Noah Kahan
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occasionally subtle
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@holdenwoodz
🍻+ “ is there anyone you regret kissing ?” [ 👀 ]
“baby, if you think i’m gonna say you, you’re WRONG. you may have kissed like a fucking koi fish, but i learned a lot about the importance of like… trust and shit. besides, now me and libs more in common than just dna, lmao. anyway, i never regret kissing anyone. it boosts my immune system, pretty soon i’ll be immortal. thanks ashmont!”
🍻+ “ what’s your biggest secret ?”
“i fucked your mom. did you not know?”
🍻+“ do you believe in love ?”
“jesus, who the fuck are you, walt disney? i don’t fuckin’ know, bro. i want to think there is, so life has meaning and shit but sometimes… m’not too sure. like sure, i’ve talked to a lot of people, kissed a lot of mouths but i’m never sure if it’s just like, the excitement of being that close to someone, having someone say all the right things, that’s love. like, i think i was in love, like a really fucking long time ago but it’s like trying to remember a fever dream. where you wake up all sweaty and the details of that turtle you played poker with in siberia are slipping out of your brain every passing second. it’s like that. i know i’ve loved people, like i know i’d do anything for my mom, my sisters, blue, and shit, even dan, and ivy. and i know i’d do the same for cass, but it doesn’t feel like i thought it would. i wish it did because a bitch just wants to be loved, man. i talk a lot of shit for someone who watches the notebook as much as i do. but anyway, i can’t be too soft on the main.”
🍻+ “ what’s the kinkiest thing you have ever done ?”
“margo colby. under the bleachers, right before one of her soccer matches. nothing like a good pregame work-out, huh colb? oops.”
🍻 when are you going to stop lying to her
“whenever you admit that you want me to tell her the truth and leave her because you’re possessive and hungry for whatever the fuck this is. until then, you know i think you look pretty on top of bathroom countertops, colby.”
“ what’s your biggest secret ? ”
“how’s about don’t worry about it, dumbfuck. but if you’re that fucking nosy, that human sized shit eating rat running daisey’s blog will be sure to blow my shit up any fuckin’ day now.”
“ who hurt you ? ”
“idk, you gotta ask my mans maurice… aka my therapist, a man who’s sole purpose is to listen to me bitch. gotta love having money, right? but, long story short? i got daddy issues. but you can still pull on my hair and call me daddy if you want.”
🍻+ “ is everything alright? ”
“no sammy, it’s fuckin’ all-left. the fuck kinda question is this, man? people are getting murked like every other wednesday and you’re gonna ask me some hot shit like that. are you alright? but anyway… thanks for askin’, baby. love you my lil baguette.”
be honest: do you love cass? do you regret cheating on her?
well, this is fdklds ooc aspect of holden’s mind speaking because the public is unaware of the fact that he’s a serial cheater with margo. however, holden harbors a deep resentment for himself for cheating. he hates that he does it, and he hates the idea that he is hurting this girl that he loves. he does love cass enormously, however, i think the aspect of him being “in love” faded away some time again, and he was pushed by his parents to propose to her to tidy up his image which was in shambles due to well, holden being holden. they are aware of his secret and thought fixing up his reputation would make less trouble befall him should the secret get out, and he complied out of fear. holden loves cass very much, but he feels as though he’s too young and they’re too different to be tied in marriage. he’s fully aware of the fact that she also deserves far better than he is able to emotionally and mentally provide to her, but it too afraid of disappointing her, and his parents at this point to take a stand and free them both from something that is ultimately harming them.
“ what is the strangest place you have ever had sex ? ”
“danny rutherford’s bed. i’m basically a living fucking legend, no? also… the parking lot of a graveyard but, we won’t get into that rn.”
ofcerelia:
“i swear to god,” her voice was an octave or two above what it usually was, a red solo cup dangling precariously from her loose grip, “if one more guy asks if i want to ride his pony, i’m using this thing as a bat.” though it was unclear whether or not she could actually follow through, given how protective she’d been of her substitute-bullseye toy so far. “i literally can’t believe ginuwine ruined my costume.” she clutched the snout of the toy with a quiet whine of agitation, head tilting back as she scuffed a boot against the floor. “like, let me be a good little yeehaw.” only then did she realize she hadn’t left room for any real response, head tilting as she tossed a glance to the person nearest to her, with an exasperated expression before taking another drink from her cup. “i mean, y’know? at least be more creative about it, or some shit.”
“i’m guessing this is a bad time to ask you to ride my pony too then, huh?” holden commented impishly, smoothing a hand down the front of his shirt. their costumes were corresponding, standing before the girl in full head-to-toe woody. “though, i figure that’s more my line than anyone else’s, i kinda deserve a free pass. on that one and, there’s a snake in my boot, but...” his eyes lingered down to the docs on his feet. “i couldn’t fucking find the right kinda shoe for this look, so now i just... look, like military cowboy,” he mumbled, lips twisting to the side in thought as he distractedly swished the alcohol trapped within his red cup. “but anyway. you look pretty fuckin’ adorable.”
camcronturner:
once, cam had loved halloween. he’d spent months beforehand planning his costume, with his sister or his friends, so excited to show it off at school, go trick-or-treating. however, how cam treated halloween was one of the countless things that changed after his stepfather died, because then halloween became a time where he was more concerned with his little sibling’s costumes than his own, where either he or cass would take them out for the night, while the other would man the door. more often than not without a costume, at least in cam’s case.
he’d followed a similar pattern this year, not remembering to scrounge up an outfit until the day of the party. apparently sutton was dressing up, which meant that he should at least try, so he picked out the laziest superhero costume possible: a black superboy tshirt and some blue jeans. he found some round black sunglasses and realized he could go as 90s superboy, probably; all he’d need was a leather jacket. which led to him texting holden to borrow one, which led to him heading to holden’s villa to pick it up, which led to this, holden trying to talk him into doing his hair. “i don’t think i need gel,” cam insisted, holden’s leather jacket over his forearm. he could make a break for it, but he was too polite for that. “besides, i’d just make a mess of it anyways.”
@holdenwoodz
halloween felt obscure in a town where every fucking day was filled with gore and terror. holden couldn’t help but feel ridiculous as he stocked up on candy at the supermarket and picked up a cheap costume at party city. should he really be doing this right now? weren’t there more pressing matters?... but then again, holden had always poorly managed his responsibilities, even with murder barking at his heels. besides, he needed a good distraction. booze, babes, and butterfinger bars? count him in.
it seemed that cam was branching out as well, and holden felt himself swelling with a brotherly love and pride for this boy who’d he been watching grow for the a little under a decade. though similiar in age, holden couldn’t stop himself from treating the boy as if he were his own younger brother, consistently looking out for the brunet in every way that was allowed, emotionally, financially, and physically. and when your soon to be brother-in-law asks you for a leather jacket how can you say no?
“shhh, it’s not gel. it’s pomade, cam,” holden explained, unscrewing the cap from the product and running it through his fingers. “and yes, you do. you’re fuckin’ showing up in jeans, and a leather jacket, the least you can do is have the hair spot-on, you fuckin’ clown,” he gently teased, tossing the other a warm smile as he reached out to fuss and style his hair, smoothing it down to a clark kent style, allowing a small lock to rest across his forehead. “perfect... now put the jacket on. i wanna see if it falls nicely.”
drunken confession.
your muse is drinking with mine and has been given the chance to question my muse anything they want to know. some may be triggering, others won’t. send me a 🍻+ the question you want to ask my muse for a tipsy, drunken ( honest ) answer.
“ what’s holding you back in life ?”
“ is everything alright? ”
“ when did you choose to give up ?”
“ what’s the kinkiest thing you have ever done ?”
“ how many have you slept with ?”
“ what’s your biggest secret ?”
“ do you believe in love ?”
“ what’s the meanest thing you have done ?”
“ what scares you more than anything ?”
“ have you ever considered running away ?”
“ do you love me ?”
“ what’s your dirtiest fantasy ?”
“ who hurt you ?”
“ what made you this way ?”
“ is there anyone special in your life ?”
“ why are you always smiling ?”
“ what lie have you told that hurt someone ?”
“ if you could do anything in world, what would it be ?”
“ who are you, really ?”
“ is there anything you regret ?”
“ what’s your biggest regret ?”
“ tell me about your first kiss ?”
“ what is your deepest, darkest fear ?”
“ is there anyone you regret kissing ?”
“ have you ever cheated, or been cheated on ?”
“ what is the most embarrassing thing in your room ?”
“ who have you loved, but they didn’t love you back ?”
“ is there something you have never told anyone ?”
“ when was the last time you cried ?”
“ how come you keep running away ?”
“ have you ever made someone cry ?”
“ if anything, what makes you hate a person ?”
“ what takes for you to fall in love, trust someone ?”
“ do you believe in true love ?”
“ what have you done that people would judge you most for doing ?”
“ do you regret letting me close ?”
“ is there someone you have a crush on ?”
“ what is the strangest place you have ever had sex ?”
“ tell me your most awkward date story ?”
“ do you ever get scared ?”
“ what do you really think of life ?”
add your own for further development.
Send "be honest" followed by a question and my muse will be forced to answer with 100% honesty
You’re so delicious as a concept, but as a real person I worry for you
Thanks
This is such a weird thing to say
me talking to myself in the mirror drunk at 3am
nevaehporter:
between the art gallery, curfews, the disappearances, bear encounters, life at st. ettiene’s had been nothing short of stressful and tumultuous. nevaeh had never been good at dealing with things that were overwhelming. in fact, this time she became so overwhelmed that she essentially SHUT DOWN and was shutting herself off from everyone, despite their reaching out and trying to pull her out of whatever hole she had dug herself into. she didn’t know how to deal with everything that was happening so she just…didn’t.
going to classes and doing everyday things proved to be a struggle for the girl. she had to will herself out of bed and barely did that most days. she was surprised when she was up before 10 am. she figured this would be a good time to get something to eat from the dining hall, as she rarely had breakfast. her sketchbook in hand, earbuds popped in, she somehow found the strength to get some eggs and toast.
so caught up in her own world and shutting everyone and everything else out, because it was the only thing she could do, she didn’t even notice it when someone was sitting across from her at the dining hall table. it wasn’t until she looked at her phone to check the time that she even registered that someone else was there. she took out one earbud and paused what she was listening to. “sorry?” she asked, her voice clearly in a faraway place. a place where things like this didn’t happen.
normalcy was found in one place, and that was in the consistency of classes and sports games. life may have been a nightmare, but unfortunately that didn’t stop the nightmare that was college from stopping even in the smallest degree. at the end of their college career, it seems that the chosen 30 had more on their plates than ever before, and holden found himself taking refuge from it all in the dining hall. there was nothing a large bowl of mac and cheese couldn’t cure...
he wasn’t really looking for company, spreading his belongings out across most of the table as a “do not disturb” sign to an extent. maybe this way no one would ask him about this fucking investigation... about the missing people. however, it seems that this state of panic had placed other people in a flustered headspace too, nevaeh planting herself before hold without taking notice of his body language or sprawled out books and papers. and though he wanted to protest, he found himself unable to do so. she too, had been through a lot... unclogging his ears from the music he’d been blasting, mouth still full of mac and cheese, holden began to speak. “you okay there?” he questioned, reaching out to collect some of his things. “if you aren’t you should grab one of these,” he joked lightly, gesturing towards his bowl of mac.
ofphcenixes:
there was a moment there where blue had forgotten where he was. for a moment, he was not in a kitchen — but an unforgiving abyss. his body coasted along a thickening void, expanding at his ankles and he felt himself swayed by the hollowness in his heart. he felt the ground beneath him, but knew it could crumble at any moment. he could see the cluttered bench tops, a table with a fruit bowl scarce of fruit, and even a man he could once have said was his best friend staring at him from the opposite end of the room. but blue wasn’t sure what was an illusion anymore, what visual contortions were caused by the caustic liquid slithering down his throat, and what more of his grief was demanded as a price to mend his bleeding heart. he had not the faintest idea, and all he could see where multiple sets of those brown eyes he had spent nearly his entire life dipping into. he was nothing without holden woods. he would not be a fibre of the person he was today were it not for the man standing before him. of what he could make out in his metamorphised state, there was a hand floating between them. a bridge, in which it was begging to be crossed, the taste of forgiveness salivating on his tongue. blue knew what that hand meant. it’s all he’d dreamed about for weeks, and there is almost nothing he wouldn’t do to take it.
but blue continued to look up; his head scrunched into his shoulder, his eyes tethered to the chocolate brown he knew as home, and his hands… remaining at his side.
“f-f-forgiveness is earned. i h-haven’t earned it.” the blond stuttered out, an unpleasant expulsion of gas erupting through his lips as the bottle in his hand is placed back to the ground. his fingers clasped around the bottled neck like a noose. “you obviously. know what’s h-happened.” the words meagerly tumbling from blue’s mouth are the most words he’d spoken to anyone that wasn’t a police officer. upon being struck by the news, all blue could do was drink himself into a stupor and try to quell the tears from falling evermore. dehydrated, his head throbbing, his throat aching, and his heart tearing in two, blue felt as though he were about to fall apart. this was never more true than when he looked back up to holden, seeing the unequivocal hurt at his refusal of his gesture. but with everything else going on, the weights that blue had carried up until this point, the last thing he felt obliged to do was accept holden’s pity. and so he didn’t.
instead, tainted with a shade of harrow blue had never touched before, he stumbled upwards as he held onto the kitchen counter. hoisting up his weight as his body wobbled, blue didn’t cease until he found himself on his feet once more (albeit shaky at best), looking holden in the eyes. the tremor of his body was not lessened by his whitened knuckles that held onto the counter for stability, and blue bit his lip so hard that blood was excavated. the colour matched his tortured eyes. “it’s n-not your job to tell me it’s g-going to be okay.” blue warbled, a cry caught in his esophagus as his eyes once again began to well up. as such, the well of any water in his body was soon to be dried up, his every sorrow expelled in the hours preceding them. “there’s… a killer-r. daisey’s fucking dead. rosa, nate and d-danny could be fucking dead too, who the f-fuck knows ? and libby, my… libby, i… if i hadn’t hurt you like i have things could be different. but they can’t.” blue pressed one palm against holden’s chest, tears now flowing freely, and with his inhibited strength tried to push his best friend away. he couldn’t bear to look at him now, as he wiped away the disgusting discharge of his sorrow onto his sleeve. it was clear that blue was falling apart - and holden had no reason to be part of it. blue had betrayed the person he saw as his brother. their years bonded together over family christmases, stolen drinks from mr wood’s liquor cabinet, riding their bikes through the neighbourhood late at night because they felt unstoppable. all those memories meant nothing now after the hurt he’d instilled into holden’s heart. he hadn’t earned back the love of that holden yet. and he couldn’t accept it. not when he knew how holden really felt. “so you h-have to. leave. be t-there for your family. i can’t h-hurt you again. so go. i’m not your mess to deal with anymore. you must be in so much fucking pain. you g-gotta look after yourself first.”
holden and blue’s friendship had been forged in grief. both of them running far away from the horrors of their own realities, stealing away little pleasures to show one another in the form of legos and skateboards snuck into hospital hallways. they were masters of distraction, of sweeping their maladies under the rug and coaxing smiles out of each other instead. it was all they had known… until real tragedy strikes. holden had only seen blue this miserable once in his life, the days in which the boy’s mother had been yanked out of his life by disease and death. the weeks in which the young boy’s whole life was packed away into a box, and every bright and innocent thing in his world was snuffed out with the last breath of his mother’s life. first there were tears, none of which holden knew how to quell. after all, they hadn’t known each other too well in those days, teetering on precipice of a deep friendship, but even still his mother had stuffed him into a pair of black dress pants and a button down, pity in her gaze as she carefully tied the silk tie around his neck. it was the first funeral he’d ever attended, finally understand the fragility of life. blue had worn a similar look of complete and utter hopelessness then, blue eyes void of that vigor for life he so often harbored. suddenly it was as though holden was staring into the face of the very same young boy, in a suit far too large for him, mourning the loss of something that could never be replaced. any anger, and hurt that lived on within holden had melted away into nothingness, watching the shaking breathes fall past blues lips as tears formed at his eyes.
there was no doubt a profound sadness dwelling within holden’s own core, a panicky meandering that made its presence known every time he drew in a breath, all too aware that it was possible that the missing students didn’t have the luxury of air in their lungs. but now was not the time for solo sorrow. heaving himself off the ground, holden allowed the blond to speak, staggered word, the shards of his broken heart embellishing his words as he spoke, a hand poised at holden’s chest to quite literally push him away. quietly, holden peeled the hand of off his chest, allowing it to fall back at blue’s sides, eyes searching the face of his best friend. "shut up, dude,” holden mumbled softly, reaching out to pull the other into his arms into an embrace. “i am with my family. you are my family, okay? you're my brother, blue. so just… let me there for you. i’m not going to leave you, i promise. i’m here," her reassured, a keeping the boy close as his own tears now threatened at his own eyes. “i'm sorry i made you feel like… like that changes between us, fuck-- i, could never not be in your life. i’m always going to be here for you. no matter what, alright? especially now,” holden pledged, a hand reaching up to wipe at his eyes, arms still encircled around the only person who could understand the depth of his hurt, of his panic. “i love you. even when i’m upset with you i still do, so stop fucking… don’t ever imply what you just did, again,” he finally pulled away, hands still fussing at his eyes. he was unsure if his sadness was stemming from the anxieties he had about the abductions, the pain in his best friend’s heart, or the fact that he’d made blue believe that his life could ever be lead away from their friendship. unsure of what to do next, holden found himself shelving the bottle of vodka blue had previously clutched in his grip before turning his eyes back onto his teammate. “no more of that. it’s not… she wouldn’t want that, y’know? and you can bet your ass she’ll give you hell for it when he comes back, because she is going to be back. i promise, we’ll find her,” at this point holden was unsure if he was offering comfort to blue or to himself, blanketing best case scenarios over them as if maybe if he talked about it enough, they would be rendered infallible truths. “she’s gonna come back and things are gonna be different. i’ll be different.” he'd never been so helpless. usually skilled in to conjure up the cures to blue’s sadness, either via smile or a joint, sometimes more crafty ideas would have to be executed but he was ill-prepared for this. nothing would cure this. the only person that could, may never return.
