i've honestly never understood the criticism of el absorbing and adapting things from other people, or the idea that it means she isn’t allowed to be her own person... because to me it just adds even more dimension and texture to her character.
first of all, i think the idea that we all have a 'core fixed self' that's entirely separate from our environments is... not without nuance. while we all possess an innate biological temperament, that's vastly different from there being a fully formed, static "essence" untouched by experience deep within us.
we're all defined by the ways in which we enter into relationship with the world around us... and that includes other people. in fact, many cultures view selfhood as interdependent and deeply embedded in social relationships, rather than as an 'isolated individual'. which makes it, imho, a pretty weak argument from the get go.
secondly, if you've experienced chronic developmental trauma growing up, it's likely that your sense of identity will form differently from that of the average person. for some, this sense of self may never feel fully 'solid' or self-contained, and instead feel less consolidated and more fluid.
that fluidity can mean discovering a lot of your selfhood through other people, and through a continuous dialogue with your environment. and that doesn't mean that "all you are is your trauma". it simply means acknowledging the ways in which that trauma has helped shape your core traits and your preferred ways of relating to the world.
and while there are definitely patterns of behavior and general characteristics you'll outgrow on your way to healing, there are many others that will remain... and there's nothing inherently pathological about that. a lot of traits are neutral and what makes them "healthy" or "unhealthy" is not the presence or absence of the trait itself, but the context, intensity, and function behind it.
i think all of this is exactly what's happening with el: her tendency to mirror those she loves doesn't necessarily "reduce" her to her trauma. it doesn't take away our opportunity as an audience to learn new things about her character, her tastes, and her interests.
in fact, i'd argue that it's the exact opposite: it reveals new things about who she is. it tells us that she's highly adaptable, very attuned to her environment & receptive to other people, sensitive & emotionally responsive, eager to connect with others, and deeply touched by those she loves. she's also someone who's entirely comfortable with reinventing herself, and who enjoys exploring the world with genuine openness. and to me, these are all very beautiful traits!
is trauma a likely explanation for many of them? sure! do each of those traits have a flip side that, when unbalanced or strained, can become maladaptive? absolutely! but why must that make them automatically pathological, as long as they remain adaptive, balanced, and functional?
in el, they seem to be all of those three things. for example, she definitely absorbs a lot from others, but she also rejects just as much. she breaks hopper's rules, adopts kali's style and traits before reverting back to her previous style and mindset, mimics max's 'sassy attitude' without totally assimilating it. she's clearly making conscious decisions as to what to integrate into herself and what to leave behind.
so... tldr: something originating from trauma doesn't make it inherently wrong or dangerous. it also doesn't make it "fake", or some sort of mask slapped on top of a hidden 'true' self (and, again... what does that even mean?).
and as someone who profoundly relates to this aspect of el's character, this particular criticism has never made much sense to me.
anyway, dropping this here. feel free to fundamentally disagree because this is far from a settled debate, but i did wanna give my two cents on it!
