A Homestuck blog that analyzes your fan sessions. I'm your host, the Page of Space. Please, send me an ask detailing your SBURB session's group. Include each member's god tier title, and a few words about each of their personalities. I will analyze it for you, and detail how the session might go, each member's role, and your chance of success. Don't worry, my friends! We'll get your adventures rolling!
Now I haven't finished homestuck and by no means consider myself an expert on the topic, but I would like to have my question taken seriously by the legend that is you. How exactly does the concept of "internet" work in the homestuck universe? It seems to know no bounds. It appears to be an unstoppable force. The more I read the more I fear for the lives of the players. They could, at any moment, be swallowed by the invisible force of the internet.
Well, Round Mound of Rebound, that’s an excellentquestion. Many SBURB code jockeys havepondered the mystery of Paradox Space’s seemingly ubiquitous internet andelectricity connection. Heck, there’sfull internet connection outside of Sessions, even in the Furthest Ring. I guess the horrorterrors have to stay up todate on their Twitter accounts or something.
The thing is, wireless devices onlybehave as if they had every requiredconnection in all situations. It’spretty freaky. As far as we can tell, thereisn’t actually any system set up to send signals out. This is just the Game cheating with itsreality-affecting coding. The Gameactually just locks the status of wireless devices to [Online]. That’s it. That’s literally it. There isn’t some kind of giant wi-fi routerin Skaia or something, it’s just the fabric of sequential reality beingviolated so you can send your friend a GIF of John Cena.
SBURB’s reality-engine is a bithard to explain. Ok, so you know howyour computer shows some indication of being connected when it has access to aninternet connection? That little fivebar signal in the bottom right? WithSBURB game logic, your computer has a connection BECAUSE it shows thatindication. It reverses causality, turningthe effect into the cause, and vice versa. Yeah. What even.
There’s a lot of this inSBURB. Hope Heroes can alter reality inthe same way; because they believe in something, it becomes true. Your Dwelling Spire’s lights are on, so obviouslythey must have access to an electrical source.
It’s sort of like the SBURBInstallation Process. You can plug theSBURB Player Disc into literally any computer, even really ancient ones. (Note: You CANNOT install the disc on a game console, the console will explode. Except for the Atari Jaguar, for some reason. It must have blast processing or something.) That’s because the Installation processdoesn’t take place on your computer, it happens……everywhere, I guess. When you put the disk into any slot on yourcomputer, every computer you own will boot up and show the downloadprogressing. At this point, nothing canstop Installation.
The coding for the actual game,(located in the Frog Temple), suggests that the Installation is kick-started byinserting the disc into a working PC and feelingthe emotion [I am ready to start myadventure]. (How the heck is that an emotion.) A lot of things in SBURBare triggered by very vague emotional states. For example, one can only progress in their personal Land quest bygradually gaining maturity in their thoughts. When [Emotion] becomes true;execute program.
Void is the Aspect of cracks in the world, of shadows in corners, misplaced paperwork, a bus schedule that's late by 3 seconds. Heroes of Void see the holes in the world, where something should BE but is NOT. They use these voids to go places no one else can, to appear when least expected but most needed. The Aspect of Void is arguably the most lethal, as Void [Abilities] completely ignore Armor, and attack the target’s Health directly. Void Heroes have the highest stealth stat in the game by an order of magnitude, are completely immune to scrying and surveillance by fenestrated walls, and are particularly adept at finding secret passages and areas.
Space is the Aspect of Reality, where everything IS. As long as an object has matter, it is within Space’s purview. Space Heroes are creative and imaginative, and immutably happy. There’s a saying, “silence the people, and the stones themselves will cry out in joy.” That’s Space, forever reveling in its own awe. Space players are markedly unique between Titles, because each Class is able to alter the laws of physics that affect reality in different ways. For example, a Thief of Space could steal the gravity of her enemies, rendering them helpless, and a Prince of Space could destroy mass, swinging around huge pillars with ease, the possibilities are endless. Space Heroes are great at finding new ways to utilize their powers, and you can often find them with their nose in a Physics book, looking for fresh opportunities to screw with reality. In addition, Space Heroes are adept at finding secret portals, invisible doors, and entrances to pocket dimensions. It’s because these secret areas violate Space way. It won’t pop out immediately, Spacers just get really irritated when they’re around.
Hope is the Aspect of belief and faith. If a Hero of Hope believes in something, it becomes true. It’s just really, really hard to actually believe in something that much. That’s why Hope players will often consider their powers as something other than Hope. Instead, they’ll call it magic, or a superpower, or a mutation, or whatever. They need to reject reality, and substitute it with their own. This self-delusion lets them do effectively anything with their powers, be it super-strength, summoning mystical allies, or turning into a dragon, you name it. They also have one of the most broken low-level abilities in the game, [I’m in Da Nile]. It pushes everything within radius away from the caster in a wide circle. Very reflective of the Aspect itself, really.
Blood is the Aspect of bonds and ties, of movie nights and comrades-in-arms. They see people for who they are, not what they can do for them. A lot of people push Breath Heroes as the end-all be-all for leadership, but honestly the inexhaustible stubbornness of Blood makes them invaluable for candidacy for team leader. Blood players have the highest defense and endurance stats in the game, and they know it. They can go for weeks without sleep, and exert themselves for indefinite amounts of time with the bugged infinite stamina buff [I Am An Eternal Flame, Baby]. Blood is like a Rock-type pokemon, only End-Game level special attacks or player [Abilities] can do any serious damage, melee attacks are nigh-useless against them, and any damage that is done is made redundant by their Ability [Die With No Scars], one of the best health regen abilities out there.
Heart is the Aspect of positive emotions and identity, which sounds far more innocent than it is. Heart Heroes love figuring out what makes people tick, what drives them and scares them, their fears and their hopes. They use this knowledge to manipulate others, if they’re aware of it or not. Heart Heroes also have a decent combat bonus, and are really good at card games for some reason??? Buried game files reference “believing in the Heart of the Cards” or something idk. What makes the Heart Aspect truly fearsome is their ability to interact with the SBURB data of game objects, including other Players. This is often referred to as the “Soul” by players, but I think that’s a misleading name. It’s more like a collection of all your stats and self-data that SBURB has gathered, and Heart Heroes can essentially hack this and mix things around. More powerful Heart Heroes can even transfer this data to another object, but this is frowned upon as insanely cruel to use on even Underlings or Consorts, and God forbid on other Players. Yes, your talking sword may be cool, but it also can’t move, jerk. This “hacking” is most often used by Heroes cheat their way to powerful weapons, by hacking the weapons game data and cranking up the offense statistics. Changes made to other Players data are temporary, but most game object changes are permanent, so use wisely.
The Aspect of Time cheats, and I love it. If there is one thing I approve of in this game, its exploitable abilities. Have you ever played a game of ping pong against a Time Hero? It’s nuts. As the counterpart of Space, Time can alter the more ethereal rules that govern existence, the laws of entropy and renewal. Time players are similar to Space players, in that each Title affects their Aspect in a profoundly unique way. A Rogue of Time could slow their enemies while speeding themselves up, and a Mage of Time could set up “rooms” where time passed differently. Time players also have some of the most important duties in the game, which is making sure the Session follows the Alpha Timeline with minimal offshoots. Some more….apathetic Time Heroes go the “spam clone” approach, and just summon an army of doomed compatriots from off-shoot timelines, but this tactic creates a truly unacceptable amount of doomed timelines where people die horribly. A skilled Time Hero can get through a full months-long Session with no doomed timelines, unless the Session tragically depends on a Beta timeline, such as a future-self coming back and prototyping themselves into your Sprite. Time Players can also alchemize time-related objects with their weapons, like an Hourglass-Rifle that fires staggered shots, or an Alarm-Clock-Gauntlet that does quadruple damage at a certain time of day.
The Aspect of Breath is the bloody wind of revolution, the tides of war, a hurricane storm. Where Breath Heroes go, change is sure to follow. They are unshakably optimistic, and have one of the highest special attack stats in the game. They also approach most problems with a WRECK EVERYTHING attitude. Like, you’ll give them a jar of peanut butter to open, and they’ll destroy your house. Breath players also have a most unusual passive ability, called [Eye of The Storm]. It effectively makes them temporarily immune to emotional trauma, which is why they unnerve some people after not batting an eye at finding a dead friend. This ability is glitched, however, in that it’s ALWAYS ON. The trauma doesn’t go anywhere, it just keeps building up in the psyche of the Breath Player until something pushes it over the edge, maxing out [Eye of The Storm]’s threshold, at which point the player is exposed to all the accumulated emotions at once. This is why unflappable Breath players will freak out like two years after seeing a traumatizing event, during a particularly stressful game of Monopoly or something.
The Aspect of Rage involves negative emotions, especially rage. Rage Heroes alternate between Berserkers and sly manipulators, exploiting resentment and grudges between enemies. A skilled Rage Hero prides themselves on getting their enemies to fight themselves, and knows when to lay low. They have a surprisingly high stealth stat, but aren’t The Sneak King™ that Void Heroes are. Rage players are fine with that, because they always have their crazy high endurance stat and [Berserk] to fall back on if things go south. If your Rage Player casts [Berserk], I recommend leaving the area. They’re going to have a hard time distinguishing between friend and foe, and you do NOT want to be within arm’s reach of a Berserked Player who considers you an enemy.
The Aspect of Light encompasses every meaning of the word, including knowledge, good fortune, and actual physical illumination. These Players often start out all gloom and eye-shadow, so it’s a bit unnerving to see them by the end of the Session be all sunshine and rainbows and “everything’s going to be ok, guys.” They’re also unbearably smug, because they always seem to know everything. That’s the influence of “seeing the Light,” I guess. They never stop cheating, though. Oh boy, do Light players cheat. Don’t ever play poker with them, unless you’re a Heart Player, in which case go ahead. Light Heroes can also imbue their weapons with their Aspect, which is bananas, because every strike becomes a critical hit, and every projectile targets an enemy without fail. They also have a laser ability, [Light My Fire], but it really sucks. It does decent damage, but it’s immune to luck-bonuses, so Light players always miss because they aren’t used to actually having to aim. Just stick to the flashbang ability, [Blinded By The Light].
Mind Heroes are all about moves and counter-moves. Like, imagine a stereotypical supervillain during the first half of an episode, when they trick the superhero and exploit their weaknesses. And then in the second half the superhero gets their act together and finds a way to win the day. Well, Mind Heroes are like supervillains who never stop living in that first half of the episode, the other shoe never drops, they just keep winning. You’ll never pull the wool over the eyes of a Mind Player, so don’t even try, you’re embarrassing yourself. Don’t play chess with them, unless you’re masochistic or enjoy cheating.
The Aspect of Doom is all about rules, rules, rules. Doom players are often negative and grump, but they’re also crazy intense. When they get into a project, they really get into it. They’ll barricade themselves in their rooms for days, until emerging with some fantastic new device or plan, then collapse from exhaustion. Doom players usually need someone to watch out for them, they can go a bit crazy if left to stew in their own juices for too long. They’re geniuses with the ~ATH code, the programming system that SBURB runs on, which uses retroactive reality cyclers and redundant back-up systems. This might be because of their abilities, which involve placing limiters in exchange for more power. For example, a Witch of Doom could place a [Law] on another Player, with the limitation [You can only fight Dersites]. This makes that player especially effective against Dersites, but if they fight anything else, they could be severely weakened, or even die, depending on how specific the [Law] is.
Life Heroes are like the mother hen of the group, they’ll want to make sure you’re eating your vitamins and getting enough sleep. Life players are infamously hard to put down, and their looks are often deceiving. They also have the highest natural Mangrit stat in the game. Seriously, some of these tiny little Life kids can bench-press a car no sweat. They come across as saccharine and sweet, which is why it often comes across as a surprise that Life Heroes are among the best at intimidating foes and dealing with fights between players. They Just. Don’t. Die. Their healing abilities mean they often jump into situations that seem hopeless, and come out without a scratch. You haven’t really known fear until you’ve seen a smiling Life Hero bear hug a Berserking Rage Player. It’s like watching a pixie beating the crap out of a tiger.
If you’ve noticed any tendencies commonly seen in an Aspect’s Heroes, feel free to pop them in my inbox, and I’ll make a follow-up post out of your submissions.
A Witch is someone who looks at a problem and thinks of how to break it apart and put it back together again. They see obstacles as resources and weapons at their disposal, and use them to their advantage. They dance with their Aspect and play it like a piano, putty in their hands. Also they always prototype something that’s going to wreak tremendous havoc with your Session, it’s a rule or something.
A Maid is someone who can handle anything the world throws at her, and throw double back. They don’t let anything get in their way, and smash anything that does. They use their Aspect like a claymore, massive but slow, and great at breaking stuff. Thanks to having the highest physical defense stat in SBURB, Maids are the tanks of your team, they waltz into danger and shrug off damage like no tomorrow.
A Sylph is someone who looks at other people and sees the whole potential of who they could become. They help people up to their highest point. This seems like healing to onlookers, but to the Sylph she’s just revealing what she knew was always there. Also the mother-bear class, with the highest melee offense stat in SBURB, tied with the Prince.
The Rogue is the classic Robin Hood, stealing from the rich to give to the poor. With their crazy high speed, agility, and stealth stats, papilionaceous pilfering is a piece of cake. It doesn’t matter if they’re stealing money, knowledge, or hearts, they take from their enemies and give to their friends. (With a little taken off the top for services rendered, of course).
A Knight is a shield in the form of a sword, someone who takes the hits for others because they know they can take it. They protect their friends with guts and headbutts, but often try and hide themselves behind the shield they use to protect. It takes good friends to lower that shield, but a good Knight always has good friends.
A Prince is the end to the story. They enter the story, slay the dragon, rescue the princess, etc etc. When they enter the situation things are coming to a head, one way or another. Through sheer force of personality they bulldozer their way through the riff-raff and fix the problem, either with duct tape or a hammer. They are the guillotine blade, the tick of the last tock of a bomb, The End.
A Thief takes what they want, and they don’t want no sass. If something they want is in front of them, they’ll fight, cajole, or sneak their way to get it. They often lose interest in the thing they wanted as soon as they get it, though, and is never far from picking a new target, be it material or social. A considerably high speed stat, and it tied for the highest stealth stat, with the Rogue.
The Page is a powder keg with a really long fuse. They start out small, but Oh, The Places You’ll Go. The movers-and-shakers from humble beginnings, a Page never stops advancing, never stops growing. As long as they keep moving, they know they’ll get where they’re going eventually, a matter of simple physics. They slow down when left alone, however, so remember to poke them with a stick or something every once in a while.
The Mage is the one who looks and is displeased. They find a way to grump about everything, but because of that they’re always looking for ways to make things suck slightly less. Their methods may seem like magic to the plebian folk, but really, it was elementary, my dear idiot. And if that ends up benefitting everyone, well, so much the better. "Really, I was just in the neighborhood, it’s not like I care or something.“
The Bard is in it for the laughs. They don’t care who’s laughing, as long as someone is, be it them or others. The trolling, the pranks, the shenanigans, it NEVER ENDS. However, a true comedian is occasionally unable to distinguish from tragedy, so be sure to laugh along with their more harmless tomfoolery, even if they really aren’t that funny.
The Seer knows what you need to do, and they know you won’t be happy about it. Regardless, it’s something that needs to be done, and it’s their job to make you do it, one way or another. This class may seem cruel in its execution of necessary evil, but it’s a dirty job, and someone has to do it. You probably couldn’t, so stop your yabbering.
The Heir always gets their way, but you just can’t hate them for it, dang it. No matter how much you try, they always win you over with their "earnestness” and “authentic kindness”. Ugh. It’s not easy being the person who has everything, but they sure make it look easy. They have the easiest time acquiring special abilities, quite a bonus to their Mangrit stat, and their Aspect clings to them like a heavy mist. Even universal archetypes can’t get enough of these guys.
I'm curious. My session has a Knight of Blood (A little like Karkat, only not so violent), a Maid of Void(Shy except to Blood usually), a Witch of Breath (Girly and Cutsy), a Seer of Time (An ass, clever, knows how to annoy Blood), a Thief of Space (Bitchy. Best friends with Blood), a Rogue of Rage (Really into weapons, knowledgeful), a Heir of Light (Cute, annoying, can be an ass.). Could you analyze it for us? Would you also be able to analyze possible relationships as well?
Hi! Zuko Here!
Knight of Blood –
The Knight of Blood is forever done with your shenanigans. Or so they say.
Powers:
[Or So Help Me]
A Knight of Blood does not deal in shenanigans like some Rogues I could mention. They only deal with cold, hard reality, and how far they bend that reality until it breaks. This passive ability gives them an innate sense of the most persuading form of conversation towards whoever they might be talking to. This might translate to shouting, cajoling, or gentle encouragement.
SBURB Role:
The Knight of Blood will have a natural disposition towards helping other people act like themselves, without any pretension, but will have trouble doing it themselves.
However Knights hold a façade over their true character, which is trouble for a Blood Hero, who is supposed to be open and expressive. The goal of this Hero is to be able to let their true character shine through.
Team Influence:
If there’s one thing Blood is good at, it’s making friends in unexpected places. I imagine they will be good friends with the Maid, the Thief, and even the Heir, along with everyone else on the team. They will have to be the mediator, be the bridge that brings estranged team members back to the whole. Be the friend they deserve, and the one they need.
Also, the Knight might be the vice-leader, helping out the Witch of Breath.
Maid of Void –
Silent as a shadow, but with a much better sense of humor.
Powers:
Maids are all about defense, the tanks of your team. They have plenty of offensive capabilities, but their true talent lies in running headlong, absorbing blows, and head-butting the most dangerous thing in the room to keep its attention away from the Maid’s friends. This makes the Maid of Void especially unique, because she does all that WHILE being stealthy. Have you ever heard of a stealthy primary fighter? Seems a bit unintuitive, but it’s application it phenomenally strong. The Maid of Void aggros her opponents, and then vanishes. This causes enemies to search for the Maid, instead of attacking her friends. As long as the Maid keeps hit-and-running, it will keep attention off allies, allowing them to whale on opponents as she plays ring around the rosy with the goons.
The Maid’s signature power is an ominous sounding one called [And Then There Were None].
This ability imbues the Maid’s allies with temporary perfect stealth. No one can see, hear, or touch you in this state, and it lasts for a good couple of hours or until the Maid shuts it off.
SBURB Role:
Maids have a terribly morbid relationship with their Aspect. Sort of like a “I’m the only one allowed to hurt you” relationship. Like Alucard’s relationship with Seras Victoria in Hellsing, if you’ve ever watched it. The Aspect itself can be a mean and unreasonable boss, but won’t hesitate to help a “servant” in need.
So the Role of the Maid is to become unflappable, and don’t be pushed around by anyone, especially your Aspect. The Aspect will try and exert it’s force over you, willing you to do it’s bidding and expecting immediate action. It doesn’t even realize it’s doing it half the time, it’s just used to getting its own way. Don’t let it. You are a better judge of the proper course of action than any Aspect.
Team Influence:
The Maid of Void keeps secrets. Guards them as close to herself as she does her own heart. If you need some juicy gossip, the Maid isn’t the one to go to. She keep it to herself, thank you very much.
Void has always had a soft spot for Blood. While Void Heroes may be cold and silent towards others, they often find it easier to open up to Blood Heroes.
Witch of Breath –
I hope you’re ready to paint with all the colors of the wind, Pocahontas.
As the ultimate free spirit, the Witch of Breath is one of the most American of all Titles.
Powers:
[Which way the wind blows]
Ok, so you all know the basics of Breathy combat, it’s the most physical aspect, after all. Woosh, woosh, swish, swish, slam, jam, etc.
So I won’t bore you with such inadequate means of conveyance. Her ability has two parts.
Inhale:
And Exhale:
SBURB Role:
The Witch of Breath must grow as a person, and as a leader. Breath is the Aspect of freedom and direction, which means she will be the one pushing the team onwards, motivating them.
She’s also going to prototype something that will complicate your Session horrendously. Don’t worry about it. It’s just what Witches do.
Team Influence:
Woot, team leader. Now you get to deal with every little problem that can and will arise. You will also be your team’s primary fighter, which holds a great deal of responsibility in and of itself.
(Also, yes, you can do that shampoo commercial hair whoosh with your windy powers.)
Seer of Time –
The paragon of Seery-ness.
This Title is an interesting burden to bear. You see, her abilities give her near-omniscience (at least in regards to Paradox Space) and access to all the knowledge she needs to effortlessly succeed in SBURB.
But she can’t tell anyone.
Or rather, can’t tell it straight. In SBURB, there is a crucial factor called the [Role-playing System] which measures how well a Player is “acting” like someone with their Title should be. The closer you are to your ideal “performance” of your Title, the more powerful you become. For example, Seers are supposed to be cagey with their info, and only give out snippets at a time in riddles or whatnot.
(PS: I guess you could say this Title is “Seer-ious” business.)
Powers:
The Seer of Time’s signature ability is called [All in Good Time].
As you might imagine, this ability allows the Seer to see any point in any timeline. No duh.
In addition, the Seer of Time is a strong fighter because she can see things right before they happen. Which means you can effortlessly dodge anything your opponent throws at you, making you a formidable foe.
SBURB Role:
As you grow closer to the Seer Class, you will begin to be aware of more and more timelines. Timelines in which…..bad things happen. Things we don’t need to talk about. It’s your job to make sure those things don’t happen. You will know just how terrible things could happen. You need to make sure those things stays that way, as events that could happen, and never will.
Don’t feel that you need to bear it all alone, though. Find a confidant, a close friend. The Maid knows how to keep secrets.
Team Influence:
I speak of the morbid potential, but really, the most important thing is that you build up a reputation of predicting the future and freaking people out with it. Nothing is more satisfying than prophesying fun events that other people don’t want to happen.
“Oooh, Knight. I just had a vision. Within three days, you will trip and land headfirst in a mustard sandwich”
“What? Don’t be ridiculous. I’m more agile than a cat, thank you very much.”
And then, the Knight spends three days in a cold sweat, desperately trying to avoid making a fool of themselves. But it happens anyway. It always happens anyway.
Truly, the Seer Class is a terrifying one.
Thief of Space-
Not quiiite Darth Vader, but almost.
Thieves are very driven and forward, while Space players are very nurturing a protective. That’s right. Watch out for Super Nanny over here, she’s coming to fuss and meddle in all the affairs.
Powers:
Your ability, [Keys to the House], allows you to steal any object that physically exists in the entirety of Paradox Space. It also lets you move extremely fast, by stealing the space between you and your destination. With these two applications, you can become a jack-of-all-trades, whipping out weapons and useful items left and right. Need a door opened? Steal a key. Need an engine fixed? You have a full set of tools. A solemn occasion, deserving silence and respect? Get out the old tuba and fire away.
SBURB Role:
A Thief of Space should be one who uses their drive and competency for the good of the team, instead of only for themselves. Your Goal is to become more aware of others needs, while still satisfying your own.
Team Influence:
The Thief of Space is bffs with the unflappable Knight. I imagine the Knight could help her reign in her more outrageous stunts, while encouraging the beneficial ones.
Heir of Light –
Smugness personified.
I once mentioned that Aspects are more self-aware than most people think, and have rather striking personalities as well. Well, Heirs tend to channel that personality more than other Heroes. And Light is well…..smugly knowledgeable. Overwhelmingly so, in fact.
(PS: I guess he just doesn’t want to be taken Lightly.)
Powers:
[Let there be Light]
This ability allows for a short burst of omniscience, as you turn into Light itself. As you can imagine, this allows you to travel at light-speed, and reform in any location with a light source. However, you can only remember one fact from this small burst, at least until you go God Tier. Then all the gloves are off.
In terms of combat, the Heir might fight in a similar manner to Kizaru from One Piece.
SBURB Role:
An Heir must grow with their Aspect, and become to embody what It represents. An Heir of Light’s Goal is to become a source of clarity, a shining example of knowledge and study.
Team Influence:
Along the Seer, the Heir will be the strategist and tactician of the team. They will provide information, while planning out the proper course of action. What nerds.
Overall:
A very knowledge-based team. They will act off of informed decisions, and logically make correct decisions. This will help the team minimize Doomed Timelines to virtually zero, as well as succeed overall. This team is going to do extremely well in SBURB, with two knowledge-based Heroes, an American Dream, a stealthy tank, and one fed-up but stalwart friend.
My friend and I got into a heated debate over what my power as a Prince of Time would be, I proposed that I could technically travel much faster if I destroy the time that it take me to go from point A to point B without affecting the game session too much. My friend was too cautious about that and forbid me from using my power for such trivial thing. So please enlighten me on my power?
Ah, yes. The old “with great power comes great responsibility” debate. After all, God Tiers are immensely powerful beings with powers that can shake the very foundations of reality. Our abilities are capable of destroying massive planets, manipulating entire civilizations, controlling complex minds. The consequences of a God Tier misusing their powers can affect entire universes, and can define the paths of countless worlds.
Which is why I cannot stress enough that you need to goof off with your crazy magic powers AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
Honestly, one of the best ways to learn how to understand your Aspect is to utilize in small, seemingly trivial ways. Are you a Hero of Space? Teleport everywhere. Hero of Breath? Fly upside down, and mess up your friend’s hair-dos. Hero of Void? Scare people by appearing out of nowhere. These sorts of shenanigans can also reap you massive [role-playing] bonuses if attempted with the right motivation. For example, a Rogue of Space would be considerably stronger if she were to prank her friends now and again by teleporting their shoes to a hard-to-reach place. Such petty uses of your Aspect can actually help increase your stats if done in the correct manner.
Basically, you can use your Aspect in almost any manner you choose, as long as you can justify your Class being likely to do so. The Prince of Time is, by definition, a destroyer of Time. However, he is also a destroyer of entropy, destiny, and inevitability. So yes, you could move at near-instantaneous speeds by destroying the time it takes to get to point A to point B. And to prove my point, I will now back it up with cold, hard physics.
Velocity = Distance / Time
By decreasing time, you increase velocity. They are inversely related, so any change in one will result in an opposite and equal change in the other. It’s a Kinematic Equation.
So yes, breakneck speeds are a thing. But you can do so much more than that. You can heal wounds or erase events by destroying the time in which they took place. You can destroy unfair destinies and allow people to choose for themselves. You can even change the Alpha Timeline by clipping away unpleasant bits here and there. The powers you hold are limited only by your ability to justify them to SBURB’s [role-playing] system.
And really, what’s the point of having time powers if you can’t use them to shoot down a Slip n Slide at Mach 7?
cons-no pros-you look like robin if he had a goth phase-you taste like disgusting liquorice-the panties give you the worst wedgie ever-your cape is not even big enough to be a blanket
Alright! I've got a Knight of Space, Witch of Time, Maid of Breath, and Rogue of Life. How's it looking?
Looking oh so fine, doll face.
Knight of Space-
Personality:
We should just rename SBURB as “Everybody Loves the Knight of Space.”
Because that’s basically all it’s about.
The Knight is an upstanding citizen, stalwart companion, excellent friend, and a bit of a sneaky jerk. They are very well-rounded skill-wise, but have a massive workload.
Powers:
Of course, the Knight has the teleportation abilities that all Space Heroes have. However, the Knight is particularly adept at utilizing this ability in battle. They can zip back and forth around the enemy, striking and teleporting in one smooth movement. If used properly, this ability can make it almost impossible for opponents to land a direct hit on you. Not only this, but the Knight can increase their momentum, speed, force, and density, making them very formidable opponents, even without their trademark “Flash Step” maneuver.
The Knight of Space also often utilizes the [Space Rave] ability as a distraction/dramatic entrance. Oh man, that’s easily in my top ten favorite special abilities in Sburb. It does exactly what you think it would.
SBURB Role:
The Knight has the unique disposition of exploiting their Aspect in ways that most other Heroes would never even consider. Knights have a knack for bending the rules, and bending them well.
Unfortunately, this mindset has a serious consequence.
Oh geez, how do I put this…. Well, the first thing you have to understand is that Aspects are a lot more self-aware and intelligent than most people think. They have unique personalities, and unique relationships with all the other Aspects. And they are very sensitive. Oh my gosh, they are such divas. Aspects hate having their feelings hurt, and wow, they are vengeful. Most Heroes have to forge an understanding with their Aspect’s personality, and learn more about what makes their Aspect tick.
Knights don’t do that in the slightest.
The Knight learns how to exploit their Aspect like a conman in Vegas on a Tuesday, not how to connect with it. Knights will cheat, steal, and blatantly exploit game-mechanics to further their own ends.
So the Aspect sulks.
It simply refuses to show up in the Session. The Aspect does the bare minimum it can get away with in any given situation, and drags its feet when the Knight tries to command it. In order to utilize their Aspect to the greatest degree, a Knight must fulfill a very unique role. The Knight must earn their Aspect’s respect. They have to make the Aspect so impressed that they can’t help but, at the very least, grudgingly respect the Knight.
This is especially unfortunate with a Knight of Space, given how important the Space Aspect is to a Session. It should go without saying that if you want to make a healthy universe, you need Space’s cooperation. At least Space isn’t quite as big a drama queen as, say, Light.
Space has a bit of a zen thing going on. At least, it tries to. It’s not very good at being zen. Probably because Space is constantly subjected to paradoxes, infinite loops, and various other things that mess with the poor, poor, fragile fabric of reality. I mean, is it really necessary to turn the universe into your own personal M.C. Escher painting every time you need to solve a simple puzzle? I’m talking to you, Void Heroes.
Anyway, Space tries to be calm, but has a biiiit of a short temper. Most Sessions with a Knight of Space will be unusually small. That means that you’ll have less distance between you and Skaia, and can get there very early. Sounds great, right? No. If you activate The Reckoning too early, when the group isn’t even close to ready, you will get pulverized.
Its part of the reason Knights of Space have such a massive workload. They need to really win points with Space, gain trust and reconcile. Space is a pushover, and she comes around once you get on her good side. Be nice, and you’ll get a bit more time to prepare and make a very healthy Genesis Frog.
Yeah, Aspects are basically Tsundere.
“Y-you’re such a baka, Knight-kun!”
Team Influence:
Shoe-in for team leader, right? Wrong. The last thing the Knight wants is another responsibility on their plate. That dubious honor will likely go to the Maid of Breath. The Knight is the team mommy, though. This Space Hero will have to try and break through their stony façade to become a shoulder to cry on for the rest of the team. Good luck with that, bro.
Also, this Knight is the long suffering target of the Witch of Time’s various pranks and tricks. The Knight almost gives as good as he gets.
Witch of Time-
Personality:
Ah yes, the Witch of Time. This Time Hero is one of the most mysterious and eccentric of all the Roles. She has a passion for time travel, and revels in her ability. One of the few Heroes who really dig their nails into their role from start to finish. Most players take a couple months to really come into their own and embrace their role. The Witch of Time is up and running within seconds of Game Install. This is because her endgame future BLATANTLY DISREGARDS THE LAWS OF PARADOX SPACE AND ACTUALLY CHEATS HER WAY INTO EXISTENCE. The future self went back in time and grabbed her past self immediately after the game started. End-Game Witch then spent a few weeks tutoring Early-Game Witch in how the Session is going to go, and how to be as cryptically annoying as possible. That’s right, the Witch of Time casually disregards the fabric of reality and the laws of causality in order to mess with her friends.
(Protip: I’m not sure whether to be impressed or infuriated. And so should you.)
Powers:
One of the few Time Heroes who can handle all the paradoxes and complicated time shenanigans without the aid of a Mind Hero.
Well, that’s not exactly right. The Witch of Time doesn’t just time travel. That would be an insult to how gracefully she traverses through time. It would be more appropriate to say that she time glides. The Witch skates across time like a ballerina on ice. Her primary ability is her skill in time travel, and the downright game-breaking exploitations that allows for.
Her unique special ability is a little two-part treat titled [Cometh the Hour] and [Cometh the Man] it is a doozy. It comes in two parts. [Cometh the Hour] has the ability to trigger any prophecy that involves a player or location. As in, fire off a prophecy that might have been literally millennia in the making, therefore ruining countless years of nefarious scheming on the part of any dastardly prophecy makers. “But Page,” you say, “How does it help anyone if just detonate a prophecy?” Well, hold on to your butt, butt holder. That has to do with the second part.
Let me give you an example. The year is 1413 A.D. The Earth is Doomed by Sburb to be destroyed by meteors in a few centuries, right? Fairly standard procedure for Sburb. Suddenly, in comes the Witch of Time, who managed to get to this year and place through time travel shenanigans. She activates [Cometh the Hour] and the prophecy starts, a few hundred years ahead of schedule. Meteors are everywhere, coming from all directions. Then, the Witch fires off the second part to her ability [Cometh the Man]. Suddenly, the Earth is covered in anti-meteor plating, and the meteors are destroyed harmlessly. The plating came from a distant alternate timeline where meteor strikes on the Earth are common, and so massive protective barriers were built. That’s right, [Cometh the Man] equips the target of the prophecy with enough items and skills to be able to handle whatever the prophecy/Doom throws at them. This is incredibly useful and versatile; being able to achieve such feats as the one detailed above, as well as remove small prophecies and “Doomings” in a safe and well-prepared environment.
SBURB Role:
Her role is to mess with you. No, really. The Witch already knows how the Session will play out, from start to finish, thanks to that little tutoring Session from End-game Witch. The Witch’s job is to make sure everything happens when and where it is supposed to, and have as much fun as possible while doing it. She will show up in your house at four in the morning and hand you a garden gnome, make an obscure James Bond reference, and disappear.
She will show up when you are getting your backside handed to you on a silver platter, and cackle at you while tossing you an upgraded version of your weapon.
She will show up during the last minute of a bomb’s countdown, waltz in slowly, then dramatically pluck the vital wire while everyone else is freaking out, defusing the bomb.
The Witch of Time is a magnificent jerk.
Team Influence:
She has a kindred spirit in the Knight of Space, in that they both love messing with their Aspect. However, she likes messing with him more.
Witch also finds the Rogue of Life adorable, and showers her with little gifts and tidbits of advice from the future.
The Witch of Time is not the team leader, but the facilitator, and subtle tactician with a hand in every plot and shenanigan that occurs.
Maid of Breath-
Personality:
An upbeat, charismatic, and brave girl, the Maid of Breath is an excellent leader with the drive to push the team on to victory. Able to create motivation out of thin air, she has the ability to lead and direct others very efficiently. She will make cheesy inspirational speeches. She will talk about the power of friendship. And it will be glorious.
(Protip: Just go along with the teamwork speeches. They actually work, trust me.)
Powers:
Breath is a….misleading name. Breath sounds like a cool breeze, a gentle draft. Breath is not a cool breeze. Breath is not a gentle draft. Breath is a hurricane, a tornado, a maelstrom. When things go wrong, Breath has one solution. WRECK IT. WRECK EVERYTHING. Maid has a more localized version of this, a razor-sharp protective sphere of pressurized air that spins around her at ridiculous speeds.
Now, a personal hamster ball of death is a pretty useful thing to have. Nothing short of another Aspect’s ability is going to get through, and you could drill through solid rock (and enemies) like tomorrow wasn’t a thing.
As brutal as that ability is, the Maid of Breath is not really a combat class, and her special ability reflects that.
The Maid of Breath’s unique ability is [And I Will Go Sailing]. This power can be utilized in a variety of ways, as it equips every ally of the Maid with a “second wind” of sorts. It temporarily gives allies the speed of a Breath Hero, along with a limited version of their powers, such as strong gusts and localized minibursts of air. Even non-God Tier Heroes will be able to fly, which can be a huge help in transportation. It can also save people on the brink of death, by injecting pure oxygen into their lungs and resuscitating them.
(Yes, I am aware that is not how medicine works. However, SBURB is not.)
SBURB Role:
A Maid of Breath is someone who starts out with a lack of drive and motivation. Your Role Quest will be to motivate yourself to overcome obstacles and become a true friendleader.
You gotta look inside yourself and say [CENSORED DUE TO VIOLATION #11: THERE ARE NO SPOILERS WHEN IT COMES TO PERSONAL INTROSPECTION, NUMBNUTS]
(Edit: Dang it I hate it when future-me censors these.)
Team Influence:
A natural-born leader, this Maid can motivate and direct the team like almost no other Hero can. With the ability to inspire others with her words and especially her actions, she serves as an example for the rest of the team. I imagine she will be in cahoots with the Knight of Space for various schemes, and be bff5evers with the Rogue of Life. (That’s one more than 4ever.)
Rogue of Life-
Personality:
Life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it.
The Rogue of Life is an adorable scamp with a penchant for causing trouble. She scurries around all over the Medium and steals this and that, usually getting a buddy into trouble with her. Rogue is excited about everything. So excited in fact, that her excitement will often rub off on others. You know when someone has that infectious laugh, and you can’t help but laugh along? It’s like that, except with energy levels.
(Protip: Don’t ever mess with the healer. Seriously. She’ll prank you to the moon and back.)
Powers:
Your healer and heavy-hitter, in one tiny, adorable package. She can suck the Life out of her enemies, and use it to heal her allies.
You might want to read that sentence again.
The Rogue of Life can simultaneously damage and heal. This is an absurdly powerful ability to have, and you better believe that this Hero of Life exploits it like there’s no tomorrow. Her unique ability is two-for-one deal called [Comedy for the Rich] and [Tragedy for the Poor]. [Tragedy for the Poor] absorbs massive amounts of health from all enemies in the vicinity, and stores it away for the next activation of [Comedy of the Rich], a little gem that spreads the collected Life at the Rogue’s discretion, healing whichever allies need to be healed.There are no known parameters to this healing ability. As long as there are enough enemies to steal health from, the Rogue could resuscitate someone from permadeath. However, the longer the person has been dead, the more enemies will be needed to heal the player.
SBURB Influence:
The Rogue will have the rather daunting task of managing her own energy levels. Life Players are often energetic to the point of manic, and a Rogue often has quite the same problem. So really, just calm down a bit. Ease up on the whole crazy sugar pixie fairy thing you have going on. That’s all.
Team Influence:
The Rogue is an essential part of this team, solely by merit of her character. This Rogue is the heart of this team, the one who keeps them together. The glue of this little family is the Life Hero, who keeps the team happy and healthy.
Overall Probability of Success-
Paradox Space is going to have its metaphorical and proverbial jimmies rustled. This team will take SBURB to school and teach it a thing or two about how to kick butt. The Maid of Breath makes a great leader who inspires her friends, the Knight of Space is your go-to guy for just about everything, the Witch of Time will be having a ball messing with you guys, and the Rogue of Life makes sure nobody gets too mad at each other.
And really, isn’t that what friendship is all about?
Would 1/2 scissor-kind be good for a Sylph of Heart?
Ah yes, I happen to be a fan of sharp things in the hands of Sylphs. Sylphs are often some of the most level-headed people in a Session, so they need to be equipped to deal with some of the more.....unsavory sorts.
That's not to say that all Sylphs are quite like that, it just seems to be a consistent trait among most of the Sylph's I've seen in action.
Anyway, yes, I approve of this weapon for a Heart player especially, because it allows them to get up close and personal with the enemy they are fighting. The closer a Heart Hero is to their opponent, the more opportunity to activate The Shiny Thing.
For those of you unaware, The Shiny Thing is a big ball of, well, shiny stuff that Heroes of Heart can pull out of just about anything. It represents the coding that resides within each game abstraction. Heart players can fiddle with it, and literally change the person or thing they are messing with. It's a pretty terrifying ability.
It works better on NPC's than actual Players, because NPC's are entirely coding, products of SBURB. That means that high-level Heart Heroes are capable of completely rewriting NPC's personalities and statistics.
The Players, on the other hand, are not pure coding. The only programming that surrounds Players is their stats and inventory. Heart players can make only minor changes to other Player's average stats, and no changes at all to their personality.
However, using The Shiny Thing on sentient beings is very difficult, and not even God Tier Heart Players can pull it off very well, in most cases.
The most common use of The Shiny Thing is to jack up the stats on a weapon or piece of armor. It gives Heart players one of the most overpowered abilities in SBURB, by allowing them access to high-level equipment much earlier than usual.
Which means you can sneak some very interesting attributes into your little 1/2 scissor-kind. For example, you could program it to extend ten feet in .01 seconds, fooling your enemies into thinking you have only a small dagger, when suddenly BAM they get a scissor tip through the shoulder. Very effective for dealing with team-killers, which is a sad duty often fulfilled by Sylphs.
Or you could simply max out the strength on your scissor half, astounding enemies with much larger weapons when then find their greatsword being overpowered by such a small blade.
Yes, I heartily approve of this weapon for a Sylph of Heart.
Well, according to the positioning of the moon and stars, exactly 220 asks.
I have completed around 7 Reviews.
So.
*cough*
It's going to take a long time to finish all these asks, and I'm thinking about closing the ask box for a while to try and put a dent in that number.
But I just caaan't. I can't stand closing out possible asks, but I have so many asks to answer.
DO YOU SEE MY DILEMMA?
However, it is fantastic that you guys are so enthusiastic about this! There are some really great and creative adventures that need reviewing! So fear not! Reviews will continue!
What would be a good strife specibus for a knight of space?
Ok, so people like the weapon suggestion idea!
Alright, so if you want to have a good weapon, the first thing you need to know is that it really doesn’t matter what weapon you have. It all depends on how creative and imaginative you are willing to be.
I mean, heck, my Session’s Bard of Doom uses freaking Nerf Guns, for crying out loud. Our Seer of Heart uses a toy Yoyo. And they are devastating with them.
But if you want a weapon that can be used in tandem with your abilities, than I would normally suggest some type of projectile weapon. Space powers are especially effective when used with guns, as they can alter the bullets that leave the barrel, becoming unstoppable homing missiles that can track your enemy no matter where they hide.
However, a Knight can’t always afford to have a long-distance weapon. They need to up there on the front lines, holding the trenches, throwing whatever they have against the enemy. Knights have to exploit their Aspect in order to win, so an unconventional weapon is usually best. What I would recommend specifically for a Knight of Space is some kind of long reach weapon, like a giant Scythe. With the Knight’s Space powers, swinging around something big like that is no problem.
However, if you really want to get tricky, my personal favorite is Chain Kind. A very long metal chain may not seem like such a good idea, but trust me, it can be devastating with effective use of portals. By setting up small instant portals, you can create a veritable web of chains, trapping or crushing any opponent. It would look something like this horrendously watermarked picture.
So those are my suggestions!
I also recommend experimenting, and seeing what best works for you!
how well would a session containing a Knight of Space (first in), a Witch of Heart (next in), a Mage of Time (third), and a Page of Life (last) function?
About as well as you might expect.
Knight of Space:
Personality –
Poor overworked babby. This poor sod is going to be running up and down all of SBURB to finish their missions. Of which there are many!
The Knight of Space is the busiest of any SBURB role. The Space player is usually very busy, what with all the frog-breeding they have to do. Space Heroes are also expected to contribute in the SBURB game with normal duties as well, although they don’t have to deal with their Denizen being a total prick.
That not enough for you? Let’s throw on the duties of a Knight. The Knight is responsible for running back and forth across practically all of Paradox Space protecting his or her teammates. Not only that, but they have to fulfill their Aspect quests as well.
So the Knight of Space has to deal with the Space Aspect, SBURB, their friends, saving their friends, comforting their friends, and just all around being their friends mommy, basically.
Protip: (The Knight loves every minute of it. You know you do, don’t try to deny it.)
Powers –
Of course, you got your teleportation abilities that all Space Heroes have. However, the Knight is particularly adept at utilizing this ability in battle. They can zip back and forth around the enemy, striking and teleporting in one smooth movement. If used properly, this ability can make it almost impossible for opponents to land a direct hit on you. Not only this, but the Knight can increase their momentum, speed, force, and density, making them very formidable opponents, even without their trademark “Flash Step” maneuver.
SBURB Influence –
The Knight is in charge of the frog-breeding, which in this Session will be much aided by the Mage of Time, who is especially skilled at knowing where, or rather, when to go to pick up the correct frog.
The Knight is also in charge of just about everything else, from protecting their teammates, to handling emotional breakdowns.
Team Influence –
This Knight. This Knight right here, I tell you what. This Knight is going to whip the Page of Life into one mean, lean, healing machine.
Of course, then the Page is going to turn that Self-Improvement right back on the Knight later on, but I’ll explain that in the Page’s Team Influence Section.
Aside from that, the Knight would make a pretty good leader, but their probably way too busy for a job like that.
Witch of Heart:
Personality –
Oh, what a lovely bunch of feels you have there. Here, let me WRENCH THEM OUT OF YOUR HEART AND CRUSH IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE.
The Witch of Heart is not a bad person. She is just very…..insensitive.
She sees others as tools, to be used for her own amusement and goals. Everything is a joke to her, and your team is likely to get trodden underfoot if she isn’t reined in a little bit.
(Protip: Trodden underfoot may be taken literally in some cases. Watch out, Page.)
Powers –
Well, Heart players have one of the most powerful abilities in the game, and the Witch is especially adept at using it.
The Shiny Thing. It’s an ability that allows Heart Heroes to take the “Essence” of an object or person, and change it around to suit their needs. It’s a bit disconcerting, actually. They just rip the glowing orb right out of your chest, and fiddle with it like a toy.
Please ask permission before you use it on your teammates. They may freak out if you stick your hand in their chest without any sort of context. I know I did.
Anyway, the Witch is by far the best at using the Shiny Thing. She can change around her enemies’ targeting system, a weapon’s attack stats, a person’s memory….etc. It’s a pretty freaky ability.
In addition, the Witch of Heart is a very skilled manipulator. She knows exactly what buttons to push in order to gain favor from others, and what buttons to press in order to enrage others.
SBURB Influence –
Heart players have two modes. Really really really empathetic, or icy cold. Guess which one the Witch is? Answer: Cold
As such this Witch is going to have to learn to care more about other people. There’s only one problem. The Witch couldn’t care less about any of that. She will scoff at her Aspect and Land Quests, and skip straight to the Political Questline of Prospit and Derse. And she will be absolutely devastating there. The Queens had better watch out, because the Witch of Heart would LOVE to overthrow both of them and take her place as Grand Tyrannical Despot of the Moons, waited on hand and foot by carapacian servants.
She wouldn’t mind making the other Players on her team into her servants as well, however.
Team Influence –
She will want to be team leader, obviously. And while she may be good at coordination, her leadership also comes with the slightly negative side effect of horrendous tyranny. So I wouldn’t exactly recommend her as team leader.
The Page had better watch out, because the Witch knows a vulnerable chump when she sees one. The Page of Life will be the Witch’s first target of manipulation, messing with them until the Page agrees to work for the Witch.
Mage of Time:
Personality –
Mages are…..smug, to be sure. They often start out as insecure, as well.
It’s strange, how they can be both “I’m the best thing since sliced bread” and “Why am I SUCH AN IDIOT” at the same time.
The Mage of Time knows Time in and out, and makes sure everyone knows it.
(Protip: No seriously, you’ll be required to carry around synchronized watches.)
Powers –
Mages are capable of incredible majyyk, and the Time Aspect has a powerful repertoire of useful applications. For example, the Mage could cast a spell that froze time in a wide area, or merge entire doomed timelines back with the Alpha.
SBURB Influence –
The Mage is responsible for the slew of Time shenanigans that allow SBURB Sessions to exploit game mechanics and achieve certain objectives. The Mage is very good at time travel, as one of the few Time players that can really comprehend and keep track of all the different timelines. Normally Time players need a Mind player to help them, or just go the “who cares if a few hundred of me die” route. I don’t recommend that route.
Anyway, the Mage is twisting time loops and stabilizing paradoxes like nobodies business. The Mage is good, and they know it.
Team Influence –
The team strategist, who knows where and, more importantly, when certain events need to occur. The Mage will also make a bid for team leader, most likely, if only to spite the Witch, whom they hate.
The Mage also makes an excellent team with the Knight of Space. The Mage is the brains, and the Knight is the brawn. Very few combinations work better than a Knight and Mage working together.
Page of Life:
Personality –
No doubt this Page will initially be a very lazy individual, who is too apathetic about their situation to want to change anything. But as they progress along their path, and learn the value of Life and all that nonsense, the Page will begin to take charge and lead the way. They will begin to emanate the Life Aspect, and realize what it is all about.
(Protip: What is Life, baby don’t hurt me, no more.)
Powers –
A very, very powerful healer. Perhaps even the strongest healer in SBURB. Pages have the ability to “Give” their Aspect to their fellow Players, and Life is something that SBURB Players often need. When the Page is not saving their teammates from various bumps and bruises, they can also overcharge their surroundings with Life, creating explosions of pure Life force.
SBURB Influence –
Some Sessions have the potential to stagnate after a while. The team is simply fed up with SBURB’s overall chumpishness, and decides to just stop bothering. You need someone who can give energy and motion to a Session, someone who fuels the Team to keep going, if only to spite SBURB. The Page of Life is uniquely qualified for this role. The Page gives Life in both a physical and a metaphorical sense, and spurs the Team onward. I don’t want to say you’re the cheerleader, but you’re totally the cheerleader. Just roll with it.
Team Influence –
Life players often foster very…..motherly tendencies. Not in the same way as the Space Player, though. The Space Hero is more of an emotional caretaker, who comforts and soothes those who are overcome by the rigors of SBURB. The Life player is a different kind of mom, a more….forceful one. The kind of mom who rips open the window curtains in the morning, letting sunlight down on your sleepy face, dilating your pupils to the size of pinheads in a matter of seconds. You then wake up confused and thrashing around in agony at the pain in your eyes. You are then forcefully fed a plate of vegetables and fruit, and sent out the door to spend the day in the great outdoors. That kind of mom.
Now, the Page isn’t going to be like this, no, not at all.
At least, not at first.
In the beginning, this Page is going to ‘act’ like they don’t care about your health and general well-being, but after this Life Hero really starts channeling their Aspect, watch out. They basically become the badass medic anime person who beats up their patients for not resting enough.
“WHY ARE YOU NOT IN BED?!”
*softly beats you into unconsciousness*
Overall Chances:
Not bad, as long as the Witch is held in check.
The Dynamic Duo (AKA the Knight and Mage) can handle just about any problem that may arise, and the Page is one heck of a healer/moral booster.
Once the Witch learns that friendship is very important (/rolls eyes) she will be able to make the team into the fighting machine it was meant to be.
Just don’t end up as the Witch’s heart zombies. That would be less than preferable.
Just wondering, could we ask you what kind of strife-specibus would be good for a certain title?
By all means!
I'd be more than happy to recommend a few weapons that would go well with your god tier's abilities. Hey, I can make that into a regular thing if you guys want it. What do you guys say? Do you want this included in the average review?
You guys are amazing. I mean, 132 followers? Sheesh, I wanted to do something for the 50th followers, but that passed me by like a rocket. So, to thank you guys for over 100 followers, I’ve formed a list of the Top Five Worst SBURB Sessions I have ever had the displeasure of watching. The top five most idiotic, horrific Sessions that I could not turn my head away from, no matter how much I wanted to.
5. The Session that pitted Prospit Dreamers versus Derse Dreamers.
Ok, this one gets on the list because it annoys me on a personal level.
Basically, both sides assumed that they were supposed to fight each other because they were on different moons.
I mean, how stupid do you have to be to assume Prospit dreamers and Derse dreamers have to fight each other? I get that the Dersites are the “bad guys,” but the Prospitians aren’t much better, really. Both sides are completely ridiculous, and are supposed to come across like that. After all, the whole point of the game is to take away the Ultimate Prize from both sides. While Derse is strict and cruel, Prospit is too permissive and naïve. Both of them would do a horrible job with a new universe. That’s where you come in. SBURB players are supposed to realize the shortcomings of both sides throughout the course of their dream missions. Prospit and Derse are like cartoon personifications of good and evil. You need to find a balance.
I’m not sure how players are assigned to Prospit and Derse, actually. There are a lot of theories out there, but I can’t find a conclusive reason that covers all the bases. It might be entirely random, or it may be related to your Title and Aspect. I don’t know, theories are appreciated people. Don’t hesitate to send me your theories/headcanons, btw. That kind of stuff gives the reviews their extra gumption.
Anyway, the people who hopped into this SBURB Session thought that the whole point of the game was to defeat the opposing side. It did not end well. Especially because it ended with both Prospit and Derse CRASH-LANDING ON SKAIA. Both idiotic sides both had the same idiotic plan, and schemed around each other’s back to destroy the other side’s Dream Moon. And they both succeeded.
Of course, they did manage to salvage the Session, by coming together against a common enemy. It turns out that that lousy Jack Noir is good for something. Being an incentive.
4. The Session that was hi-jacked by the equivalent of SBURB Terrorists.
A Witch of Void, a Prince of Breath, and a Thief of Hope took over a Session populated by a Page of Time, Maid of Space, Seer of Life, and a Mage of Blood. Their own Session’s Hero of Space was killed, so the Witch exploited the Fourth Walls in order to break into the other Session.
Once the bullies showed up, they forced the weaker players to complete all their quests in order to create a new universe. The Witch, Prince, and Thief planned to take the new universe for themselves, and only bring the Maid of Space along to build them their planets. The rest of the team was going to be left behind.
It was a sorry state of affairs. The Prince of Breath destroyed their freedom by keeping all of them separate on their own planets, the Thief of Hope used her mind games to steal their hope, and give them despair, and the Witch of Void kept the whole Session on lockdown.
Yeesh, what a mess.
But they made a mistake. They underestimated someone. They focused too much on the Seer and Maid. They knew the Page could become a threat, so they barred his development. But they forgot the Mage.
It makes sense, after all. Blood players don’t have many combat powers besides a very stubborn vitality, and Mages are primarily a knowledge class. The tyrants destroyed any method of communications the residents had, so it was assumed that the Hero of Blood could mainly be left to her own devices, without a way to use her Blood skillz.
However, if there’s one thing I know about Blood Heroes, it’s that they are very good at beating impossible odds. And it turns out that Prospitians don’t take too kindly to their princes and princesses being kidnapped. Especially when a certain Blood Hero has made quite a few alliances while the new kids weren’t looking.
I’ve never seen the White Queen that angry before, in any Session. And it turns out that she is just as ridiculously powerful as the Black Queen. Maybe even more so. Yet she didn’t kill the poor saps, no, she just beat them up and locked them in a cell.
After that, it was easy going for the original Session players. The Page of Time went and leveled aaaaaaaall the way up, so he could give his team all the time they needed to sort out the Session.
I feel bad for those poor kids that tried to take over the Session. They would’ve been welcomed into the new Session, had they just asked.
3. The Session that went grimdark.
I don’t just mean that all the players in the Session went grimdark, (although that did happen.) No, the SESSION ITSELF WENT GRIMDARK. After every member of the team went grimdark, they opened a rift to allow a horrorterror to enter the Session. They were fooled into thinking that inviting a horrorterror inside was the only way to win their apparently Doomed Session.
It wasn’t just your average horrorterror, either. It was one of the “Noble” circle of horrorterror. I put the word noble into parenthesis in order to create a feeling of sarcasm. Because the horrorterror circle is anything but noble. In fact, it’s completely the opposite of noble. It’s ignoble. The ignoble square of punymorons. That’s it. That’s their new name.
Anyway, the horrorterror in question used the Session as a sort of armored shell, to give itself more power, and elevate itself above the other horrorterrors. As for the poor grimdark players trapped in the pilfered Session, they realized their mistake soon after their new houseguest started attacking them.
The team managed to escape to their Hope Player’s Land. It turns out that the Hope angels negate the effects of grimdark status. By staying on the Hope planet, the team stayed safe, because the horrorterror could’t get to them there, due to the angel’s protection. Angels really hate horrorterrors, for some reason. Anyway, the team’s Space player got them back on track, and blasted a hole out the horrorterror’s new shell, taking the Hope planet with them. The team left my view after that, so I’m not entirely sure what happened to them. They might’ve ridden the Hope Land all the way to a new Session, or just cruised around killing horrorterrors with the angels.
As for the punymoron who invaded the Session, it lost a lot of it’s newfound power after the players made that Hope-shaped hole in its new armor. The other horrorterrors ended up fighting over the abandoned Session, desperately trying to get in. I’d never seen then that scared before. What were they so worried about? I’m not sure what, but if those abominations were desperate enough to invade a Session to protect themselves, it must have been something very powerful. I think I’d like to shake the hand of anything that can get the horrorterrors running scared.
Did I ever mention that I really hate horrorterrors?
2. The Session that had a team made entirely out of Bards.
I just….
What the…..
How…….
How does that even happen? What kind of messed-up civilization spawns an entire race of people that can only be assigned to the Bard Title? How would society function? How did that race even survive, let alone advance to the point of SBURBian technology?
And the worst part? It was one of the most successful Sessions I’ve ever seen. 12 Bard Players, each a different aspect. Their Session cohesion was a thing of beauty. It was amazing, the level of teamwork and coordination that the Bards somehow managed to pull out of their collective codpieces. They barely even talked to each other, too! Their schemes just lined up so horrendously that all their plans collapsed on one other and fused together a plan of sheer brilliance, propelling the team to victory.
Well, Bards are supposed to be unpredictable. Most people would predict that the Session would tank, but Team Bard shot that prediction to the ground. Hard.
Now, this hardly seems like that bad of a Session, some of you may say. And normally I would agree. But there is a reason. Before I extrapolate, an explanation is in order. Some of you may be wondering how I watched all these Sessions. It’s a simple explanation, really. My own Session has a Witch of Void, and she set up a Fourth Wall for me to watch other Sessions through. Normally, the rule is that Fourth Walls have to be connected through other Fourth Walls, but as the Witch of Void, rules don’t really apply to her. So now I can view any point in time and space within Paradox Space, completely unseen.
Which is why this Session disturbed me so much.
I think….I think one of them knew I was watching. The Void Bard. I don’t know how it’s possible. It shouldn't have been possible. But somehow, somehow he knew. Every so often, whenever he was alone, that Bard would stop, turn, and stare at me. And smile. As if he could see me. He never said a word to me. He never told anyone else. He just smiled.
I almost feel bad for SBURB. It never stood a chance.
1. The Session where a grimdark player entered Trickster Mode.
……….
Oh no.
Not this one.
I’m not talking about this one.
Nope, not doing it.
It was bad enough watching it the first time; I’m not bringing that back up just for the sake of explaining. I’m already scarred for life.
You don’t want to know.
You think you want to know, but trust me, you don’t want to know.
Let’s just say that things got a little out of hand.
Like, so far out of hand that it could be said that the hand is a whole universe away from said topic.
Alright, look. I know you want to know.
But I don’t want you to.
Trickster mode is what happens when a SBURB Player gets a super duper power-up for their Title and Aspect. A Maid of Life, for example, would be ridiculously giddy and be host to uncomfortable levels of energy.
Grimdark is what happens when horrorterrors overflow a Player with Void, giving them a brooding complexion and a tendency to go bananas and start stabbing people.
So what happens when a Page of Doom gets charged up, while filled with Void?
The Page of Doom gives Doom to his Session, mixed with Void.
And then that Session turns into a Void-laced Doom bomb.
Hi, could you analyze a team consisting of a Knight of Void (he's quiet and a little anti-social), a Seer of Doom (hyper, social, yet easily depressed) and a Thief of Hope (charismatic, a little energetic)? Thanks!!
C-c-c-c-combo breaker!
Knight of Void:
Personality –
Let me put it this way. If you were to take a double agent, and combine it with the FBI, TSA, and Denmark, you would have about half the paranoia a Knight of Void does. This Hero of Void has the most secretive of all SBURB personalities. The Knight of Void lives, breathes, and eats secrets. A Knight is one who defends their aspect, or defends with their aspect. A Void player deals with darkness, shadows, secrecy, and obscurity. So a Knight of Void is a “Protector of Secrets.” They are the most annoyingly secretive people you will ever meet. They will only ever tell you information on a need-to-know basis. And very few people need to know, in the Knight’s opinion.
(Protip: None of those people are you. Yes, you.)
Powers –
Stealth is in his very bones. A Knight of Void that does not want to be found cannot be found. The Knight will emerge out the shadows to strike when and where s/he is needed most, and then return to the shadows. He could use darkness to lay down a protective cover, and then materialize the Void as a weapon, an ability all Void players share. Very stealthy, very sneaky, and very, very dangerous.
SBURB Influence –
In any SBURB Session with a Knight, there is always a lack of the Knight’s aspect. For example, a Session with a Knight of Blood would be very chaotic and hold no camaraderie. A Knight of Void’s Session would hold almost no secrets at all, initially. This may sound like a good thing, but the lack of Aspect is never beneficial. By lack of secrets, I mean that your enemies would know exactly where you were and what you are doing. Perhaps Derse sent carapacians to become your “allies,” just to spy on you at the same time. Or perhaps the horrorterrors have an unexpected ally that tells them what they need to know. Or a rival Session installed bugs onto your computers that send them all your messages. Whatever the case, it would be up to the Knight of Void to create a surplus of secrets. S/he would go around destroying spies and secret cameras, and creating obscurity and protecting darkness wherever s/he went. No information would be safe from this Hero of Void.
Team Influence –
Because the Knight is so aloof, s/he has a hard time connecting with other people. However, I feel like this Hero of Void would make good friends with the Seer of Doom. The Knight of Void and Seer of Doom are both very angsty roles, and they might find comfort in their mutual despair. Misery loves company, right?
Seer of Doom:
Personality –
Ms. Doom and Gloom
This poor Seer has the ability to foresee Doom. That is about half as fun as it sounds.
The burden of team leader will inevitably fall to the one who has the either the most desire or least desire to be leader, and the Seer of Doom most definitely has the least desire. A social butterfly, but haunted by visions of doom and death. The Seer puts on a smile when she can, but sometimes her visions get the best of her.
(Protip: Oh look, the doctor’s orders just came in. He prescribes lots of hugs and cuddles for the poor Seer.)
Powers –
The Seer of Doom can see Doom, and how it will occur. While this is a difficult role, it is also a useful one. The Seer can stop Doom before it happens, by making sure that the events that lead to Doom never occur.
The Seer can also identify individuals who are doomed, and can take immediate action to alleviate said doomed status. Knowing someone is doomed before it’s too late can be a matter of life and death, and thanks to the Seer, it usually ends in life.
SBURB Influence –
A powerful role, the Seer of Doom stops Doom before it occurs, and averts disaster. S/he can see the Doom and the paths that lead to it, so all the Seer has to do is make sure those paths never occur, and the Doom will be averted.
Or the Seer may end up screaming futilely at her teammates as they slide into the very path she so desperately wants to avoid. As the team turns and look at the choices they made, they will really wish they listened to the Seer.
Wow. That was really dark for me, actually. Doom really manages to put a damper on things.
No, seriously, Seers of Doom are really useful, albeit depressing. Just listen to the Seer, alright? Trust her. She already knows how this story ends.
Or more specifically, she knows how you end.
Team Influence –
The team leader, out of necessity. The Knight can’t be the leader, because s/he needs to work in the background, with secrecy and shadows. The Thief could be leader, but….well. I’ll get to that later.
The Seer is <> with the Knight, because my resident Maid of Heart says so.
Thief of Hope:
Personality –
Obliviously inconsiderate, but well-meaning.
The Thief of Hope likes to help people, she swears she does. However, this Thief is very bad at it. Every time this Hope hero tries to compliment someone it comes out seeming like an insult. Every times the Thief tries to help, it only seems to get worse. The Thief of Hope is a complete and total social clutz, but she won’t let a little thing like that stop her from making friends.
These events only steel her determination, to push ahead and bring the team to victory, at any cost.
Hope players are famously stubborn, after all
(Protip: And if this Hero of Hope has a meaningful religion? Hope players are practically unstoppable when they embrace the truth.)
Powers –
The Thief of Hope can steal your Hope.
Unless you have a really strong willpower, you are gonna be hard pressed to continue a prolonged fight with this Hero of Hope. The longer you fight the Thief, the more confident she gets, and the more dismayed you become.
However, the Thief has a much more powerful ability than simple status effects. The Thief can steal your Hope. Depending on how powerful the Thief has become, this can be an incredibly dangerous ability.
For example, the Thief could steal your hope to remain hidden and find you, or steal your hope to win and make you lose. Do you see what I’m getting at here? If you hope for a certain outcome, the Thief can steal that outcome and make it come out in her favor. If you hope for anything, (to win the Session, get the girl, become team leader,) the Thief can take that from you. Thieves, man. Freaking Thieves.
Also, all Hope players can use basic Hope energy to fight, and gain the ability [Reject]. [Reject] allows Hope players to fire items out of their sylladex at ridiculously high speeds. I mean, what situation calls for firing one hundred assorted bladed weapons at the same time? It’s just overkill. But hey, no kill like overkill, amirite?
SBURB Influence –
While the Thief may be inept when it comes to her friends, she is devastating when dealing with enemies. This Hero of Hope will utterly crush the Dersites hope, and make them give up and surrender. And she would revel in it. While the Thief may be a total goofball around her teammates, she is a stone-cold intimidating TERROR to those who dare oppose her.
You need information from Derse official? Give the Thief two minutes alone with the Dersite, and you will have the information, and one terrified Dersite.
Team Influence –
The Thief of Hope really wants to be friends with the Seer of Doom. There is just one problem. The Thief is, well, the Thief. Her social…..difficulties make it hard for her to make friends. So the Thief will keep trying. And trying. And trying. Until she succeeds.
As the Thief steals all this Hope, she may inadvertently steal some from the team. The team might lose hope due to a crucial mission that the Thief botched. However, the Thief would use the Hope she stole to fix what she messed up, and drag the team to victory.
There are few things with more determination than a stubborn Hero of Hope. And the Thief is one of the most stubborn of all.
Overall Chance of Success:
Regardless of the void Session, this team is primed for victory. Any sort of Space player would make this team unstoppable. As it is, your best hope is to either hook up with another Session, or escape back to your undestroyed world through an artificially triggered Skaian defense portal.
That’s the good thing about void Sessions. Your world is left intact, without any Reckoning to destroy it. If you manage to push a meteorite towards Skaia with your team on board, you can make it back to your home world and your old lives, without any time being lost in the home world. You’ll arrive back on the planet safe and sound, with your Title and Aspect abilities intact. And then you can basically become superheroes. Which is awesome.
If that doesn’t appeal to you, I know of a few Sessions that would love to add a group of players like this to their team. You guys should meet up and beat up SBURB together.
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