LIFE IN THE ABSENCE OF COLOUR

Tien || 20 || Sydney Australia || online \\

[coffeecutsandcigarettes]

one of the most toxic things i’ve ever done is ignore the bad in someone because i love them

[lelaid]

Carré Otis by Helmut Newton for Blumarine S/S 1995

[holydemons]

to have your heart broken to the core is a apprehensive array of pensiveness and melancholy. shaken up by the thoughts of betrayal, perfidy and deception by the one that you soul wrenchingly believed that loved you so, the one person that you fantasised their eyes and contemplative thoughts were bound by you, and only you. 

I don’t think anything can be more tender to the heart and soul than having the man that you love with all your heart commit infidelity. my heart relinquished to the unearthing of this news, the sting that came with the endless streams of tears, and the inexhaustible waves of thoughts that involved self blame and “why me, what have i ever done to deserve this heartache”. The puncture of the rivers of his “i love you” and “i’m sorry”... i know, but do you really mean it?

apart of me wants to believe your story, but apart of me is telling me to trust my heart. i wore my heart on my sleeve for you and you took my heart with your fistful of lies, deceptions, and manipulative behaviours and mutilated it with your bare hands. how can someone that loves you hurt this much? where is the love?...

i lay in your bed as i have streams and streams of consciousness about where it went wrong. 6 weeks you were gone for, where in the 6 weeks did it go wrong. where in the 6 weeks was i not enough for you, was i not loving you enough in those 6 weeks? perhaps i was loving you too much in those 6 weeks. 3 months ago, in those 6 weeks i was there for you, i spoke to you, i loved you... 3 months ago in those 6 weeks i would have done anything to ease your internal pain and substitute my radiant feelings of content  for your inner turmoil and struggle. i was there for you and more. perhaps you knew, and took advantage of that. 

i only wished for the best for you in your time of pain, i only wished that you would come out a person you aspired to be, i only wished for you to have the life that you have always wanted for yourself. i have never wished you pain, struggle or heartache. but it seems as though this is what i get in return. 

was it better with her? did she get you off better than i did? did you cum as quickly as you do with me? what about her drew you in? were you not thinking of me as you fooling around with her? did you not feel guilt, regret and fear? why did you do it?..why me?

i cant help to think that i am unloved and unworthy of any kind of affection and love, because when you try and try again with someone that you so truely believed loves you and cares for you, and they give you infidelity in return... well, its hard to move past that. 

[honeyfox777]

https://instagram.com/agnijagrigule/

[approvers]

[thewickedavatar]

shirt as pants 

[holydemons]

Sometimes I wished we met differently...

Maybe later in life

Maybe less intimacy

Maybe more friendship before sex

Maybe more connection before sex

Maybe when we were a little more safe with ourselves

Maybe not....

[synestezja]

[imoonshine]

[spragnione]

[thedudeleftthebuilding-deactiva]

[galeriasztuki]

💋

[vadersdaycare-deactivated201901]

2013 me : *sees a villain* I love you

2018 me : *sees a villain* You’re a fucking awful person and the main reason for my frustration, but I still love you.

[remanence-of-love]

[thedevilisahandsomeman]

Little flame

From my webcomic:

https://m.webtoons.com/en/romance/the-devil-is-a-handsome-man/list?title_no=1311

[holydemons]

I figured today while driving after a long weekend with my boyfriend, after a long long time, after something that i would call a revolutionary break through to our relationship, as much as he agrees or disagrees that is was or wasn’t, that the universe works for you and with you and in your favour. It brings people into your life, whether they be for a short period of time, or for a long long time, to help you grow and accept pain/happiness/love/trust and emotional intimacy. Everything that happens to us, everything from relationships, death and birth, love and heart break, has a cause, a motive, an intention. It was given to us to help us expand our consciousness. To learn and familiarise oneself with well, one’s self. How we take these lessons says a lot about our growth. So take it, don’t resist, but accept it and feel all the emotions you can. Forgive yourself, them, and the past if they hurt you. Be grateful, be indebted to the past, present and future if they favour you. But don’t resist, because it will only resist back.

If you ever read this, i love you and i know its hard, but there has to be balance in this universe. You need sadness to be happy, pain to heal and you need to break to grow. You are growing from this and i cannot be happier for you, i just want you to know that my intentions with you are at my very best, i only want the best for you, and i only want you to want the best for yourself. I don’t want to ask for anything more. One day, whether i am with you or not, i know that you will be where you want to be and you will be happy, and you will be content. Trust yourself, and you will get there.

[holydemons]

Its funny, being in love. What it can do to you, what it can do for you and what it wont do for you. During the past 3 years of being in my first intimate relationship, with the first boy i’ve ever loved, i’ve learnt that sometimes even love isn’t enough. Being in Love with another person can only push you so far, to make you care only so much and to make you feel whole just that little bit. We have this preconceived abstraction that when in an intimate relationship with another individual we feel the obligation to fulfil our partners like it’s our own. To make them happy, to make them stroke the sense of fondness and desire and to make them feel the relief of their own burdens and vexations have been carried of off their shoulders. Love, in a sense can help bring out these innate qualities within us. We may feel more of the need to help, be compassionate, understanding and caring, leading us to satisfy these preconceived societal ideas of love. But we forget about the most important relationship that we will ever have in our lives, and that relationship is the one that we have with ourselves. Full and unconditional love for yourself will always push you further, make you care so much that you will have a passion for guidance and responsibility for your own life, and soul, most importantly it will make you feel so whole that it will flow in, throughout and out of you onto the universe. The only obligation that we have in this lifetime is the obligation to self fulfil our own prophecy of ultimate love and desire for ourselves to be the emancipator to our own vexations and give ourselves that sense of love and comfort within us. We are all struggling with something, but how can you love another if you are unbeloved within and how can you help another if you are unable to be service of yourself.

[deeplifequotes]

Anyone who has grown mentally, physically or spiritually knows that growth is not found in comfort.

Unknown (via anditwasmonday)