So I haven’t posted for a long time, or even been on tumblr, but I wanted to share a story about using maleness and privilege for the forces of good.
At work the other day, a conversation happened that involved my male superior telling me, a female subordinate, unrelated to the conversation at hand, not to cut my hair short. He doesn’t like girls with short hair. If you don’t understand why that’s so very bad, I will explain, because it took me a little while to be able to put into words what was so wrong and offensive about this preference of his.
It is ridiculous to dislike a human being based on the length of their hair, so in my opinion it is safe to assume that when my boss said he “doesn’t like” girls with short hair, what he meant by that was that he’s “not attracted to” girls with short hair. So what he said to me actually meant, “Don’t cut your hair short. If you cut your hair short, I won’t be attracted to you.” This implies two things: A) that he is currently, and would like to remain, attracted to me. And B) that he prefers his female employees to adhere to his preferences of what he finds physically attractive. And that is extremely fucked up on all accounts.
I shot back with something to let him know his opinion on my hair length doesn’t affect me, and then when home for the day, unsure how to proceed or how to feel about what just happened. I am a very anxious and slightly paranoid person, so I’m fretting about whether or not it was such a bad thing to say (ps, it was), if it was even worth getting into a whole HR ordeal for it, or if I should just let it blow over. I thought about this all day that day, and all day the next day. And then when I came into work the following day, another male manager (second in command to the one who made the comment, but who had witnessed the entire interaction), pulled me aside for a talk. He’s shaking and getting worked up, and tells me how uncomfortable he was with the “short hair” conversation that happened in the break room. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, and had never experienced someone being so offensive in the workplace, and was shocked beyond shocked that it was happening at his store. He told me he also talked to the fourth person present (another male), and that he, too, was made extremely uncomfortable by the comments. He said, and this I can quote directly, “I wanted to let you know that I’m sending it up the ladder. I sent it to HR and to (the higher level manager). So there may be some people in here over the next few days asking some questions, and I want you to be 100% comfortable and tell the entire truth.” And he goes on to say that since that conversation he’s noticed a whole slew of sexist red flags from the manager in question, and that if I’m aware of stuff beyond what he witnessed, that I should tell that stuff to the HR team, too, when they are there.
He then takes me into the break room and shows me where the anonymous HR line is posted, saying I can report this if I feel not enough is being done, or report anything else I experience or see at any time. It was very validating that both of the other men in the conversation were able to notice that what the manager said was unacceptable, and for the assistant manager to pull me aside to update me that something was being done and that I have every right to be upset and to report anything that may have crossed a line.
I like to think that I would have decided on my own to report it, but in all honesty I may have analyzed it for a week, or two weeks, or a month, and just decided that it wasn’t worth it. But this assistant manager was able to see that one of his female employees was receiving inappropriate comments, and he used his voice for me when I may not have used mine, and made sure to encourage me to use mine at any time.
This - this is how men can be better.
TL/DR: I work with some really good dudes.
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