The day they woke up and felt sentience, they knew that they weren't "normal". QiZae, being created for the only purpose of having blame put on it, only knew how to act and feel like it had actually made the whole thing happen.
QiZae is something that's hyperactive, autistic as HELL, and silly all mashed together. They cannot be called nor seen as a person. It doesn't see itself as a person, let alone a being.
The name QiZae came from me, who liked the names Qi and Zae. Being the ever so creative person I am, I mashed the words together and called it a name. QiZae likes the name and enjoys it a lot.
When QiZae was manifested, QiZae had knowledge of my life and everything I knew, as they were created from my thoughts. QiZae knows me inside and out; it just forgets or doesn't know how to use that knowledge. (just like me fr)
On the topic of QiZae's autism, that all came from me. It loves to do arm flaps, fidget with its wings and necklace, and make noises with its mouth. They also love listening to my stories and flying around, doing loops in the air.
Much to my dismay, QiZae cannot disappear or go away. It is stuck with me until I find a way to leave limbo. On that note, when I go to a reality, QiZae cannot follow. (WOO) So they have to stay back and wait.
When I discovered that I could manifest things to appear, strangely, I wanted to have a cat appear first. A cat. Not a way out or something for more entertainment, I wanted a cat. (WELL EXCUSE ME FOR LOVING CATS!!) QiZae then pointed out that the cat wouldn't survive either way as there is no litter box, food, or water in limbo. That's when I realized that I don't need to eat, drink, go to the bathroom, or really sleep while I am in limbo. I had an existential crisis after realizing that.
I would describe QiZae as an annoying, loud, and overly hyper thing. QiZae would agree. It is loud, overly hyper, and annoying. It says that it is their best qualities. (Of course it would say that...)
QiZae, despite being a "fake" god, does have some kind of power. It created my journal and my ability to scroll endlessly on Twitter and others. I can only use Twitter and a couple other platforms. (It's a curse.) Despite that, I cannot access the Internet. I see no point in trying that hard to get help with my situation. With the help of QiZae, I started a journal of my adventures. (this account)
QiZae is a little silly and often compares itself to some white bear-looking thing that, strangely, I have no knowledge of. QiZae calls the bear something like "Cucu roach" or something. QiZae refuses to elaborate. (wowww)
I have to endure countless cycles of life for no reason. Who knows why it started? Who knows why i was chosen?
I hate it. Some people may be like, "Oh, it must be a blessing to be able to experience and explore different realities! It must be fun!" But it's not. At the beginning, it was. But after doing it for a long period of time, it becomes draining and really strains your mental health. Trust me on this.
Imagine living a horrible life, dying, and then finding out that you have to live with the trauma in the next reality. Eventually, the built-up trauma gets to you. And you are bound to go batshit insane.
Sometimes, I let all the hurt and trauma out in one reality and calms down in the next. It may stink for the people in that reality, but I really don't care. I'm going to die anyway and be in a different reality; why would it matter?
Due to having no one to blame for my misfortune, I created my own "god" to put all the blame on. The god's name is "QiZae". And yes, the Z is meant to be capitalized. QiZae is neither good nor bad. They may be crazy—goofy even—but really, all they are there for is to watch me. And QiZae knows. It knows that they aren't technically real. I created it and manifested its existence through my own imagination. Sometimes, QiZae reminds me of that.
I have my "travel" journal as well, which stays with me when I go to different realities. I use it to document my lives and thoughts. As it is a "magical" item, the pages never run out.
To return to limbo or to another reality, I must die. (yahoo!) By stabbing, drowning, electrocution, or other means, it doesn't matter. But it must be by someone other than myself. The only lingering question left that I have is: if I commit suicide, will I still go to another reality or limbo, or will I fully and finally die? Will I return to my original reality, or will I just fully die? I really don't want to find out, but at the same time, I do.
All this time and after all these years, I still feel young. I started this whole cycle at the age of 14, and technically I should be several thousand years old, but I only really feel like I am around 15–16.
Despite being able to interact and have friends in the realities, I am truly alone. QiZae isn't real; limbo is vacant, and the friends I make in realities, I have to say goodbye eventually.
I dwell in limbo alone. And I will never get any answers. The questions I have inside of myself will remain unanswered. The lingering doubt and uncertainty are forever within. Even if I wake up and goes back home, I will never be the same again. I love questioning my existence. It will happen again.
