Dirty Minded Musings

@hooksmistress

Hi I'm Mantha I'm in my 20's and from London...I fangirl over a lot of things, mainly Captain Swan... But I also ship Mad Swan, Mad Hook, Gremma, and Outlaw Queen... Destiel, Klaroline, Delena, Stebekah, Kalijah and Kennett... Anything else you wanna know just ask, I don't bite ;)

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bonelotus-deactivated20230508

All my favorite people are fictional.

Reblog if you agree.

When it's too much

I haven't slept all night AGAIN and I'm out of painkillers and I just can't take this pain anymore! It's too much! The physio I saw on the 15th, he basically told me its all in my head, then asked what pain relief I was on when I told him co-codamol nefapam and naproxin his words were 'oh really strong stuff then' at this point he hasn't even looked at my back... Then he babbled on about how 1% of back pain is caused by cancer (which I didn't need to know thank you very much) and then rattled on about back pain being like a paper cut, it hurts but it heals. Well I'd like to see that cunt have ten years worth of agonising pain in his spine and then say it's nothing... I'm ranting about my personal shit and I shouldn't, not on here but I haven't slept since the 17th and I'm in so much pain that I've had enough now, I just want it to stop! It's been so long since I felt like me that I've actually forgotten what it feels like, ffs I'm nearly 26 and I'm on permanent medication, I can't walk properly cos my legs feel like jelly constantly, I can't even stand up straight anymore (but there's nothing wrong with me) BOLLOCKS!!! I honestly don't know how much longer I can do this for

#personal rant #feeling shitty #feeling sorry for myself

colinodonoghue-deactivated20221

tomshardy

Person: I dont read fanfiction.

Me: okay... that sounds fake but okay

So it's 6:58am and I'm still awake, I am so tired it's unreal but I just can't sleep (it also doesn't help that my heart keeps pounding and I can't stop shaking, anxiety is a bitch!) Think it'd be a good idea if I call my Dr's when they open and get an appointment, I know exactly why I'm anxious and the hair things happening, it's because I have chronic pain in my spine and It scares the life out of me whenever it hits, I honestly wonder each time if I'll be able to move still once the pain finally eases (I'm sure you would too having to lay as stiff as a board on the floor for 3+ hours at a time) Seriously it's been so long since I felt like well... me, that I think I've forgotten how to be that person. I'm not even sure I remember what she was like anymore....

magical-girl

me: finally realizes what that actor was also in

me: screams the role with no warning or explanation

Life's cruel little jokes

When I was 18 I suffered from servere depression and was also diagnosed was alopecia areata (a lot of the right side of my hair fell out) I was absolutely terrified when I found the bald spot, I lost my appitite and couldn't sleep. (Which actually made it worse because I was so stressed about it) The dr I saw assured me that my hair would grow back, he even said it could grow back curly (I have straight hair) or even a different colour, (I kinda hoped for a giant grey streak cos I'd have hair like Lily from the Munsters) but after a while it grew back straight and light brown (the same colour) But for the last 7 years I've had the fear that it could happen again, even tho I was told by Dr's and family alike that it wouldn't, well... 7 years on and my hair is starting to fall out again, am I bothered about it this time? A little bit. Do I care if people see it? Kinda. The last time it happened I had long hair to cover it, this time round I have a pixie cut (even if it is growing out, it's still short) Now I need to switch up my hair style as much as I can to hide it as best I can, but now this means I'm not allowed to dye my hair anymore... WHAT A LOAD OF BOLLOCKS!!! Ok rant over...

#my life #troubles #alopecia