Coroner

A blog of things I write that come to my head, also a dream journal because i think dreams are cool ;)

[hopelesscoroner]

Dream name list:

(subject to change as time goes by)

The child skinner, parking lot, thrift store, kindergarten, train ride, hotel 1, hotel 2, hotel 3, dimensions, building, cotton trees (image), paradise, islands, pit-bull jail, mangled, pool, im sorry mom

Naming my dreams help me organize them and remember them clearer, many dreams of mine are only fragments or images that are unclear and blurry, unable to be verbally explained so when i have a clear and vivid dream i like to take note of it.

[hopelesscoroner]

Dream input : 10

Date : 6/12/24

Dream name : unnamed

It was sort of like a store, but also had some sort of attraction with food before it. I vividly remember there was candy and ramen packets, but it was already cooked and put into a little cardboard thing with a fork poking out of the packaging, they were really good it tasted like the maruchan beef teriyaki flavor..

There was a section with a pretty lady and it was kinda like a game show, i saw myself and i didn’t look like myself, which was normal in my dreams, but unfortunately i woke up during it :(

[hopelesscoroner]

Dream input : 9

Date : 5/21/24

Dream name : im sorry mom

It started with me packing my bags as i was in an episode. I got tickets to hawaii as i was running away from my mother, i got there and i felt.. off as i explored my way through nature and then an officer came by me and all of a sudden i felt this extreme wave of guilt so i turned myself in. My dad came and got me as i felt so fucking ashamed of myself.

As i sat with my mother after coming back we semi-fought as i explained myself and told her everything and i remember yelling “i don’t want to hurt you again” and some time after that, i woke up with tears coming down my face as i continuously cried for awhile.

[hopelesscoroner]

Dream input : 8

Date : 5/11/24

Dream name : subject to change

I was in some sort of weird pool room with only 1 pool, i swam but i found out there were fish. Unfortunately i fucked up and hurt some of the fish. Luckily i didn’t get in trouble.

Anywho the main course of this dream.

My school crush was there, he was outside of the pool thing sitting in the grass, since for some odd reason this was in the middle of a field, backroom vibes. Anywho it felt like a cut before me and him were standing close, he had some sort of paint on his face? I don’t remember the words but he started running and signaling for me to chase him, so i did. His long blonde hair was so beautiful in the cold wind and sun, god. Anywho me and him tumbled around in the grass.

I was able to get a great view of him, i felt so happy. He was so skinny, unhealthily skinny but thats how he is in real life too. He looked perfect, i wish i could have him in the real world. But we laughed and joked around rough housing as anyone would and it was great.

Then it cut again and i was in a classroom, my crush was there including with a few other students and my friends who were male in this dream? They’re girls in real life, but whatever i guess. They looked really attractive and one friend had on some star jean pants that i enjoyed, her(?) male name was “Levi” and she didnt talk much. After that i woke up

[hopelesscoroner]

Dream input : 7

Date : 5/4/24

Name : subject to change

It was a school campus and we were about to get out, i was in a cabin like spot?? I saw kids already walking out of campus so i followed. As i saw Gary again in this dream, odd. I was walking as a strange man was behind me, he looked ugly as hell when he commented something about me that i don’t remember.

He tried to grab me but i hit him and ran off, screaming help. I get pushed into the grass, i saw Gary in the distance looking at the scene including with other people. I kept screaming as i cried and my clothes got ripped off. It felt like a loop as it kept repeating before suddenly being in a kitchen with a sink.

There was around 5 other people cleaning this huge pile of dishes with insane amount of purple dish soap, but i joined in with tears still in my eyes and washed dishes before a blond person with blue eyes started chatting with me, i don’t remember what it was about but their company was nice, i appreciated it.

[hopelesscoroner]

Dream input : 6

Date : 5/1/24

Name : subject to change

It was once again a campus sort of thing, it was an odd mash of my highschool + main street and other buildings.

The beginning is blurry but i remember being with my friends from school and a guy.. lets call him Gary. Gary and i were walking to the school as i closed my eyes i was in front of a bakery/diner that was near the school.

I saw a group of students i think? They seemed to be talking about something but i went in and saw a friend of mine, bella. She was with a friend and they were celebrating the friends birthday, as i walked in i sat in a more secluded area. Soon a friend of mine sat down beside me my friend Brit.

Not even a minute after that i hear a gunshot. People scramble as i pressed against the wall out of fear, the man comes along the edge of the wall and it goes to black.

I wake up in the same situation instead of pressing against the wall i followed my friend, we were able to get a good view of the shooter and he was kind of attractive but not really my taste. Soon we came across a vault like thing? We didn’t care and went inside of it to protect ourselves. Didn’t work but i was able to get away, almost getting shot in the process, after running away i heard a scream and silence as i woke up.

[hopelesscoroner]

Trying to come up with poetry is hard, i usually just write my emotions down and call it poetry

Poetry isnt meant to be hard is it?

[hopelesscoroner]

Being the stereotypical ugly loner kid that kinda just hovers around isnt as great as media portrays it

No its not quirky or cool, its genuinely the worst

I constantly question if my friends actually care about me or want me there

I hate all of these people

[hopelesscoroner]

I have.. indirectly kissed a priest today, im very happy

I can die happy knowing i have pressed my lips against something my friends hot priest lips have also pressed onto

[hopelesscoroner]

I am sick of being used as an errand boy from my friends

I pick things up for them, throw things away, help them with work and even sometimes tie their shoes and get yelled at

Apart of me likes it but another says get away, yet i cant. I dont wanna be alone so this is the next best thing right?

I watch their bags as they go get lunch and when they come back i get my lunch and then listen to them gossip and talk about various things. I sit and wait there as they go and smoke without me since.. i dont smoke

I let them have bits of my snacks when they ask, yet i dont get any when i ask. Maybe im just a rug for them to step on

One girl called me a puppy because i followed her everywhere, i asked her today “how do you show love for me?” Since she said she play fights with another friend of hers to show her love, but all she responded was with “i dont”

Maybe i’m too submissive for my own good when it comes to authoritative people, especially girls since i know the harm they can do when wanted

[hopelesscoroner]

Hopefully after school i can have a nice.. relaxing.. bath, with my rose candle, a bath-bomb, kuromi headband and my mud mask :D

And i wonder why people think im a girl..

[hopelesscoroner]

The only way i was able to fall asleep last night was stroking and playing with my own hair, pretending it was somebody else. Maybe a lover, I miss when my mom played with my hair to help me relax

Maybe I just have mommy issues

[ur-daily-inspiration]

[hopelesscoroner]

Rainy and musty weather will forever be my favorite

Grey skies, small puddles and the sound of water going down the drains, almost nobody outside and all you can hear are the crows cawing

I love the feeling of the light misty rain on my legs and face, i wear shorts when its raining since i like to feel the water droplets land on my legs.. maybe thats why i get sick so often

I like seeing the plants with the long and stringy branches, they leave tiny water droplets behind on them and its a long line of water, i think it’s beautiful

I love this kind of weather, i need to get a camera someday. Using my phone just feels.. wrong

[hopelesscoroner]

Sometimes I wonder if living is actually worth as much as i convince myself it is

I want to live happily and long but im starting to question pretty much everything in my life

The people i talk to, my career choices, my art and my future or how my past will affect me

Being a human being is terrible

[hopelesscoroner]

Trying to have a social life in person is one of the worst things

Got called a faggot by a friend of mine, pretty sure she meant it too

I got called a “thing” too

Maybe my “friends” don’t actually like me, not like they really care if im there anyways

People really do suck

[hopelesscoroner]

Dream input : 6

Date : 3/19/24 (two dreams in 1 night!)

Title : Pool

it was a pool room locker.. thing? it kind of looked like an arcade, it was purple and green as well with black. i was in some swimming trunks and a baggy shirt as my swimming clothes, i tried to get into the pool room itself but this.. thing lifts me into the air and i balance on it, it was black and long as hell and staff tried to ask me questions, i couldn’t hear them so i just yelled random things and hope they took it and they did!

after that.. was over, i finally was given permission but someone from my school who was there stole the announcement mic from the staff and starting beat boxing? after they took it away a screen went in front of my face, it looked like the pop ups on the old Wii u but it was purple and green like the locker room and it said, “please do not touch the announcement mics, thank you - staff” and me and the guy giggled before the dream ended, i never got to swim :(