. I’m always in a constant state of being – choose to be silly and goofy – I will remember to feel my gut light up with joy. I’m gonna get good sleep so I can be this person and exchange this fun,…

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[hivibrations]

Embrace it

I want to start over. I want to start fresh. Where no one knows me and I can start over. I want to runaway and get all the things I want out of life. I love my friends but I’m in need of others who are like me. I need people who get me. I’m discontent… living in this valley when there is so much happening elsewhere. I can’t keep doing this. I need a new beginning and get away from the same old…

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[hivibrations]

Patience is a hard game

Can I own up to my feelings and stop being scared of their consequences? The consequences will happen no matter what fear I fall into – The fear of my own feelings and sharing them Or the fear of hurting someone because of how I feel? The later will come eventually. How long am I willing to let that go on? Not long. It kills me inside knowing this and having to tell her for the fourth time. But…

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[cwote]

be patient, okay? :))

[peesca]

Munich, Germany. December 2017.