Anyone else on a bunch of meds that have constipation as a side effect but instead of talking to your doctor to figure out a balance just use their lactose intolerance to their advantage?
Eating fairy bread for the first time in over a decade and I am now realising that hundreds and thousands have no taste. Fairy bread satisfies a childās need to eat bones
One of the slightly amusing but really annoying things about chronic pain is when you experience elevated pain level in your hips and being all āoh for fucks sake now Iām going to have to use my cane to walk until they decide not to be a bitchā then realise the next day āoh no thatās my period and Iām experiencing crampsā like I actually forget thatās a thing.
do you think bucky was sexually abused? that Selby scene in tfatws makes me wonder every single time
Thanks for the question.
Iāve tagged this post but just in case tumblr glitches, trigger warnings for: rape, sexual abuse, dissociation, sexual assault, imprisonment, torture, war, ptsd, mind control. Iāve probably missed others so read at your own risk š¬
The short answer is yes.
The longer answer is 1) unethical human experimentations were rife during WW2, and Hydra is supposed to represent the worst of them; 2) super soldiers were highly sought after for decades and weāve seen no evidence it could be reproduced from Buckyās blood, therefore they are likely to try more direct methods of reproducing a super soldier; 3) sexual violence is common during conflicts, and male survivors of war-related sexual violence are increasingly being recognised as a large population of silent sufferers; 4) dissociation may have been something Hydra wanted to achieve as part of Buckyās mind control, and dissociative symptoms are commonly linked with extensive sexual abuse.
Before I go to the super long essay, I just wanted to say that the scene in TFATWS was most likely written as a snide joke (cos rape jokes are funny amirite, especially if a guy is the victim), but Bucky fans have read it straight because his traumatic past makes that suggestion a real possibility. Unfortunately, in the context of Zemoās comment and Selbyās leer, that adds a possibility that I havenāt mentioned above ā which is that Hydra wasnāt just sexually abusing Bucky as a power play or to break his mind, but they were deriving pleasure from the acts and offering him up for sexual favoursā¦which, is so deep in HTP territory that itā¦says a lot about the sheltered life the creators live to pass that off as a joke.
1. Experimentation on POWs were horrendous during WW2. I happened to click on a collection of Japanese war crimes but the Nazis led a lot of the unethical research on their own front. For those who (rightly) donāt want to click, the Japanese were doing stuff like forcing prisoners to have sex with each other so they can infect the woman with syphilis and then forcefully impregnate female prisoners, then experiment on their babies. Or they were experimenting on prisoners to see the limits of physiology, like submitting them to severe frostbite, animal blood transfusions, unsafe vaccines, deliberate infections, and likely other drugs and poisons.
Prisoners were seen as subhuman, and particularly if you take the headcanon that Bucky may have been Jewish, there would have been very little ethical incentive holding Hydra back. Especially with the heightened healing ability, Bucky would have been a matter of great curiosity (not a good thing when youāre an experimental subject and a prisoner) and would have been subjected to inhumane experiments you and I couldnāt even dream up.
2. Now put this in the context of super soldiers being extremely sought after as a commodity. I use the word commodity because none of them have been afforded rights like humans. We know canonically, that experimentation on trying to create super soldiers continued for much of the 20th century. There were the unethical experiments on Isaiahās squad, the āWinter Soldier programā, the Hulk, that Russian dude and probably more we havenāt yet heard of. This means that for those 70 years Bucky was imprisoned, Hydra wanted more of him, but ones that were lower maintenance, easier to control and believed their own values. We already talked about how they have no ethical limits on what experiments they might do. Without going into details, but when you for some reason canāt get more serum from his blood or recreating the formula, and you donāt want to or canāt clone, then the method left is reproduction by harvesting sperm.
3. As Iāve mentioned above (and if you clicked through to the article), sexual violence were extremely common during war and occupation against female prisoners. But what about towards men? Turns out, itās not rare at all, except like many incidences of male survivors of sexual violence, itās not talked about publicly if at all.
The proportion of affected victims are devastatingly high. This article addresses conflicts in Africa, but I canāt think of any cultural reasons why it would be different in Nazi-occupied Europe.
If you can stomach the article, it talks about the social pressures that prevent men from speaking up. The shame of being seen as emasculated, the strict gender roles enforced by society, the fear of losing their social supports and their loved ones. These are all psychological pressures that would have been relevant in Buckyās time, given the general poor acceptance of sodomy and male victimhood, as well as (depending on your headcanon) his own perception of his sexuality, which may already be negative due to internalised queerphobia. The flip side of all this, of course, is that sexual violence is an effective torture method to cause shame, fear, self-doubt and suffering. It is a kind of pain that I have no doubt perpetrators understand the permanence of. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, there is no possibility of comfort even should they get back to their old lives, as all these male victims could do is to live in endless silent suffering. Importantly, it fractures your sense of identity especially if a large part of that is tied into enforced gender roles.
4. Lastly, while Buckyās mind-control is movie science, I think dissociation, derealisation and depersonalisation are an integral part of his mind control process. Sebastian spoke of his headcanon that Bucky was āin a dream like stateā, which sounds like derealisation.
And this scene of him placidly letting the Hydra scientists work on him and not responding to Pierceās questions could be an episode of dissociation.
Dissociation is likely something Hydra wanted to achieve. We know that dissociation is very common in victims of prolonged sexual abuse. That is not to say that physical abuse alone couldnāt have caused dissociation. I havenāt looked up data for this but Iāve seen amputees describe the surreal and recurring flashbacks of seeing their limb beside their body and we know, canonically, that Bucky was awake to remember at least one stage of his amputation, so that alone might cause dissociative symptoms. That said, unless Bucky was already dissociating reliably, Hydra would try to worsen his dissociation by causing other trauma, and sexual violence as mentioned earlier causes the type of psychological injury that makes him vulnerable to them further degrading his sense of identity and self-belief.
I think this explains my thoughts behind this headcannon amazingly. It can be incredibly confusing, frustrating, and terrifying getting raped. It really does chip at your sense of self and in some cases it flips everything you thought you knew about your attacker or even yourself which can be soo hard to comprehend.
Brooo I was late for an appointment at WINZ (who are notoriously a bunch of fucks who are assholes to deal with) and as I start driving of Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) started playing from my shuffle play and made the desperate drive and finding of a park so much more intense.
I donāt usually post. And I donāt want this to sound like encouragement. But I just read the fic āyou canāt hold usā by @artofflorescence on ao3. I donāt know if they came up with the idea themself or were inspired by someone else but Iām giving credit to who gave me the idea.
If I ever decide to tap out, the day of Iāll put flowers in my shoes and just spend the day doing something fun. Iāll go to the park, run around, get ice cream, read a book under a tree, watch the sunset. Then, and only then, will I go. Once Iāve had fun, genuinely smiled again. Knowing that Iām done. Cause Iām just so tired. I think that would be a nice way to end. To finally go home. To a home that isnāt here.
I would like to be clear. This is a hypothetical this is not a current plan. Not right now at least if Iām being honest. And if it does become one maybe Iāll post again to let people know that if for some reason they see me well, I wouldnāt oppose someone spending the day with me.
Is there a bingo board where I can cross out ābeen proposed to at work by a guy three times my ageā? Cause, like, that just happened. (For clarityās sake Iām like 90% sure he was joking)
Also to anyone who thinks security guards take shit seriously when we are sitting at a desk. I am currently making a post on tumblr and have been reading fanfic whilst I work this site. I will smile, nod to, and greet the workers whilst I am reading some filthy smut. I Do Not Care ā¢ļø
For people considering working in security. Particularly the young female identifying people. Be prepared for stingy old men making l o t s of comments.
So far my most tolerable old man simply calls me pretty and beautiful along with saying that I must have men lining up for me. The most unnerving comment he has made is when he said that if he were younger he would join said line.
The worst? The elder man who was my TEAM LEADER saying that what I wanted in a relationship was not in fact consent. Rather someone who would take what he wanted from me. That one sent me into a panic attack and messaging operations to say that I would never work with him again and to put me on a different site.
But in all honesty you will get people like this in any job. The reason I left my old one was because some other guy over twice my age approached me when I was kneeling to get a SKU for a product and promptly said āWhile youāre down thereā¦ā and gestured to his crotch. No he was not joking. I laughed him off and asked why he came to find me and then sent him on his way before putting in my two weeks.
So in short: be careful ladies there are a lot of sleezy douches in the work force who will never be more than the creepy wooden box palettes that are unable to put in the effort required for a single promotion.
To everyone who has seen that post about security guards and what an accurate heist movie would look like cause guards just donāt care ā¢ļø
I was struggling to find a job and a friend of mine offered to talk to her parents who run a security guard company. They brought me in and gave me the job. I am an small 18 year old female who wouldnāt be able to hold my own in a fight for shit. They donāt care, they just donāt put me down for shifts at the bar sites we have.
I am currently working a site at a warehouse where the workers are printing and binding books and whatnot. I donāt really know, and I donāt particularly care. My job is to check peopleās IDs as they come in to make sure only the people who are meant to be here are entering and do the occasional bag check.
Now, I work night shifts (11pm-7am weekdays 7pm-7am Saturday night) I am 10 minutes into my shift and an alarm is going off. My reaction? To look up for all of five seconds then go back to my phone. I continued reading for about two minutes before starting this post. Some workers checked it out and are going to call fire department to sort it. But me? The security guard? I donāt give a shit.
In short security guards generally just Donāt Care ā¢ļø
I feel I should also say none of the workers care. They have just apologised to me for the fact that they canāt fix it so Iām going to have hear this alarm until it stops for one reason or another. Some have walked past me just making jokes about it.
None of us care. Maybe thatās because itās 11:24pm but weāre all just chilling and pretending that it aināt happening for the most part.
One worker came out the āvaultsā and heard the alarm for the first time and promptly did something to get the alarms to either be quiet or just audible instead of the ear piercing migraine inducing sound they were before. My ears are still ringing but I have a favourite worker now.
To everyone who has seen that post about security guards and what an accurate heist movie would look like cause guards just donāt care ā¢ļø
I was struggling to find a job and a friend of mine offered to talk to her parents who run a security guard company. They brought me in and gave me the job. I am an small 18 year old female who wouldnāt be able to hold my own in a fight for shit. They donāt care, they just donāt put me down for shifts at the bar sites we have.
I am currently working a site at a warehouse where the workers are printing and binding books and whatnot. I donāt really know, and I donāt particularly care. My job is to check peopleās IDs as they come in to make sure only the people who are meant to be here are entering and do the occasional bag check.
Now, I work night shifts (11pm-7am weekdays 7pm-7am Saturday night) I am 10 minutes into my shift and an alarm is going off. My reaction? To look up for all of five seconds then go back to my phone. I continued reading for about two minutes before starting this post. Some workers checked it out and are going to call fire department to sort it. But me? The security guard? I donāt give a shit.
In short security guards generally just Donāt Care ā¢ļø
I feel I should also say none of the workers care. They have just apologised to me for the fact that they canāt fix it so Iām going to have hear this alarm until it stops for one reason or another. Some have walked past me just making jokes about it.
None of us care. Maybe thatās because itās 11:24pm but weāre all just chilling and pretending that it aināt happening for the most part.
To everyone who has seen that post about security guards and what an accurate heist movie would look like cause guards just donāt care ā¢ļø
I was struggling to find a job and a friend of mine offered to talk to her parents who run a security guard company. They brought me in and gave me the job. I am an small 18 year old female who wouldnāt be able to hold my own in a fight for shit. They donāt care, they just donāt put me down for shifts at the bar sites we have.
I am currently working a site at a warehouse where the workers are printing and binding books and whatnot. I donāt really know, and I donāt particularly care. My job is to check peopleās IDs as they come in to make sure only the people who are meant to be here are entering and do the occasional bag check.
Now, I work night shifts (11pm-7am weekdays 7pm-7am Saturday night) I am 10 minutes into my shift and an alarm is going off. My reaction? To look up for all of five seconds then go back to my phone. I continued reading for about two minutes before starting this post. Some workers checked it out and are going to call fire department to sort it. But me? The security guard? I donāt give a shit.
In short security guards generally just Donāt Care ā¢ļø
I feel I should also say none of the workers care. They have just apologised to me for the fact that they canāt fix it so Iām going to have hear this alarm until it stops for one reason or another. Some have walked past me just making jokes about it.
None of us care. Maybe thatās because itās 11:24pm but weāre all just chilling and pretending that it aināt happening for the most part.
To everyone who has seen that post about security guards and what an accurate heist movie would look like cause guards just donāt care ā¢ļø
I was struggling to find a job and a friend of mine offered to talk to her parents who run a security guard company. They brought me in and gave me the job. I am an small 18 year old female who wouldnāt be able to hold my own in a fight for shit. They donāt care, they just donāt put me down for shifts at the bar sites we have.
I am currently working a site at a warehouse where the workers are printing and binding books and whatnot. I donāt really know, and I donāt particularly care. My job is to check peopleās IDs as they come in to make sure only the people who are meant to be here are entering and do the occasional bag check.
Now, I work night shifts (11pm-7am weekdays 7pm-7am Saturday night) I am 10 minutes into my shift and an alarm is going off. My reaction? To look up for all of five seconds then go back to my phone. I continued reading for about two minutes before starting this post. Some workers checked it out and are going to call fire department to sort it. But me? The security guard? I donāt give a shit.
In short security guards generally just Donāt Care ā¢ļø
There are moments when I realise how young I am. I can pretend to be in control, to know, to understand, but Iām not, I donāt. People look down on me or overlook me more than they look at me. Some people are kind and show me something, let me try what they know to see the still pure glee I can display. Some see that they can lie to me without me pushing back because I havenāt learnt how, havenāt learnt that i worth it. Some choose to nurture to care. But even then some of them hold too tight, pull me back saying that itās better that way, safer. Little know that exposure with the backing of care will let me learn, without the wool pulled over my eyes obscuring the truth I need to know. They let me see things as they are and react in kind without losing myself.
I will never know true peace. The world is not made like that. And that is something I fought against by tooth and nail for a long time. But that was before I became resigned to it. Apathetic to the pain while knowing it wonāt always be that way. There will always be the childish hope for peace. I am 18 and Iāve already accepted that pain and hate is more likely for me to experience than gentle touches and love. I am not alone but I am lonely and tired. How am I meant to be happy in a world where I have been taught that life brings pain and hurt and death is where you find peace. Where you finally get to rest. I will not let myself fall. I am too prideful and stubborn for that. I will claw my way out of spirals of bad and harmful habits. Even when itās hard and all I want is to know peace again. I may be hurt and bleeding but I will not let myself collapse until I can be sure that someone else gets a break from the pain that is living, if only just for a moment. Until I teach others that life is not sunshine and rainbows but bared teeth and spit blood, life is looking others in the eye and saying āI will not go, not yet, and you canāt make meā. I might suffer but that does not mean others have to as well.
Iām not sure that this has made sense but I am resigned to talking without people listening. To looking in the mirror without seeing myself. To taking a step back mentally without others noticing. I will never be someoneās first choice or the person they choose to keep around. And it will hurt deeply each time. I love too easily, too deeply, and always alone. Others wonāt follow me. Thatās ok. While they are with me Iāll do what I can to help them. Make life just a little easier. Hurt just a little less. And then they will leave and I will watch them go as yet another person walks out of my life taking a little piece of me with them.
One day Iāll have nothing left to give. That will be when I seek my peace. I do not know when that will be, but I will not fight. Not that time. Iām already tired but Iām not done. Not yet.
yousharknotpass
blakekathryn
2087
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dailybridgerton
andulkaphoto
snowghoul
izzy806
