your heart is made of steel

it's okay. they keep telling you it's okay. but it's not okay. it's never been okay. YOU'VE NEVER BEEN OK. indie oc. written by maxi.

[homeboundsoldier]

😬

[homeboundsoldier]

intoxthextrees:

“ Jesus Christ, what planet are you from. ” A rhetoric question, since he was containing himself while rubbing a hand down his face, snorting. But hey, at least he convinced Logan to agree. “ What about Becca, is she really gonna wear a dress or will she show up in a white suit or something– ”

      “ jupiter if you believe that old kid’s rhyme. ”  he can’t help but give himself a little chuckle for his own joke. to his question, however, he gave a shrug.  “ pretty sure she’ll wear a dress. she’s worn one before so wouldn’t be that big of a deal. ”

[homeboundsoldier]

intoxthextrees:

“ You’re right, my bad. Once a soldier, always a soldier. Sorry. ” He tilted his head down apologetically. Joel certainly never stopped seeing his best friend as his brother-in-arms. Probably never would. “ I can’t picture you with a bow tie. Just sayin’. Some of the guys from our team are gonna be there too, and they’re gonna be wearing their uniforms. It’d be weird if you were the only one left out, know what I’m saying? ”

    “ i’d get married in my gym gear if my parents didn’t lose their mind at the idea. especially my dad. ”  but he couldn’t argue with joel’s logic.  “ yeah, i get you. don’t wanna be the one left out of the bunch. ”

[homeboundsoldier]

intoxthextrees:

“ Dude. You lost a limb for the cause and nearly died. You got a Purple Heart. If anyone deserves to wear that uniform, it’s you. Even if that weren’t the case, you finished boot camp top of the class and you were a damn fine soldier. C’mon. You’d look almost as good as me. ” He nudged Logan’s arm in a friendly and brutish sort of way. “ If I get to wear it then so do you. ”

      for a few moments he didn’t say anything. didn’t really know what to say. it felt wrong to lament over the accident anymore but it also felt weird to accept it and wear the sacrifice with honor.  “ still a damn fine soldier. ”  he corrected. just because he wasn’t as active on the field anymore didn’t mean he lost that title.  “ but you’re right. it’ll be better than a suit anyways. ”

[homeboundsoldier]

intoxthextrees:

@homeboundsoldier liked for a starter a billion years ago

“ I don’t know, man… I think it’d be way neater if we wore our military uniforms instead of suits at your wedding. I mean, I look so damn fine in mine, it’s almost criminal that I’m not allowed to wear it every day. Except in the field, obviously. Don’t wanna get dust and blood spatter on it. Sarge would have my head for it if I dared defile the fine honor robes of the Marines. ”

      “ i mean, yeah, i see where you’re comin’ from. ”  he nodded to his friend’s words as he took them in.  “ formal tradition and all that. i was debating on it, honestly. i know becca wouldn’t mind it but... i dunno. sometimes i just don’t feel like i deserve to put it on after all the shit that happened. ” 

[deadmos-deactivated20160627]

Send me "&" for my muse's reaction to yours tracing one of their scars.

[setheverman]

why r u so angry.... why do u always look so angry...?

it’s the anger

[softiesuggestion]

you feel like home.

[wordsnquotes]

A thousand moments that I had just taken for granted ― mostly because I had assumed that there would be a thousand more.

Morgan Matson, Second Chance Summer  (via northgrit)

[shareaquote]

Of course I look angry all the time. My entire life I’ve been fighting a war. I am soaked in pain and sadness. The irony however, is that I’m not actually angry, I’m trying to learn how to be happy. And that in itself is a war…

thedemonkings  // The War (via wordsnquotes)

[homeboundsoldier]

logan’s bio has been updated!

[homeboundsoldier]

intoxthextrees:

“ Yes, I noticed how overwhelmed with grief you were after that one time we exchanged saliva. ” At least now Joel knew for sure he was straight. Obviously he didn’t have a problem with people who were queer, it was none of his business who fucked who. He had just been curious about what it was like to kiss a dude and Logan offered. He gave it a go, decided men weren’t his thing and moved on. No big deal. “ My tacos are divine, so yeah. ”

      “ ew, don’t say it like that. ”  he even made a face to go with his words.  “ whatever, at least you’re not weird about it like half the other guys were in our squad. ”  when they found out logan was interested in men too, well a few of them got a bit prickly. they took it well enough, until some details got a bit awkward. couldn’t tell logan anything nice without adding but i don’t mean it like that okay?  “ oh god, you already got your head up your ass and i haven’t even started eatin’ ‘em yet. ”

[homeboundsoldier]

intoxthextrees:

“ Yeah, yeah, I hear you. Still think you should at least buy a ring. Make that singular romantic gesture just this one time ‘cause it’s not every day you get engaged, you feel me? ” He finished off with the tacos and while waiting, headed to the fridge to get himself a soda, too. To that last comment from Logan, Joel shot him a half-unimpressed, half-offended look. “ Excuse me for being straight. ”

       “ must be boring. ”  he was only teasing in the end.  “ left me heartbroken, y’know. ”  not really. they were both drunk. logan laughed it off and never thought about it again, except to mess with joel. he was the kind of guy who could do that.  “ c’mon, let’s just eat these tacos and stop talkin’ about our love lives for once, yeah? ”

[homeboundsoldier]

intoxthextrees:

Joel rolled back his eyes when his back was turned to Logan. It was true (or so he thought) that the reason he didn’t have a girlfriend or an active love life was due to work. Most days he was out in the desert gathering data on possible enemy sympathizers, sniffing out mine fields and going through intense gun fights, each of them bringing the very frightening reminder of his own mortality out into the light. He never knew when the next time he got out there would be the last, and on his off days he just wanted to sleep all the tension and stress off. So no fooling around. “ Fine, whatever helps you sleep tonight, darling. ”

       “ look, i just need you to dig your nose outta my love life ‘cause we’re not a typical couple like you’re tryin’ to make us, yeah? ”  he appreciated it, of course, but he was good at the more intimate parts of a relationship. not the romantic parts. he’d put in the effort but their relationship wasn’t going to be rom-com worthy. not like his parents’ or even his brother.  “ try not to be too picky and make my job harder, too. an’ don’t even say you’re not picky because even i wasn’t good enough for you back in the day -- ”

[homeboundsoldier]

intoxthextrees:

Now there was a loaded question. While Joel liked to flirt a lot, he wasn’t in the habit of sleeping around often. One time here, one time there, when he was feeling like it or when he really liked whoever he was with. He let out a long thoughtful huff. “ Damn, I dunno. Like three years ago? ” If he were talking to anyone else, he would’ve already told them to mind their own business, obviously. But it was Logan and since Joel was being insistent with his love life, he figured he owed the guy some freedom to question him on his own.

         “ see? we’re both in th’ same boat then. ”  except logan had a good excuse for it. at least, in his head he had a good excuse for it. either way, he was now determined to get his best friend someone to focus on other than him.  “ alright, plans for tomorrow then: go buy a ring an’ then we’re gonna find you a girl while you get me that beer you now owe me. ”

[homeboundsoldier]

intoxthextrees:

“ You could be our special bait. Or our secretary. That way we wouldn’t fight about paper work day in and day out. ” He was joking, but if he were to be honest, he missed having Logan around when he was out there in the desert. Wasn’t easy getting used to continue working without his best friend. “ Maybe you were a ladies’ man once upon a time, but it’s been what, two years? ”

       “ i ain’t bait. ”  he grumbled. honestly, he was a little hurt knowing that he wasn’t getting called back in as much as he used to. reckless, everyone would tell him. broken, he would think instead.  “ you just don’t want me to find someone for you. when’s th’ last time you had a woman in your bed, huh? ”

[homeboundsoldier]

intoxthextrees:

“ Remind me again when was the last time you got deployed, McDaniel. ” He gave Logan a very unimpressed look, pausing the knife, then bringing the tomatoes to the space next to the oven. “ Pfft, you’re gonna get me a girl? You? I’d pay to see that happen. ”

       “ not my fault they don’t want me over there. probably ‘cause i’ll just get blown up again. ”  he got up from his seat and moved towards the fridge and grabbed the carton of juice.  “ then you’d better pay up. m’a fuckin’ ladies man, dude. i can get anyone i want wrapped around my finger. ”