❝ I TRUST YOU, ❞ he says as if that explains everything. && it does. the truth is simple as that. aizawa sets down a mug on the coffee table in front of toya, then sits down beside him. the dark-haired man cradles his own mug. ❝ i’d never be afraid of you. but that doesn’t mean i’m not scared. ❞ he stares at black coffee with dim, haunted eyes. ❝ i’m scared of what might happen to you. ❞
will aizawa lose toya like how he lost oboro ??
after losing his childhood bestfriend, aizawa loses his heart as well. or at least, most of it. whatever remains of his heart is being resurrected by toya. it’s absolutely terrifying to rediscover his ability to experience . . . joy. the man feels undeserving when his hands are painted in blood.
aizawa rests his head upon toya’s shoulder. whatever playing onscreen doesn’t register. just abstract shapes && background noise. ❝ why should i be afraid of you ?? ❞
TRUST. At first, what he had said didn't seem to register in Toya's mind. Unable to process what he had just heard, he searched for Shota's eyes. He searched for the most tiny sign that he wasn't telling the truth. But Shota wasn't laughing. And Toya's fury at hearing those three words made him want to set himself ablaze — and he would have done so, if the other wasn't leaning against him already. He had done nothing to earn his trust. He didn't want it. He didn't need it. Only a mad man — one much crazier than he was — would put his trust on an insane, unstable, suicidal bastard like him. Only someone more self-destructive than he was, would ever rely on him. And knowing that man was Aizawa, made Toya want to rip his heart.
He didn't want to be his destruction. Never had he cared for someone as much as he cared for Shota. This far, only his siblings had known his love. And his love was to stay as far away as he could. But his love for him, wasn't the same. He selfishly wanted to cling to him for as long as he lived. He couldn't let him go, so to not hurt him. Not the only to have really cared for him. Even if it meant he'd have burn by his side. What would a hero have done? But well, him being a hero was only a joke, wasn't it? One even he couldn't believe.
Maybe it had been pointless to make him this question in the first place. He knew well enough what the other truly feared. It was clear as day he had lost a loved one in the past. Toya wasn't as oblivious as the other was, to his scars. Or better, Aizawa wasn't as good as him at hiding them. “ You are a piece of work, after all, ” he said, taking a sip of the coffee before lighting a cigarette. “ Makes me wonder how you've survived this long. Your survival instincts suck as hell. ” Half-joking, like most of the time. As if the struggles he had to face would lose their importance when everything stopped have any meaning at all.
A dark chuckle escaped him at his question. “ Oh, it's a very long list of reasons. ” Maybe, the most heroic act he could do for once in his life was, to let him get a little taste of what he really was like. “ What will I get for answering ? ” he said with a soft hum, leaning against him, pressing his nose on top of the other's head as his free hand was moving low, stopping to rest at the beginning of Aizawa's pants, one finger threatening to slip inside. If he was about to talk about these things, he might better be doing it when having fun.
