[flospughsadadad-deactivated2021]

me as an adult

[prozdvoices]

open world games

[susiephone]

do yourself a favor and read “Oh God, Not Again!” by Sarah1281

it is a harry potter fanfic from like 2009, 160k words, 50 chapters

basically, adult Harry accidentally goes back in time and wakes up on his 11th birthday again, but with all his memories of the future intact

(the way he travels back makes no sense whatsoever but it doesn’t really matter)

harry decides upon 3 goals:

fuck up as much shit as possible

make a shitload of money

save some lives or whatever

it is

H I L A R I O U S

his go-to explanation for how he knows what’s going to happen?

he has a psychic scar

(hermione is SO PISSED about this)

(neville’s like “either he’s psychic, or he’s the greatest conman alive”)

everyone just sort of assumes harry’s insane and he doesn’t do much to dispute this

harry also decides to make it his mission in life to LOSE the house cup every year

“snape is my sole ally”

he also goes out of his way to befriend neville, ginny, and luna earlier this time, so they’re part of the gang throughout and it’s great

even draco is a friend!

(kind of)

(when harry’s not spreading a rumor that draco’s the lovechild of narcissa and snape, anyway)

harry’s motivation for everything he does in this story is basically, “oh, this will be hilarious”

either that or, “it’s probably a tax deductible”

because the way lockhart is written in this story is also amazing and harry ends up teaming up with him to merchandise The Boy Who Lived so he can have cash to burn

(so he gets a LOT of shit done via bribes)

it gets to the point where harry is able to convince everyone that he’s not the heir of slytherin…. because if he was, he’d have found a way to make money off of it

and everyone’s like “yeah ok that checks out”

in this timeline, neville’s boggart isn’t snape…. it’s harry as the minister of magic

harry also decides to make sure cedric lives by quizzing him constantly on what to do if he ends up in a graveyard

harry: by the way, that reminds me – cedric. graveyard.

cedric, not even really listening: run like hell.

the sheer magnitude to which harry does not give a fuck in this timeline is truly awe-inspiring

he mouths off to everyone, and i mean everyone. lockhart, snape, the dursleys, malfoy, friggin’ voldemort

everyone is like “what… what the fuck, harry”

(though by the end of first year it’s more like “… *deep sigh* … fine.

snape is so angry

it’s fucking hysterical and just about everyone ends up better off

here’s the link

thank me later

[jammeke]

[amatyultare]

The description above somehow still manages to sell this fic short. I’m on chapter 15 and I’m in literal tears of laughter. Read it, for real.

[nyangalore]

[htxtrinh]

@catrightsactivist

[sacheu-deactivated20200922]

he’s free

[faesoteric]

I watched this so many times just for the expression when he realises the ground is not as close as first thought.

[lousysharkbutt]

now i’m being obstinate on purpose

patreon | twitter | instagram

[herhmione]

the harry potter books rated by Harry's Sass™

[minymauk]

the sorcerer’s stone: dudley asking harry if he wants to practice sticking his head down the toilet and harry replying “no thanks, the poor toilet’s never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick” like ooo!!! sick burn!!! good for an 11 year old but overall still in the developmental stage. 6/10

the chamber of secrets: dudley (once again lmao get rekt) telling harry “i know what day it is” and harry replying “well done, so you’ve finally learned the days of the week.” lockhart trying to be all Amazing Teacher™ and shit and telling harry “just do what i did, harry!” and harry saying “what, drop my wand?” overall good but not with as much of an Oomph™ factor as the sorcerer’s stone. 5/10

the prisoner of azkaban: ah yes!!! Harry’s Sass™ in its adolescent years!!!! no longer a toddler, now solidly about 11 years old. draco making fun of harry for fainting at the quidditch game bc of the dementors and saying “shame [the broom] doesn’t come with a parachute - in case you get too near a dementor.” and harry replying “pity you can’t attach an extra arm to yours, malfoy. then it could catch the snitch for you.” 8/10 purely because he fucking MURDERED whiny bitch ass baby malfoy ha ha take that

the goblet of fire: a good amount of sass!! a healthy amount of sass! perhaps a bit held back though (come on harry get it together). rita skeeter annoying harry and asking for a word and jk rowling LITERALLY writing “‘yeah, you can have a word,’ said harry savagely. ‘good-bye’” like FUCK he is canon savage in this book!!!! DAMN!!!!! and then he reks malfoy AGAIN “you know that expression [your mother’s got], like she’s got dung under her nose? has she always looked like that, or was it just because you were with her?” MOTHERFUCK GO OFF 9/10

the order of the phoenix: HOLY GRAIL OF HARRY’S SASS™. THE MOTHERLOAD. GOD DAMN. when vernon asks him why he’s listening to the news again and harry replies w/ “well, it changes every day, you see.” when hermione’s warning him about picking fights w/ malfoy bc malfoy will make life hard for him and harry’s like “wow, i wonder what it’d be like to have a difficult life” like fuck harry!!! tell us how u really feel!!!! literally ANY TIME he talks to an adult he doesn’t like. sassing dudley left & right, putting him in his place w/ “this is night, diddykins. that’s what we call it when it goes all dark like this” like fuck harry brought out the big guns w/ “diddykins”. overall wonderful, truly. a good healthy teenage dose of sass. 100/10

the half blood prince: SHIT DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY ANYTHING EXCEPT “THERE’S NO NEED TO CALL ME SIR, PROFESSOR” LIKE FUCK. BEST PART OF THE WHOLE BOOK. OF THE WHOLE SERIES. FUCKING OWNED SNAPE HE’S FUCKIN REKT LYING ON THE FLOOR CRYING DRINKING SOME CHEAP ASS DISGUSTING ASS FIREWHISKEY. BREAKS THE GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING SCALE SO FAR OFF THE SCALE IT’S ON MARS. INFINITY/10. FUCK.

the deathly hallows: “it’s time you learned some respect!” “it’s time you earned it” sassing the minister of magic hooooooo boy. not much else bc harry’s too busy like saving the world and shit. so extra points for multitasking and being an overall well rounded sass-er. 8/10

[dork-adios]

[sweepmoon]

Florence and the Machine at last night’s Spotify event in Brooklyn. As Florence began to sing Sky Full of Song a literal storm began to hit, she never faltered and embraced the storm.

[omgamazingwtf123-deactivated202]

Watching this was an ethereal experience

[britneyqueers]

this queen literally summoned a storm during her performance when will your fave ever control the weather with such accuracy

[mahigxn-deactivated20200629]

Florence Welch is just one of those people that /are/ magic like if homegirl pulled up to an interview saying she met with faeries when she was a child and they’re what inspired her to pursue music i would NEVER second guess I’d just assume that they gifted her with a talent for magic because she gave them a breadcrumb or smth

[typhlonectes]

Yellowstone Summer: Tourists Still Behaving Badly [PHOTOS]

Park officials say bison have injured more people in Yellowstone than any other animal. They are are unpredictable and can run three times faster than humans.

Different year, same song. It seems every summer as the tourist season gears up at Yellowstone National Park, the pictures and stories come rolling in about visitors making poor, and dangerous, decisions around wildlife in the park.

Case in point, photographer Laurie Anne was at a pullout along the Madison River just below Madison Junction and caught this encounter between a group of tourists and a bison. The group is gathered around the huge animal, seemingly unconcerned and snapping selfies. When the bison seems to have had enough, some got the hint and took off running while others seemed to still think it was a lark.

Park officials say bison have injured more people in Yellowstone than any other animal.

They are are unpredictable and can run three times faster than humans. Park regulations prohibit “willfully remaining near or approaching wildlife”, and visitors are required to stay at least 25 yards from bison in the park…

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

Just because bison are herbivores and seem kinda slow and lumpy doesn’t mean they won’t really fuck you up. Do not harass them or approach them or get out of your car. Seriously. 

I had a chance to be closer to bison than I have ever wanted to be while visiting the drive-through Olympic Game Farm in Sequim, WA, and even being next to them in a car was utterly intimidating. This is an animal that can easily keep up with a slow-driving car without it even taking effort, and an animal whose head is larger than the entire driver’s side window of a mid-sized hatchback. Seriously. They’re huge and dangerous. Don’t mess with bison. 

[m4a1-shermayne]

Imagine showing this video to someone 6 months ago

[m4a1-shermayne]

Imagine showing this video to someone 1 year ago

[iwontbelookingdown]

oh my god.

[hopefulartandwriting]

This would literally be a closing shot in Black Mirror

[lousysharkbutt]

a little time travel never hurt anybody

patreon | twitter | instagram

[iriswestsallen]

I assure you, brother. The sun will shine on us again. 

[randomsplashes]

big mood

[youaremyeverlovin]

[calamitys-child]

Me reading academic papers: incoherent nonsense. Bullshit. I could write better than this in my sleep

Me writing academic papers: this sentence is 206 words long and contains 19 commas & a semicolon, fuck you

[xthehatchick]

You either die with a bachelors degree or you stay in college long enough to watch yourself become the villain.

[gingerhaze]

climb

[lasturlontheleft]

Everyone in Infinity Wars gonna be complaining about how hard these last few years have been for them until Thor rolls up with no hair, no hammer, and one eye. 

[doctorbones]

#“also my dad died”

[actuallyvady]

Don’t forget “my planet had to be destroyed to keep my sister from killing like the whole universe so now me and all my people are refugees. But hey, Loki’s back, that’s good news!”

[scottishaccentsareawesome]

Peter(raises his hand in the back): “…My homecoming date‘s dad turned out to be my arch nemesis and a building fell on me!“

Thor (smiles and gives a thumbs-up): “Good for you! (aside, to Tony)…Who is that person? Do we know him or did he just show up?”

[sexycraisinthanos]

T’Challa: My dad died, too.

Thor: I apologize for your loss, I know how it feels 

Thor: (To Steve) Who is that handsome man dressed like a kitten?

[lizatonix]

Starlord: My dad turned out to be this giant, planet eating god and tried to kill me so I had to kill him.

Thor: These things happen sometimes.

Thor: (to Banner) Are we just picking up strangers with sad family stories or…?

[bouncyirwin]

This is now canon, you can all go home, there’s no need to see infinity war

[monzterzack]

sometimes life is like that 

[lizatonix]

Somebody did beautiful fanart???? Of a post I contributed to?????? This is amazing????????

[castielismyfavouriteangel]

This is so fucking awesome xD

[suitofhumour]

This is the plot of IW. Everything else can go back to the script.