Lot of folks know about safewords. Lot of folks are aware of tapping being a safe signal, or a way to nonverbally alert their dom they need to safeword, usually through touch or hand signals. Not as many know about safe objects. And I've had quite a few folks ask me what they are after I've used the term in conversation.
In situations where a submissive may be doing high risk edgeplay or will be unable to speak and unable to use their body to signal you (such as an all body tie with a gag) their safety can be better monitored with a safe object.
A safe object is simply an object the submissive holds in their hand that is noticeable if they drop it. If they need to safeword for any reason they drop the object. If they pass out during edge play they will lose control of their grip and drop it and play should always immediately stop and the safety of the sub always be immediately tended to when that object is dropped.
Some objects I've always recommended:
Keys: everyone tends to have keys and they make a lot of noise when you drop them and make very little noise when held.
Bouncy balls: specifically ones that make sounds and light up when dropped can be very useful if you can avoid triggering them in your hand.
Beanie baby/bean bag: look I know your beanie baby probably shouldn't see you like this but it makes some noise when dropped and is pretty easy to spot when it's missing from your hand. You can also squeeze it pretty hard without hurting yourself.
Typically you want something that will rattle or clang when dropped but not while held (so no small bottle of pills or a rattle) so it alerts the dom only when dropped. Nothing that will injure the holder, so if you're a sub that's going to squeeze hard from play, opt for something softer. But make sure it has enough weight to it that it just drops immediately when let go of.
And if you are a dom in this scenario you should be constantly scanning to make sure your sub is holding on to it. You always treat a dropped safe object as a full-blown red and get the sub out of whatever they're in the middle of being put through when it's dropped, even if by accident.
The reason for this is because in higher risk play, this object can be one of the only indicators you get before risking injury and is absolutely CRITICAL to even participating in this play (breathplay I'm looking at you).
It's like a gun, even if you know it's unloaded, you always treat it like it's loaded because most accidents happen when people don't treat it like it's loaded. You always treat a dropped safe object as an emergency. No exceptions. You always treat a dropped safe object as an emergency. You always treat a dropped safe object as an emergency. You always treat a dropped safe object as an emergency. Have I said it enough yet. Is it sticking? Safety before pleasure.
So doms remember: the riskier the play the more frequently you should be scanning for your sub's safe object, no exceptions.
And you may say well that doesn't apply to me, I don't do high risk play. And that's fine, but the amount of people I've met engaging in high-risk edgeplay not taking any precautions whatsoever is way too many, and I'm passing on my safety knowledge in the hope that it helps someone avoid getting themselves seriously hurt or injured.
And now you know too and can help pass this knowledge along. But if you're only ever in lower risk scenarios, sticking to safewords is not only perfectly fine but recommended. But everyone should know what safe objects are even if you don't need to use them.
For pet play: jingle balls or squeaky toys (you can get ones where the squeaker is sensitive enough to squeak when dropped, such as soft rubber ones).
I've also encountered stoplight variations.
Green: shake it (or whatever) so it makes a noise, upon request Yellow: drop it RED: THROW IT
As a petplay theme, that's cute, but not safe. Safe objects are intended for higher risk play, having a dropped safe object stand for yellow instead would defeat the purpose of using a safe object and put the submissive in potential danger.
I saw the initial post and something about it stuck with me but it wasn't until these replies that I realized why.
Respectful counter: safe objects (and safe words/signals) are intended for whatever the people involved in the scene have agreed to use them for.
There's absolutely no reason to limit using a safe object to higher risk play. You can use a safe object for vanilla sex if you'd like, and there are plenty of valid reasons for doing so. A safe object also isn't inherently any safer or easier to treat as an emergency than a word or signal. There is no specific system that is inherently safer than any other, or that is without danger. Every single system has the chance of putting the submissive (and the dominant) in potential danger.
The most critical part of a safety system is not which one you choose, but that everyone involved has discussed and agreed to how it will work.
And that discussion isn't just about what each party needs when the word/object/signal is used. You also need to discuss how to shape the scene to make sure the safety system is usable, and discuss your individual risk profiles to ensure you're using a system (or systems, some folks prefer to have a backup method as well, or multiple people taking part in the same scene might need separate systems) that best fits the individuals involved and the activity. Everything from short term medical conditions to long term disabilities to previous trauma to personal preferences can change how someone needs to communicate.¹ A safe object is super effective for some people. For other people, it might be less reliable than just hoping the dom notices something is wrong based on their facial expression.
And to be clear, that can apply to either side. A dominant can determine that they don't trust themselves to notice a dropped object and therefore refuse to use a safe object during a scene. That doesn't make them a bad dom, it makes them a very good one.
The only system that is inherently not safe is an undiscussed system that depends on assumptions and generalizations. Regardless of the activity, the safe object stoplight variation described above is — if discussed thoroughly, determined appropriate, and agreed to by all participating parties — actually safer than someone saying only "my safeword is pineapple" and assuming their partner will be able to provide what they need if they say it. (Tho personally I'd probably swap yellow and red around in most situations, and use dropping it as red and throwing it as yellow. But I can also imagine some situations where throwing it for red would be more appropriate.)
¹ As a somewhat tangential side note: all of the same factors (medical conditions, trauma, etc.) can also change how high risk a particular activity is to an individual, which is another reason I think it's unnecessary (and potentially even detrimental) to limit a safety system to a particular risk tier as if risk levels are inherent and universal. It's true that some activities are inherently more physically dangerous than others, but physical danger is not the only factor folks should be using to determine the risk level of an activity. Mental health impacts and social impacts are also vital considerations. As a personal example: as of right now, vanilla sex is actually a significantly higher risk activity for me than impact play, and sensory deprivation is a lot higher for me than physical danger alone would rank it.
