@honeyrevenge1 - Tumblr Blog

It takes way too much effort to be a person. When I’m actually myself and relaxed I’m very forgetful. I feel like when I’m in that state of relaxation and not in “flight/fight” my natural state of being comes across as I’m uninterested, I’m dumb, I don’t care.

So many people I know have/had cancer. So many I knew have died within the past couple of years. My life is just sad chaos.

Being super honest with myself this “thing” is the reason why I have so many headaches. I have to contort my face to come across as somewhat normal. And I have to do it in almost every single interaction. My face always hurts. My jaw always hurts. My days off are spent being immobilized from the stress and recovering from the fakeness.

I want to tell people. I want to use that as an excuse as to why I’m so “weird” but also a part of me is like “what’s the point. Nothing will change if you tell them. Actually it’s gonna make everything worse because they’ll just think you’re CRAZY for self diagnosing”

It’s not like anxiety or depression. There’s nothing I can take to help or “cure” it. I’m just stuck like this. My brain will always interpret things differently. My words will always come out wrong. Does it even help if people know? Would they even try to find out more about it?

My biggest fear. What if everyone already knows. And I had to figure out. I’m the last to know.